* * *

Fuck. She was furious.

Okay, I understood perfectly why and my attempts to explain just made it worse.

I sat in the living room for over an hour hoping she’d come back, or come down from her room, but she didn’t.

I was thinking about when I could have written the note, but I seriously couldn’t remember. I had no knowledge of this being written, much less what year I could have written it.

I simply had no clue, and had to put it down to a drunken act. Also, I actually couldn’t be certain that the note wasn’t meant for Zoe. It was my handwriting so I knew I definitely wrote it. I used to get drunk off my face in the past and I’d do some crazy, but intentional things. Like speaking the true thoughts of my already outspoken mind. If anyone had a bad haircut or had gained weight, it would have been the worse time to ask my opinion.

And I’d do things. Things like this note.

That was why I didn’t drink as much as I used to anymore. It would get me in serious trouble, like I was now.

However, I had to say that on the scale of trouble this was off the charts because it couldn’t have blown up more in my face.

And Zoe…

I didn’t know what to say to her to make her less mad.

I cleaned up to take my mind off the messy situation, then I ventured up to her room to try and apologize again, but she was asleep.

It wasn’t even that late, and normally she’d be up late on a Saturday night.

I walked into her room and looked at her laying peacefully on her bed. She’d braided her hair to one side and a long plait nestled across her shoulder and between the crook of her cleavage.

I looked at her, really looked at her and somehow I couldn’t pull my eyes away. I always acknowledged that she was beautiful, always. But it was a truth that everyone would agree with. She was what she was, but had I ever been attracted to her?

Looking at her now I couldn’t imagine why not, or how I wouldn’t be. I must have been to write the damn note, and be so stupid as to put it in our friendship box so I was sure we’d find it.

It was a worry that while she got mad instantly when she saw the note I had the strangest feeling come over me. I was embarrassed for writing it, and that she was looking at me like I was some kind of creep, but in the same moment it was like I suddenly realized that she was a woman, a very beautiful one who I thought was perfect.

I’d tried to joke and probably said the wrong things because I wanted to hide my reaction which would have appalled her even more.

She was right to slap me. I crossed the line. The note was completely inappropriate and it looked like I didn’t value our friendship. Now I worried about what she thought of me.

I left her room and went to mine.

* * *

Zoe didn’t talk to me for the next few days. In fact I barely saw her. It seemed that she was either working or spending time with Rachel.

I went in to work on Thursday feeling flustered and annoyed at myself and the situation.

Gibbs noticed my demeanor straight away.

“What’s with you man? You’ve been a real prick lately,” he asked lowering to sit on the edge of my desk.

“Zoe.” I said in one breath.

“Trouble in paradise?” Gibbs laughed. “You two are seriously odd, you know that?”

“Why are we odd Gibbs?”

“Because sometimes I can’t tell what you are.”

I straightened up in my chair anxious to hear what he meant. “We’re friends.”

“You could fool me man. I’ve been trying to ask her out since forever and you keep stopping me. You guys act like an old married couple.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “No way, that’s just what we’re like.”

“Sure right, I might get that because I know but I’d bet you anything that a stranger would easily mistake you for a couple.”

I sighed and thought about it wondering if that was true. I didn’t know how else I could be with her. I told him what happened with the note. He laughed but then a serious expression crossed his face.

“You’ve never thought of doing it with her?” Gibbs asked with a sly look on his face.

“Doing what?”

Gibbs rolled his eyes at me, tilted his head to the side looking at me askance.

“Sex, Tristan. You’ve never thought of having sex with Zoe?”

“No.” I replied, but it was a lie because the fact that I wrote the note told me otherwise.

“You’re kidding me. I find that hard to believe coming from you,” Gibbs really did look like he couldn’t believe me. “You never even imagined it?”

Now that was like giving me an invitation, and I’d never been one to turn down an invite. Not even on this occasion, with my curiosity getting the better of me.

I conjured up an image of Zoe in my mind. Her hair down, hanging in long graceful waves down her back.

I tried to think what she must look like naked but nothing came to mind, and that was what got me. I didn’t know. I didn’t know her like that, and I thought I knew everything about her.

