Chapter 18

JL woke up in a hospital with an IV connected to her arm.

“JL?”

Slowly she flickered her eyes open to see a completely disheveled Travis sitting by her bed. “You scared the shit out of me!”

“What happened?”

The curtain was pulled aside and Chrissy, Jack’s wife and a doctor, came in. “She’s awake. Travis, mind stepping out for a moment? I need to check her vitals.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Travis leaned down and kissed JL’s forehead. “Glad you’re better, sis. Don’t you ever do that shit to me again, you hear? Love you.”

“Love you better,” she croaked.

Once Travis was out of the room, Chrissy sat on the bed and patted JL’s knee. “So, we ran some blood tests, and you were dehydrated and—”

“Pregnant,” JL finished.

“You knew?”

“Not officially, but…yeah.”

“You had a big loss, JL. Things like that are hard to deal with. I remember how terribly I coped with my father’s death. I don’t know what you plan on doing with the baby or if the father knows, but—”

“I’m keeping it.”

“As I said, I ran some blood tests, and everything seems fine with you and the baby. Do you know how far along you might be?”

“I just missed my period. Maybe four or five weeks along?”

“Too early for an ultrasound, then. Plus, you’re not bleeding or anything. You were dehydrated and stressed,” Chrissy said. “You have another life to think about now. You need to take care of yourself. Even if the grief feels insurmountable you’ve got to think about the baby. Drink plenty of fluids, try to eat, rest, and try to control the stress as much as possible. You need to find yourself an ob-gyn soon, okay? I will give you some recommendations before I discharge you.”

“Okay,” JL said, squeezing Chrissy’s hand. After a pause, she added, “Please don’t say—”

Chrissy shook her head immediately. “Don’t worry. Doctor’s oath and a friend’s word. I won’t tell a soul.”

A few hours later JL was being discharged from the hospital and Travis was helping her into her apartment. “The funeral’s tomorrow. Is there anything special you think I should do or that Mom would’ve wanted?”

“No, I’m sure whatever you did is fine. I’m sorry I left you to do it all by yourself. I know you guys weren’t close, but she was still your mom. You must be hurting too.”

Travis patted the space next to him on her couch. When she sat down next to him, he kissed the top of her head. “I came to terms with Mom a long time ago. You didn’t. I’m sad she’s dead because, shit, she was my mom. But more than that, I’m sad ’cause you’re sad. You’re my twin sister, JL, and when you hurt, I hurt. Don’t worry about me. Don’t be sorry about a thing. Just take care of yourself. You scared me today. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Nerves, I guess. I think I’m going to take a nap. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day,” she said. “I didn’t tell you before because I wanted to make sure she was really sober, but we’d gotten close in the last month. We had dinner a lot and we even went shopping. She was doing so well, Trav,” JL said, unable to control the tears.

“I knew, darlin’.”

“You did? Twin telepathy?”

“No, I saw you at EE’s a few times,” he said with a slight chuckle. “I didn’t want to say anything because you’re a grown woman and I’ve warned you about her enough. I also know how much you’ve always craved a relationship with her. I watched you two from afar and she seemed better than I’d ever seen her. I trusted your judgment to do what you felt was right.”

“And I was wrong,” JL said.

“Were you?” Travis asked. “You had a great month with her. You made amends and you were happy. You got some sort of closure and I…” He cleared his throat. “She died thinking I hated her.”

JL threw her arms around her brother. He was grieving more than she’d realized. “No. We talked about you. She knew how much she screwed up. She didn’t expect forgiveness. She was proud of you and she loved you very much. She knew you didn’t hate her. She knew you were staying away for self-preservation reasons. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t do the what-ifs thing. It’s not worth it and it won’t get you anywhere.”

“Love you, sis. We’re going to be all right, you and I,” Travis said. “We’ve had it tough, but we’re fighters and things will be okay.” It was as if he was trying to convince himself, and it hurt her heart to see her twin brother struggling.

“Of course they will, honey.” She hugged him back. “See you tomorrow, Travis.”

