Helena
I nodded along to the conversation, not really hearing all that much of it. Chanterelle and Ali had only been talking for a few moments before Chanterelle's so-you-like-science-and-stuff made the topic gravitate towards astronomy.
"I can't believe they said Pluto can't be a planet anymore, so stupid!" Chanterelle had complained.
Which, of course, had been more than enough for Ali to jump into a passionately explanation of why it wasn't stupid, and why keeping Pluto would've eventually led to having "like a million" different planets to memorize. Ali's speech had echoes of the one I'd given her years ago, and I was surprised by how much of it she actually remembered.
I was a bit worried that Ali's enthusiasm and bluntness could cause a problem with the older woman, but Chanterelle took it well. More than that, she seemed interested, and soon the two were talking like friends.
It was a bit strange to see Ali driving the conversation with a much older woman, but at least science was a neutral and safe topic. I didn't like to judge people based on their appearances, but Chanterelle's risqué outfit had made me assume the worst about her. Now, though, the teacher in me was wondering how she would've done in my classes.
Not that I had much time to think about that in detail.
Actually, I didn't have time to think about very much at all.
I was too busy trying my best to eavesdrop on the conversation that Dominick and Alton were having just a few feet away, their whispers occasionally reaching me with crystal clarity.
Especially from Alton.
To put it mildly, I was getting the impression that he didn't like me very much. My stomach sank at the revelation, and then I began to wonder what that said about me. Was it important to me that Dominick's friends all like me? Was it important to Dominick?
To tell the truth, I didn't know very much at all about Dom's social life. Every time we were together, the focus had always been on us. Either the underlying attraction between me and Dominick, or the bubbly and happy interactions between Dominick and Ali, or just on the three of us coming together towards something that almost looked like a typical nuclear family.
Complete with having 1.5 children, I thought, thinking once again of my pregnancy. I shivered, trying once again to rationalize my deception. I still planned to tell Dominick everything as soon as the day was over, but would he forgive me? I hadn't meant to mislead him for this long. Everything was the result of a single split-second decision I'd made on the day we met.
He would understand.
He had to.
"She's hiding something. They always are," Alton's voice said, his not-really-subtle whispering amplified by the empty room's acoustics. The accusation felt like I'd been slapped in the face, because of course it was true.
My stomach churned with a queasy, sick feeling.
Dominick will understand, I reassured myself again. Everyone lies sometimes. I didn't do it to hurt him, and the important thing is—
"She's not!" Dominick roared back, practically shouting at his friend. I could feel the blood turning to ice, draining from my face. Even Alton shied away, clearly disturbed by his friend's anger.
He's really going out on a limb to defend me, I realized. And I didn't deserve it. How would he react when I told him the truth?
That his friend was right.
That I can't be trusted.
The world spun around me, my nausea now much worse. Blood was rushing in my ears, making them ring and deafening me to the rest of their conversation. I'd gone from eavesdropping—another dishonest, untrustworthy action, I reflected—to introspection. Suddenly the threat of losing Dominick felt very real, and the thought was unbearable.
Short of losing a child, losing Dominick was the worst thing I could imagine happening to me.
I shivered.
And what about my daughter? If Dominick hated me, would he still continue to be Ali's father? The two were quickly developing a close bond, but was it already strong enough to endure a major hardship like that? Or would seeing her just remind Dominick of my betrayal, leading to bitterness and misery?
For Ali to lose her father so soon after meeting him was heartbreaking. I remembered my own childhood, and how difficult it had been when my mother died. Was I exposing Ali to a similar experience?
It wasn't until that moment that I realized the full weight of my mistake, and just how badly I had screwed everything up.
Dominick turned around and gave me a big smile. It was gentle and kind and sexy, the kind of smile that kept you warm on cold nights. Even so, it did nothing to melt the ice I could feel all around me. It surrounded me, and threatened to crush me with its weight.
I was trapped, and I had nobody to blame but myself.