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Forgetting You, Remembering Me (Memories from Yesterday Book 2) by Monica James (2)

“Wow.” Piper’s lack of articulation is fine because for the past hour, I’ve done all the talking.

I’ve illustrated every single detail—how things between Saxon and me grew to the earthshattering secret he revealed moments before Sam regained his memory. Even to my ears, the tale sounded almost fantastical—I almost wish it were. But as my heart aches and my stomach twists into knots, I know this is really happening, and it isn’t as black and white as it seems.

I love Saxon. I love him with every inch of my heart. But Sam… now that he’s back, I don’t know what to do. I can’t just forget about what we shared because doing that would be forgetting me. He’s been such an integral part of my life— I’m afraid of what happens next.

What I do know is that I need to speak to Saxon. He barely looked at me, and the fact he sent me off to comfort Samuel concerns me beyond words. Every time I think of him, of the lost look in those poignant eyes, my heart aches. But as I just confessed to Piper, my heart and head are fighting.

I shouldn’t want to console Saxon, but I do. I want to bury myself in those strong arms because it’s the only place I feel safe—where anything makes any sense. But I can’t. Samuel needs me, and as much as my head and heart are dueling, I have to do what’s right.

“I have to find Sam.”

Piper nods vacantly, obviously still grappling with the bombshell I just dropped.

Deciding to freshen up because I look like roadkill, I brush back my long blonde hair and wash away my tears. When I look semi human, I take a deep breath.

“Are you going to be okay?”

Weighing her question, I shrug. “I have to be.”

“I’ll be here with you. Every step of the way.” I appreciate her promise because I could use all the support I can get.

The moment I open the door, I hear hushed murmurs coming from the living room, and I know without a doubt who that is. I was expecting a little more time, but I suppose there is no time like the present because this affects us all.

Taking three deep breaths, I round the corner and see Sophia and Saxon with their heads drawn together in deep conversation. His hand rests loosely but comfortingly on her upper arm as she sniffs. Samuel sits on the sofa, staring off into space. It’s clear Sophia has delivered the full story of his accident up until now.

As much as I don’t want to talk to her, I know she can shed some much-needed light on what’s going on. The moment I clear my throat, hoping to find my voice, both she and Saxon turn their heads my way. Sam doesn’t move a muscle.

“Hi, Sophia.” The moment our gazes meet, I know that she knows. She knows what Saxon and I did while she most likely was being impeded by Piper. I feel sick.

“Hello,” she curtly replies. Although she wants to rip out my eyeballs, she remains professional. “I was just speaking with Samuel about what happened. I think it would be best if he came back to the hospital with me where I can run some tests.”

“And I told you, I’m not going anywhere,” Sam rebukes, still staring straight ahead. Something is almost menacing about his posture. Hands interlocked between his splayed legs, he’s bowed forward as if plotting the world’s demise.

“Sam…you should listen to Sophia. We don’t know what happened. You hit your head pretty hard.” It’s like talking to a brick wall because he doesn’t budge from his rigid stance.

The entire time, I’ve avoided looking at Saxon because I’m afraid of what I’ll see reflected in his stare. Piper moves closer to my side. My fear must show.

“It’s up to you, Samuel, but for us to figure out what’s going on, you must come back to the hospital with me. It’s in your best interest. Once we get to the bottom of what happened, your life can hopefully return to the way you remember.”

A lump lodges in my throat.

That will never happen because what he remembers was based on a lie. I will support him, but once he’s well again, we have to discuss everything Saxon told me. I want him to explain why he lied. And I’m sure he’ll want an explanation too.

But focusing on one drama at a time, I nod, agreeing with Sophia. Sam peers over at me, watching me closely. Every time he looks at me, it feels like he’s viewing me through different eyes. I suppose he is, in a way. The Lucy he once knew would never have slept with his brother or doubted our love.

“What do you want me to do?” he asks, leaving me winded.

A heavy exhale fills the room, and I know it’s Saxon. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, and the only way to remove myself is to be strong and act now. “I want you to go to the hospital.”

Sam works his bottom lip, eyes still locked on mine as he mulls over what I just said. He doesn’t owe me anything, but he owes it to himself to find out what’s going on. “Okay, I’ll go,” he finally agrees with a nod. “Will you come with me?”

