“Hello, Irvine! You all ready to rock this shit?”
They scream. I smile. It’s like someone ignited a fire in me again, and I’m one with the crowd, letting them feed me. I’ve been starving, but all it took to get my metabolism back to normal was knowing that I’ll be seeing her again.
I give Derrick a nod and he’s on it, knocking his sticks together and leading the start of “Joke’s on You.” We kill it. Song after song, we’re at the top of our game. And then it’s time to introduce “Dangerous Heart,” and like they do every night, my eyes search the side stage for Lyric. Of course she’s not here yet. It’s just habit at this point, but waiting to see her again is driving me crazy, and the crazy feelings fuel an impromptu speech.
“Have you ever had your heart broken, Irvine?”
I hold the microphone out and let the crowd scream back at me.
“Me fucking too, Irvine. Me fucking too. So you know what we’re going to do tonight? We’re going to do a little cleansing. I’m going to heal your broken hearts, Irvine. Tonight, we’re going to dedicate this next song to all the heartbreakers out there. For fucking us up. For getting the best of us. For breaking down our walls and then slipping right in there. Like a snake.” I laugh as the crowd roars. “Thanks to them, we know what it’s like to live. To feel real pain.” I lift my fist in the air like I’m making a toast. “Thanks for reminding us why we’re better off alone.”
“Marry me, Wolf!” a girl in the front row screams, and I get another brilliant idea. I’m still riding the adrenaline wave as I scan the crowd.
“I need a volunteer.”
The loudest fucking roar rains down on me.
“I used to have someone to sing this song to, Irvine, but not anymore. I’m going to need some help with this one.”
The guys are trying to get my attention. I can see Hedge inching closer and looking at me with his “Are you crazy?” eyes, but I don’t care.
The house lights come on, and the screams grow to frantic volumes as arms wave wildly to grab my attention. I’m scanning the front few rows for a victim, without a clue as to what I’m looking for. And then I spot her. A cute brunette with an amazing rack. I could do her. She looks nothing like Lyric, but I could pretend. If Lyric wasn’t on her way back to the tour, I just might consider it.
All I know is that this current of energy running through me has taken days to return, and I want to ride the wave as far as it will take me.
I grin at my possible victim, and her eyes widen in shock. She looks around in question before returning her gaze to mine.
Chuckling, I nod my head in her direction. “Yeah, I’m looking at you, honey. Come on up here.”
This time she doesn’t hesitate. She has to push and pry her way through a couple rows of elbow throws and shoves, which I wish I could help her avoid. Luckily security is able to reach over the blockade and lift my sweet, innocent victim into the press pit before boosting her onto the stage.
“Hi.” I kiss her hand, and I can practically see her heart beating in her chest.
I pull my eyes up to her chocolate-covered ones and notice the strange combination of panic and adoration in her expression. I chuckle lightly, loving the effect I have on her. I’d bet money this girl wouldn’t walk away from me like Lyric did. She’d probably drop everything just to step on my tour bus, be my girlfriend, and hang by my side. Something Lyric wouldn’t even consider.
“What’s your name, sweetheart?”
She nearly melts as she looks into my eyes. “Suzie.”
I’m distracted by the sight of Trey, one of our stage crew, setting a chair in the center of the stage. Smiling, my palm meets the small of Suzie’s back and I walk her to the chair. When she makes a move to sit, I wrap an arm around her shoulders and face the audience first.
“Irvine, I’d like to introduce you to the beautiful Suzie. Suzie, say hello to Irvine.”
I place the microphone against her lips—the microphone that just touched mine. I think she realizes this too, because she shudders under my hold. And now I’m thinking of Lyric again, goddammit.
“H-Hello, Irvine.” Suzie giggles.
Goddamn, this chick is good for my ego. After pulling the microphone away, I help Suzie get seated. Despite my impromptu mission to prove a point that Lyric doesn’t own every inch of my heart and soul, the guys are good sports about it all. Derrick kicks of the song with a four-count, and the rest of the band follows as if this is the most normal thing in the world.
