On Thanksgiving Day, Aiden and I make love first in bed when we wake up. Then again in the shower. While we are dressing, I tell him of the tradition we had in the Moore family. After the turkey was set on the table, before Dad carved, we would each say what we were thankful for that year. “I would like for us to carry on the tradition. Do you think your parents would be okay with doing that?”
“I know they would love the idea. It’ll be our way of having your family here with us.”
Downstairs, everyone is enjoying themselves. We decided to eat at one o’clock so we could be done in time to relax and watch the game. Aiden brings up the idea of everyone saying what they’re thankful for, explaining how it had been a tradition in my family. Shannon says, “Oh yeah, I remember doing this every year with them.”
As head of the family, Johnny Sr. goes first. “It goes without saying that the one thing I am most grateful for is my loving wife and children. You all are what make each day matter for me.”
Next is Mama Analisa. “There are many things in life that I am grateful for. First and foremost, my kids and husband. Now I am just as grateful that my two sons have found the kind of love that Papa and I share.”
Aiden stands. Watching him, I can’t help but see how proud he is of the people here in this room. “You all know how much family means to me.” He looks at Papa and Mama. “You are the best parents I could have ever asked for.” He then directs his attention to me. “Now I am even more blessed that the heavens have brought me such a beautiful, loving woman as you, Alexis.” Needless to say, I can feel a lump in my throat. I push it down.
Johnny says, “I will not stand, but yes, I too feel thankful for my family. I am also very thankful that I came to New York because this is where I met this gorgeous angel, Shannon.”
It’s my turn. My chest feels tight and happy at the same time. I tell myself not to cry. “I feel blessed to have had the family I did. Now I thank God every night and day for bringing Aiden into my life. To have all of you as a family now. To have given me my best friend in the world, Shannon.” Aiden looks at me and squeezes my hand.
“Like everyone here, I am grateful for my family,” Shannon says. “For Johnny, who I am so in love with.” She turns to him. “Sweetheart, you are the best. I love you.” Returning her attention to everyone else again, she says, “I am grateful to have such wonderful people in my life. To my new family, the Steffans.”
“Wow, my turn now.” Ysabel is the spunky one of the family, never holding back on what she wants to say or do. “I could say that I am grateful for having a chance to come to New York and do loads of shopping. Believe that is all true.” Aiden and Johnny grin and shake their heads. She holds up her hand. “Let me finish. As I said, that would be true, but the one thing I am most grateful for is my family. I wouldn’t have you all any other way. For my two new sisters.” She shoulder bumps Gianni. “It’s your turn.”
“I want to say that I am blessed to have had the chance to spend this holiday with the girl I am falling in love with.” He looks at Ysabel. “It’s true. I am falling in love with you.” He faces us all again. “I am also very happy and grateful to have you all in my life now.”
The table looks beautiful. All the women helped Ms. Miller. I didn’t want her making everything by herself. I also have her sit with us. When she starts to say no, I tell her that I won’t take no for an answer. We have a full table, nine of us seated around it. Aiden has made sure that one of the pictures I have of my family is at a corner table for everyone to see. Every time he does something like this, it reminds me of why I love him.
After dinner and dessert, the men go to the family room while the women clear off the table, wash all the dishes, and put the leftovers away.
Soon after we join our husbands and boyfriends, Aiden turns on the TV set. This year it’s the Patriots and the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. Of course, Shannon and I are going for the Seattle Seahawks—that’s a no-brainer. I’m wearing my jersey. Aiden says he’ll cheer for whoever I want to win. Johnny teases him about it. My new in-laws have never really watched football before, but they’re still gearing up to watch it. Analisa says they will enjoy an American tradition for their new daughter-in-law.
