Finally. Finally, she confirms what I was so sure I already knew. It’s like a sudden weight has lifted off my shoulders, and I feel like I can breathe again for the first time since laying my eyes on that little boy—my little boy.
“Did you hear what I said?” Rae gives me a hard look, confusion evident in her beautiful blue eyes.
“I did.” A slow smile spreads across my face.
“And? Why the hell are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you already knew?” She narrows her eyes at me.
“Because I did.”
“What?” Her confusion only grows.
“I mean, I suspected,” I clarify.
“I don’t—I don’t understand.”
I grip her shoulders when she sways slightly in front of me.
“What don’t you understand?” I know now is not the time to mess with her, but I can’t help but make light of the situation.
“How did you know?” she gets out weakly.
“When I was at the diner with Nora and you came in with Landen.”
“But that was”— she backpedals, shaking her head to clear it—“You’ve known this whole time?”
“Suspected,” I correct her. “Nora was the first to point it out, the resemblance between the two of us. She was working out the math in her head before I even realized what she was implying. It probably would have taken me a lot longer to connect the dots if it wasn’t for her.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” She doesn’t hide the hurt in her eyes.
“Because I didn’t want to confront you and force the truth out. I wanted you to come to me. I wanted you to be the one to confirm what I thought I already knew without me pushing for it.”
“Why?”
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the years, one of the biggest being how I treated you. I wanted to earn the right to know you, to know my son. I wanted to know when the truth was finally confirmed that it was because you trusted me enough to tell me,” I explain, sliding my hands from her shoulders to cup her face.
I press my lips gently to hers, disappointed when she breaks away from me all too early. Taking a step back, she puts a good foot between us, her eyebrows drawn in apprehension.
“You’re not mad?” Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine, trying to figure out if this is all some kind of ruse.
“It hurts like hell,” I admit truthfully. “But I understand why you did it.”
“I tried contacting you,” she admits, glancing down to where her hands are knotted in front of her. “When I first found out,” she continues, finally bringing her eyes back to mine.
I can’t hide my confusion over her statement.
She tried to tell me?
“I called as soon as I found out, but your number had been changed. I left several messages with your label, hoping that you would get them and call me back. When you didn’t, I thought you were avoiding me. I thought you got my messages and chose not to return my call. So eventually I gave up and accepted that I was on my own.”
“Fuck, Rae.” Guilt grips at my chest. “I had no idea. I never got the messages, I swear I didn’t. I would have called you back.”
“Would you have?” She cocks her head to the side, her eyes studying my face.
I know why she’s asking. Truth is I’m not sure I would have. I know what kind of person that makes me, but I can’t lie to myself, and I can’t lie to Rae—not anymore.
“I don’t know.”
She sucks in a ragged breath, clearly caught off guard by my honesty.
“Look, I’ve got a long way to go, I know that. I’m not perfect. Hell, I probably never will be. But I’m not the man I was two years ago.” I think over my statement for a moment, feeling an odd sense of whiplash over how quickly my perspective has shifted since coming home to Athens.
“People don’t just change overnight.” I wince at her accusatory tone.
“I know that. But I’m clean. I’m here. I want to be here. I promise, if you trust me enough to let me be in my son’s life, I will be the best fucking father. I swear to god, Rae.”
“So this—you and me”—she gestures between the two of us—“This was because of Landen?”
The devastation that quickly flashes across her face is enough to damn near bring me to my knees. How could she think that I would only be in this for my son? Does she not see what she does to me?
“This was because of us,” I reassure her. “Finding out that Landen was or wasn’t mine was never a factor, though I will say that knowing you carried my child inside of you makes me so fucking happy.” I can’t fight the smile splitting my face in two. “I don’t know what it is, Rae, but you’re under my skin, and I can’t fucking shake you. I don’t want to.”
I take a commanding step forward, closing the distance between us. I’m so fucking happy when she doesn’t pull away.
“What are you saying, Gabe?” Her voice is barely a whisper.
