I fidgeted and shifted from foot to foot, checking the buttons on my sleeves. It was hard not to look suspicious while loitering outside a greasy spoon next to a closed gay bar. At least the work clothes helped.

I hadn’t had the chance to get home and change after work, as I’d just darted out of the office after a conference call. Nobody had cast me a second look or even said good night, which underscored the point: they were all so used to me working late that it didn’t even register on their radar that I might be going home, not out for dinner and straight back to the office.

But it was Tuesday, and I had a very good reason for ditching work only slightly late: Kev.

This was my chance with him, and I didn’t want to fuck it up. The idea that he might be interested in me as a friend without money involved seemed crazy, but I was willing to believe it. As long as he didn’t let me down.

“Hey!”

Kev startled me by approaching from behind, but when I turned to take him in, I was even more surprised.

Fucking hell, he looked good. He’d chosen dark, clingy jeans and a casual t-shirt that seemed equally clingy, showing off his lean, yet muscled body. His hair was just as perfectly styled as it had been on our first date. And did I have the right to call it that? I wasn’t worrying yet, since this totally wasn’t a second date.

“H-Hi,” I managed with a breathless smile. The moment I saw him again, it just reminded me how damn hard it had been to keep my hands off him last time.

And he treated me the same, sweeping in for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

The intimacy reminded me all too well of our date. Fuck. Staying friends with him was going to be impossible, wasn’t it?

“Hey, Charlie,” he murmured back into my ear, and my knees just about melted at the way he said my name.

Don’t get carried away, I tried to tell myself. Just because he’s gorgeous and friendly doesn’t mean you have a future together.

“How was your day? Where should we go? I can choose a place,” I offered, trying not to ramble. Even that much was weird. I wasn’t a rambler. That was about as far from me as it was possible to be.

He didn’t seem to notice, luckily. “I had a pretty crazy day. I’ll tell you about it over supper. Have you eaten at all today?”

I smiled at the Southern word and then scrunched my nose in thought before deciding that I must have eaten lunch. It was hard to remember, but the stock of microwave meals in my desk had been steadily depleting since I got back from Singapore. “I… probably have?”

Kev clicked his tongue and took me by the arm. “That’s no good. Italian. Follow me.”

I smirked. It was kind of hot when he got bossy, and being touched… well, that made everything worse. Hopefully these trousers could contain the rising situation. “Yes, sir.”

We chatted about the weather until we got to the restaurant. It didn’t look like much from the outside—most restaurants outside the trendy Midtown places didn’t—but the inside was nice. Not impressive, not fancy, but also not shabby. Just a comfortable place to hang out and have a meal. They were quick to take our orders, too, which was a plus.

The waiter greeted us warmly and I smiled, relaxing already. I was pretty sure I’d be safe to have a date in most restaurants in Manhattan and Brooklyn without getting glares, but I was out of touch with dating reality. Once we placed our orders, we had plenty of time to talk.

“So, tell me about your day.” I just hoped he hadn’t run into any problem clients. He was a grown adult capable of handling his own shit, but I might not be able to contain the urge to go after them on his behalf.

“I got hired for a crappy cashier job, fired on the first day, and I spent today putting together a list of careers.”

“Oh.” I blinked several times, wondering if I’d heard that right. “Careers?”

“As in, outside this job. Which is why this is us just hanging out,” Kev told me.

“You’re quitting?”

Kev grimaced. “I don’t know. I’d like to, I think… for now, at least. It’s too dangerous right now.”

“There are always assholes out there,” I agreed with a frown. I admitted to myself that I’d be glad to see him a little safer in a city like this.

“Oh, it’s not the clients I’m worried about. I haven’t had many bad dates,” Kev told me with a shrug. “It’s the cops.”

“Oh.” I blushed, sorry for a moment for my ignorance. “You mean, the legal risks?”

“Yeah. They’re hunting us down online, and the internet lets me screen clients.” He talked about it so frankly that even I could understand. “My only other options are agencies, which are bullshit, or the streets, which are dangerous. Independent contractors are disappearing.”

I bit my lip and nodded. “What color is your parachute, then?” He blinked at me a few times and I grinned sheepishly. “Sorry. That might be an outdated reference now. I don’t know what the kids these days use in career planning class.”

He snorted. “I didn’t finish high school, so I don’t know, either.”

That took me aback. He seemed smart as hell to me, and then I winced at my own bias creeping up on me again. “Why not?”

“Full of questions today, aren’t you?” he teased. The waiter approached and poured sparkling water for us both. Kev waited to thank him before he spoke up.

“Sorry—” I started as soon as we were alone again, but he shook his head.

“No, it’s a fair question. I don’t tell a lot of people that. I’m supposed to lie, I think. That’s what I’ve been told. Probably got me the grocery store job. Usually nobody would hire me.”