I should have seen that coming. Of course, he’d want me to come. He’s scared and confused, and I can only imagine how terrifying this must be. Saxon’s last words crash into me, prompting my response.

“He doesn’t remember. He has no idea what’s going on. If he hurts himself because of us…because of what I did…I will never forgive myself…and neither will you.”

He’s right. If I abandoned Sam in his time of need, I would never forgive myself. And Saxon would also blame himself for his brother’s demise. “Of course, I’ll come,” I reply with an exhausted smile.

Sam returns the gesture. “Okay.”

Sophia runs her fingers through her knotted hair, a sure sign she’s just as fatigued as I am. “Excellent. I’ll just make a few calls.” She smiles, but it’s staged because she clearly has other pressing matters to deal with. “Saxon, can you come outside with me?”

The moment his name slips past her ruby lips, my gaze locks with his. It feels like years since I last looked into that deep blue abyss. He once again wears the perfect poker face, doing nothing to settle my nerves. I desperately want to talk to him, but having Sophia and Sam here makes that impossible, so I quickly look away before I burst into tears.

I’m torn between duty and desire.

“Sure,” he replies, his heavy footsteps leading from the living room to the kitchen.

Sam surveys me carefully as I lift my gaze and linger on the spot where his twin once stood. I instantly feel guilty for not putting a lid on my emotions because this is the last thing he needs. I need to focus on getting him to the hospital so we can figure out what’s going on. Everything else will have to wait.

Sam rises, still topless, and I have the sudden urge to avert my attention. He reads my retreat, and a small frown tugs at his lips. “I suppose I’d better get dressed then.” His comment is laced with complete sarcasm, but I can understand why he’s lashing out.

However, all plans are put on hold when the front door bursts open and in runs Kellie. A touch dramatic but I don’t expect anything less from the woman who destroyed her sons’ lives. This is the first time I’ve seen her with a hair out of place and not decked out in her designer threads. It appears we interrupted her weekly yoga session. Greg follows behind.

“Sammy!” Kellie cries, pushing anyone or anything that stands in her way, including me.

Sam smiles, but it’s faint. Kellie doesn’t seem to care and throws her arms around him, crushing him in a near suffocating embrace. “You’ve come back to me. How I prayed for this to happen.”

That small itch pinches at my flesh, the same feeling I got when she treated Saxon like dirt. Now that I know what she did and exactly who she is, I can’t look at her without wanting to give her a piece of my mind.

Greg makes no secret he’s observing me thoroughly, but as far as I’m concerned, they can both go to hell. “If you’ll excuse me…”

Kellie just seems to realize I’m here, which is no surprise, considering Sam has always been the center of her universe. Once upon a time, I thought her love for her son was enduring and sweet, but now, I see it for what it is—biased and completely overbearing.

“Lucy, darling, where are you going?”

My mom’s voice plays in my head, reminding me of my manners. No matter how tempted I am to tell both Kellie and Greg to get out of my house and never return, I swallow down my anger and smile.

“I’m going to change. Samuel is going to the hospital soon.”

She fusses over him, running a hand through his knotted hair. “I’ll come too.” There is no point in arguing with her, so I simply nod.

“Can you call my parents?” I ask Piper, who already has her cell wrapped tightly in her palm.

I don’t bother waiting and leave the room with Kellie’s loud sobs following me down the hallway and into my bedroom. Once inside, I lean against the doorjamb and close my eyes. Tilting back my head, I exhale shakily, biting back my tears.

What are Saxon and Sophia talking about? I know he said they aren’t dating, but for her to look at me with the flames of hell burning her raw, it’s clear that feelings are involved. He may say they’re not together, but the way they were locked in discussion with his hand pressed against her arm has me feeling physically ill.

This is petty and so insignificant in the greater scheme of things, but as I finger the silver seven around my neck—the charm Saxon actually gave me and not Sam—a wave of sorrow and possession defeats me.

I’m trying to be strong, but how does one deal with this and not question everything they thought they once knew? Saxon’s parting words were that he loved me, but after this is done, will love really prevail, or will it be the death of us both?

Needing to wash away my sins as best as I can, I hurriedly grab a change of clothes and take a quick shower. The fact Saxon’s scent lingers on my skin only highlights what I’ve done and how there is no going back, only forward. But the question is, forward to what? What is on the horizon?