It’s natural by now to sing the words without even thinking about the meaning behind them. While “Dangerous Heart” was originally inspired by Lyric’s asswipe of an ex-boyfriend, there’s something deeper in her words that connected us before we could stop it. Something that tugged on emotions deep within me that I could never tap into myself.
My mom’s death changed a lot of things for me. I turned a blind eye on my future and started living only for my band, syncopated melodies, and charged up crowds. I let music consume me in all ways possible until the darkness I was living in became my norm. Everything was perfect—I thought. Until these fucking words entered my life, bringing me closer to the woman who would ruin me.
Two wrongs don’t mend hearts like ours
Two wrongs can never break our fall
I give, you take, it’s no mistake
We’re in too deep, losing sleep
Trying to forget what started it all
I serenade Suzie’s soaked panties off. Not literally, of course. That’s not allowed. But she’s cute, so I circle her playfully like a shark before grinding on her a little bit. I even let her run her hands over my thighs and arms while I curse the visions of Lyric that are now clouding my thoughts. I try to hide it by giving Suzie flirtatious smiles and suggestive winks, and she eats it up.
I’m sure the guys will give me shit later for giving an innocent girl a lap dance, but what can I say? She’s into me, and the need to feel wanted again is strong. Besides, the crowd is going insane as they live their fantasies vicariously through Suzie. It’s a win-win for all.
But it’s all an act. A show for the fans, the media … and myself. A weak attempt to fill the emptiness Lyric left in my chest when she walked out of our hotel room, leaving me wondering if I’d ever see her again.
The song ends, and I help Suzie up from the chair and swing her around in a bear hug. She giggles and puts her lips on my ear. “Let me return the favor.”
My face blanches. Shit. Sweet, innocent Suzie just went dirty girl on me. There was a time not long ago that I’d have given in to her advances without hesitation. I’m still playing the game, but the game makes me feel like a piece of shit, like I’m cheating. The feelings are starting to piss me off.
I give Rex the nod to take her from me, so he does, handing her a backstage pass and taking her to the side stage to let her watch the rest of the concert. Unfortunately for me, that also means Suzie-Q has free reign to seek me out after the show.
A vision of my former self pops into my mind as I realize how just a few months ago, I lived for all the girls like Suzie waiting for me backstage. It was so easy. But the last thing I need tonight is sweet and dirty Suzie on my bus when Lyric could return to the tour at any moment.
Not that I want Lyric on my bus either. Nope.
Twenty minutes later, we finish our set and run off the stage. While the guys head to our dressing room, I nod at the venue security team, who are helping us navigate the crowd backstage. Meanwhile, I’m searching for Rex. Usually the dude is right on my ass the moment I leave the stage. Where the fuck is he now?
Then everything happens too fast. We’re nearing the back exit of the venue when my eyes connect with a familiar pair of green eyes, a fire of pain and anger behind them. She’s standing right there under the exit sign as if she’s waiting for me. And by the look in her eyes, it’s clear she caught the show, including my performance for Suzie. Shit.
Just looking at my Lyric wearing all that fury, I can almost forget my own pain. My first instinct is to walk faster. Pick her up and slam my mouth onto hers. Then fuck her full of all my anger. My dick has a lot of pent-up aggression, and after the show tonight, he’s ready to go.
I’m with her in seconds, staring back into the eyes of the one who stole every good piece of me when she left. But before I can get a word out, Rex approaches me with a wide-eyed Suzie on his arm. She’s fast as she disconnects with him and latches onto my arm.
Fuck. No. No. No.
My eyes dart to Rex, who glances at Lyric and then me. His face contorts, registering the mistake, and then he starts to pull Suzie back. He must have gotten my signal completely wrong up on that stage. I haven’t nodded for him to bring me a girl in months. I guess with things so messed up between Lyric and me, he assumed wrong.
He struggles a little with Suzie, who’s determined to cling to me. Meanwhile, the look on Lyric’s face is making my heart sink into the bottomless pit of my stomach. “Well played, Wolf,” Lyric says. “Well played.” I can almost hear the slow-clap beneath her sarcasm.
