You fucked up.

The thought came to me when I least expected it; when brushing my teeth, eating a grape. And here, now, in the gym, with my 75-pound weight trembling overhead, it returned: You fucked up.

“Careful now,” Owen counseled as I nearly dropped the weight.

“Shit, my bad,” I said and sat up, scowling.

Owen squatted beside me. “Want to talk about it?”

I glared at him. “What do you think?”

“What I think is you’re still upset about last night.”

“Of course I’m still upset. I took things way too far way too fast and now everything’s screwed up. She hasn’t responded to my text.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean anything,” Owen pointed out. “Maybe she’s just busy.”

But I knew better.

I slammed my palm into my leg. “If I just hadn’t let myself get carried away.” I shook my head. “But man, if you’d just kissed her – shit, it was like everything she held back, all her barriers fell away as soon as our lips touched. Like she was totally enveloped by the sensation, crazy into it.”

“It did look that way.”

“Yeah, about that” – I looked to Owen – “Sorry. Anyway, since I screwed things up with Cin, I guess I can’t stop you from making a move.”

“You can’t,” Owen agreed. “But I don’t know if you screwed things up. Anyway, that’s why I went to the bathroom in the first place; to give you guys space for whatever to happen. I saw how you guys were looking at each other.”

“But aren’t you attracted to her too?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “But I don’t want to stop you from going for her if you like her that much.”

“I feel the same way about you though,” I said.

We frowned. “So, hang on a minute,” I said, squinting at him. “Are you saying that even if I went for her, you would’ve still gone for her too?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Back there at the restaurant I tried being the bigger man, but when I saw you guys kissing…”

“You felt like punching me,” I finished. “Great. Some solution we’re finding.”

“It may not work out for either of us and Cin,” Owen pointed out. “So we may be worrying for nothing.”

“So what?” I asked. “Is that the verdict for now – may the best man win?”

“This isn’t a boxing match, Jake,” Owen said, frowning. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m doing this because I genuinely like Cin, not because this is some pissing contest I want to win.”

“I know.” I got up and started pacing. “Shit, you think I don’t know that? This isn’t about winning for me, I just really like this girl.”

“Ok,” Owen said. “So, just to confirm: we’re both ok with the other going for Cin?”

“Not ok,” Jake said. “Let’s just say… not not ok.”

I stuck out my hand. “Agreed. I would say good luck, but…”

“Let me guess,” Owen said. “You don’t want to lie.”

I grinned.

After that, I couldn’t do any more exercise, not with Cin still rotating in my head. Inside the locker room, I called her up. For each ring, my hope fell lower into my chest. On the last one, when I was about to hang up, she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cin. How’s it going?”

“Good. I’m at work right now though. Just on break.”

“Any more beat up boxers come in?”

“Not yet.”

I smiled into the receiver. What I would’ve given to see her face right then. The way she’d just said ‘not yet’, it sounded like she had been smiling, but I couldn’t be sure.

“So, about the other night…”

“I’m sorry for running off like that,” she said, cutting me off.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away like that. I just – well, you’re pretty reserved, and then how you just let your guard down…”

“Look, it’s no big deal ok? Maybe we both could have handled things a little differently,” she admitted.

“Yeah, maybe. So how about we give it another try? Go out again and we see if we can get it right this time?” I suggested.

The silence on the other end of the line concerned me. Finally, I heard her let out a sigh.

“Ok fine, when?”