As I’m brushing the snags from my hair, I can’t avoid the inevitable—if I knew then what I know now, would I have done what I did? Would I have taken this giant leap of faith, consequences be damned?

“Lucy…”

When I hear that voice, that husky, strong tenor which soothed my heartache and doubts time and time again, I know the answer is absolutely. Absolutely yes. Love is just a word…but the man standing before me—this loyal, courageous man—gives it meaning.

I meet Saxon’s eyes in the mirror, unable to look anywhere but at him. Now that it’s just us, the world can fade into the background because he is my moon, my stars, and my sun. I should be ashamed, but I’m not. How can I be when this man loves me unconditionally?

He’s epic. A true vision. His dirty blond hair is combed back, the longer strands curling at his nape. He radiates strength and owns every room he enters thanks to his larger-than-life charisma.

“I knocked,” he finally says, breaking our silence. He thinks my stillness is due to the fact I don’t want him here. But it’s taking all my willpower not to throw myself into his arms, just as I did all those months ago.

However, when he frowns, I don’t know if he’ll be as receptive and welcome me with open arms.

“I wanted to talk…to see if you’re okay,” he quickly corrects, slowly walking into my bedroom and closing the door. The room suddenly gets smaller, and I’m finding it hard to breathe. “Are you okay?”

His presence fills the space, and it also fills the missing void in my heart. His battered and bruised appearance has me remembering him accepting his punishment as if he felt he deserved every blow Sam delivered. We both feel guilty for what we did, but why does being near him feel this good?

“I’ll go… I just need to know—” he swallows, his lower lip trembling “—that you’re going to be all right.” He stands feet away, waiting for me to reply.

I’m sitting at my dresser, brush still in hand, eyes still locked with Saxon’s. I know I should speak, but I just…I don’t trust what I’ll say. Remembering the way he worshiped every inch of my flesh, the way our bodies joined together as one, I know there is only one thing I can do.

Standing slowly, I turn to face Saxon. He is a pillar of utmost strength, my forever beacon in a withering storm. I know what he’s thinking. He’s worried that what we experienced means nothing, now that Sam remembers.

Running a hand through his mussed hair, he swallows as I advance with a measured gait. “I know everything is different now, and that’s okay…All that matters to me is your happiness, and whatever happens, I want you to know that I’ll be here if you want me...” He’s completely rambling, filling in the blanks because I still haven’t said a word. “I’m sorry I unloaded all my personal shit on you. I know you need a minute to process everything, but I…” I don’t allow him to finish because sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

A startled gasp escapes him as I stand on my tippy toes and wrap my fingers around his nape. I comb over his familiar features, the very same ones ingrained into every fiber of my being. “Shh…” I whisper, placing my finger on his lips. I’m gentle, as they’re bruised, but the fleshy silk feels like heaven beneath my touch.

“Lucy…” He searches my face, frantically attempting to decode what’s going on. I put his uneasiness to rest.

“This was never going to be a love triangle. I know who I want…I want you.” The confession rolls freely from my tongue. He asked if I wanted him, and well, I do. In this clusterfuck of events, it’s the only thing I’m certain of. I know what this says about my character, but denying Saxon is like denying my lungs the oxygen to breathe.

He takes a moment, processing everything I just said. “You want me? But Sam?” he questions, his confusion clear. At this moment, I love him even more.

“But nothing. I didn’t say it would be easy, but love never is.” Being this close to him, the warmth of his body indulging mine, leaves me heady, in a drunken state of perpetual bliss.

“You still love me? Want me? After everything that just happened?” Tracing the outline of the scar on his bowed upper lip and the slope of his nose, I nod, spellbound by the potency of our unspoken promise. “I…”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” I whisper, smashing my mouth to his. And kiss me he does. The world suddenly falls into place, and the darkness fades, a sunset breaking over the horizon.

The moment he enfolds me into his embrace, I’m myself again for a few blissful minutes. Everything fades because nothing else matters but this. We kiss madly, tugging and pulling at one another, desperately trying to crawl into the other and never leave.

I’m trying to be gentle as I know he’s sore, but I just can’t stop. He’s like a fix I didn’t even know I needed. Each whip of his tongue and glide of our hungry lips soothe the ache which was bound to consume me whole.

