Chapter 23
‡
Shayne’s entire body was shaking as she stood a few yards away from the cabin. There was a light on inside and she knew that Evan was there. Her palms were damp and she wiped them on the high waist of her skirt.
Two hours had passed since Evan had come out on the patio at the restaurant and declared his love for her. She’d thought that the most romantic thing she’d ever heard was that she wasn’t out of his system, but hearing that she was his home might’ve just taken the cake. And he loved her, so there was also that.
As much as his words meant to her, she wasn’t sure it changed anything. The past few days had given her some time to find clarity. As much as she wished things were different, she just didn’t see much of a future for the two of them.
Did she love him? Yes. Was she happy that he loved her? Yes. But what did that mean in the real world?
She might play make-believe for her job, but in real life she was practical. If love hadn’t been enough for Evan and Noelle to work, with the solid foundation they’d built from years of being in each other’s lives, how in the world could it be enough after a whirlwind romance?
Tomorrow night, she’d be in Los Angeles. Evan would be heading up to Humboldt County with his crew to help with the wildfire. And then that one would end and he’d be on to his next location, and so would she.
Sure, they could talk on the phone. Facetime. But what kind of future was that, really?
Her phone buzzed and it made her jump. She quickly grabbed it from in her purse.
It was a text from Nolan.
Stop stalling.
She smiled at how well her friend knew her.
After Evan left the patio Nolan had gone out to make sure she was okay. Since Ruby had gone back the day before to be with Ty, leaving Nolan to handle sounding board duties all alone. She’d downloaded everything that Evan had said to her, told Nolan that she loved Evan but because they didn’t have a future she thought it was better to leave things how they were. He hadn’t missed a beat and said that she’d never been a coward before and it was not a cute look on her.
He had such an amazing way of cutting through the bullshit and getting right to the heart of the matter.
She was stalling.
She took a deep breath, walked up to the door, and knocked.
When it opened, Evan stood in front of her wearing the same black slacks and white button up shirt from the wrap party. But now his shirt was untucked, his tie was gone, his sleeves were rolled up, and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. He looked…hot.
“Hi.” The low vibration of his deep voice radiated through her.
“Hi.” She lifted her eyes to his as she walked past him into the cabin and it was all she could do not to throw herself into his arms and forget all of the mature, rational, not-emotion-based conclusions that she’d come to over the past few days. Somehow, she kept a level head.
“I came by because I wanted to talk to you before I leave.”
He closed the door and turned back to face her. “Okay.”
“First, I wanted to say that I’m not mad at you for finding Benji. Your timing could’ve been better, but thank you for doing that. I have watched all of his videos and just seeing that he’s doing well and is happy has filled this empty void that I’ve always had. I don’t know if I ever would’ve been brave enough to find him on my own, so again, thank you.”
He nodded but remained silent.
She grinned. He was back to being a man of few words. “Also, I wanted to thank you for telling me how you felt. I know that’s not easy for you and it means so much to me that you did, but…”
“There’s a but?” he questioned.
“There is. I just don’t think it would be a good idea for us to kid ourselves into thinking that there’s a future for us. What we’ve had for these past few weeks has been amazing and I don’t want to ruin it by dragging it into the real world—”
“This isn’t the real world?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Sets are suspended reality. It’s like being at summer camp. I can’t tell you how many actors I’ve known that started a relationship on location that crashed and burned in the real world.”
“I’m not an actor.”
“I know but, I’m saying that I don’t want to ruin this. I’ve hated the sick feeling that’s been in my stomach for the past few days that things have been strained between us. I don’t want to feel that anymore.”
“I don’t either.” He took a step toward her.
“Evan, what I’m trying to say is…” He was so close. She could see the ridges of his biceps through the thin cotton shirt, she could smell the woodsy, clean scent of his cologne, she could feel the heat of his body. All of her senses were being hit at once and it was causing her brain to short-circuit. She walked toward the fireplace and tried to focus on the flames as she gathered her thoughts. “Love isn’t always enough. We would never see each other, which might sound doable now but what about in three months from now, or a yea—”
Her words were cut short by Evan’s strong hands on her upper arms, spinning her around to face him. The suddenness of the movement and the strength in his grip caught her off guard.
“Do you love me?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matte—”
“Of course it matters. It’s love. Do you love me?”
He made a good point. “Yes, but—”
“Say it,” he commanded roughly.
“What?”
“Say it.”