That surprised me even more, because he looked gorgeous and approachable and friendly. “What? Really?”

“A spotty employment history and no diploma?” Kev pointed out, and I winced again.

“Right. Sorry.” My middle-class background was showing.

He never seemed to take my clumsy words to heart, though. He just smiled back at me. “I like that you’re curious. It makes a change.”

That made a change for me, too. I wasn’t used to taking an interest in a guy, especially one I’d only seen once. “Do people not usually ask?”

“Some do,” Kev said, sipping his water. “I can’t really generalize. I’ve had lots of different experiences. Some are just normal guys who want to make small talk. Some want to know as little as possible about me, so they can objectify me. Some want to know my whole life history, so they can exploit me.”

I felt even more inexperienced and naive sitting across from this guy. It wasn’t something I was used to feeling, either—especially about a guy who was about a decade younger. “You’re wise for your age.”

“Oh, God. Don’t tell me I’m enlightened just because of what I do,” he said with a grin.

I blinked a few times. “I…” Yeah, I had been about to go there. “Oh.”

“I want it treated like any other job. And I want more protection for everyone,” he added firmly. “Like, at least I’m a freelancer and I can pick and choose clients. But Adam—my roommate? He’s stuck working at a shitty grocery store with a shitty boss, and customers who yell at him. And he has to smile and agree or he loses his job.”

I sighed and nodded. He was right about that. I wasn’t so isolated that I didn’t know what service workers went through every day. I tried to be nice, but I’d seen people—even supposed professionals from our partner companies—be dicks for no good reason.

“But that’s me getting defensive again,” Kev admitted and smiled. “I’d rather not talk about work right now. I’ve been thinking way too much about it.”

“Fair enough,” I agreed. “I’d rather not think about mine, either.” The less time I spent thinking about that goddamn construction meeting this morning, the better. The client from Dubai had come back insisting they only wanted me, and my boss had given an excuse—that I was on another project. They’d offered a ton more money to get me assigned to this instead.

But tonight I didn’t want to stress about work. I had some fabulous gayness to indulge in.

He leaned in. “So, what interests you? What are you passionate about?”

Well, that was one way to kickstart conversation. I respected his cutting right to the chase, but I had to think about it for a few moments. “I… I’m not sure. As you know—me and my job…”

“Right,” he agreed. “But what catches your eye? What do you love about architecture?”

“The feeling of space,” I said without hesitation. “That’s one thing that comes at a premium here. Aside from Central Park—and even that doesn’t feel spacious in the summer with hordes of tourists.”

He cracked a grin and nodded, gesturing for me to go on.

I felt a little awkward rambling, but I tried to let go of my self-consciousness about possibly saying something he didn’t agree with. “I like that feeling of being together when you’re alone. Not lonely together, but the opposite. Bringing people together in a way that makes us appreciate each other.”

Kev’s smile widened. “Yeah. I know what you mean. New York City is…” he trailed off, then settled on just, “big.”

I sensed he meant more than space-wise, though, or population-wise. “It feels big?”

“Yes!” Kev leaned in again. “The energy between people, it just multiplies. I go out and I feel recharged, just seeing everyone around me doing their thing. Doing things they love. I love it when people do things they love.”

I smiled. “What about you? What do you love?”

“So much.” Kev’s passion spilled over in his words. He was talking with far less restraint or grace than he’d shown on the date, and I loved it. This was a raw side of him that he seemed all too eager to share. “I love the city, like I just said, and everyone being so free to be them. I love old things, things with history. I love testing myself and seeing what I like, when I’m not being pushed into doing or liking anything in particular. I love quiet mornings in, and late nights out. I just want to experience things now, while I can, like I might never have the chance again.”

“You never know when you won’t,” I agreed. I didn’t want to bring down the mood, but I didn’t think the lesson was necessarily somber. Still, he reached over the table to touch my hand and left his hand there. I didn’t mind that one bit. “So you’re an explorer.”

Kev thought about it for a minute before smiling. “I never heard it put like that, but sure, if you like. I like learning more about the world and people in it. And I like supporting people.”

“You sound like an idealist,” I said, and then hastily added, “not that it’s bad.”

Kev still eyed me before laughing. “I only ever hear it used badly. That’s what Adam told me when I got fired…”

“Your roommate, right?” When he nodded, I shrugged. “Well, you did walk out on principle.”

“Technically I walked out because they told me to get out. I just told the lady to respect people,” Kev scoffed, throwing his hands up and nearly knocking over the waiter who was approaching with our food. “Oh, shit. Sorry!”

I tried to stifle my amusement, but it was in vain. Giggles slipped out.

“Th-Thanks,” Kev stuttered, trying to cover up the moment. “Much appreciated.”

When the waiter set the dishes in front of us and fled, my giggles turned into full-fledged laughter.

