Dominick
A small orange leaf spiraled down past the window, sinking towards the ground to join its fallen companions. Maybe there was poetry there, but all I saw was confirmation of what I already knew.
What had been the best summer of my life was now over, leading straight into a miserable fall. And a miserable winter, a miserable spring…a miserable life, really. Now that I knew what I was missing, there was no way I could go back to the way things used to be.
All that was left for me was bitter coffee and loneliness.
At least I still had my integrity. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but Helena and Ali would be safe now. They'd gotten along for over a decade without me, and only knew me for a few months. By this time next year everything will be back to normal for them, and they'll have forgotten all about me.
They would be free.
I was doing the right thing, wasn't I?
Nothing worth doing was ever easy, and running back to Helena would've been the easiest thing in the world.
I sighed, hoping Alton didn't hear me this time. I'd put the poor guy through the wringer with this, and I knew that even friendship had its limits. He'd already bailed a couple days ago. It served me right, I supposed. To be honest, I liked it a lot better that way. Alton meant well, but I couldn't stomach his forced upbeat attitude or the obvious concern on his face when it failed. He just didn't get it.
I guess he didn't know what it was like to lose a family.
Ironic.
"Hey buddy," Alton called out from the kitchen, and pinched the ridge of my nose between my thumb and finger. I wanted to sigh again, but then he'd just hear again and we'd go around and around, making it worse with every second.
Spiraling down towards the ground.
But there was no ground to catch me, not anymore.
"I'm going to bed," I said, not caring that it was still early evening.
"No!" Alton blurted out suddenly. "I mean, I'm making coffee. I thought you'd like to have some."
"Is that a joke?" I snapped back. I already had at least three mugs of the stuff sitting on the window, and I certainly didn't need another.
"Fresh coffee, Dom," Alton said, ignoring the annoyance in my voice. "If you're going to drink it, you might as well enjoy it."
I loved Alton like a brother, but it was painfully obvious he had no idea what he was dealing with here.
"Fine," I muttered, slamming back one the contents of my current mug as Alton brought two new ones out. Sitting on the couch, he called me over to him.
I stared at him blankly.
"There's something on TV I want to show you," Alton said, checking his watch. "It's almost on."
"I don't feel like watching TV," I said.
"I'll leave you alone all day tomorrow if you come watch this tonight," Alton offered.
I couldn't really blame him for finding excuses to bail on me. Alton had spent his entire adulthood running from misery, living the life of a carefree bachelor. There was no question that my brooding was dragging him down.
But I shook my head anyway.
"Do you really think this is what Helena would want, Dom? To watch you turning into an empty shell? Is that what's best for your family?" He asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice.
How fucking dare he.
"I told you not to mention them," I said, biting back the rage that had already replaced my numbness. He had no right to use them against me, no right to act superior when he couldn't begin to understand how hard this—
"You're not helping her. She's worried sick. And so am I."
"You talked to her?" I said, realizing that I was going to have one less friend by the time this conversation was through. "You talked to her?"
"Your cowardly ass tried to get me to break up with her by proxy. What did you think was going to happen? Of course I talked to her!"
"Cowardly? You have no idea what it's like to lose—"
"I lost Nicole," Alton whispered, and the pain in his voice was enough to quiet my fury almost as quickly as it had begun.
"That…that's different," I said, feeling like I'd gone too far.
"No, it's not. And you think I don't recognize a self-destructive rampage when I see one? I've got you beat by years, buddy. Now get your ass over here, aim those mismatched eyes at the TV, and shut the hell up."
I don't know why I listened. Maybe it was because I didn't have the energy to fight, or maybe it was because Alton hadn't said that name in over a decade. Perhaps I just desperately wanted a way out of this, a way to fix everything.
Or maybe—just maybe—Alton knew something I didn't.
Whatever the reason, I moved over to the TV and watched.