His stare was locked with hers, holding her captive.
“I love you.”
He closed his eyes and exhaled. “Say it again.”
Not able to resist the temptation any longer, she stepped forward into the warm circle of Evan’s arms and closed her eyes as he wrapped them around her, encircling her trembling form in the strength, comfort, and safety that his muscles provided.
“I love you,” she sighed and leaned her head against his chest. God, there was nothing in the world like being held by Evan. Every time he held his arms out to her and she stepped into them, it felt like…well, it felt like exactly what he’d said she was to him, like home.
She tilted her head up, craving the connection that they had when they looked at each other. He was looking down at her and she saw the same hunger that was building in her, reflected in his eyes.
“Stay with me. Tonight.” There was a finality in his request. He was asking for one more night with her.
They may not be able to have forever, but they could have tonight. And that was something she could give him.
She lifted up on the balls of her feet and pressed her lips softly to his. Kissing Evan was every bit as mind-blowing on the hundredth time as it had been the first, and she was pretty damn sure that—if she’d been allowed to keep doing it throughout their lives—it would pack the same punch on the thousandth and the millionth.
She started to feel the melancholy pulling at her but she shoved it down.
Tonight she was going to live in the moment, and at the moment her body was pressed against Evan and their tongues were tangled together, and she could feel the heat radiating out from his skin.
This moment was perfect. And she was going to enjoy it.
Shayne lifted her hands and anchored herself on his shoulders. As her fingers brushed along his muscular masterpiece, she felt the rippling under his skin that told her that her touch was having just as much of an effect on him as his had on her.
She couldn’t take it any longer. She needed to be naked, and so did he.
With trembling fingers, she undid the buttons on his shirt one by one, as fast as she could with movements made clumsy by arousal. She felt like a kid at Christmas, tearing at the bright packaging that hid the true gift inside.
With each opened button, new territories of his chest were exposed to her. The rippling and twitching packs that had turned her on so much every time she’d seen them had the same effect on her now. Her core tightened and it sent an aching through her lower belly that drifted down between her legs like ice cream slowly melting over the side of its cone.
When she had finally undone every button, she was able to separate it completely and push it down off of his shoulders and arms, wadding it up and throwing it off to the side in a sassy little production that made him laugh.
Heat flared in her belly. She loved making him laugh. She loved making him happy, in any capacity. But most of all, she loved the way he looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
She let her fingers run along the ridges of his abs and he groaned, his whole body exuding an animal hunger that made her throb between her legs. His hands shot out and grasped the lower hem of her shirt and quickly whipped it up over her head. The movement caused her hair to drift slowly down to her shoulders with a featherlight touch that sent tingles running down her spine.
Holy hotness. Those moments when he took control made her entire body flare with arousal. She closed her eyes, letting the force of it wash over her. She wanted nothing more than to surrender herself completely and let him do with her what he would.
“I want to take you standing up, from behind. The first time,” he teased in a raw voice that told her exactly how close to the edge he was, as well.
With that, he moved his hands quickly back to her waist and spun her around so that she was facing the counter of the small kitchenette. Her palms instinctively slapped down onto the granite surface of the countertop, which felt as cold as ice in contrast to her burning hot skin.
She heard a wrestling fabric sound, and a ripping sound. When her brain put those two together, her body inflamed with the knowledge that the foreplay was over. He was just going to push up her skirt, yank off her panties, and plunge inside of her with no more lead up. It turned her on so much that she wondered if the anticipation might be even hotter than the act itself.
Two seconds later, when her skirt was up around her waist and her panties down around her ankles, she felt his steel-hard manhood push into her with one massive thrust and she bit back a cry of pleasure.
Her inner walls tightened around his thick shaft as he pumped into her again and again. Her hands tried to grip the flat surface of the countertop, but they kept sliding. The roughness of it, the lack of choreography, the desperation of it all added to the erotic experience.
Evan’s strong hands dug into her hips as he pulled her back against him again and again. The rhythmic sound of their flesh slapping together each time he entered her was the perfect soundtrack and she drank it in as it hit her ears over and over.
She was so lost in the sensations and the sounds that she was barely aware when one of his hands slid up the side of her torso. His fingers smoothly slipped under the bottom underwire of her bra, pushing the lacy garment up over both of her breasts. Her newly freed breasts bounced rhythmically as he continued to pump in and out of her. The cool breeze running over her stiff nipples made them achy and hard.
