Chapter 10
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Shayne’s heart was still pounding like it was trapped in her chest, banging to get out as she and Evan reached the base of the mountain. She was shaky, unsteady, and all she wanted to do was throw herself back into Evan’s arms.
She understood that the physiological reaction she was having was adrenaline that was still racing through her. She could rationalize and accept that. Her emotional response was just as easily explained but not quite as easy for her to admit. She’d gone into full hero-worship mode. Evan had saved her and she was doing everything she could not to swoon.
It was odd since the last thing she ever wanted to be was a damsel in distress. She was all independent woman, all the time. She’d learned the hard way that the only way to survive was to depend on herself. She never had and never would need anyone.
Yet, despite her aversion to ever playing Jane to anyone’s Tarzan, she had to admit the experience was not without its charms.
Her limbs hadn’t stopped trembling since Evan had pulled her on top of him. She knew it had to be attributed to what she was mentally referring to as her hormonal Triple-A: Adrenaline. Attraction. Arousal. It was a potent combination.
Evan Bishop had her mind and body spinning like an Olympic figure skater going for the gold, and she wasn’t sure where the toe pick was or how to use it. No one had ever put her so off balance. He was, in a word, overwhelming in the most delicious way.
The entire hike had been a test of her willpower. Partly because of the topography. But the most significant challenge she’d faced on the mountain was the temptation to flirt with Evan, to brush up against him just to feel his sculpted muscles, and to blurt out the way he made her feel when he looked at her. When the group had been a foursome, it was easier to avoid her inappropriate impulses, but once Kyle and Rob had continued on without them, it had been nearly impossible to ignore.
She’d thought that was as difficult as it could get but then their fall happened. Once she felt his body beneath hers, all bets were off.
After being on the receiving end of his bionic reflexes, her entire body had instinctively melted into his solid strength. When Evan held her in his arms, the feeling of their bodies pressed together was the most confusing combination of safety and danger. Safety because she inherently knew that he’d do anything to protect her physically. Dangerous, because she inherently knew that he could easily destroy her emotionally.
And the worst part was, she had no clue what he was feeling. Every time she thought she had a read on him, he would completely change directions.
When she was on top of him, she was sure that he was going to kiss her. But instead, a curtain lowered over his eyes, his nostrils flared, and he looked away, breaking their connection and making him feel like a total stranger to her.
When she’d stepped away from him and thanked him for saving her, she’d expected him to gloss over the event and go on as if nothing had transpired between them, but instead, he reignited the spark between them by making a smartass remark.
She was sure that the ice had officially been cracked between them and she’d assumed that they would talk the rest of the way down the mountain. Instead it had been radio silence. Now the hike was over, and she still had no idea what, if anything, was happening between them.
The sun was rising in the sky as they stepped out from the vast, pined forest into the clearing where Ruby had dropped her off. It was deserted. There was no sign of Kyle, Rob, or their SUV. The only vehicle there was a small, lone car parked at the far end. She hadn’t noticed it when she’d arrived and assumed that it must belong to other hikers.
“Was Kyle supposed to give you a ride?” she asked, making small talk since she wasn’t sure what else to do.
“No.”
Evan’s deep voice vibrated through her. It set off her memories of how she’d felt the low vibrato through the layers of clothing that had separated them when she’d lain plastered on top of him. The sensation had reverberated through her from head to toe. The epicenter had been where their chests were crushed together and it spread like wildfire, covering her entire body from the inside out. She blushed at the memory.
Hoping that he didn’t notice the flush that rose on her cheeks, she pulled out her phone and prayed that she’d have reception.
She didn’t.
“Shoot,” she murmured under her breath.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you need a ride?” he asked.
“No. That’s okay.” She’d just hiked for miles up and down a steep mountainside, she could walk down a paved road to find reception. Keeping her phone in her hand, she shifted toward Evan. “Thanks again. For everything.”
He remained silent.
This man was as frustrating as he was enticing.
At a loss for what else to say or do, she waved as she sighed, “Okay, well…see ya later.”
