Chapter 17

Two weeks had gone by since the wonderfully irresponsible condomless sexcapade. Two weeks of missing the hell out of Enzo. Two weeks of Enzo’s daily calls and texts, all of which she’d left unanswered. Every morning he’d text her to say, Good morning. Around the middle of the day he’d tell her he missed her, and every evening he’d text her, Sleep well, love. That damn word, love, felt like a ticking bomb. It made her giddy and nervous all at the same time. The man couldn’t have made his feelings more clear. She was still mad at him but not mad enough that she didn’t miss him like crazy. And between work, painting at the Walls—something she’d done twice since Enzo had left—and helping Penny with Sarabelle, she was so exhausted that she hadn’t had a chance to dwell on anything.

She’d had lunch with her mother seven times in the last two weeks, and today Rita was coming by with a casserole. So many changes were happening all at once, and she was having a hard time processing all the emotions, especially since for so many years she’d had one basic drive: survival.

“Be good, Bird,” JL said to the parrot as she went to answer the door. Rita stood in the hallway with a tray in her hand and bags in the other.

“I have drinks, Mama,” JL said, helping her mother with the groceries.

“I wasn’t sure,” Rita answered as she walked to the kitchen to put down everything. “This is so nice, honey,” she said, looking around the modest apartment.

“Thanks. It’s kind of lonely without Violet, but I like it, and I have Bird to keep me company.”

“Woof woof woof.”

Rita looked around, startled, causing JL to laugh. “It’s Violet’s parrot. I’m bird-sitting and I’ve taught it all sorts of weird things. Drives Violet nuts.”

Rita reached out to pet it, but JL swatted her hand away. “No! It bites.”

“Oh,” Rita said with a loud belly laugh. “It’s so big and loud.”

“Come, Mama. I’m starved.” JL ushered her mother to the small table and portioned out the food. “Is this EE’s taco casserole?”

“Yep. Esther said it was your favorite.”

“It’s not. I love it, but not as much as Travis does. It’s his favorite.”

“Do you think that maybe Travis—”

“Give him time. You’ve had a great few weeks. I’ll talk to him soon. I promise.” It was true. She was planning on talking to him, but not yet. She needed to make sure this new Rita was a permanent fixture, not a fleeting glimpse of hope, as had always been the case before.

They spent the rest of the evening enjoying dinner and laughing at local town gossip that Esther had told Rita at work. She was so glad to have her mother back, and for the first time in a long time she didn’t dread being home.

“Tired?” Rita said, looking at JL’s deep yawn and red-rimmed eyes.

“Yeah. So tired. Lately all I want to do is sleep.”

“You’re working too hard, and those late shifts have your schedule out of whack,” her mother said. JL didn’t think it was her late nights or busy schedule, however. JL had always been able to eat whatever she wanted and not gain a pound, but that morning her jeans had constricted her ability to breathe so much so that she’d worn yoga pants to run her errands. She wasn’t sure what would happen with Enzo, although she was certain he would never abandon his baby. The truth was that as the days passed, her anger had subsided somewhat, and things that had seemed so important just a few weeks ago seemed just petty now. He shouldn’t have omitted the truth about the Walls, but all in all, he’d been right. She had been the one who’d never committed fully to the relationship. She had been the one with the hang-ups about their differences, not him. She had covered her tattoos; he had never asked her to do that. Yes, he had lied, but she had no doubt that he was out of town fixing it. She knew him well enough already to know that the man wasn’t going to disappoint her and he’d come back with the issues over the Walls resolved. That fact alone made her not so terrified about the possibility of being pregnant. He was a responsible, loyal man who would do right by her and their baby.

Two and a half weeks in Brazil, and all Enzo had to show for it was a sprained ankle, a black eye, and a split lip. He’d gone home to convince his ex-father-in-law and his father that the mall was a bad idea. He’d brought reports, made presentations, and had meetings with the investors again, yet he was no closer to a resolution than when he’d arrived. The only thing that had happened was that his attitude toward things had changed. He was not his father’s lackey. He was a grown man and he wasn’t going to do only what was expected of him. Every afternoon for three hours he went to a local MMA training studio owned by a friend of Cain and Iggy’s and trained. He was going to do exactly what Jamie Lynn had suggested. He was going to be the best damn amateur fighter he could be. Maybe professional MMA was not in the cards for him, but it didn’t mean he had to give it up. He’d let his pride get in the way when Slade and Tony hadn’t allowed him to fight professionally. He’d let work become an excuse to not train. Well, all that was over. If there was one thing he’d learned during the short time he’d been with Jamie Lynn, it was that life was meant to be lived doing the things he loved. Money didn’t mean anything if he was miserable, and he was done being miserable. He was going to do what he loved, even if it was only part-time.