He presses us chest to chest, his arms wrapped so tightly around my waist, I doubt he’ll ever let me go. My body weeps, wanting nothing more than to be lost in him and never found, but for now, this will have to do.

He suckles my bottom lip as his large hand cradles my cheek. He rubs two fingertips over the apple of my cheek, then, with one final kiss, he gently pulls away. I instantly miss his touch, but I know it’s time.

He nuzzles his nose with mine. “I don’t know what to say,” he confesses.

“Don’t say anything at all.” I nestle into his neck, savoring his fragrance.

“I thought you’d…”

“I’d what? Forget you?” His confirmation breaks my heart. “It’s hard to forget someone like you, Saxon Stone.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He tightens his hold, humming when I kiss over his racing pulse.

“What Sam did to me, to you is inexcusable…but…”

Saxon pulls back, contemplating my statement for clues. “But what?”

Sighing, I press a soft kiss to the crease of his mouth. “But regardless of what he did, I have to be there for him. You know that, right?”

No matter my feelings, I won’t desert Sam when he needs me the most. Yes, his actions over the past…forever are unforgiveable and deplorable, but he’s still the man I was going to marry. He’s still the man I loved with all my heart.

Even though my heart is now filled with love for another, that doesn’t mean my affection for him has magically disappeared overnight. I will always love Sam, but what has happened…it’s just too much. I can’t look at him without remembering all the awful things he said. The way he looked at me like a mere stranger didn’t just hurt, it fucking destroyed me.

I know what most would think. I should mourn my relationship before I jump into another. I should give it time. But the truth is, I’ve wasted enough time. My relationship was over long ago. The ironic thing is, through heartache, I’ve grown and I’ve become stronger. And that’s thanks to the man who looks at me like I’m the rarest jewel in the world.

But even though we’re on the same page, we still need to discuss so many things. “We still need to talk.”

“I know,” he replies, gently brushing the hair from my cheeks.

His touch instantly quiets the storm within me. “But for now, I just need to know we’re okay.”

The thunderous color of his pupils instantly fades, and in its place is a tranquil, deep-sea calm. Pressing his forehead against mine, he steadies his breathing, the smooth cadence music to my soul. “We are. I love you.” Three simple words have never amounted to such a promise, and I feel like the luckiest girl alive.

“Promise me something?”

“Anything,” Saxon replies without pause.

“Whatever happens…just don’t leave town.”

“What’s going to happen?” he asks, cocking a brow.

We both know that the next few weeks and months are going to be anything but easy. Regardless of how I feel, I won’t leave Sam. And I know Saxon won’t either.

“Promise me, Saxon.”

He takes a moment, but eventually, he nods. “I promise.” I wrap my arms around him and burrow into his chest, his steady heartbeat the song which lulls me to a peaceful calm. “Now it’s your turn to promise me something.” The hair on the back of my neck stands on end.

“Okay,” I finally reply, pulling from our embrace to give him my full attention.

He mulls over what to say as it’s clear his admission is a hard one to make. “Promise me you won’t fall for Samuel’s lies.”

What?” But he doesn’t let me finish.

“I meant what I said…Sam doesn’t like to lose. The Sam you thought you knew isn’t the Sam I know.”

“I’m not a trophy,” I reply, slightly offended. “This isn’t a game.”

“I know that, Lucy, but Sam won’t go down without a fight.” The bruises he sports serve to reinforce his words. I faintly trace his battle wounds, flinching when I examine just how bad they are.

“I know we have a tough road ahead, but eventually, he’ll accept this for what it is. I’ve made my choice. I want you,” I say— the blind, naïve fool.

Saxon smiles, but it’s bittersweet. He’s hiding something that will only add another layer to this story, but I’m afraid to ask. “Just promise me.”

Cradling his cheek in my palm, I level him with nothing but sincerity. “I promise.” We seal our deal with a kiss, one which I savor because I know we won’t share another one for a while. There is a hint of desperation to our vow, which I peg down to our raw nerves.

Everything will be all right, I repeat.

Sam will eventually accept this for what it is, and we will all move on. Everything is going to be okay.

But life...it has a funny way of sneaking up on us and proving us wrong.

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