Chapter 16

The next morning JL woke with a throbbing headache and an aching heart. “Good morning. I made you some eggs—they’re waiting for you in the microwave,” Rita said.

“Thanks.”

“I have to go to work. I landed a job as a dishwasher at EE’s Diner. Lock up before you leave…and if you need anything, call me,” she added hesitantly.

Rita stepped toward JL as if she was going to hug her but then appeared to change her mind and pulled away. Truthfully, JL was glad, because she wasn’t ready for that kind of affection from her mother just yet. “Okay, Mama. Stay good, you hear?”

Her mother gave her a shy smile and left. JL stretched and went straight for the food. She was starved, as usual. After she ate and freshened up, she called Violet and asked her friend to please pick her up and take her home. She didn’t have clothes, and she didn’t want to put on that dress again. Actually, she wanted to burn it.

Violet pulled up in front of the trailer a few minutes later. “Hey,” she said sweetly.

“Hi,” JL said to Violet as she got in and buckled up. “So guess what—Mom’s sober and has a job. And get this—she made me breakfast.”

“Holy crap. That’s pretty astonishing stuff, JL. I’m happy for her. For you, too.”

JL nodded and looked out the window as her best friend continued to drive. “Home?” Violet asked.

“Yeah, please. Thanks for driving me, Vi.”

“Of course. Anything for you, JL. You know that,” she said, and squeezed her knee. “You want to tell me what happened? I know you didn’t just decide it was time to have a slumber party at Rita’s. Enzo was going out of his mind looking for you last night.”

JL let out a deep breath and told her best friend what had happened, including the Walls and her secret artistic side. She didn’t, however, tell her about that date with Andy back in high school, or the possible pregnancy scare. No one else knew about that except the man who had betrayed her and broken her heart.

“Not really sure what to say,” Violet replied somberly.

“Had me fooled,” JL admitted. “But I should’ve seen it coming. Actually, that’s not even true. I did see it coming. It’s the reason I avoided him for so long. Yet I was stupid enough to think he was different. That he didn’t see me like everyone else sees me—a lowly bartender with an old beat-up car and a drug addict mother. No future except more bartending and possibly more disappointment from my mother—although I hope to God I’m wrong this time.”

“You always assume the worst. Instead of giving people a real chance, you make assumptions as to what they’re going to think, and close yourself off before they get a real chance with you. I don’t get the impression that he thought anything even remotely close to that.” Violet chanced a quick glance at JL. “If you’re right, why would he be going crazy looking for you?”

“More sex, probably. We had superb sex.”

“TMI, honey,” Violet snorted.

“Men suck, Vi. Well, except Cain. He’s great. But even at the beginning he sucked. He was a complete asshole.”

“Yeah, but he’s changed. People change.”

“Do they? Cain was always in love with you, so it really wasn’t a change. He had issues to work out, but now it seems like you guys are on a perpetual honeymoon. It’s not like now he’s super talkative and bubbly or anything. He’s still surly and ornery to everyone but you. Plus, you two came from the same upbringing. You’re compatible. Enzo’s rich—rich like the guy that owns Facebook, not rich like anyone we know. Not like, ‘Hey, I saved up a few thousand to possibly buy a real cool motorcycle.’ More like, ‘Hey, let’s go to the Harley-Davidson headquarters in my own private jet and let them design my motorcycle and then I’m going to buy all my friends one just like it.’ I grew up in a trailer park in Texas and upgraded to a double-wide here in Tarpon Springs. Look at me.” She extended her arm and pointed at her tattoos. “He doesn’t even have a single tattoo.”

“Neither does Cain. That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means that we’re too different, Vi. It would never work. Plus, I’m happy with my life. I don’t need a guy to come and sweep me off my feet with his money and try to change me.”