Evan moved his rough palm back and forth between her two hard, sensitive nipples, tweaking them again and again, increasing her pleasure with each movement, each instant of friction between his rough skin and her sensitive nubs.
He rolled them under his calloused skin, never breaking the rhythm he’d established. He pounded in and out of her with a steady determination that stoked her lust like nothing else.
Between the explosion of pleasure from his erection and the smaller bursts of bliss from his manipulation of her nipples, her body felt as if it were about to come apart.
She thought her nerve endings had been pushed just about as far as they could go, when he slipped his hand away from her nipples, moved it down her torso, and slid it between her legs. She had been naive. Her body was only beginning to push the envelope to the outer edges of pleasure. Evan was the only one that could take her to her real limits.
Evan moved his fingertips in maddeningly light circles over the sensitive nerve endings designed to give her the ultimate pleasure. She tried to grind her hips into him with more force, but she was barely able to gain traction. He was too tall and she was already up on her tiptoes. She started to get frustrated until she realized that her being at Evan’s mercy was intentional.
He would take her right to the brink of oblivion and then back off several times before it all proved to be too much, and before she really knew what was happening, she exploded in a powerful climax that she was unable to control.
As her inner walls clamped down tight and she pressed her hips back into Evan as hard as she could, a strangled cry escaped from the back of her throat.
When the buffeting waves of ecstasy finally slowed and died down completely, she collapsed on the cold surface, barely even noticing the way the freezing granite chilled her sweaty, hot skin. With what little strength she still possessed, she looked back at Evan over her shoulder. He was so good looking, staring down at her with those deep brown eyes and that chiseled jaw.
“Did you…?” Her voice trailed off before she could finish the question.
He smiled. “No. I’m not done with you yet.”
Her heart crumpled, as the words “I’m not done with you yet” hit her ears. She knew that he only meant this encounter. The phrase didn’t have a double meaning, but it was still devastating to hear those words coming out of his mouth.
He grinned and brushed her hair back from her forehead. “I think it’s time to move this party to the bed.”
That was what she was going to miss the most. The small, tender touches. The way he always made her feel special and adored. Sadness flared in her and it took her a moment to catch her breath. As soon as she was able, she managed to smile and say, “Sounds good to me.”
*
Evan lifted Shayne and crossed the room to the bed with her in his arms. His heart swelled as she lay her head against his chest. She loved him and he loved her. The rest they’d have to figure out, or not. But at least he knew they loved each other. At least he had that.
He saw the conviction that she’d had in her eyes and he’d had to make a decision. She truly believed that if they continued their relationship it would ruin what they shared. But she’d given him tonight. He couldn’t control the future, but he could influence how she remembered them. He didn’t want her to think of him and remember the drama of the last few days. He didn’t want her parting memory to be an argument about whether or not they could work.
He wasn’t going to push her. Even if everything inside of him screamed that he was crazy. Even if all he wanted to do was set her down on the bed, kneel in front of her, look into her eyes, and beg her to give them a chance.
He would lay her down on the bed, push down his emotions and concentrate on his carnal instincts, and give her a night to remember him by. One she wouldn’t forget.
A soft sigh fell from her lips as he lowered her onto the mattress as gently as he could. He stroked her hair back from her forehead and she closed her eyes, angling her head so that it was pressed more firmly against his hand. He leaned down as he cupped her face and captured her mouth with his, pouring every ounce of love he had into their kiss as his hands roamed over her body.
His fingers wandered over the tantalizing landscape of her skin. With measured precision, he removed every article of clothing until Shayne was laid out before him, completely naked and exposed. Then he stood and appreciated the beautiful vista that she presented. He let his eyes memorize every dip, every curve, every freckle as his eyes drank her in.
She opened her eyes as he studied her and turned a gaze on his body that was every bit as hungry and appraising as the one he was raking over hers. His cock twitched as her eyes shamelessly studied it. It was clear by the way she looked at him, and especially that part of him, that she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her.
She reached out and gripped his steel shaft, still covered in latex, in her warm hand. As her fingers wrapped around it, he groaned and threw his head back. Every one of his nerve endings was snapping with electricity.
He couldn’t control the way that every muscle in his body clenched and trembled as she increased the pressure of her hand and rolled off the protection. Then she moved her hand up and down his length, careful to spend extra time at his sensitive head. She massaged her palm around him, drawing out sensations that he’d never even imagined.
