Chapter Nine
Max
The doctor told me that the way I was feeling was completely normal, and that other than the haziness, I was healthy and ready to leave the hospital. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or not to be leaving, but the doctor said that the sooner I made my way out into the real world, the better the chance of all my memories coming back. I couldn’t understand why some things were so vivid to me and why some weren’t. I recognized everyone and knew immediately who they were, but I often forgot vital information about them. They did a lot of tests on me and said that my memory was intact in the way that currently mattered. In other words, I remembered what different objects did, such as toothbrush for brushing my teeth. And, for the most part, I remembered who I was and who those around me were. But some memories weren’t as easy to access as others.
Xavier had been sitting with me for the last hour while I was getting ready to be discharged, and he’d told me all about his life after I kept throwing question after question at him. For some reason, I seemed to know more things about him when he was younger than the present. Chunks were missing.
“I remember that you had a red bike and I had a brown one and I used to be so jealous because I wanted to have a red bike. Is that a real memory?”
Xavier laughed. “That’s a very random, but very real memory. What a funny thing to think about now.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, the strangest things keep popping in my head. I also remember running down the road with you. I’m not sure why, though.”
“We used to have running competitions.”
“Did I win?”
“No way! I was always the athletic one. Although looking at you now, I’m not so sure. Do you go to the gym?”
“I do. Hey, I remember going to the gym!” I said and laughed. It was always such a delight when someone asked me a question, and I knew the answer to it. “I hate it. But I go all the time. I mean, you can’t have a job like mine and not look the part. I need to look tough.”
“Yeah? Well, you do.”
“Ask me something else.”
“Okay, what’s your favorite meal?”
“Easy! Spaghetti bolognese. People always tell me that I should’ve been born an Italian because I like pasta and strong coffee.”
Xavier chuckled. “That’s correct!”
“You know, I still can’t remember Mom and Dad dying. Isn’t that weird?”
“Maybe it was too traumatic for you or something.”
“Yeah, maybe. But I also don’t know anything about Madison. I know she works with me. But I don’t remember much else. The other day I was in bed trying to remember everyone I worked with, and I couldn’t recall them all. And even when I did, it was just a fleeting memory. It’s so strange.”
“I honestly wouldn’t worry.”
“It’s hard not to.”
“You’ve got to just relax. That’s what the doctor said, remember? The more you stress, the more you won’t be able to remember. And I know you find it hard to relax, but you have to try. Don’t worry. You’ll see. It will all come back to you. I know it will.”
“Thanks, Xavier. I really appreciate you coming out to see me. I will never forget it.”
“Hey, that’s what brothers are for. I’m so sorry that I can’t stay, though. I did my best to try to get to stay longer, but they weren’t hearing any of it.”
“You flying out tomorrow?”
“Today, sadly.”
I felt a heavy sadness come over me at the thought of my brother leaving. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to feel alone. I felt safer with him around. I liked having someone tell me whether or not my memories were real or not.
“But don’t worry,” he said as if sensing my distress. “Madison is going to stay with you until you feel more like yourself.”
“She’s going to stay with me?”
“She sure is. And I know you’d prefer having a pretty girl around than me.”
Madison’s pretty face flooded to the forefront of my mind and I smiled. “Yeah, that does sound pretty good right now.”
We sat and spoke for a little while longer until Xavier had to go. I was out of the bed now, and all packed to leave. He came over and gave me a hug and told me that everything was going to be fine.
“Madison is going to let me know if I should come back. Promise to be honest with her and tell her if you’re not feeling well?”
“Yeah, I promise,” I said. “And thanks again for coming.”
I heard him talking to someone in the corridor and felt relief when Madison walked through the doors. I didn’t feel like being alone for too long, and it was good to see her again.
“Max, you look so much better!” she said, and a warm smile broke onto her face.
“You’re saying I look attractive?” I teased.
She laughed. “Let’s not push it. Come on, let’s get you out of here. I’m sure you’re dying to get away from this place.”
We made our way back to her car, and I was surprised by how familiar it felt to be inside. I turned to look at her.
“This car. Were we in it a lot?”
“Oh yeah. All the time.”
“Hmm. Thought so. So, when are we going back to work?” I asked with a forced cheeriness. I knew that I loved work, but the truth was that I didn’t want to go back. Not right away at least. The thought of carrying on with my job was a little too daunting to me at the moment. Everything was still a little hazy.
