Grantley
As Phoebe folded one of my sweaters, I took it from her hands and threw it into my case.
“Leave that,” I said, pulling her into my arms. “I can do it later.”
“You won’t fold it properly. It’ll be creased as hell by the time you get home.”
She buried her face into my chest and wound her arms around my waist, holding on tightly- so tightly, it felt as if she was trying to get inside my skin. I got it, I really did, because I didn’t want to let go of her, ever.
“I don’t know why you can’t just come home with me tonight,” I whispered. “I don’t start shooting for another week.”
Phoebe didn’t respond, but drew in a breath, snuggling closer to me. I inhaled her scent and kissed the top of her head, desperate to take her to bed, but I knew if I did I’d never leave and Marcia had fucking arranged for me to appear on the Tonight Show. I was already cutting it close and would no doubt be appearing with damn jet lag.
“When do you think you’ll come over?” I asked.
Phoebe looked up at me, her eyes shining with tears and her bottom lip trembling. Dread and fear gripped me as I looked at her beautiful, sad face.
No, no way.
“No,” I said shaking my head. “Don’t do this Phoebes. Don’t you dare tell me you’re not coming, please.”
Tears slid down her cheeks as she chewed on her bottom lip.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked. “I can’t do it. I lay awake all night, after you fell asleep and it just kept going round and round in my head. And, I can’t.”
“Why?” I asked, swallowing hard. “What’s changed since yesterday?”
We’d had an amazing time in my dressing room, enjoyed the wrap party, and then I’d made love to her here at the hotel, and I’d fallen asleep with her wrapped in my arms. A blissful end to a fucking amazing day, where I thought we were on the same page.
“I just realised that I wouldn’t be able to stand it. You being there and me being here. The distance is too far. The time in between visits would be too long.”
“But, I can organize a jet for you. It wouldn’t take as long,” I argued, cupping her face with my shaking hands. “We can do it, you know we can.”
“But I have to work, Grantley,” she sobbed. “I can’t keep jetting over to you. I need money to live, to help Beth.”
“I’ll help you with money.” I knew I was pleading, but I could give a fuck less. “I’ll help Beth.”
“No, Grantley, you can’t. I wouldn’t let you, and Beth certainly wouldn’t.”
Tears dropped from the end of her nose and chin as she gulped out a breath.
“Please, Phoebe.”
She shook her head and swiped at her face. “I can’t Grantley. You know it won’t work and it will hurt so much more than if we end it now.”
“But I don’t want to end it.”
“Neither do I, bu-.”
“Well, don’t do this then. Come to LA as we agreed. Do the long distance thing.”
“I’m sorry, Grantley. I’m so sorry. I can’t.”
I looked down at her and I felt the same pain I had all those years ago, when my dad left. Only this time, it was so much worse. This was my adult heart being ripped apart after feeling fuller than it ever had before. But, as I watched her cry with pain in her eyes, I knew that if this was that hard for her, then she was doing what she thought was the right thing and I had to accept that, no matter how shitty it was.
But I couldn’t, I wouldn’t accept it.
“Please. Let’s just try it out. See how things go and if it’s not working, we call it a day.” I placed my hands on her shoulders, stooping to look deep into her eyes. Begging her to listen to her heart.
“But that would be so much worse. At least this way, this time we’ve had will always be special.”
Determination shone from her eyes and I knew that there was no changing her mind. Maybe she was right, having her for a few days a month would never be enough, but it was better than nothing.
“Please reconsider. Please, Phoebes.”
“My mind is made up, I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“What will it take? You want me to beg?” I asked.
“No. God no, I don’t want you to beg.” She cupped my face with both of her delicate hands. “You know I’m right about this.”
Like fuck I did.
“No, you’re not. I have never felt this way about anyone, not even Serena.”
Immediately I wanted to take the words back, as Phoebe’s face crumpled.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mention her. I-.”
“Grantley, don’t be sorry. That is my stupid insecurities, but it’s also another reason why I can’t do this. I would forever be in fear.”
“But I’m not a cheat,” I protested. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Was it seeing me acting with Francesca, yesterday? Because you know that’s all it was – acting.”
“I know,” she replied, wiping at her face. “And I know you’re not a cheat, but it wouldn’t stop me worrying and I can’t live like that. At least this way, it will always be my most perfect relationship.”
I blew out a breath, trying hard not to think about her in a relationship with someone else. I also couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing her again.
“Please Grantley, I’ve made my mind up. I can’t be swayed.”
As I looked down on her, she jutted out her chin, determined and unmoving. She was right, she wouldn’t be swayed.
“Are you sure?”
Phoebe nodded and wiped away more tears. I dropped my head and let out a long exhale.
“I can’t stand this. I’m going to miss you so fucking much.” I choked out the last word, barely able to get it past the lump in my throat.
Phoebe gave a ragged sob and flung her arms around my neck. “Not as much as I’ll miss you. I will think about you every day, and my heart will miss you every single minute of those days.”
“Fuck, Phoebe. Please don’t do this.”
My words a muffled sob as hers slayed me and clinging on to her, I wrapped myself around her like ivy.
We held each other tightly, breathing each other in and basking in those last moments together. Eventually, I pulled back and dropped my forehead to Phoebe’s, cupping the side of her face.
“I’ll never forget us,” I whispered.
“Me neither and I’ll always remember this as the best time of my life.”
“The very best,” I breathed out.
Slowly she moved out of my embrace, and getting onto her tiptoes, she kissed me softly.
“Be happy, Grantley.”
A huge sob wracked from her body as she pulled away, her hand lingering in mine and it took all my willpower not to tug her back into my arms and make her stay. I wanted to tell her goodbye, but my mouth was too dry and my breath too shallow to be able to utter even one word.
As the bedroom door quietly clicked shut, I realized that was it.
Phoebe was gone.