He takes a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I was three or four when my parents took me to a stranger’s house, and left me there with him. I remember I cried when they left without me. I was afraid of the man. I remember he smelled bad. When I wouldn’t stop crying, he slapped me so hard that I fell to the floor. The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before.”
I can see the tormented look on his face as he recalls his childhood. I take deep breaths in order to not let the tears that are welling in my eyes fall. As I blink them away, the lump in my throat makes it hard to breathe. I swallow it down, telling myself to be strong for him.
Aiden slides me off his lap, stands up, and walks over to the window. Not wanting to break his train of thought or interrupt him in any way, I stay quiet. I wrap my arms across my chest and just listen.
“I soon learned that if I didn’t want to get hit or kicked, I would do as I was told. That meant being chained in a cage like a dog. As the days passed, different people came in and out of the house. I would see them pulling other children out of other cages from the same room I was in, or hear them pulling them out of a different room. Some were boys, and some were girls, all ages. Each one of them had the same look of fear in their eyes.”
Aiden puts his hands on each side of the window frame, lowering his head. Even though I can’t see his face, I hear his voice tremble. I can only imagine how hard this is for him to relive.
“The people would take them into that one room. The cries of the children were horrific. Even at such a young age, I already knew it was where the boogie man lived. I would tremble because I was so afraid. The man who was always on guard kept laughing, telling me to get ready because my turn was coming soon. I never knew what he meant by that. Not until the day he opened my cage, unlocked the chain around my leg, took me into that small room that only had a bed in it. It was poorly lit, cold, and dirty. It smelled bad. There were two men inside already. My keeper threw me in and told the men they had one hour to have fun. One of the men picked me up and threw me on the bed.”
Aiden turns around, crying out as if he is feeling the pain all over again. He falls to his knees and says, “They hurt me, Alexis.”
My heart is breaking for this big strong man. Who at this moment seems like a small boy in agony. In pain I wish more than anything I could take away from him. I run to kneel in front of him.
“Oh, Aiden, I love you with all my heart, and I’m so sorry you had to endure so much. No child should have to go through something as horrific as you did. You don’t need to say anything else.”
“No, I need to tell you everything right now while I have the courage to do so. I need you to know all of it.”
I put my arms around his neck and gently kiss his cheek, reassuring him that I am in this with him.
“Both men raped me. One would hold me down so I would not move or jerk too much while the other had his way with me. I kept screaming for my mama and papa to come save me. After it was over, they walked out. My keeper came in and dragged me back to my cage. After he put the chain back on my leg, he closed the door. He laughed, kicked the cage, and said, ‘Did you have fun, kid?’”
The tormented expression on Aiden’s face is now replaced by anger. He stands up and walks toward the bathroom door. Before he reaches it, he leans against the wall and hugs himself.
“I cried all night, I was in so much pain. I had to use the bathroom, but I was too afraid of taking my pants down, so I just peed on myself. I don’t know how long it was before I finally fell asleep. As time passed, it became the same old routine—every other day it was my turn in that awful room. The room I named ‘the monster room.’ Days turned into weeks. I kept praying and hoping that my parents would love me enough to come for me. Kept wishing it was all a nightmare that I would wake up from soon. But they never came.”
I’m listening to him, still kneeling on the floor. I don’t know if I should hug him or just keep silent. I keep trying to take deep breaths, letting my mind wrap around all the horrible details of the nightmare that was his childhood. It’s not working anymore, though. The tears just slide down my face. I have to cover my mouth with my hands so the sounds of sobs don’t escape. I get up as slowly as I can and sit back down on the bench in front of the bed. My eyes never leave him.
“The keeper, as he was called by the other kids, would tell me almost every day that I was not worth loving. He would tell me that I would never be good enough for a family to love. After hearing it for weeks, for months, for years, I started to believe it. As the years passed, they broke me down. The keeper would ask me, ‘What are you good enough for, kid?’ I would respond, ‘For nothing.’ He would laugh and say, ‘You’re catching on, kid.’ Soon after that, he started letting me out of the cage. It’s as if he knew I would not run for it, and I didn’t. I had no home to go to, I had no other place to go. I thought of myself as unlovable, as someone who was not worth anything. I had it in my head that I would never be good enough for anyone to love. The only contact I was used to was when men and women would have their way with me. Although it never stopped hurting. The physical pain was excruciating.”
Aiden slides down to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest. He wraps his arms around them and bows his head down.
“They would rape me, make me watch as they had sex with each other. They would take pictures of the whole thing. One day the keeper brought in a new, younger kid, as he called him, ‘Fresh meat.’ He took me out of my cage and put the younger boy in it. Told me to sleep outside. I wandered around the small town and fell asleep in an alley. I did this for days. I would eat out of trash cans, wait behind cafes for the chefs to throw out the food from the day. One day while I was asleep, a woman touched me on the arm, woke me up, and asked if I was lost. I jumped up, startled, looked at her, and apologized. She asked what I was apologizing for. She asked me again if I was okay, if I was lost, and where my parents were.”
Aiden gets up and walks over to sit by me on the bench. He takes my hands in his and continues.
“I didn’t know what to say. I was about to turn and run when she asked if I was hungry. I nodded yes. She held her hand out, slowly, and said, ‘Let’s get you some food, then.’ I can’t explain it, but something inside told me that she was an angel sent to me from heaven. I took her hand—I remember it felt soft and warm. She looked down at me and smiled, pulled a handkerchief out of her bag, asked if it would be all right if she cleaned my face. I asked her why? She said so she could see my beautiful face.”
