When Scott died unexpectedly I felt like a lost soul; I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m just walking around in circles on the road to nowhere. And somehow I just end up on a flight to Kansas. The realization that I needed to say that I was sorry to Isobel hit home. I didn’t expect her to take me back, but I wanted her to at least listen to me. Then again, I didn’t deserve that either.

“Your mom’s nice,” I smile, but I can tell that she’s not buying it. As she’s too busy probably trying to come up with ways to run out of the door as her friend.

“Was that Agnes?”

“Look, Christian, if you came round here trying to look for sympathy then you’ve come to the wrong place.”

I deserve that, I was a shit to her and my silence probably hasn’t helped either. She probably thinks that I’ve come here to have sex. But I haven’t.

“No, I didn’t come for that. I came to tell you that I don’t buy roses. I can’t promise that we’ll get married. I’m not Leo.”

She’s not even looking at me, but I haven’t slept, and I don’t want to pretend that I’m something that I’m not.

“I don’t sit and talk about my feelings. Shit, I can’t even promise that I’ll officially be walking you up the aisle.”

She laughs, “So why did you come here? So far you’ve told me that you couldn't do any of the things that I want. Didn’t you realize that I’m the kind of girl that wants love in their life.”

She’s right; I’m out of my league. I buried my cousin, and I’m fucking grieving. Acting as if I’m the victim. Scott was dying, and he was a lot braver than I’ll ever be. Then something inside me feels as if it’s going to fall apart as I move to the sofa. I should have been running out of the door.

I blurt out as I sit down, “I just buried my cousin.”

She shakes her head, “You don’t speak to your family. You don’t speak to anyone.”

I can’t believe that it’s fucking happening, but I have a tear in my eye.

“I know until he stalked me.”

“That must have been interesting.”

She’s sitting next to me with her arms crossed, I know that she’s feeling defensive, but all I feel is weak.

“Well, what do you want Christian?”

I nod, “Just a moment of your time.”

“Why?”

I drop my head back, and then I look at her and take her hands, “I can’t promise you the earth, but I do promise one thing. That I’ll try and change. Which for a man like me is fucking difficult.”

“Tell me about it,” she says under her breath.

“I’m not coming back to work for you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Christian, I’m not fucking you either.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

We both smile and then I feel as if I’ve broken ice. One that I didn’t think was possible. I put my arm around her and ask, “Can I?”

She nods, “Let’s give it three months. I’ll come back. Get a college, and we can go on dates. And when I’m feeling sad and missing home, you can buy me flowers.”

“I can what?” I choke thinking who’s the dom and who’s the sub.

“You were a dirty CEO, and you had your fun and games. You broke my heart in the process. You do this on my terms and”, she’s pacing up and down, and I can tell that she means business. I listen intensively as I think that she looks as sexy as hell walking up and down in her pj’s. She does love wearing them at home. “You hurt me. You knew that I was a virgin and I’ll be easily influenced, yet you decided to string me along when you wanted to.”

“I’m sorry.”

That’s the only thing that I can think to say.

“You look like shit, and you need to clean up. I didn’t even think that you owned any sweats.”

I look at my college sweats from back in the day when I was cool, had friends and was uptight, but nothing compared to now.

“Got it, I need to change my clothes.”

I wasn’t even trying to make a joke, but it makes her smile.

“Maybe, just maybe I’ll fuck you three months time.”

That’s weird, the idea of talking sex with her now, doesn’t feel right. Especially the way that I treated her. I really must be grieving because talking about sex, always felt right.

She pecks me on the lips and says, “As I said maybe and only if you’re a good boy.”

She’s about to kiss me again, and I say, “Do that, and I’ll be taking you on your parent's couch.”

That’s exactly what I was thinking about earlier, but he’s not doing that. Not now, he needs to earn it and if he behaves himself in three months time. I’ll do more than giving it to him once. No, I’ll give it to him all night long.