It was so hot to watch her touch him. He thought that he couldn’t take it for one more minute, that he was surely about to explode all over her naked breasts right in front of him. But then she changed tactics.
She sat up a bit and leaned forward on her elbow and touched her lips lightly to his tip. Her eyes lifted and locked with his as her gorgeous lips stretched tight over his girth. He felt the wet, slickness of her tongue slipping out of her sweet mouth and circling the head of his dick. He watched as her beautiful head bobbed up and down on his dick while her wide, innocent eyes looked up into his.
She moved her head down to cover his shaft entirely with her mouth, forming a tight seal with her lips, one that was never broken, even as her lips approached the base of his shaft. She swirled her tongue against his member within the confines of that tight seal, applying enough suction so that he felt his already engorged flesh stiffen even more.
Fuck, he wanted to be inside of her again so badly. But he would be patient. He was not going to rush tonight. No matter how much his body was screaming.
With each hot pass of her tongue, she’d apply more delicious suction as she moved up and down his length. She repeated that same routine again and again, moving faster and faster as the rhythm progressed.
As much as it pained him to do it, Evan planted his hands firmly on Shayne’s shoulders and then pulled back from her hot, delicious mouth. As soon as he did, he felt the absence keenly, like something precious was being wrenched away.
He leaned over and grabbed another condom, from his discarded pants, ripping open the package and rolling it onto himself.
A seductive smile curled on her swollen lips as he climbed up on the bed, reveling in the way her eyes flared open and her skin flushed in anticipation of what was about to happen. He loved seeing the physical evidence of her anticipation. It told him the true story about what she felt. No amount of acting could cover up or enhance them, and when he saw her nipples harden, or tasted her sweet arousal, or saw gooseflesh rise on the surface of her skin, there was only one conclusion: she wanted him.
He pushed her knees apart and knelt between them. He leaned forward so that his torso pushed her thighs apart even further, leaving her fully spread out and exposed to him. He glanced down and caught a glimpse of her glistening sex, coated in the juices of her arousal, and his rock-hard length twitched at the sight.
Instead of positioning himself at her opening, he opted to take her by surprise. It had become his goal in life to see those gorgeous eyes flare with lust and shock when he did something outside of the regular playbook. It was almost like a game to him. How many times could he induce a lust-flare in those eyes during one session? Every single time they made love, he felt his competitive side fire up, urging him to outstrip the last total.
He grabbed one of her wrists firmly and pulled it quickly up above her head. He held it there and felt her tug halfheartedly, squirming to see if she could easily free herself. He made sure that she couldn’t.
He lifted the other wrist above her to join the first, and pinned them both there, grasped together in just one of his hands. She was so petite, her wrists so delicate, that it wasn’t difficult.
After a few more tugs and squirms, she held still underneath him. As the realization that he was holding her dawned on her, that eye flare that he loved so much appeared before him. He smiled. “You like being tied up, don’t you?”
She nodded, her breath coming in rapid, visceral pants. “Are you going to tie me up?”
He chuckled, but his throat was so raspy and constricted that it came out more like a groan. “I’m the ties.”
She let out a sound that might’ve been a moan, but might’ve been a scream, and then croaked, “Yes…oh, yes, yes…”
With that, he drove into her willing opening and pounded her again and again. His throbbing rod totally enveloped in her silken walls, stretching them out as she whimpered and bucked underneath him.
Through it all, he never let up on the pressure he was exerting on her wrists.
He paid close attention to her body language. When her hips began bucking against him, he sped up his pace. When the muscles in her inner thighs began shaking, he thrust deeper. When her tight passage began milking him, he maintained the rhythm he’d set.
Stars were bursting behind his closed lids when her body clenched so tight he could barely move and she gasped a final, “Yes!”
That was all he needed to send him reeling over the edge. He released his hold on her wrists rested on his elbows as he gave one last, powerful thrust and held himself there, buried in her up to the hilt as he lost himself to his spasming climax.
As the overwhelming sensations began to subside, he felt Shayne’s face snuggled against his neck as her arms were now wrapped tightly around him. He started to move off of her but she pulled him even closer.
“Stay. Please. Just stay.”
He was still trying to catch his breath as his upper body collapsed onto his elbows and he ran his fingers through her hair.
If she wanted him to stay, he’d stay. He’d do anything for her. If she walked away from him, knowing that he loved her, then he’d let her go.
But, until then, he planned on doing everything in his power not to let that happen.