Aiden’s posture and facial expression change; they go from sorrowful to showing a glimmer of peace. He actually gives me a small but noticeable smile as he goes on with his tale.
“It took me a minute to process what she said. I hadn’t heard kind words spoken to me in a long time. I shrugged my shoulders and said okay. She bent down in front of me, wet one end of the cloth with her tongue and very slowly wiped both sides of my face. I was feeling mixed emotions. A part of me was afraid and on guard, yet another part of me felt that she wasn’t going to hurt me.”
Slightly, he shifts his weight from side to side. “‘There you go, now we can see that beautiful face of yours.’ Her voice was soothing and gentle. I wasn’t sure if she was really talking to me. I had never been told that I was beautiful before. She stood up and held her hand out for me. I was still for a minute, then slid my hand into hers.”
He gets up and walks to the bathroom. I hear the water running for a minute. He walks back into the room, wiping his face with a towel. Watching him, I can only imagine what he must be going through on the inside. Not wanting to interrupt what he is saying, I stay seated.
“That was the day my mother saved my life. The day heaven sent an angel to rescue me. The moment when Johnny and Analisa Steffan became my parents. They didn’t have any children of their own yet, so it was just the three of us. They hired a detective to find out who my biological parents were. All we knew at the beginning was that my first name was Aiden, so it would be hard to find a birth record of any kind. After some time went by, the detective found the man and woman who gave me life. I won’t ever call them my parents because to me they aren’t my father and mother. They just gave birth to me, and nothing else.”
The tension returns to Aiden’s face. His brows gather, and he narrows his eyes as he recalls the pain that his birth parents caused him. He seems to be staring out at nothing.
I stand and walk over to him. Hugging him from behind, I say, “You are the bravest man I have ever met.”
“My last name turned out to be De Luca, and that’s also when we found out how old I was, nine. My date of birth is December second, 1986. I have never gone by that name again. My mom and dad adopted me, so I became Aiden Steffan. As long as I live, I will never consider myself De Luca. After today, I never want to say that name again.” Feeling the tension in his stance, I squeeze him a bit tighter.
“At first, I was always on guard, afraid of being raped by them. I would tremble when they tried to hug me or show me any kind of affection. I was not use to that kind of contact. Every day they would tell me that they loved me. It was hard for me to fathom that. I wouldn’t believe them because the keeper always told me I was unlovable. It was all so new to me, sleeping in my own bed, in my own room. I would wake up screaming and crying. Every night, my mother and father would take turns sleeping in a chair in my room. In the beginning I thought they were waiting for me to fall asleep so they could hurt me.”
Aiden’s body shakes a little. He stays quiet for a while but then goes on.
“After a while, I realized that was not the case. I learned to trust them and let them hug me. Eventually I hugged them back. It took a year before I actually believed they loved me. Things started to feel comfortable. I was becoming at ease with everything. I finally had a family. I was enrolled in school. When my parents would leave me there for a day, I was no longer afraid of being abandoned. I actually started making friends. Life was good. After four years passed, my mom and dad sat me down to tell me that I was going to be a big brother soon.”
I release the hold I had on him and walk around to his front. Smiling, I say, “You must have been happy to find out that you were going to have a younger brother.”
He raises his eyebrows at me. “When Johnny Jr. was born, all the insecure feelings that I had before came rushing back. I was afraid now that my parents had their own natural son, they would not love or want me anymore. I was waiting for them to tell me it was time for me to go, since that was what the keeper did when he brought in a new younger boy. My mother sensed that from me. She sat me down and reassured me that even though I did not come from her womb, I was no less her child than Johnny was. Another four years passed, and my sister Ysabel was born. I promised myself and Ysabel that as her big brother I would always protect her. To this day I have always protected my little brother and sister.”
He looks at me as if he is waiting for me to run for the door. As if now that I have heard the whole story, I will not love him anymore.
“Now you know everything, all the ugly details of my past. What my childhood was like, what was done to me.” He seems to be searching my face for my reaction. His jaw gets tense as he then asks, “Can you still love me, Alexis?”
I hold my hand out for him to take, walk us back to the bench, get him to sit down, and sit on his lap.
“Aiden, none of what was done to you by those monsters was your fault. You were a child who was hurt on a daily basis. I wish to God that I could ease the pain you went through.”
I see his chest rise and fall as he takes a deep breath. A sense of calm comes over his expression as if a huge weight has been lifted from him. I cup his face with both of my hands and slowly rub my nose against his.
“I love you, Aiden Steffan. I have loved you since the first day I met you in the conference room. I will love you till my last breath, and even after, now and forever.”
I pull back and ask, “How did Carla get ahold of those pictures? Who had them, and why were they not destroyed before all this, so nobody could ever use them to hurt you again?”
He slides me off his lap and starts pacing back and forth.
“I don’t know, but Anthony will be finding all that out. I do know this for sure: As soon as she learns about our wedding, if she doesn’t know already, she will be going to the media with those pictures. When the news hits about my past, I don’t know how the fashion industry or the world will react to them or me.”
He comes to stand in front of me, takes my hands in his.
“But none of that matters to me, Alexis. As long as I have you in my life, I can live with everything else. You are the one thing I cannot live without; you are my whole reason for living. You are the only one who gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. You came at a time when I had completely given up on any kind of love.”
“Aiden, you will never be without me again, I promise.”
After a while, I notice the time. Without realizing it, we have been talking for hours.
“Aiden, it’s after midnight.”
He smiles at me, and lets me know that we have been married for a whole day. He tells me, “I think it’s time to show my wife just how much I love her.”