“I’m saying I want in.” I trail the back of my hand down the side of her face.
The look she gives me knocks all the fucking air from my lungs. She’s so fucking beautiful, and in this moment—so completely vulnerable. I love seeing her drop her walls for me.
“I want to know my son,” I continue. “I want to be his father.” I trail my thumb along her bottom lip, loving the way her body trembles beneath my touch. “I want you.” I breathe, leaning in to suck that lip into my mouth before reluctantly pulling back. “I want it all.” I drop my forehead against hers. “I’m in.”
The emotion that floods her face is a combination of happiness, fear, and hesitation. Several long seconds pass before a slow smile spreads across her face telling me everything I need to know.
“Okay.”
The word barely leaves her lips before my mouth is slamming down on hers. She opens for me, allowing me to explore her mouth, to taste her, and fuck me if she doesn’t taste incredible.
Gripping the back of her neck, I pull her deeper into the kiss, pressing our bodies flush together. She moans softly into my mouth, and I swear it’s the sexiest thing I have ever fucking heard.
Fuck me. This woman has me under her spell, and I don’t ever want to break free.
Guiding her backward, I lead her between the trees where I know we will be hidden from view, not stopping until I have her pinned between me and a large tree. I don’t break away from her mouth as my hands explore her body over top of her clothes.
It’s like I’m a fucking teenager all over again, so desperate to have my way with this girl that I feel like I might lose myself before I ever actually touch her.
“I want you.” I press myself against her. “I want to feel you. I want to know your body again. Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” I grind out against her lips.
“Then do it.” She gently bites my bottom lip, damn near sending me over the edge.
Fuck…
That’s all it takes. Those three little words and I’m lost. Lost to her touch, her sweet scent. Lost in the way she whimpers my name as I move inside her, my hands knotted in the grass below her.
She drives my body wild. Like she was fucking made for me, we fit perfectly. I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced something quite so intense, so overwhelming, so completely fucking consuming. Or maybe I have and was just too fucked up to remember it. I have no idea how I ever walked away from this woman the first time. It’s something I’m certain I will never repeat.
Rae is my undoing, my addiction, and quite possibly the one person on this earth who has the power to save me from myself.
****
“Are you sure you have to leave,” I whine against her lips, refusing to let her get into the car.
“I do.” She pulls back, meeting me with hooded eyes.
Good to know I have the same effect on her that she has on me.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” I steal another kiss, ignoring the gaze of her friend who I know is watching us from the car. “I’ll make sure I’m done at the studio at a decent time. Maybe I could take you and Landen to dinner?”
“I’d like that.” She gives me a heart-stopping smile, laying her palm flat against my chest as she takes a step backward.
“I’ll call you.” I give her my best smolder, loving the way it makes her giggle.
“You better,” she playfully warns, taking another step and then another until she’s reaching behind her for the door handle.
“Fuck.” I shake my head, closing the distance between us to cage her against the car.
“I have to go.” She laughs.
Even as she speaks the words, I know she wishes she could stay. Fuck, I wish she could too. But she has a child to get home to. My child. Our child. Fuck that sounds good.
Had you asked me six months ago if I ever wanted a child, I would have laughed in your face. Now, the knowledge that I have a child, having it confirmed, makes my chest swell with pride and love.
Love for my child and love for the woman who gave him life. It’s crazy how quickly everything has shifted.
“One more.” I smile before taking her mouth again.
After several seconds I reluctantly pull away, wanting nothing more than to throw her on the ground and repeat our earlier action. I just had her and yet I’m craving her so bad already. What is she doing to me?
“I gotta go.” She pops the door handle and steps forward to pull it open, forcing me to step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Just try and keep me away.” I wink, feeling the loss of her the moment she slides into the car and closes the door between us.
She waves through the glass as they begin to pull away. I stand rooted to the ground, forced to watch her disappear down the heavily wooded driveway.
“You move fast.” I jump, looking up to see Nora on the front porch, leaning against one of the pillars, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“Shut up,” I grumble, unable to wipe the stupid ass smile from my face.
