I sink down into the booth a little, wanting a few more seconds to assess the situation without Rae realizing that I’m here.
“What are you doing?” Nora hisses across the table at me, finally following my gaze to where Rae now has the little dark-haired boy in her arms as she speaks to the older gentleman who comes out from behind the counter.
It takes me a few seconds to realize that it’s her dad, having only seen him maybe once or twice in the time since I’ve known her. He talks gibberish to the little boy in her arms and then holds out his hands to him.
“Come see Pop Pop.” He grins at the child who willingly leans into his outstretched arms.
“Thank you for doing this.” Rae smiles at the child while speaking to her dad. “You sure you’ll be okay with him here?”
“Who the hell are these people?” Nora pulls my gaze back to her for a split second before I refocus on the scene unfolding in front of me.
“Someone I used to know,” I answer, my eyes fixed firmly on Rae as she continues to talk to her dad.
“Is that why you’re watching her like a freaking creeper,” she whisper yells.
“She has a child?” I phrase it like a question even though I already know the answer. I can tell just by the way she looks at the little boy that he’s hers.
“Considering the way they interact, I would say yes, but who knows? Why do you care?” Nora misunderstands and answers me like I’m asking her.
“Just curious.” I watch the child squirm until the large man holding him finally concedes and sets the little guy to his feet.
He stumbles around like he hasn’t been walking that long before finally getting the hang of it and setting off through the diner.
“Cute little guy,” Nora coos when he stops just feet from our table.
“He is,” I observe, noticing immediately that he doesn’t really look like Rae. Maybe he’s not hers after all.
“Landen, come here, baby.” My attention is pulled back to Rae when she swoops down and picks the child up. “Sorry, he’s nosey.” She stops abruptly when she looks up and finally realizes it’s me she’s talking to. “Gabe,” she blurts, clearly shocked to find me sitting here.
“Nice to see you again, Rae.” I nod, acting completely unfazed even though she’s the very reason I made a point to come here today.
“Yeah. Yeah. You, too.” she stutters, her cheeks flushing pink.
“Your son is adorable.” Nora breaks the silence, offering her finger to the little boy who grabs onto it and babbles something incoherent.
“Thank you,” she gets out breathlessly, her gaze finally leaving mine as she looks to where Nora and the little boy are interacting.
So he is her son…
“Nora, this is Rae, an old friend of mine. Rae, this is Nora, Killian’s girlfriend.” I move to introduce the two women.
“Yes, I saw you two come in a few days ago,” she offers.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Nora looks up from the child to Rae, smiling sweetly.
If I didn’t know her so well I’d say she’s just being polite, but I can tell there’s something behind that smile. Something that says she understands in more ways than I think even I do.
“I didn’t know you were a mom,” I say, pretty surprised to find out this little bit of information.
“I’m a mom.” She steadies the child on her hip.
“How old is he?” Nora returns the focus to the little boy.
“Sixteen months.” She swallows hard over the words.
“And you said his name is Landen? I’ve always loved that name,” Nora continues when Rae nods.
“Thank you.” Rae turns, handing the child back to her dad when he appears behind her. The large man doesn’t attempt to look at Nora or me but continues to hover close to his daughter, waiting for her to finish.
“It was nice meeting you, Nora,” Rae continues before turning her attention to me. “Sorry to run, but I’ve got somewhere I need to be.” She gives me a tight smile before spinning back toward her father.
“Mommy will be back later. Have fun with Pop Pop.” She rubs her nose against the child’s, laying a kiss to his little cheek before hesitantly exiting the diner.
“What the hell was that?” Nora brings my attention back to where she’s staring at me wide-eyed across the table.
“What?” I ask, a bit confused.
“When you said old friend, did you mean what I think you meant?”
“What do you think?” I chuckle, arching a brow at her.
“About how long ago would you say the two of you… Ya know?”
“Fuck, I don’t know. A couple years maybe. Why?”
“I knew it.” She smacks the table in front of her, causing me to jump slightly.
“Knew what? Nor—what the fuck are you going on about?”
“Oh my God, you really are that dense.” She shakes her head, looking to the little boy who is happily bouncing on the large man’s hip as he piddles behind the counter. “Does he not look even a little familiar to you?” She turns back toward me, narrowing her eyes.
“I don’t know…” I look over at the little boy, staring for several long moments before what she’s hinting at finally dawns on me.
“He’s not mine.” I shake my head, breaking my gaze from the child.
“You sure about that?” She hits me with a questioning look. “Look again.” She turns her head and continues to speak. “Same hair color. Same dimple on his left cheek. And, Gabe.” She turns back toward me. “He has your eyes.”
“There’s no way.” I shake my head slowly.
“Believe what you want, but I’m telling you, that boy is yours. I knew it the second I realized you two knew each other. Looking between you and that child, the resemblance is uncanny.”
My mind swirls with the possibility of what she’s saying. If this is true, if Rae’s son really is mine, then that means… I’m a father.
I shake the thought away, refusing to dwell on it any further. There’s no way he’s mine. If he was, Rae would have told me. She would have contacted me. I refuse to believe that she carried my child, gave birth to my child, has been a mother to my child, and has left me out of all of it.