“Where are you going?” He asked before she’d taken two steps away from him.
She glanced over her shoulder. “I don’t have reception here.”
He mumbled something that she couldn’t make out as he walked past her to the tiny car at the far end of the clearing and opened the passenger side door.
Her brow furrowed as she stared at him. He was apparently insisting that he give her a ride, but he didn’t look happy about it. Once again, she couldn’t get a read on him.
“It’s a rental,” he practically growled.
That wasn’t the question she’d been pondering, but it did make sense. “Oh. Okay.”
“Let me give you a ride.”
She had the feeling he was telling her more than asking, which usually wouldn’t sit well with her, but for some reason with Evan, she didn’t mind.
“Okay,” she agreed readily as she walked toward him.
The thought of spending more time with this enigma of a man was one that she was not about to pass up. Plus, she had zero desire to walk on her noodle legs in search of a signal.
Before she got in the car, she slipped the weighted backpack off her shoulders and moaned at the blissful relief. Evan, who was still standing beside the passenger door, took the pack from her before waiting for her to get in and then shutting the door. He then went to the back and placed both of their packs in the trunk.
Opening and shutting the door for her, and storing her backpack, were innocuous gestures in and of themselves. But with her brain in hero mode they seemed as chivalrous as him riding up on a horse to slay a dragon. She was being ridiculous. She knew that, yet still, her insides were mush.
She was beginning to wonder if this is what everyone went through when they were attracted to someone. If so, when did it go away? How did they get it out of their systems?
Her questions remained unanswered as Evan joined her in the car. On the hike, he’d been the epitome of agility. Which was an odd thing to say about a man of his size. But watching him squeeze into the front seat was anything but graceful.
When he finally shut the door and managed to get his seatbelt on, she noticed that his head brushed the roof, his thighs touched the steering wheel, his left shoulder was pressed up against the driver’s side window, and his right arm spilled over the console. He reminded her of Clifford the Big Red Dog when he’d tried to fit into an average-sized dog house.
Her lips turned up at the comic sight. But very quickly that amusement evaporated when he looked over his shoulder to pull out onto the road, and she caught a glimpse of his neck. Specifically, a sexy muscle that ran up his neck. The urge to lean forward and press her lips to it before running her tongue along it was so intense she whipped her head forward and pressed back into the seat.
He brought out predatory instincts in her that she never even knew she had. It was more than a little disconcerting. Her head was shaking back and forth in horror as she forced herself to keep her eyes, lips, and tongue to herself.
If he noticed her strange behavior, he didn’t mention it. They drove down the mountain in total silence. In an attempt to recover from her ridiculous impulse, she instead focused on the majestic scenery before them.
Growing up, Shayne had always gravitated toward nature. Things like sunrises, sunsets, ocean, and mountains were visible reminders to her that whatever problems she had and however big they seemed, they were insignificant in the grand scheme of things. She’d continued to hold those things in high regard as her career took off. They kept her grounded and balanced. Two things she wished she felt now.
“It’s so beautiful,” she spoke in quiet reverence.
Shayne was so captivated by the yellow, orange, blue, and purple lighting up the clouds that she didn’t notice the sharp right turn until it was too late to brace herself. That resulted in her sliding a few inches to the left. Just like when she’d slipped by the boulder, Evan’s arm was there to brace her. He reached across her body, and she was immediately secured.
And just like that a hero-worshipping-swoon blossomed in her before she could stop it. It was becoming quite a theme.
“Are you okay?”
She kept her focus forward and nodded her head, not trusting herself to form one word or even look in his direction.
He removed his arm, and the second it was gone, disappointment sank into her at the loss of contact.
The silence that had been comfortable between them on the hike now seemed stifling. Her mind was driving her crazy as it imagined all the things she wanted to do with her hands, lips, and mouth.
Not able to take it anymore, she said, “You don’t talk a lot, do you?”
Then, taking a walk on the wild side, she glanced in his direction for a clue as to what he might be feeling or thinking. She came up short.