During the whole game, we cheer and boo. Shannon and I are sitting closest to the TV set. Ysabel laughs at us, asking if we get this excited about every game we watch. Sadly, our team ends up losing the game. All in all, though, the day is a great one. After finishing a few more bottles of wine and another helping of dessert, we say goodnight to Johnny Jr. and Shannon. Going up to our room, we undress each other and climb into bed. “Thank you for making sure that my family was with us today.” Snuggling up into his chest, I fall asleep.
***
In the middle of the night, I’m awakened by the pain. My head feels like it is going to explode. Not wanting to alarm Aiden, I get out of bed as quietly as I can. As I’m walking to the bathroom, my nose starts to bleed. And then I have to run because I start to bleed from my mouth.
Turning on the water in the sink, I rinse out my mouth and nose. The pain is so bad, I want to scream. If I do, Aiden will want to take me to the hospital. I quietly and slowly slide down to the floor, all the while holding my head with both hands.
It feels like someone is touching my arms. I don’t know if I’m going crazy, but I’m hearing voices. They seem to be calling my name. What is happening to me?
I grab a small towel, wet it with warm water, and lay it across my forehead. Then I open the medicine cabinet and take a couple of the pain meds Dr. Shaw gave me. I tiptoe back to bed. Lying down, I rub my temples and pray for the pain to go away.
After tossing and turning the whole night, eventually I notice that daylight is breaking. The pain is finally easing a bit. I’ll just tell Aiden that I had a restless night and I’m going to sleep late today. I can’t let him know what happened. We are due to leave on Monday. Aiden was so excited when I told him Wednesday after work. If I tell him about my episode now, he’ll postpone the trip. I won’t take this away from him.
I close my eyes and sleep takes over.
What?
“Erik, where are you? I can’t find you. Mom, is that you?” There are drops of water on my arm. I feel someone touching my arm, my cheek. There is no end to this hall. It’s as if I’m going in circles.
“Come back to us, Lexie. We miss and need you.”
“What? Back to you? How can I go back to you? This is not real. You’re all dead. Are you saying you want me to join you in heaven?”
The tugging on my arm is more intense now.
“Alexis, amore mio. Wake up. You’re having a dream.”
I get up quickly, looking all around. Aiden sits beside me. “Are you okay? You were calling out for your mom and Erik.”
“Oh god, just hold, me please.”
Pulling away, he touches my forehead. “Baby, you are burning up. Let me get you a wet towel.”
“No, don’t leave me.”
“It’s fine, I will be right back. I just need to get you a cold compress.”
Taking a deep breath and lying back down, I hear the water running. I turn my head to look at the picture I have on the nightstand of my family. The clock by it reads four p.m. I’ve slept all day and Aiden let me. He comes and sits by me, putting the towel on my head. He takes my hand in his and kisses each finger, one at a time. “Let me call Dr. Shaw. He said to notify him if there were any new developments.”
“No, sweetheart, it’s just a slight fever. I will be fine.”
“Alexis, you know what he said. I’m not taking any chances with your health. I am going to call him whether you want me to or not. Do not argue with me on this.”
From what I can hear, it sounds like Dr. Shaw will be here in an hour or so. Ending the call, he leans down and kisses my cheek. “Aiden, you shouldn’t make such a fuss over a light fever,” I tell him. “When I was growing up, I got them when I was sick. Imagine if my mom had taken me to the doctor each time.”
“Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I am overreacting, but with the trip coming up, I’d rather be safe than sorry. Humor me, please.”
Pulling the towel off my head, I sit up. Cupping his face in my hands, I say, “Promise me something, Aiden.”
“Anything, baby. Whatever you want, you only need to ask.”
“Promise me that you won’t let me go. That no matter what happens, you’ll hold on to me. Hold me close to your heart. Never forget me.”
“Alexis, you are embedded in my heart. You are every breath that I take. I will never let you go.”
Throwing my arms around him, and squeezing as tight as I can, I can’t help but start to weep. “Promise. Say you promise.”
“I promise you. Amore, what is wrong? Why are you talking like this?”