So many thoughts swirled around in her head, but nothing was as prominent as the pregnancy and Enzo. She needed him. Not just because of the baby, but because there was no one else she wanted to be with right now through the tough times that lay ahead. But he hadn’t been back and it had been weeks already. She didn’t want to be with a man just because she was pregnant, but suddenly it felt imperative that he know about the baby. She picked up her phone and rang his number, but he didn’t answer. She sent a simple text: I need you, please call me. Then she dragged herself to her room and slept the rest of the day and well into the early morning.

JL felt totally alone even though everyone she knew was at the funeral. The morning was hot and muggy, as was the norm for Florida, and Enzo had not called her back, which made her nervous and sad. He should’ve been back by now. Hell, he knew that the pregnancy was a real possibility and he hadn’t even asked once about it.

She felt numb, and all she wanted was to get home and hide under the covers. There was nothing anyone could say or do that could make her feel better; only time would make the pain in her chest feel less constricting. She was going through the motions, greeting people as they gathered by the entrance of the small church and listening to everyone’s pleasantries, giving the obligatory awkward smile. She was worried about Travis, who was standing quietly by her side in his black suit and matching Stetson.

As she was about to walk inside the church for the commencement of the service, a cab pulled up. From it emerged Enzo, looking ragged and uncharacteristically disheveled. He handed the driver some money, then looked around until his eyes met hers. He set his luggage to the side and walked in long steps toward her.

She didn’t want to need him. She didn’t want to need anyone, but for some reason seeing him was too much and the dam finally broke. He opened his arms and she threw herself on him, a long deep sob rushing out of her.

“Shh. I’m here, baby,” he said, and she continued to weep. “I’m sorry about your mother, sweetheart.” She cried for what felt like hours as he held her in his arms. When she felt the tears subside a little he led her inside, where everyone had been patiently waiting for her.

JL didn’t remember much about the service. It was very surreal. The only reason so many people were there was to support her and Travis. No one cared much about her mother, which just furthered JL’s sadness. Enzo held her hand throughout the entire service and was her anchor every time she felt herself losing her resolve to stay strong. He didn’t say much, but he didn’t need to. The fact he was there was all she needed.

When the service ended and she was alone with Enzo, she finally asked, “Why are you here?”

“Francesca called and told me about your mother. I tried to call you, but you were in the hospital. I took the first flight out. I just got here.”

“I don’t know why I’m so heartbroken. She was a terrible mother except for the last few weeks, when she seemed to really be trying. She even apologized. Told me she was proud of me and that she loved me.”

He pulled her into his arms. “How could she not be proud of you? You’re an amazing woman, Jamie Lynn. And even if she had her faults, she was still your mother. Of course you’re going to be sad.”

She pointed to the big wet spot by his shoulder. “I’m sorry for ruining your shirt.”

“Not even a thing.”

“Thank you for coming today, Enzo. I know that’s a long flight and you’re—”

“I’m not leaving.” He placed his hand on the small of her back and led her to her car. She wasn’t sure what that meant. Not leaving the funeral? Not leaving Tarpon Springs? What was he not leaving?

Enzo revved up his car and headed toward her apartment. “I texted you every day.”

“I know.”

“I missed you every day.”

“Me too,” she admitted.

“Why didn’t you answer? Are you still mad? I know I screwed up. I don’t know how else to tell you how sorry I am and how much I’ve worked on trying to fix it.”

“Enzo, don’t.” She leaned her head back and looked out the window. Her mother was dead. She’d never see her again. The opportunity to make things better with her mother was over. There would be no tomorrow. There would be no more casseroles and manicure time. There would also not be any more worrying about whether Rita would stay sober this time or whether she would overdose. It was all over, and she was having a hard time reconciling how she felt about everything.

“It’s important that you know,” he told her. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re very different. Maybe I shouldn’t have left, but I needed to fix the mess about the Walls. I don’t want to be the reason why you can’t do the thing you love the most.”

“So this is about absolution? You feel guilty?”

He parked the car and turned it off, then turned to her. “No, it’s just…it’s just that I don’t know if I was able to fix it, Jamie Lynn. I tried but…”

“Stop. Just stop. It doesn’t matter. My mama died. You left. I’m feeling so many things, too many things.” She shook her head and wiped away tears. “I’m pregnant, Enzo. That’s the only thing that matters right now. The only thing you need to know.”