What the fuck do I do now? I expect her to run away again, and I’m ready to chase after her. But when she lifts up onto the balls of her feet and takes my face in her palms, my every muscle trembles in response. Then her mouth is on my ear. It takes everything to not grip her waist and fall into her. It’s all I want. But I remain frozen and waiting, until her words seep like vapor into my soul. “I came back, Wolf. Don’t make me regret it.”
With a final look of disappointment and warning, she turns away and pushes through the exit door.
Suzie snuggles up to me, and I shake her off with a muffled apology and a look at Rex to signal for him to keep her back.
I’m on fire when I throw the door open to storm after Lyric. It slams into the exterior wall, and I swear it’s about to detach from the hinges. Her back is to me, and I see she’s dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. Her ass just as curvy and tight as I remember as it moves briskly toward the bus lot—but now’s not the time to stare at her ass.
“What the fuck?” I yell after her.
Lyric swivels around and shakes her head. “You’re pissed at me. I get it. But right now, I’m pissed at you too.”
I step forward and get in her face, so close that our foreheads are almost touching. I missed this face. So much. It’s full of emotion and vulnerability, and it still makes me want to give her the world. But right now, I’m fueled with too much fury at her audacity to give her anything but my anger. She deserves nothing more.
As I’m gearing up to unleash my pent-up rage, I realize that part of me is glad she witnessed my exchange with Suzie. What did she expect when she left with no promise to return?
“You have no right to be pissed off.” I growl through my annoyance.
Her eyes flare. “I don’t?” she spits.
I shake my head. “Nope. You left. Remember?”
“Were you really going to fuck that girl?” She pushes into my chest with all her strength, but I barely flinch. Her eyes search mine, giving me a chance to answer, but I’m too fired up to be the comfort she needs. “Really, Wolf? Three days and you’re already getting your dick wet.” She uses my chest as leverage to push away and spin around.
I throw my head back and laugh. This is too good. Too fucking good. Our reunion wasn’t going to be pretty, I knew that, but this was not what I expected at all. Does she really think I’d be able to get it up for anyone just days after she left me so cruelly? This isn’t something I should have to explain, and right now, I have no desire to.
I stalk after her, not caring who can hear us. “You think you can just walk away and expect everything to be waiting for you when you come back?” I yell. “Think again, Lyric. Things have changed.”
She faces me with narrowed her eyes and nods. “I see that. I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. I fucked up, but I came back, hoping to work things out. If that’s not what you want, then fine.” She’s shaking now. She points a finger at the backstage door we just walked out of. “That’s not love, Wolf.”
“I didn’t do anything!” I explode. “Not that it matters, Lyric. What the fuck do you know about love, anyway?”
She flinches as if I slapped her. “Then what was that back there? Just because we had a fight doesn’t mean you go out and screw the first girl that comes along.”
My body is vibrating with anger now. “What makes you think she’s the first one?”
When Lyric’s face drains of color, I want to take it all back. She swallows and I reach for her, but she steps away and shakes her head. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
I grit my teeth and plant my hands on my hips, lowering my head as I take a deep breath. “I said that to piss you off. Fuck. I’m sorry. I haven’t—”
She takes another step back.
I move toward her again, closing the gap, and grip her face in my palms. I’m gentle despite the fact I feel nothing but. “Don’t do that. We both know what it meant when you walked away. It was over. It is over. You’re back for your job, not for me. Perform Live wanted to can your ass, but I didn’t want that to happen to you. Or at least I wanted it to be your decision. That’s love. The fact that I still want to protect you even though you royally screwed my heart over. Maybe you should think about that instead of getting pissed at me for venting on stage.”
She’s quivering in my hands. She knows I’m right. She’s scared. I know my Lyric. My heart still beats for her. My heart still belongs to her, but there’s no way I can hand it over again. At least not so soon.
Right now, nothing makes sense. My determination to stay away from her even if she did come back on tour is already failing.
I remove my hands from her cheeks and step away, needing to distance myself from the one person with the power to destroy me. The one person who almost did. Then I head straight for the bus without turning around.
Now I’m the one walking away. Let’s see how Lyric likes it.