“Stop,” Kev protested, his cheeks flushed as he buried his head in his hands. “My timing is the worst.”

“Normally mine is the worst,” I explained, grinning around my giggles. “It’s just nice to see I’m not alone on that front.”

“You’re definitely not alone. If I’ve learned one thing so far in life, that’s it,” Kev told me.

Whatever he said, he was wise. I was a little worried about what he could have experienced to be this smart and tuned-in, but I’d learn that in time, maybe.

We both lapsed into periods of silence and small talk as we ate, and by the time the meal was over, I felt closer to him than ever before. It was like every little thing he said resonated with some internal sensor that I hadn’t known I had.

Something that was looking for a partner—an equal match.

“Is this a date?” The waiter approached us again with a lighter in his hand, a smirk on his face as Kev avoided eye contact and blushed. “Let me just get that for you…” He lit the extinguished candle in the bowl on the table.

I didn’t want to hastily say no and make Kev think I wasn’t interested, but saying yes would also be presumptuous, wouldn’t it? Kev and I made eye contact.

A few seconds of stammering from both of us later, the waiter waved it off. “In any case, you two made the chef smile today, and that’s rare. Dessert’s on the house.”

“Th-Thanks,” Kev managed. “Sorry about punching you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. That’s probably what made him smile.” He grinned at us and retreated.

Kev put his face in his hands again while I laughed.

A couple minutes later, a large chocolate brownie with ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, raspberries, and two spoons arrived. The waiter winked and high-tailed it out of there.

“This is very…” I trailed off, my own cheeks heating up.

“Romantic?” Kev teased. “Only if you want to see it that way.”

I didn’t say anything, but I picked up a spoon and offered him the other one. My heart pounded as the cool metal heated under my touch and he gazed at me.

After what felt like an eternity, he reached out and plucked it from my fingers, and then dug into the ice cream on his side of the plate.

A smile spread across my face. It was hard to contain the giddiness that swept through me, but I did my best to stay cool and collected. Inwardly, though, I was squealing. He wants me! This isn’t just a friendship!

“I don’t know what I can promise yet,” Kev said slowly as we worked our way through the brownie. He kept watching me, though, like he couldn’t quite take his eyes off me.

God, did I ever know the feeling. Especially when he was dressed up in clingy jeans and that gorgeous shirt that highlighted his eye color. The top half was thoroughly impractical for April, but I couldn’t wait until it grew a bit later, darker, and cooler tonight, so I could offer him my jacket on the way home.

Maybe he’d let me walk him home? Was that still a thing people did?

“I don’t want promises,” I told him with a firm shake of my head. “I want action. It’s easy to promise the world.”

He regarded me closely over his water glass, running his thumb around the droplets that had formed on the outside. “That sounds jaded.”

“I don’t think it is. It’s realistic.” I grimaced. “My boyfriend promised to be there for me forever, and look what happened.” Before he could jump in and apologize, I hastily added, “Don’t be sorry. It is what it is. But… life takes you in weird directions, and if you start counting on anything, that’s the pride cometh before the fall moment.”

“Hm,” Kev murmured. “You don’t think that’s a convenient excuse to act like you’re too independent to need anyone, in case you lose them?”

I opened and shut my mouth for a few moments, my cheeks suddenly hot. I wasn’t sure what to make of this man in the first place, but now that he was picking me apart so effortlessly? It was almost terrifying, but I was a moth to a flame. “Maybe it is. But maybe your exploration is, too. If you lose someone, or something—a person, a career you love—you can call it exploration.”

“Touché,” he murmured and offered a smile. “As long as it serves you well, I don’t see anything wrong with having that kind of belief.”

“It doesn’t always,” I admitted. “If I can’t count on anyone, well… I can never plan for the future. And the past suddenly seems more gray than it was back then.”

“I don’t want to count on anyone,” Kev shook his head. “But I’ve learned to. The alternative is miserable. We need each other, as people.”

I frowned. “A relationship based on need isn’t healthy.”

“No, not if it’s codependent,” Kev agreed. “But isn’t that what most marriages are? It’s an arrangement set up because you each need something from the other person. Different things or the same thing.”

I nodded slowly. I’d never been terribly romantic compared to Hugh. “But there’s more, too.”

“Oh, sure,” Kev agreed. “But romance comes and goes.”

“Do you believe in true love?” I wasn’t even sure what I was asking now. I wasn’t examining it or planning ahead of time. It was just spontaneous conversation, and the intimacy drew me in like the candle on the table that I kept fidgeting with.

I didn’t expect him to lean back and fold his arms, examining me like he was deciding whether to trust me. I held my breath like I was trying not to startle a fawn.

“I don’t know how I feel about that question. I’ll be right back.” He excused himself for the bathroom, and I was left staring at him, biting my thumbnail.

Fuck. Had I just pissed him off? All I could do was wait in silence until I found out.