Violet parked her car at JL’s apartment complex and turned to look at her best friend. “Is he really trying to do that, JL? Honey, you’re not happy. Not really. I’ve known you for fifteen years and you weren’t always this tatted-up fireball. I mean, I love the tattoos and you’re beautiful and I’d give anything to have your backbone, but there’s a reason you change your hair every other day, a reason you keep getting inked. I’m not telling you to change or let him change you, but I think you’re missing something. Maybe he’s the answer. You need to open your heart again. I know something happened with Andy. You never said anything, but you changed overnight. You don’t have to tell me, but I know something happened.”

JL closed her eyes and dropped her head onto the dashboard. “Yeah, something happened, but it’s not important anymore. It’s been a long time. It can’t define me.”

“But it is still important,” Violet said gently.

The words hit JL in the gut. Was it? Not anymore. At least she didn’t think it was.

“Hey, listen, thanks for all your help.” She didn’t want to be a bitch, but she didn’t want to discuss it anymore, or at all, really. She was done having the conversation. But she didn’t want to hurt her best friend’s feelings, either, so she brought her close for a hug. Violet loved to hug. Not that JL didn’t, but it was more for Violet than anything else. Still, JL held on tighter than was necessary, and the hug lasted some time. Maybe she did need a hug more than she thought.

“If you need anything, anything at all, let me know, okay?” JL nodded through the tightness in her chest. “I have to run, but I miss Bird. Say hello to him for me, ’kay? Renovations should be finishing soon and he can come live with us.”

“ ’Kay.” JL waved and headed to her apartment—alone, again.

She walked along the long corridor that led to her apartment, feeling mostly numb. Not paying attention, she tripped. Luckily, she landed not on the concrete but on a pair of muscled thighs.

“Where’ve you been?” Enzo said, holding her tight.

His skin was so smooth—God, why did he have to feel so good? And those gorgeous eyes…She tried to push him away and get up, but he held on tighter. She didn’t need to be swept back into his spell.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. His back was against her door, his legs outstretched, crossed at the ankles.

His jaw twitched. “I’ve been waiting for you.” He was mad? Really? Well, wasn’t that fresh? She tried to push off him again, but he wouldn’t let go.

“Let go of me,” she seethed. He’d completely betrayed her. It was his fault she’d gotten arrested, for Christ’s sake. It was she who had a right to be upset, not him.

He must’ve grasped her resolve, because he let her go. She got up and he followed, stretching his neck and shoulders. She wondered how long he’d sat there, but chose to ignore the thought. She pulled out her keys and walked in, closing the door behind her, but not surprised when he slipped inside before it slammed shut. She busied herself taking out Bird’s food and preparing to clean the cage. Enzo was on her heels, though. “Would you please stop?”

“Got things to do.”

“Jamie Lynn, baby, please…” He placed his hand on her shoulder, and that was the final straw.

“Don’t call me that! We had fun, okay? It’s over. Just leave me the hell alone.” She opened the cage, and Bird snapped his beak while at the same time scurrying to the top far corner. The creature was all bark and no bite. And wasn’t that just the funniest thing? So was she. She had attitude in spades, but the truth was that her heart was shattered and she had no clue how to handle it. And what if she was in fact pregnant? That terrified her most of all.

“I have to leave for—”

“Not my problem.” She refused to meet his eyes. She would not let him see her shed tears.

“Jamie Lynn…”

She whipped around to face him. “You know, I’m not really mad about all the shit that your wife said.”

“Ex,” he corrected her, but she plowed on.

“I never deluded myself into thinking you’d want more with me than one night. It turned out to be more than that, but I knew this wasn’t some sort of thing that had a future. We got caught up in the sex. Marianna’s right, we’re too different. It would never have worked. I knew that. It’s the fact that you didn’t tell me about the Walls. We weren’t together when you decided to knock them down. You didn’t owe me anything except the truth. A simple explanation. You didn’t have to change your plans, but you did have to tell me about them. You lied to me. You spewed all this BS about honesty, and you weren’t honest with me. Not at all. And that’s what pisses me off. I would’ve understood about the Walls. I wouldn’t have been happy and I would’ve tried to convince you to change your plans, but now it’s a double whammy. It’s the actual act plus the lie, and truthfully, I don’t know which is worse. I mean, Jesus Christ, I got arrested. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Arrested?” A tear streamed down her face even though she was trying her hardest to keep them inside. “My mother was in jail a dozen times. I was bullied and teased about that my whole life, and I swore to myself that I’d never be…whatever.” She swiped away the tear. “Shit!” she said, having just realized the truth. “That’s why you had all that clout with the cop. I’m so damn stupid.” She scrubbed more tears away and then stood up straighter, resigned. “The point is that you lied. I feel humiliated, betrayed, and pissed as hell. I don’t want to see you again.” She turned around and busied herself with the birdcage.