“Nah. You’re just seeing shit you want to see.” I brush it away, signaling to the waitress hovering just a few feet from our table that we’re ready to order.
“If you say so.” She shakes her head like she doesn’t believe that for a second.
Hell, I’m not even sure I believe it…
I try to refocus my attention but find it damn near impossible to do so. I find my gaze bouncing back toward the child several times, my mind going in about five hundred different directions.
I watch the way he smiles, the dimple on his left cheek standing out after Nora had brought it to my attention. I listen to his little babbles and laughter as it bounces around the diner, captivating every one of my senses.
It isn’t until I watch him leave with his pop pop about halfway through our meal that the fog seems to lift slightly, and I can force myself to focus on something other than the child.
Even still, the weightless happiness of mine and Nora’s morning together has evaporated, and try as I may, I can’t seem to shake the uneasy feeling that follows me outside of the diner.
Of course, Nora knows me well enough to know that the events of the morning are weighing on me, but she’s sweet enough not to force me to talk about it. I think she understands that I need time to process. Thank fuck for that.
It’s nearly noon by the time we return to the farmhouse. I don’t ask Nora to keep what happened today between us because I already know she will. Things like that simply go unsaid between the two of us.
As much as I’ve enjoyed our quality Gora time, all I want to do right now is hole myself up in my fucking room with Laurie and a bottle of Jack. I’m even consider going back out to purchase a bottle, wondering if I can get away with it, when Killian’s voice pulls me from the thought.
“Did you hear me, dude?”
I look up to where Killian’s got Nora tucked into his side, his arm draped over her shoulder.
“Sorry, what?” I toss the extra muffins we picked up from the diner onto the counter before grabbing a water from the fridge.
“I asked if you wanted to come fishing with us later,” he says, ignoring the way I snort at the mention of fishing.
Killian is the furthest thing from a country boy, but after having taken Nora fishing on their first date, it’s become somewhat of a ritual for them. Anytime we had a few days off between shows, he would find the closest fishing spot to wherever we were, and they would disappear for hours.
“I think I’ll pass.” I try to cover up the distaste in my voice by taking a long drink of water.
“It’s actually really fun,” Nora insists.
I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to get me out of the house and after what happened today, out of my fucking head. Hate to break it to her, fishing is not going to do the trick. I know the cure for what ails me, and it comes in the form of an amber liquid with a black label.
“I’m sure it is,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “But that’s your thing.” I gesture between the two of them. “I’m just gonna hang here. Maybe take a fucking nap.” I shrug. “Besides, I have those two songs I’m still playing with, and I need some time alone with Laurie to iron them out.”
“Why you insist on referring to your guitar like it’s a person is beyond me.” Nora rolls her eyes, stepping out of Killian’s embrace.
“She’s my number one girl.” I shrug, draining the remainder of my water in one long swig.
“Okay, I’m going upstairs to change.” She turns her gaze to Killian.
“I’ll be up in a sec.” He kisses the side of her head just seconds before she takes off out of the room.
“You doin’ okay, man?” Killian studies me for a long second.
“Why does everyone keep fucking asking me that? I’m fine. Perfect. Fucking peachy.” I immediately regret the irritation in my voice, but it’s not possible for me to hide my frustration at how the guys have been toward me here recently.
“Calm down, killer.” He holds his hands up in front of himself. “You just seem off, is all. Just wanted to make sure you’re good.”
“I’m fine.” I let out a long breath.
“You want a drink.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“I do,” I admit, pushing out a gush of air as I run my hands through my hair.
“It’ll get easier, man. You’re just not used to not being fucked up yet. You’ll get there. And until you do, the guys and I have decided that we’re not going to drink either.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?”
I can’t help but look at him like he’s fucking crazy. Why would they give up their ability to party and have a good time just because my ass can’t figure out how to not take it to the extreme?
“Because that’s what family does,” he reminds me, his fucking Irish ass awfully all about family these days.
He gives me a half smile, nodding before slowly turning and disappearing from the kitchen.
Turning, I quietly exit through the back door, flopping down onto the old wood porch swing that overlooks the back of the property. The hinges creak under my weight as I settle down onto the weathered wood, looking out at the trees and fields that stretch out as far as the eye can see.
As much as I would love to have a drink in my hand right now, there’s actually one thing I think I want more.
Rae’s face flashes through my mind. It’s been so fucking long since I have even thought about her, and suddenly she’s all I can think about.
I close my eyes, practically able to see her come to life behind my eyelids. Her toned body with legs that go on for days. Her bright blue eyes. Her smile. That fucking hair, that all I want to do is tangle my hands in while I take her from behind.
As fucking intoxicating as that woman is, though, I find myself also thinking about the little boy she brought into the diner today.
What Nora said has really fucked with me.
But what really fucks with me even more is the fact that I’m starting to realize that she made a very valid point.
Could he be mine?
Are the similarities just some random ass coincidence, or are they a blaring sign telling me to fucking pay attention to what’s staring me right in the face?
I know one thing for certain; I’m not going to be able to fucking breath until I figure this shit out. The sooner the fucking better.