Enzo couldn’t say anything because the ability to put two words together had left him. So many thoughts passed through his mind in that moment. “This is where you say something,” she told him, but he just continued to stare at her, through her, his mind processing things.

The sound of the door closing as she got out of the car snapped him out of his haze. He got out of the car and ran to her. “Damn it. I’m sorry. Just give me a minute.”

She opened the door to her apartment, and he was grateful she didn’t slam it in his face. He closed it behind her and followed her to the kitchen, where she filled a large cup with water and drank it. “Have to keep hydrated,” she said by way of explanation.

“Is that why you were in the hospital? Dehydration?”

“Yeah. Stress. Dehydration.”

“Are you okay, Jamie Lynn? When Frances told me you were in the hospital I went crazy with worry, and then when I heard about your mother…”

“Yes, I’m fine. The baby’s fine. I have to make an appointment with the ob-gyn at some point soon, though.”

“I didn’t ask sooner because I didn’t know how to ask. We were in a bad place, but you have to know I was thinking about it. I would never have abandoned you or the baby. I thought I made that clear before I left.”

“I know that. It’s fine. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure about the pregnancy until yesterday when I was in the hospital.” She pulled up a chair and sat down, and he followed suit, bringing the chair close to her but careful not to touch her. He wasn’t sure where they stood.

“Jamie Lynn, I’m so sorry about your mom. Is there anything you need?” he said, and she shook her head. “And the baby…?”

Her eyes widened incredulously. “I’m keeping him!” Her hands went protectively around her flat belly, and his heart swelled. This woman—his woman—was going to be such a great mother. “You don’t have to be involved if you don’t want to, but I’m not giving him up.”

He reached for her hand and kissed the top of her knuckles. “I didn’t mean that, sweetheart. I meant, is there anything you need right now? I will be involved in his or her life, and yours too. But you mentioned that you’ve been tired. I can help. Maybe you can take some time off work and—”

“No. I’m fine, Enzo. People get pregnant all the time. I’m not sick.” She yawned. “I am tired, though. It’s been a very long day.”

“Have you had an ultrasound? You keep saying ‘him.’ I thought it was too early.”

“It is too early for an ultrasound. But it’s a boy. I feel it.” She yawned again.

“I don’t want to leave just yet. I feel like we have so much to say,” he said.

“Do we? My mom died. I’m pregnant. I’m keeping him. Nothing else, really,” she replied with another yawn. He stood and pulled her up and walked her to her room.

“There’s so much more to talk about, Jamie Lynn. But rest now. We’ll talk later.”

Enzo paced around her house in a slight state of panic. Never had he felt so lost and out of control. On one hand, he knew without a doubt that he was in love with Jamie Lynn, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to marry a woman just because she was pregnant. He didn’t want her to feel trapped into being with him. But it was taking everything he had not to pack her up and move her in with him and never let her go. His parents were cold toward each other. He’d had a marriage that had essentially been one of convenience. People in his life were proper and practical. They thought things out and made decisions based on what society dictated as being correct.

Jamie Lynn wasn’t like that at all. She said whatever was on her mind, not caring whether it was rude or proper, because everything she said and did came from an organic place. It didn’t come from a place where logic and sensibility ruled. It came from her heart and was said or done because it was something she felt deeply. She was mindful of others’ feelings and treated everyone as if they were special. She was also selfless and kind, and these were all traits he wanted for his child.

But she had been hurt before and there was a fortress around her heart. She could love others openly but had trouble letting others love her. She was independent and a survivor in the truest sense of the word. She didn’t need him, and that was what scared him most. He needed to make her understand that while she might not need him, she did, in fact, want him. She had to want him, because, damn, he wanted this baby with her. He wanted so many things with her.

He made a call to his office to see if there had been any changes on the proposals for the Design District, but there had been no news.

The restless energy was killing him. He unloaded her dishwasher, then cleaned up the kitchen. When he was done with that, he began to organize all the paints and canvases in her spare room because he didn’t know what the hell else to do. He even sat with Bird and tried to pet it, only to find that Bird didn’t want anything to do with him, making it known by letting loose a tirade of curses.

The only thing Enzo did know, without a doubt, was that he was not ready to leave Jamie Lynn alone. Not now. Not ever again.