“I do.” His expression was unreadable, but she did notice his hands tighten on the steering wheel. “When I have something to say.”
“Most people I meet have a lot to say.” More times than she could count she’d had to pretend to be interested in what someone was saying. The opposite was true with Evan. She had to pretend not to be interested in him, and he wasn’t saying anything.
“Or maybe, the people you meet just like to hear themselves talk.”
Her heart jumped for joy that he was actually speaking in full sentences. The entire hike he hadn’t strung more than five words together.
Hoping to continue this dialogue, she quickly agreed, “That’s true.”
Then her mind went blank. She couldn’t think of one clever or even not so clever thing to follow up with. She was the Beethoven of Conversations. She was the Queen B of Banter. But around Brawny Man she could barely form a thought.
After several moments of unsettling silence, she blurted out, “I met your cousin yesterday. Deanna. She’s amazing.”
He grinned, and Shayne noticed that his shoulders relaxed slightly. “She is.”
Family was not a sore subject with him. Or at least Deanna wasn’t. Good to know. She made a mental note.
“She said that you have three brothers and one of them is a firefighter here.”
“Yep. Eli.”
She waited a few seconds for him to elaborate. He didn’t. She thought about trying to come up with another follow-up but decided to take him at his word. If he had something to say, he would. So instead of pushing a conversation he apparently didn’t want to have, she settled back into her seat.
“Do you have brothers or sisters?” he asked, shocking her more than the ending of Sixth Sense had.
The question made her heart pound and not for the reason it usually did. In the five years that she’d been in the public eye, she couldn’t count the number of times that she’d been asked about her family. She’d never answered honestly. She made no secret of the fact that she grew up in foster care, but she’d never told anyone about Benji. The only people that knew about him were Nolan and Ruby.
“I have a brother, but I haven’t seen him in eighteen years.” Her voice shook as she made the personal admission.
Evan glanced over at her, and she saw genuine concern in his eyes, but he didn’t push her for more answers, which would’ve made her shut down. He didn’t ask her if she was okay, which would’ve made her cover up what she was really feeling. He didn’t say anything, and for some strange reason, that made her want to tell him more.
Without thinking it through, or taking into consideration the fact that the man beside her may not even care, she opened her mouth and words poured out. “We lived with my grandmother until she passed away. Benji was one, and I was six at the time. We became wards of the state and were separated. For years, I didn’t know what happened to him, but then I found out that he was adopted shortly after we went into the system. It was a closed adoption. My plan had always been to find him once he turned eighteen but he’s nineteen now, and I still haven’t.”
Saying things that she’d never been able to tell, even Ruby or Nolan, was surprisingly freeing. It made her feel lighter, much like removing the weighted backpack had.
For several seconds he didn’t respond but then he asked, “Why haven’t you found him?”
Tears filled her bottom lids and a nervous laugh escaped her as anxiety bubbled up in her like a washing machine filled with dishwashing detergent. “I don’t even know if he knows he’s adopted. If he does, would he even want anything to do with his biological family. And if so, how would he feel about that family consisting only of me.
“My life is a circus. What kind of a person would subject someone to that? I don’t want to force myself into someone’s life that might not even know I exist or have any desire to.”
“The circus that is around you is not you. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives.”
In her opinion, words were cheap. Actions were what mattered. Sticks and stones and all that. Anyone could say anything, but the only thing that ever affected her was what they did. But Evan’s words were different. They mattered. They held weight and made her feel special. Important. Seen. His words hit her right in the solar plexus, and the wind was knocked out of her for the second time that day.
Breathe. She heard his voice in her head. Slow, deep breaths.
Her cheek tingled with awareness, the way it did when someone was watching her. She sliced her eyes to the left where she saw that Evan was concentrated on the road ahead of them. It was the strangest thing.
As they drove back into town, she inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, just like on the mountain. This was the first time someone had honest to god taken her breath away. As her gaze cut back to Evan…she had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last.