She felt him behind her. “You’re wrong about one very important thing,” he said. “You fit in. Fuck my family. Fuck what anyone else may think. I don’t care because in my heart, you fit. The only one with the hang-up about money and status is you.” He moved closer but didn’t say anything more, and she felt his warmth as tears streamed down her cheeks. She heard him inhale. “From day one, even before we went on our first date, you have been the one stuck on the money thing. I’ve never made you feel any less. I’ve never said anything negative about your tattoos. I like them on you—they make you who you are, and I love who you are.” Her eyes widened, but he continued. “You’re the one with the hang-ups, not me.” He brushed his thumb along the back of her neck by her hairline. “I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am about everything. I’m going to leave and fix things. But this isn’t over, and not just because you may be carrying my baby. I’m not letting you go, Jamie Lynn. Not now. Not ever. I’ve been in a relationship before and I know when it’s wrong, and this, what we have, is right. I have absolutely no doubt. So be mad. Be pissed off. But you’re going to have to get over it at some point, because for an entire year I wanted you. Every single snarky, quirky, sexy part of you. Every. Single. Day. For one year I thought about you. And now that I’ve had you, you’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you go. Not after I’ve gotten to taste every single inch of that snarky, quirky, sexy body of yours. You have to know you deserve to let someone love you, Jamie Lynn, and that someone’s going to be me. Because you are worth it. You are worth everything to me. So you want truth? That’s me laying it all out for you. I’m coming back for all of you. Every inch.” She felt the tiny hairs behind her neck, where he’d just touched her, prickle, and then a sense of loss when he walked out of her apartment and possibly out of her life.

JL had been through worse. Much worse. She would survive, as she always did. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. He’d laid it all out, and then he’d left. Afterward she broke down, sobbing on her couch until she had to go to work. Because even though it felt like her life was falling apart around her, she still had to go through the motions. Ignoring the pain she felt in her chest, she went to work as planned. The only consolation was that he’d promised to fix things, and that before he left he’d made sure she knew she was loved by him. Something she’d never had before.

“You okay?” Penny asked as they were doing the end-of-the-night routine before closing.

“Yeah. Rough night last night, and this morning wasn’t any better,” she said to Penny.

She looked up and realized that Penny looked even worse than she felt. She’d been unusually quiet lately, and her perfect white skin seemed pasty, with deep-set lines under her eyes that JL hadn’t ever noticed. “Hey, are you okay?”

Penny looked at the counter as she continued to wipe it down. “Fine.”

“You sure? You look tired, Penny.”

“Yeah, I am tired. But, I’m okay,” she replied in a tone that JL hadn’t heard before from the pretty young woman.

“I’ve had a shitty day, Penny. Sit down, please.” Penny hesitated before sitting across from JL. The bar was empty and it was just the two of them. “Tequila?”

Penny hesitated for a moment before nodding. JL poured a shot and slid it to Penny. “You too,” Penny said.

JL exhaled loudly. “Okay, so I’m going to tell you a secret. No one knows, but I’m going to tell you. Then, you’re going to trust me and tell me what’s going on with you.” There wasn’t much room to argue.

“I…uh…,” Penny began.

“No, we’re doing this. I need to get this out, and you need to get your shit out too. It’s eating you up. I can tell. I feel the same way.” Penny was about to say something, but JL cut her off. “I might be pregnant, I’m scared shitless, and the father left town.” It came out in one jumbled run-on sentence.

“Holy shit!” Penny said. “Enzo?”