I sat forward and rested my hands on the desk.

Brian knew her like that, and so did all the other men she’d been with.

At the thought, something twisted in my stomach and trickled its way to my nerves. It felt like…fury.

But why was I mad? We were friends. Right?

So I shouldn’t think about her like that, or in that way.

The image I conjured up however, wouldn’t go away. I could see the look of desire in the bright green of her eyes, the soft curve of her full lips, could smell the sweet fragrance I loved coming off her, and the enticement made me want to peak in on the invisible veil that shielded her body from me.

The parts I didn’t know, and…

…wanted to.

Fuck this was so messed up. I bring my hands to my cheeks and groan inwardly.

“You okay there man?” Gibbs asked with a smirk. “Is the vision that good?”

“I’m fine.” I told him and pressed my lips together. “I think I’m going to work from home today.”

“Okay.” Gibbs now looked at me like I said something weird but since I was feeling weird I didn’t want to talk about it. I left before he could say anything else.

I figured getting home early would allow me to see her when she got back.

I watched TV until she came home. She looked surprised to see me here so early, but didn’t comment.

Thankfully she didn’t ignore me like she did on Sunday but as soon as she approached me I felt something had changed between us and damn it to hell I kept seeing the words that were scrawled on the note hovering before my eyes.

We should have sex.

Shit, my breath caught in my chest as I continued to look at her, and she was giving me some weird assessing look that I’d never seen before. Suddenly I felt nervous. Me. And of her. The one person I could be myself with.

Something definitely had changed between us, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it.

It felt awkward.

“Hi.” She said in a small voice.

“Hi,” I replied. “Are you ready to stop being mad at me?” I was trying for subtle.

“No.” She didn’t even blink when she said that.

“I’m sorry.” I breathed. I’d wanted to apologize again days ago but wanted to see her to do it. “I value the box just as much as you do, and I didn’t mean for a stupid note like that to get mixed in with the things we hold special.”

She looked at me, and I gazed back at her.

She took off her jacket and my eyes were immediately drawn to the smooth skin of her arms and the flow of velvet locks that drifted down her arms. And then to her breasts which I just realized were massive.

How had I not seen those before? And when did they get so big?

The vision of her before me eradicated the image I still had of her in my head. Until we read that fucking note I’d seen her as perpetually fourteen years old with that sweet personality and kind heartedness that made me want to take care of her.

The girl that existed in my head still wore fluffy pink jumpers, liked glitter and sparkly pens that smelled like strawberries. That girl saved me from myself, saved me from my out of control, reckless ass that nearly messed up my career. I couldn’t have done anything without her. Only she could tame me. I’d watched her grow up right before my eyes and I didn’t notice her actually change into this beautiful woman who made my pulse quicken.

How did I not notice?

Look at her. I’d never been with a woman who’d rivalled her beauty, and as for that body of hers…

How the fuck had I allowed the likes of that cretin Brian to go near her?

She pressed her glossy pink lips together drawing my attention to the fullness of them.

While I was here going crazy with these new thoughts and feelings I never executed to have for my best friend she seemed fine. Just like her usual self who would tell me off when I’d pissed her off.

I just told her I was sorry and I tried to say that with all the sincerity I could muster but all she did was grimace, look me up and down with disapproval and then she turned and walked away.

“Zoe.” I called after her but she didn’t stop. “Baby! How much longer are you going to be mad at me?”

She proceeded up the stairs, and shit, my eyes found her ass. In that pencil skirt I could see with perfect clarity that sweet behind. Round and firm, the kind I liked. The kind that made me want to drool.

I could have laughed at myself. This had to be some kind of a fucking joke, but the joke was on me.

She never looked back, but I continued to stare until she disappeared around the corner.

Curiosity filled me. Deep curiosity that made me recall that note over and over again.

I had to get it out of my mind. I had to because this was Zoe. She was uncharted territory, off limits to even me.

It all sounded convincing in my head but my body betrayed me. I knew myself and it wouldn’t matter what I thought now, because the problem was…

I wanted her.