“You’re doing much better, but you have to work on keeping your guard,” Hugo, the trainer he was working with, said to Enzo in Portuguese. Then Hugo led him to the speed bag after a grueling three-hour workout and sparring session. The old man’s idea of cooling down was hitting the speed bags, followed by a few relaxing sets of burpees, squats, and jumping rope.

Enzo’s arms were on fire by the time it was time to head back to the hotel he’d been staying at since his arrival. His mother was pissy about his refusal to stay at their house, but he didn’t care because he needed them to understand how serious he was about what he wanted in Tarpon Springs and what he wanted in his life.

Of course Marianna had told them all about Jamie Lynn, and they were beyond furious. But he hadn’t given them an opportunity to discuss it, because he didn’t want to hear their pompous opinions. Every morning he woke up thinking about Jamie Lynn, and every night he went to sleep with her on his mind. He needed to fix things, and he wasn’t leaving Brazil until he saved her Walls; he knew the Walls gave her peace, and he couldn’t live with himself knowing he’d been the one to take it away from her. Especially when she was his peace. He’d made all sorts of bold proclamations to her before he’d left, but truth be told, he was scared shitless. If he didn’t fix the Walls situation, would she want him back? Even if he did fix it, would she ever forgive him for her and her friend’s arrests? And if she was in fact pregnant, he didn’t want another man raising his child. Not getting her back just wasn’t an option. Suddenly it hit him: I left a place I wanted to be and a woman I wanted to be with, to go to a place I didn’t want to go to and speak with my father, who didn’t want to speak to me.

With that realization, he knew he needed to wrap things up and get back to his girl.

JL paced around her apartment with a bag of Fritos. She was three days late. She hadn’t had the nerve to take a pregnancy test, but she didn’t need one. She was pregnant, Enzo wasn’t back, and she was terrified and anxious and ready to eat her weight in potato chips. For the first two weeks she’d had hope he was away fixing the mess he’d made, but now, another two weeks later, she wasn’t so sure the man was coming back. And even if he did come back, would he move to Tarpon Springs? Florida had been supposed to be temporary, but things had changed, right? He still texted and called daily, even though she hadn’t responded once. But now…now she needed him. Today after work she would call him.

The only salvation amid all her self-doubts and worry was that she had so many supportive friends to count on. Even her brother would help, although she’d never met someone who disliked children as much as Travis did. Still, it would be his niece or nephew; he’d change his mind soon enough. And, thank God, her mother was still sober and doing better than ever. They’d been talking every day and ate a meal together at least a few times a week. It was the way she’d always hoped it would be with her mother, and she was dreaming about her baby growing up with a grandmother.

“Hi, honey,” her mother said, closing the door behind her. JL had ordered food, and they were going to have dinner. “Fritos? I thought you ordered Italian?”

JL poured the crumbs from the bag into her mouth before tossing it away. “Yep,” she said with a mouthful. “Got hungry.”

“Are you okay? Is it Enzo? You never want to talk about it.”

JL served them food and motioned for her mother to sit. “I don’t know. I just want him to come back already.”

“Have you told him that?”

JL took a bite of her baked ziti. “No. I want him to come back because he wants to come back, not because he feels he has to come back.”

Rita took a bite of her food, eyeing JL curiously. “Why would he feel he has to come back?”

JL pushed her plate away and laid her head on the table. Rita quickly got up, moved around the table, and cautiously embraced her daughter. They had been getting along wonderfully, but it was still at arm’s length. JL had been very cautious about getting too attached to this new and improved Rita, and Rita had been following her daughter’s lead. But JL needed a hug and it was time to start letting some of those walls down, so she turned and hugged her mother back. “Mama, I’m pregnant,” JL sobbed.

“I know, honey.”

JL pushed back and stared at her mother. “You do? How?”

“I remember how exhausted I felt when I was pregnant with you two, and I’ve noticed that you’ve been dead on your feet lately. Plus,” her mother added, screwing up her face, “you asked me to bring you two fish sandwiches with extra mustard the other day from McDonald’s, and I know you don’t like mustard. Besides, who orders a fish sandwich from McDonald’s?”

JL gave a watery chuckle. “I know. It’s so weird.”

“So are you crying because you’re pregnant or because Enzo left?”

“Both. I want him to come home already. I want to know where we stand.”

“You have to talk to him, honey. He’d be a fool not to snatch you right up, and from the few things you’ve told me, he’s a good man and he’ll do right by you.”

“I really hope so, Mama.” JL wiped her face with her hands, and Rita went back to the other side of the table so they could finish their meal.

“I brought you a little present,” Rita said when they finished the dishes.

“You did?” JL was taken aback. Her mother had never, ever given her a present before.

“It’s nothing. Just some things I saw today at the drugstore that made me think of you.” Rita reached into her purse and took out a hodgepodge of things: fuchsia nail polish, striped thigh-high stockings, Oreos, a scented candle, and a tube of bright red lipstick.” JL looked at the small pile on the table and broke down into an uncontrollable sob.

