Dominick
With Helena's hand grasped tightly in mine, the two of us walked down Massachusetts General Hospital's seemingly endless corridors. My mouth was dry and my heart was thumping loudly, echoes of the horror I had experienced last time were here together.
But beneath that was something else entirely.
Deep down, I was actually excited. The feeling was building with each step we took, bubbling up to the surface and slowly washing the bad memories away. Today was the start of a new day, a new story, and a new situation.
After all, our reason for this visit was completely different.
Hell, my entire life felt completely different than it was last time we were here.
After spending a long time in the waiting room, we had finally been called back and ushered into another, smaller room.
Where we also waited.
I don't know what I was expecting; this was still a hospital after all.
Even so, I didn't exactly mind the additional delay. As eager as I was to get a better look at our new baby, I was happy for any chance I got to just spend time with Helena. And I certainly wasn't going to complain about the better look I was getting of her, either, for that matter.
A certain part of me quite enjoyed just looking at Helena, admiring the way her clothes all fit a little tighter now. Her body was changing with the pregnancy, and it showed. Helena had never failed to drive me crazy, but lately my desire for her was getting larger and larger with each passing day.
Which did get me into trouble, sometimes.
Like perving on my girlfriend in the ob/gyn unit of a hospital, for example.
Keep it together, man, I reminded myself, willing away the arousal before I made an ass of myself. Keep it together.
It wasn't working, and I knew that I needed to stop thinking about this before it got out of hand. Desperate for a distraction, I turned to Helena and blurted out the first non-sexual thing that came to mind.
Because that was a good plan.
Obviously.
"So, what made you decide you wanted to be a single mother?" I asked, my tongue running a few seconds ahead of my brain as per its usual. As my mind caught up with my mouth, I realized just how bad the question sounded and inwardly cringed. I had meant it innocently, but the look on Helena's face confirmed my fear. Immediately, I wished I'd gone with something safer—like taking off my socks and shoving them in my mouth.
Good job there, Dom, I thought as I watched Helena try to process the accusing-sounding question. Great work. Really scored a goal with that one.
Well, at least I didn't have to worry about getting an inappropriate erection now.
"It wasn't a rash decision, if that's what you were wondering," Helena said, sounding puzzled and just a touch defensive.
"I never thought it was," I quickly clarified. "I'm just curious to know more about why you did it, really. After all, none of this would've happened if you hadn't made that choice. Not the baby, not the two of us meeting, not even Ali. It was a huge event in all of our lives, but I don't really know anything about it."
Holding my breath, I gave the words a moment to sink in. I could've explained even more, of course, but the more detailed I got the more I risked sounding like a crazed fool in love.
Helena's tension visibly softened and her face brightened up as she started talking.
"Well, I always knew I wanted a family. But for just as long, I've also been pretty awkward around guys. It seemed like no matter what I tried or who I dated, things never worked out."
I breathed a subtle sigh of relief, even as I fought back twinges of irrational jealousy. It was expected and normal for Helena to have dated other men, of course. It was downright healthy for both of us. Even so, I couldn't help but feel a little possessive all the same.
"Eventually, I realized that it just wasn't working," Helena continued. "And if I insisted on waiting for my perfect match, I was going to spend my entire life waiting. Even worse, it always seemed like the problem was with me. Like I wasn't wife material, or even good girlfriend material. After a while, I sort of convinced myself that I simply wasn't cut out for romance."
"Wait, what?" I asked, shocked by her words. Helena, not wife material? I couldn't imagine where she'd gotten that idea. "You really think that?"
"I…used to," Helena said softly, her voice so quiet that I might've been imagining it.
And, given how head-over-heels I was, maybe I had imagined it.
"I've always been socially awkward, you know. And my mom always planned for me to be home-schooled, so my dad honored her wishes after she died. But, well, you know my dad. He did his best, but he's not exactly a social butterfly himself," Helena explained. "Eventually I wanted to meet more people, so I asked to be put in a regular high school."
"And he refused?" I asked, surprised.
"No, worse. He agreed. What a complete disaster that was!"
"What happened?" I asked.
"I was new, I was nerdy, and I was weird. I always felt like everyone was making fun of me behind my back," Helena explained, counting off each of her supposed faults with outstretched fingers. "Of course, I was sheltered and young back then. It never even occurred to me that everyone feels that way in high school."
"Or that all of them are right," I added.
"Exactly," Helena said, closing her hand again as she laughed and nodded. "So I tried dating. Three different guys, and three first dates. Zero second dates."
"Trust me, it was their loss," I said with a sincere smile.
"It really, really wasn't," Helena shrugged. "I don't blame them for running away. I'd best describe my first first-date as the Hindenburg, and the others kind of went downhill from there."
"How does it get worse than the Hindenburg?"
"The Titanic springs to mind," Helena said with another shrug. "The boat, not the movie."
"Well, at least Celine Dion didn't make any unfortunate appearances during your dates," I joked reassuringly. "Even back then, I can't imagine many of her fans were teenage boys."
"Oh, but going to one of her concerts is totally something I would've tried on a date. If I had known who she was. Which I did not."
"I see what you mean," I said.
"Yeah," Helena said, chuckling at her former self. "In any case, the experience burned me so badly that I didn't really try again until I was in college."
"Well, it does seem like you're better suited for a college environment," I agreed. "That must have gone at least a little better?"
"A bit, but not as much as you'd expect. I loved the academic side, so much that I went full-blown type A on my studies. That didn't leave me much time for…well, anything," Helena said. "Any time I did take my eyes off a book long enough to notice a guy, we never really clicked. After a few years of that, it's easy to get disillusioned."
"It's funny," I said finally, after taking a moment to absorb her story. "It was kind of the same thing with me."
The look on Helena's face was priceless.
"You—uh—," she said, stammering and repeating herself a few times. "You were too much of a bookworm to be interested in girls?"
"Well, no," I admitted, admiring the way she hadn't burst into hysterical laughter. "Actually, you're right, my life was almost the complete opposite of yours. But that's why it's funny. Even though we took radically different paths, I think we ended up in exactly the same place."
"How so?" Helena asked.
"I spent a lot of time socializing, and doing things that made me popular. I knew so many people and dated so many women that I couldn't even begin to count them all. But, despite being surrounded by everyone, I didn't really have anyone. It was all painfully superficial."
"Is that why you decided to donate sperm?" Helena asked, and I shook my head.
"Not exactly," I said. "Though it is related, in a way. Through it all, I did have one real friend. But I almost lost him along the way."
"Alton?"
"Alton," I agreed. "We practically grew up together, but in a lot of ways his life was worse than mine. Much worse. Believe it or not, donating was actually his idea."
"Really?" Helena asked, surprised. "I got the impression that he strongly disapproved of your choice to do it."
"He wasn't always the way he is now," I explained, realizing that Helena probably didn't see much good in Alton today. Time had hardened him into an abrasive man who didn't care about women at all. "He's been through a lot, you know. Time heals all wounds, but sometimes it still leaves one hell of a scar."
Helena nodded, and remained silent for a moment as she thought about what I'd said. I looked at her face and smiled. The interest in her gaze, the empathy in her eyes, all the little details of her face came together to remind me of just how lucky I was. Somehow, Helena had a way of making the entire ordeal seem almost normal. For the first time, I actually felt a sense of peace and acceptance about everything that had happened.
There was more to the story, of course. But before I could explain what exactly had brought Alton to that point, we were interrupted by the hospital room door creaking open.
The doctor was in.