“I’m just being emotional. Don’t listen to me. I’m just missing my parents. With the wedding coming up, they’re in my mind even more than usual.”
There is a knock on the door. Aiden walks over and opens it. Expecting it to be Dr. Shaw, I’m surprised to see Shannon. “Hey, we came over for a visit and heard you were in bed feeling ill. Are you okay?”
Aiden excuses himself to give us a few moments alone. When he is out of the room, I grab her by the hand, getting her to sit beside me. “Shannon, I’m scared.”
She must feel my hands trembling. “Hey Lexie, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
“Remember the last time I was admitted into the hospital with the pain in my head? How they had me asleep with the meds?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, while I was asleep, I had a dream. At least I think it was a dream. It was of my mom, my dad, and Erik. In it, they kept telling me to go home with them. They were saying that I needed to be with them. That they missed me and loved me.” Letting go of her hands, I bring my own to my mouth to help suppress my sounds of horror.
“It felt so real. I swear I could actually feel them touching me. Just now I had the same dream. Erik kept saying that it was time for me to go home. I don’t know if it was him or my mom who was crying. There were drops of water on my arm.” I grip her hands even tighter. “Shannon, what if these headaches that I’m having are killing me? What if I’m dying and we don’t know it yet? Maybe that’s why they’re calling for me. I’m scared. A year ago, I would have gladly gone to be with them. Now I have Aiden. I love him so much. It would kill him if I were to die. He needs me, and I need him. He finally opened up his heart, and if I die, he would shut the world off again. I don’t want to die.”
She hugs me. “Have you told him about the dreams or what you’re going through?”
Breaking away, I say, “No, he’s finally happy and in a good place. I won’t do that to him. You can’t tell anybody. This is our secret.”
“Lexie, don’t make me stay quiet. Not about this. Sure, he is happy, but what about me? I need you too. Losing you will wreck me. You’re my sister in every way that counts. You can’t leave me.”
Bringing her in toward me, I lean my forehead against hers and place my hands on her cheeks. “I’ll always be with you. Nothing will ever separate us, not even death.”
“You have to at least tell Dr. Shaw. I won’t say anything to anyone, but you have to tell him. Whatever you tell him in confidence, he can’t share that information with anyone.”
“You’re right. I’ll tell him, but only him.”
The door opens up. Aiden walks in with the doctor. He looks at the both of us, and must realize we’ve been crying. He quickly comes to me, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “Baby, what is it, Alexis? Are you in pain?”
Not wanting him to worry more than he is already, I smile. “No, I’m fine. We were just talking about my mom. How much we both miss her.” He hugs me. I look over at Shannon, signaling her to stay quiet. She shakes her head, then looks down. A single tear runs down her face.
“I should leave so the doctor can examine you,” she says. “I’ll be downstairs with everyone else.”
Dr. Shaw opens his bag and pulls out the stethoscope, along with a small flashlight and a tongue depressor. He comes over to me and takes my hand in his.
“Alexis, tell me what you are feeling. Are you having headaches again?”
“I had a slight headache last night.”
As soon as the words come out of my mouth, Aiden’s expression changes. I can see his jaw tense up. He crosses his arms over his chest. Just as suddenly, he goes to the other side of the bed and reaches for my hand. “Why did you not tell me?”
“It was just a small one, and I didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it.”
“Baby, no more secrets, remember?”
Guilt washes over me, but I can’t tell him about my dreams. “Sweetheart, can you wet the towel for me, please?” As soon as he is out of the room, I say, “Dr. Shaw, I need to talk to you about something, but it has to be just between us. No one else can know about this.”
He frowns. “Okay, Alexis.”
Aiden walks back into the room. Dr. Shaw starts to cough. “Oh, sorry—do you think I could have a bottle of water, please?”
“Yes, I’ll go down and get you one.”
Once Aiden is gone, the doctor asks, “What is it? Is there something you are not telling him?”
I take a deep breath. As quickly as possible, I fill him in on everything I told Shannon.
