“Are you happy?” I whisper against the back of Rae’s neck as she watches Landen sleep.
“So happy.” She turns, wrapping her arms around my middle as she looks up at me. “I can’t believe you did all of this.” She looks around the room I had transformed into a nursery the day after she agreed to come home with me.
“I want you to feel comfortable. I want him to feel comfortable.” I glance over her shoulder to where our son is curled up in his new crib.
“You really are something else you know that?” She brings my gaze back to hers. “Just so full of surprises.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet.” I wink, leaning forward to capture her mouth with mine.
She immediately melts into the kiss, her soft body molding against mine as I tighten my hold on her. As much as I want to hold onto the moment, it’s over almost as quickly as it began.
Pulling back slightly, she once again meets my gaze, a look of pure satisfaction on her sweet face.
“I don’t know how you’ve managed to do it,” she says, not elaborating anymore beyond that one statement.
“Do what?” I finally question, arching a brow at her.
“Completely change everything I thought I knew about you.” She smiles softly, her fingers tracing circles across the back of my neck. “I thought I had you all figured out,” she continues. “I thought I knew exactly who you were. I realize now just how wrong I was.”
“I didn’t help matters with the way I treated you. Honestly, I probably was exactly who you thought me to be.”
“Then what changed?” The question is almost a whisper.
“You did.” I trace the pad of my thumb along her lower lip.
“I didn’t change you two years ago.” I see the hurt in her eyes, but I refuse to let the past ruin this moment.
“I was a fucking idiot two years ago. My life was changing so rapidly, and all I really thought about was me. What I wanted. The direction my life was about to go. I didn’t for even one second stop to consider how I left you. Hell, it wasn’t until I saw you that night at the diner that I even remembered what you looked like. I had spent so much time in a fog that when I finally resurfaced I felt like I was seeing the world for the first time again. I felt like I was seeing you for the first time. And my god if you weren’t the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.”
“When you didn’t call me back, after I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was because you wanted nothing to do with me. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what I had done. What had I done to make you leave so abruptly? What had I done that would stop you from at least calling me back after leaving several urgent messages for you? What had I done?”
“Nothing,” I interject. “This isn’t on you, none of it. This is all on me. I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the one who didn’t realize what an amazing woman I was leaving behind. I’m the one.” I reach out and tip her chin up when her face falls slightly.
“Look at me,” I whisper, letting out a slow exhale when her gaze finally finds mine again. “I will spend every single moment of the rest of my life making this up to you. I promise.” I pull her back against me once more, my lips on hers in a matter of seconds.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter against her mouth, pulling away from the kiss to rest my forehead against hers. “I know I haven’t earned it yet, but if you could let go of the past and see me for the man I am now, the man you’ve made me in just the few short weeks since you’ve re-entered my life, then you would see that this is it for me. I’ve already told you, you are it for me. I want to build a life with you and my son. I want to know your deepest desires and greatest fears. I want to know every noise you make when I bring you to the height of pleasure. I want to memorize every inch of your body. I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you extremely happy, and what pisses you off. I want to know every single little thing, and I want to love it all—the good and the bad.”
“Gabe.” I hold my finger to her lips to silence her.
“See me now,” I plead, a hint of desperation to my voice.
“I already do.” Her words wash over me, and I pull back to meet her gaze as she continues. “Do you think I would have trusted you with Landen if I thought you were the same person as you were back then? Do you think I would have left everything I’ve ever known to move across the country with you?”
“No?” I phrase it like a question, a slow smile pulling at my mouth.
“Not a chance in hell,” she states matter of fact. “I’m deciding to focus on the change, on the man you’ve shown me you can be. I can forgive the past. I can forgive that you lost yourself, we all do sometimes. What I won’t forgive is if you ever break his heart.” She gestures behind us to where Landen is still soundly sleeping.
“Never,” I reassure her, meaning it to the very depths of my soul. “And I will never break your heart again either. I promise you. Over and over again I promise.”
Normally I would freak out over how fast everything is moving, but with Rae, I can’t help but feel over the moon. This woman is fucking extraordinary in so many ways, and I feel myself becoming more attached to her as time goes on. Even after only a few short weeks, I honestly can’t imagine how I could ever live without her again.
Feeling like I need to lighten the suddenly very heavy moment, I pull her body flush against mine once more and drop my head. Grazing my lips softly against hers, I hum against her mouth. “What do you say we head into our bedroom, and I can prove it to you.”