JL nodded. “Please don’t tell anyone, okay? I want to know for sure whether I’m pregnant before I say anything. But, yeah, I’m a mess.”

“You always seem so together. You come in and practically run the bar. You give everyone advice like you know some big life secret no one else knows. Everyone loves you. I’m kind of shocked.”

“What? That I’m an idiot who forgot to be careful?”

“No, that you’re scared shitless,” Penny admitted.

JL slumped down. “Yeah. I’m scared and I don’t know what’s going to happen with Enzo and I’m pretty much just being a big fat baby.”

“Did it feel better to tell me?”

JL chewed on her lip for a moment. “Yeah, actually it did.”

“Okay, here I go.” Penny downed the shot of tequila. “I have no one I can count on in this town, and…” Penny looked like she was about to break out in sobs. “I need a favor, but I can’t…”

“You can’t what?”

Penny looked around as if she was making sure it was safe. “I can’t lose my job at EE’s and I have to work tomorrow morning and I need some help.”

“Help? What kind of help?” Penny was the worst waitress in the history of waitresses, but she normally had a sunny disposition and was drop-dead gorgeous. What kind of help could she need other than Waitressing 101?

“Can I trust you to please keep it a secret?”

JL was beginning to get worried. “Yeah, I guess.” When she saw Penny’s panicked look, she amended, “Yes, I can absolutely keep it a secret. What do you need?”

“I need a babysitter.”

JL dropped the glass she’d been holding. “Oh, shit. Sorry.”

Penny’s cheeks reddened and her eyes watered further.

“I’m sorry. You shocked me, is all. You have a kid, Penny? How did I not know this? How old is it?”

“She’s not an it,” Penny corrected her as she picked up the broken pieces. “Sarabelle. Her name’s Sarabelle. She’s eleven months.”

“Penny! Oh my God. How is it possible you’ve been here a year—”

“Ten months. I’ve been here since she was about a month old. And no one knows. No one can know. Please, you promised to keep it to yourself. You can’t tell a soul, not even your brother.”

“I already promised. Don’t worry. It’s fine.” She reached out and hugged Penny. It all made sense now. Penny was a struggling single mother of an infant. Holy crap! This was JL’s future if, in fact, she was pregnant. Putting that thought aside, she looked at Penny. “What time do you need me tomorrow?”

“Nine in the morning.”

“I’ll be there. Will you tell me why all the secrecy?”

“Another time, okay? It’s a long story.”

“Yeah, fine. Okay. Another time.”

“Thank you so much for your help. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” Penny said after a long morning.

Sarabelle was exhausting. The golden-haired little cherub was a handful. She’d managed to break the screen of JL’s phone, press a button on the television that did something to it JL couldn’t fix, and when she wasn’t crying, she was pooping or eating. By the time Penny returned at three in the afternoon, JL was too tired to ask any of the million questions she wanted to ask Penny.

Penny had a small one-bedroom apartment in a run-down part of town. An obviously used crib sat in the corner of Penny’s bedroom, and there were toys everywhere. The unusual thing was that Sarabelle’s clothes were all designer labels, her spoons were silver—real honest-to-goodness silver spoons—and some of the knickknacks around the baby’s crib were from Tiffany’s. Something was off. Someone who was working two waitressing jobs couldn’t afford silver spoons and Tiffany knickknacks.

“Anytime, Penny. Really, anytime.” She almost wanted to scream: Solidarity, sister. I’ll be right here on this boat soon enough—maybe. “Who normally watches her?”

“The neighbor, Ms. Hannigan.”

“Raquel Hannigan? She’s like a hundred and twenty-three years old, Penny.”

Penny deflated. “Yeah, I know. But she’s next door, available, and cheap.”

“Well, please consider me cheap and available, ’kay?”

Penny’s eyes brimmed, and she pulled JL into a tight hug. “Thank you so much, Jamie Lynn. Seriously, thank you! How are you feeling? Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Tired, but that’s just because I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ll see you at work tomorrow night—call me if you need me before then.”

“Thank you,” Penny said again before JL left.