“I can’t give you a diagnosis until I run some more tests on you. I will need to admit you into the hospital for that.”
“No, that is not an option. We leave on Monday for Italy for the wedding.”
Before he can say any more, Aiden walks in. I silently pray that Dr. Shaw doesn’t give anything away. My heart is racing with anticipation of the next words to come out of his mouth. “Well, I think that she’ll be fine. It’s probably just the excitement from the wedding. All her vitals check out.” With a stern look, he adds, “But if the headaches get worse, you need to call me. I will be calling tomorrow to check on you.”
“Thank you.” When I am left alone, I sink down into my pillows, relieved my secret is safe.
***
On Saturday afternoon, true to his word, Dr. Shaw calls. We are all in the kitchen when my cell phone goes off. Seeing who the call is from, I excuse myself by saying that it’s Julie from work and go into the next room.
“Hello.” I can tell from the sound of his voice that he is not happy keeping Aiden in the dark. He says in no uncertain terms that he wants to be able to run more tests on me. He doesn’t feel comfortable with me leaving the country in the state of health I’m in.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Shaw, but I am not staying here and I do not give you permission to say anything about what I told you to anybody. Especially not my husband.” Before ending the call, I apologize for sounding rude and just being plain ugly. I’ve never acted like that with anybody, but I can’t hurt Aiden.
Walking back into the kitchen, I join in on the conversation. We are all going to a show on Broadway tonight. Mama has wanted to see The Phantom of the Opera for a long time, according to Papa. Since we leave the day after tomorrow, it has to be tonight. I sneak in a call to Brandy about the wedding present for Aiden. She informs me that she did get a hold of the necessary people and they would be happy to do it for him. I thank her for helping me, because let’s face it, I wouldn’t have known who to contact. This will be the perfect present for him.
***
We all go up to get ready for a night out on the town. The men are wearing suits, and the women evening dresses. Ysabel and Gianni ride with Johnny and Shannon while Papa and Mama ride with us in the Bentley.
Anthony pulls up at the theater and opens the door for us. We had already anticipated the paparazzi would be there waiting for us. They have always followed Aiden, but now even more so. Since the story of his past broke, plus the news of the big wedding happening in Tuscany, we can’t leave the penthouse without getting our picture taken at every corner. Even the last days I went to work, they would follow me just to get a glimpse of what I was doing or where I was going and who I was with.
The flashes go off, blinding us. Papa shields Mama as much as he can, but the frustration shows on his face. Aiden politely asks the photographers to give us some space. Not listening, they all try to get that perfect shot they can sell to the newspapers or tabloids.
Anthony gets between us and them, which helps us to get in sooner. The attendant shows us to our box. As always, Brandy was able to get a perfect spot for us to enjoy the show. Mama is looking around, amazed at how big the theater is and how beautiful it is. Johnny, Shannon, Ysabel, and Gianni walk into the box. Once they’re seated, Papa tells them of all the flashes going off in our faces. Johnny says that nobody took their picture. True to brother form, Aiden tells him it’s because he’s not as good looking as he is.
Johnny tells him, “It’s probably because they know that Alexis was with you. They just wanted a picture of the beautiful woman at your side.”
They horseplay until Mama settles them down. “The show is about to start, and I do not want to hear either of you talking.”
Shannon and I both giggle. Leaning close to my husband so no one else will hear me, I whisper, “I love how your mother can get after you two like you were still little boys. And how both of you are still scared of her.” He laughs and wraps his arm around my shoulders.
The lights dim, and the curtains open. I’ve never seen this show before. From the beginning it pulls me in. I feel like it is talking to me. It is about love and letting go.
When the show is over, even Papa, who didn’t really want to come, says it was very good. Walking out to the car, we brace for the photographers. Thankfully, none are out there. Jokingly, Johnny says it’s because he ordered them to leave. We all have a kick out of it, get into the cars, and head home.