“So?” She waits until I reach the steps before speaking again.
“So what?” I ask, climbing up to join her on the porch, stopping just feet from her.
“Don’t play with me,” she warns, narrowing her eyes at me. “Did she tell you?” she asks, knowing I know what she means without having to elaborate.
“She did.”
“And?” She can’t hide her annoyance that she has to drag the information from me.
“I’m a father.” My smile nearly splits me in two.
“I knew it!” she exclaims, seconds before her arms close down around my neck and she pulls me into a tight hug. “Congratulations. Oh my god, that’s so exciting.” She bounces in my arms before pulling back to look at me. “How do you feel?”
“Incredible,” I answer truthfully. “I never thought I wanted kids, but now that I know I have one, I don’t know, I just feel—complete.”
“That’s amazing, Gabe. I’m so happy for you.”
“Can we keep this between you and I for now?” I ask, suddenly very aware that I’m going to have to tell everyone that I have a child.
“Of course,” she responds without hesitation. “This is your news to tell. I won’t say a word.”
“Thanks, Nor. I really appreciate it. I just feel like I should probably tell my mom before anyone else. Considering she now has another grandchild.” I shake my head, still somewhat in disbelief.
“Totally understandable.”
“I hate asking you to keep things from Killian.”
“Don’t.” She holds her hand up to stop me from saying more. “Everyone needs a friend to be their vault. I’m your person and your mine. Don’t ever apologize for that.”
“I fucking love you, you know that?”
“Good thing I never let you fuck me,” she teases, spinning around and heading for the front door, leaving me glued to the porch, laughter rumbling through me.
“Best piece of ass I never got.”
“And don’t you forget it,” she calls over her shoulder. “You coming or what?” She pauses at the door, holding it open for me to follow her inside.
“What’s so funny?” Killian appears from the living room, looking curiously between me and Nora.
“Oh, you know Gabe, always the comedian.” She chuckles, pushing up on her tiptoes to lay a kiss to his cheek. “You ready for bed?”
“Is that an invitation?” he purrs, pulling her into his arms.
“On that note,” I interrupt, stepping past them. “I’ll see you fuckers in the morning,” I call out, taking the stairs two at a time before heading down to my bedroom which resides at the end of the hall.
As much as I love both Nora and Killian, I have no desire to watch them all up on each other.
It isn’t until I shut the door and collapse down on top of my unmade bed that the day’s events seem to catch up to me.
I don’t know how I should feel given the situation, but I can’t help the uncontainable happiness that’s currently keeping this fucking smile permanently attached to my fucking face. Finding out I have a child should be more of a shock. It should take me time to adjust and get used to the idea. But I don’t feel that way. I’m already used to the idea. Hell, I’m excited.
Even if he wasn’t my child I think I would have fallen in love with him just the same. How could I not knowing that he came from Rae? But knowing that he’s mine, well let’s just say I don’t think anything has ever made me so fucking happy.
How did all this happen?
How did I go from a partying rock star, who fucked a new woman on the daily, to learning that the woman I’m falling hard and fast for is the mother of my child? How did things shift so dramatically is such a short period of time?
I feel like being on the road—the alcohol, the women, are all a distant memory. But just a few short weeks ago that was my life.
It’s hard to wrap my fucking head around.
My mind wanders back to last week, how natural it felt sitting at the table with Rae and Landen eating ice cream. It felt like it had always been that way, the three of us together.
I don’t have time to be confused or question the direction in which my life has suddenly turned. I have a little boy who needs me, his father. And I plan to be the best fucking father I can be to him because that’s what he deserves. That’s what Rae deserves. Hell, that’s what I deserve.
It’s time I step up and take care of my family—a family that up until tonight I didn’t even know was mine. I have a lot of lost ground to make up, and I plan to do just that, starting now.
I’m going to integrate myself so deeply into their lives that they won’t ever remember a time that I wasn’t there, experiencing every moment of this life with them.