“Back to work? Are you crazy? There’s no way we’re going back. Not for a while, at least. The chief has given us the next couple of weeks off.”
“Both of us?”
“Oh yeah. He doesn’t want me there either. I mean, the whole thing was pretty traumatic. He says we’re in no state to work. Although, what he doesn’t realize is that I was going to take a vacation with you after this anyway.”
Traumatic? I still had no idea what had happened. I’d been shot. There’d been a drug bust of some sort. But the details were hazy, and I had no emotional attachment to it.
“We were going to go on vacation?”
“Oh yeah. Cocktails. Beach. Don’t worry; I’ll still make sure we get to go.”
I felt more confused than ever. If Madison and I were not a couple, then why were we going away together? I decided not to ask right away.
“Okay, here we are. Home sweet home,” she said.
We got out the car and made our way to the house. Again, the memories were strange. I knew where everything was, and I recognized the place immediately. But it felt more like I was walking in someone else’s home. I couldn’t remember what I had even done the last time I was there. I dropped my bags off in the bedroom and stood there staring at it for a long time. Why didn’t I feel a connection to the place?
“Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll make us something to eat?” Madison called from downstairs.
“Uh. Okay. I’ll be down soon.”
“Take your time,” she said.
I climbed nervously into the shower, unsure of why I was even nervous in the first place. I had already showered in the hospital, but it felt good to scrub myself again. I wanted to wash off that hospital smell that seemed to have clung on to me all week. I took longer than I had expected to, and after changing into some new clothes, I felt a lot better. I made my way downstairs and found that Madison had gotten the living room table all ready for the two of us. I walked over and took a sip of the wine that she had put out for us, but then I recoiled at the taste. It was sweet. Nice. But . . .
“It’s juice,” she said when she saw my face.
I laughed. “Oh, no wonder. That’s a relief. I thought I had forgotten what wine tasted like. Why juice?”
“Well, first, there’s no wine around here. Second, I think we should lay off the alcohol. At least for a few days.”
I thought it was sweet that she said ‘we,’ as if we were in on this together. There was something very comforting about having her by my side.
“Wow, smells amazing,” I said as she put down two bowls of steaming spaghetti bolognese on the table and sat down to join me. “My favorite.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”
“So, you’re a good cook then, huh?”
She laughed again. She was a tough-looking girl, and the sound was strange but sweet coming out of her. “I’m the worst cook in the world. I wish I could take credit for this, but it was simply a matter of heating up some stuff from a box. I’m the queen of ready-made meals.”
“Well,” I said as I took a bite. “You could’ve fooled me. It tastes just like the real thing.”
“Ah, you’re just happy not to be eating hospital food.”
“Nah, it’s great. Thanks for everything Madison. So, are you sleeping over?”
“Sleeping over? Oh, no. I mean, if you want me to I can. I live just down the road, so I was going to just stay here until you were tired tonight.”
Of course, I wanted her to sleep over, but it now seemed too personal to admit. I shook my head. “No, no. You go home. I just wasn’t sure. So, you can’t cook but you you’re amazing with the microwave. What else can you tell me about yourself? Any brothers or sisters?”
She looked at me strangely, and I realized that these were questions I should probably know the answer to. “Oh, well, I have a younger sister. Her name is Lyndsey, and I’m lucky enough to have her as my best friend. We tell each other everything. I’m not one to really have a lot of girlfriends or to share my life with people. So, it’s nice to have someone like her around.”
“That’s nice,” I said.
I continued to shoot questions her way. Sometimes, when she answered them, I felt like they were answers I already knew. Like the moment she said them, they became clear to me. But other times she would say something, and I would swear I was hearing it for the first time.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
“For forgetting. I know I should know all this about you. The strange thing is that I know that we know each other well. But some parts are just so foggy to me.”
She smiled. She was so pretty when she smiled. “Don’t be sorry. I’m tempted to just make stuff up just, so I sound cooler.”
I laughed. “You seem pretty cool to me. Tell me again why we’ve never been a thing?”
She chuckled and shrugged off the question, somehow managing to avoid it altogether. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened between the two of us. I felt a strange pull towards her, and I thought she was absolutely beautiful. But it was obvious that we had never been together. I couldn’t imagine why. I just hoped nothing bad had happened with us and she was just too afraid to tell me.
She smiled sweetly at me again. “I better get going. I think we’re both exhausted. But call me if you need anything. My phone will be on all night.”
“Thanks, Madison.”