“I think I like the way you think.” She tightens her grip on my neck and pushes up on her tiptoes, kissing me deeply.
Without another word, I hoist her into my arms and carry her out of the room.
****
“So, how’s married life?” Chet jokes, shoving my shoulder as we make our way out of the Good Morning America studio.
“We’re not married,” I remind him, unable to fight the smile that takes over my face when my mind drifts to Rae.
“Might as well be. You’re living together and you have a child,” Chet interjects.
“Maybe one day soon we will be.” A low chuckle escapes my throat at the look of pure shock that crosses his face.
I guess I can’t expect him to understand how I’m thinking marriage after such a short time, considering he’s been with Kate for years and has yet to pop the question.
“Man, that girl has you by the balls.” He shakes his head, the smile on his face telling me he doesn’t see this as a bad thing.
“She doesn’t just have me by the balls, she owns my fucking balls,” I admit jokingly.
“Good to see I’m not the only one.” Killian appears next to me, just as we reach the SUV parked at the back entrance of the studio. It’s gated and used for the show's cast and guests to exit through without being swarmed by fans or paparazzi.
“How’s everything with Nora?” I ask the moment we settle into the backseat. “She still sick?”
Killian and Nora just found out she was pregnant a couple weeks ago, and already she has been so sick she can barely hold anything down.
“I don’t get why the fuck they call it morning sickness when it affects her every hour of every day except for the mornings. They should call it afternoon, evening, and night sickness.”
“My sister was sick almost her entire pregnancy. She lived off applesauce and chicken broth,” I offer, ignoring the pang of guilt I feel that I have no idea what the beginning of Rae’s pregnancy was like for her or any of her pregnancy for that matter.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Killian runs a hand through his sandy blond hair and lets out a slow exhale.
“I’m sure it will get better,” Aiden finally speaks up for the first time since we exited the studio. “Typically, it goes away after the first trimester.”
“Since when are you a pregnancy expert?” Chet spouts off.
“Since about a week ago,” he mumbles.
“What?” Killian catches his statement and hits him with a confused expression.
“Since everyone is busy with their women and children.” He gives me a pointed look. “I’ve had some extra time on my hands, and I read a couple books on pregnancy.”
“Why?” Chet blurts.
“Because I wanted to know what was coming,” He explains. “Killian, you and Nora are family. I just wanted to make sure I knew what to expect so that I could offer her support and reassurance should she need it.”
“That’s really fucking sweet of you, Aiden,” I chime in.
“Don’t patronize me.” He clearly misreads my smile.
“No, I’m not at all. Seriously, dude. I think it’s amazing that you took the time to do that on the off chance Kill or Nora would need advice or reassurance. I kind of feel like a jackass that I didn’t think of it.”
“Me, too,” Chet agrees. “Way to make us look bad, fucker,” he teases.
The rest of the car ride back to the label is spent with Aiden filling Killian in on everything he learned. I couldn’t help but think about Rae and wonder if these are some of the things she experienced.
I’ve asked her to forgive me, but I’m not entirely sure that I’ve actually forgiven myself.
I promised her I would make it up to her, to Landen, and I meant every word. I just wish I had more time to prove to her how serious I am about all of this. We’ve only been back in L.A. for five days, and already I’ve left her at home more times than I would have liked.
The label has taken over our schedules for the next several weeks, and I don’t see things slowly down much in the near future. Hell, by the time we’ve made all the promo stops, radio interviews, and talk show performances that are scheduled, we will be heading back out on tour.
I have yet to talk to Rae about what happens then, but if all goes well, I’m hoping her and Landen will come with us. Kate and Nora tour with us so they’d be able to keep her company at shows. I know that I can have the back bedroom of the new bus for her and Landen, as I’ve already discussed it with the guys and gotten approval from Sean for them to come with.
The last thing to do is ask her, and I’m not sure why I’ve been putting it off.
Yes, you do, says the voice in my head, and fuck if he isn’t right. I haven’t asked Rae yet because I’m scared as fuck she’ll say no, and honestly, I don’t know if I have it in me to leave them for so long.
Fuck, when did my life become so dependent on other people? When you fell in love, the voice chimes in for a second time, and fuck if he isn’t right again.
I am in love—head over fucking heels as the saying goes…