“Oh, Mama,” she cried. “This is perfect. I love it.” She hugged her mother tightly.

“It’s nothing, really. If I had more money, I’d—”

“I wouldn’t want anything else. You sober and this pile of some of my favorite things…it’s perfect.”

“You’re going to be such a great mother. I have no doubt that you’ll be the mother I never was. I am so sorry. I wish I could go back and change things.”

“Mom—”

“No, let me finish. I just need you to know that you make me proud, and anything that I’ve ever done to hurt you has nothing to do with you. It’s always been me and my mess-ups. In spite of everything, you’ve turned out to be the perfect daughter, sister, and friend, and I love you, JL. If I haven’t said it, I just…I want you to know that.”

With tears, JL said something she hadn’t said to her mother in a long time: “I love you too, Mama.”

The women hugged for some time and then Rita insisted that JL sit back and let her paint her nails with her new nail polish. It was as if they were making up for wasted time, and never had JL felt so loved. Her heart was full and she couldn’t wait to tell Enzo.

Later that night Enzo texted her: Goodnight, love.

I miss you, JL replied.

It was early the next morning, and JL was making coffee when her front door opened and closed. The only people who had keys to her apartment were Violet and Travis. “Hope you brought me donuts,” she yelled over her shoulder to whoever it was. When there wasn’t any answer, JL turned to see Travis just standing there holding his phone in his hand and looking alarmed. “What is it?” she asked as she slid down into a chair.

“It was Jack,” Travis said, looking at his phone instead of her.

He walked around the table, brought a chair to her side, sat down, and took her hand in his hand. He looked pale and stricken.

“What? You’re scaring me.”

“Something’s happened.”

Her heart stopped, and she felt it plummet. “What?” she yelled.

“It’s Mom. She overdosed.”

JL exhaled. It was devastating that their happy relationship had been so short-lived, but she wasn’t exactly shocked. In fact, she was sort of relieved, because for a moment she thought something had happened to Enzo. “Damn. I thought she’d make it this time. It’s sad that I’m not shocked,” JL said, and awkwardly tapped her fingers on the table. “Which hospital is she in? Wonder how far out of it she is this time. Will she recognize us or—”

The look on Travis’s face changed from sadness to something else.

“Darlin’…” He shook his head and his eyes filled with tears. “Not this time.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean, ‘not this time’?”

“She died, JL. Mom died.”

JL couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t even believe what he was telling her. Suddenly the room spun around and she felt the previous night’s dinner stir. The dinner she’d had with her mother. The dinner where they’d finally reconciled, where she’d told Rita she was pregnant, where they cried and laughed. “How…what?” Before she could formulate a complete thought, she stood and ran out of the room, barely making it to the bathroom before throwing up.

“JL…” Travis was behind her, rubbing her back. “I’m sorry. I know you always held out hope.” It felt as if she’d expelled the contents of her stomach and then some. Her throat burned, her eyes stung, but she was too stunned to process anything that Travis was saying.

JL wasn’t sure how she ended up in bed or how much time had passed, but when she woke up Violet was next to her. “You feeling better?” Violet asked JL.

“Did I dream it?”

Violet ran her hand across JL’s forehead; her eyes were red and her lips downturned, and JL knew what Violet was going to say before she said it. “I’m sorry, honey. I wish you’d dreamed it. I know you were getting closer to Rita. With what you’ve told me, you had some good weeks with her.”

“How could she? You don’t understand, Vi. Last night she was so happy, she did my nails!” JL sat up. She was shivering, her teeth clanked together. “S-she t-told me she loved me. Oh God, I’m s-so cold.”

“You’re probably dehydrated.” Violet got under the covers and held her best friend, who was shaking violently.

“T-travis?”

“He went to make arrangements.”

“W-what?” JL shot up from bed. “He d-doesn’t even know w-what fl-flower—”

“Honey, calm down.” Violet pulled her back down. “I think you might be in shock. You need to breathe. You’re shaking and you’re really pale.”

“Shock? No. Th-this isn’t shocking. W-what’s shocking is that I fell f-for it. Oh!” JL covered her face with her hand and ran to the bathroom before she could finish her thoughts. She had nothing left in her stomach, and she thought briefly that the dry heaves might have been worse than throwing up. “W-why couldn’t she just stay clean?”

“JL.” She could hear Violet speaking, but it was as if she was hearing her underwater. Violet’s voice was faraway and muffled, and JL’s head was spinning.

“JL, sit down.” Violet helped her to the floor and placed a wet towel on her forehead. “Honey, you’re probably completely dehydrated.” Violet pulled her phone and began typing something as JL curled herself into a ball on the cold tile floor.

“Don’t feel so good,” she mumbled. “So tired.”

“I know, honey,” Violet said, then spoke into the phone, but JL couldn’t understand what she was saying because her ears were buzzing, her head was throbbing, and there were spots surrounding her vision. And then complete darkness.