I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this hospital. I’ve been here countless times, but each time just seems worse than the one before it.

My sneakers squeak against the polished linoleum as I approach the front desk. It’s sad that I know the attendant by name. “He’s in room three.” What’s even sadder is that she knows why I’m here.

“Thanks, Jean. How is he?”

She shrugs with half a smile. “He’s quite the popular patient.” I don’t even want to know what that means.

Images of him flirting with an over helpful nurse flood my brain, bringing back memories I wish were lost to me forever. “Thanks again.”

I make my way to Sam’s room, instantly hit with a wave of nostalgia, but not of the good kind. Looking back to who I once was and to who I am now, it’s hard to believe I’m the same individual. I walked these very halls, future unknown, but I suppose in a way, I’m faced with the same prospect.

This uncertainty will surely send me to an early grave. I rub over my chest, my heart in a constant state of yearning. When I enter Sam’s room, it gets jacked up to full volume because seeing him sitting in a hospital bed unleashes memories I’ve stored away under lock and key.

“Lucy…” He settles higher up against the pillows, his eyes wide. “You came.” This is a new memory, though, because unlike all the previous times, he’s actually happy to see me. I don’t fail to see the irony in this entire situation.

“Yes, of course. My mom called. She told me what happened. Are you okay?” I peer around the doorjamb, half expecting Kellie to be inside, doting over her son. But I’m surprised to see the room empty.

“I am now,” he replies, gesturing for me to enter. I do. A cast is on his right arm, and he has a grazed cheek, but apart from that, he doesn’t look too bad. Ignoring his response, I take a seat near his bedside. But what he says next, I sadly can’t disregard. “Saxon didn’t come?” It’s an innocent question, but I still feel uncomfortable answering it.

My silence is worse than the truth, though, so I shake my head. “No, he stayed in Oregon.” Sam doesn’t even try to conceal his relief.

“Well, thanks for coming.” I shrink back in my seat because if it weren’t for his cast, I fear he’d leap from that bed and embrace me.

“It’s fine.” And cue the awkward silence.

This coldness between us just confirms how Sam and I have grown apart. We’d never experienced a single moment of paused silence before, but now, it seems to be the third wheel.

Clearing my throat, I attempt to act normal. “So your headaches have been getting worse then? And your blackouts?”

“Yes. I’m just waiting for the doctor with my results. He shouldn’t be too long. Will you…stay with me?” I chew on my bottom lip, displaying my uneasiness, so he’s quick to clarify. “I meant stay with me when he gives me the news.”

I exhale softly. “Of course, that’s why I’m here.” I really need to chill the hell out. His shoulders depress, and he smiles.

Gripping the edge of the seat, I quash my fierce longing. Even though I stopped comparing him to Saxon some time ago, some mannerisms remind me of their kinship—like their lopsided smirk.

“Everything okay?” he asks, peering down at me white knuckling the chair.

“I should be the one asking you that.” I try to lighten the mood before I end up in the bed next door.

“Lucy?” That possibility sounds even more appealing when Kellie enters the room.

She pauses, ensuring to scrutinize every inch of me. I’m certain she’s looking for traces of Saxon ingrained into my very pores. She doesn’t intimidate me in the slightest. I sit taller, daring her to speak out of line.

From the corner of my eye, I see Sam subtly shake his head. He too knows I won’t take her shit because if she so much as says one horrible word about Saxon, I’m walking.

His warning seems to get through because she adjusts the strap of her Chanel purse, and her stilettos stab at the floor as she muscles past me and kisses Sam on the forehead. “How are you feeling today, darling?”

“Better.” I feel awkward, not knowing why he miraculously feels restored.

She tenderly brushes the long strands of hair from his brow. “Wonderful. Let’s hope they send you home today then. Your father and I have tidied up your old room.” I pale at the thought.

There is no way I will be going anywhere near the Stone’s family home. I agreed to be here for Sam, but if that involves seeing Kellie every day, then I’m out.

Sam seems to be a lot more in tune with my thoughts than I thought he was because he firmly shakes his head. “No, I’ll be going home.” When she begins to protest, he silences her. “Lucy is here. And besides, we have a shitload of stuff to organize. Thanks for the offer, Mom, but I can’t.”

If looks could kill, I’d be dead where I sat.

Kellie tugs at the collar of her white dress shirt, pursing her lips. “For how long? I’m sure she’ll be running back to your brother the first chance she gets.” What a way to kick a guy when he’s down.

“She can stay for as long as she wants. I’m just thankful she’s here.” I’m surprised by Sam’s response because I think he means it. We lock gazes, and he smiles once again. It’s going to take some getting used to.

“Lucy?” What I won’t get used to, though, is the voice of my boyfriend’s ex.

Taking a deep breath, I meet Sophia’s curious stare. Her beauty still floors me. “Hi.”

“I didn’t realize you were back,” she says, her surprise clear.

“Just temporarily.” I don’t see the point of being vague. We’re way past small talk.

It’s fairly obvious what’s on the tip of her tongue, but she remains professional. “How are you feeling today, Sam?”

“Better. When can I go home?”

She smiles as she flips through the files she’s carrying. “Good news. All your tests have come back clear.”

“What about the headaches?”

“It’s to be expected and completely normal. The blackout could have been linked to several things, but with no conclusive test results, it’s difficult to determine the cause. We will monitor you closely and prescribe some medication and take it from there. So that means—” she flips to the last page of her notes before returning to the first page “—you’re free to go home.”

I’ve never seen Sam look so happy. Kellie, on the other hand…

“What’s your opinion of Sam going home alone? I’ve told him it’s in his best interest if he comes and stays with me.”

Sam shakes his head, jaw clenched. “I’m not going home alone. Lucy will be with me. Right?” All attention swings my way.

The hopelessness behind Sam’s uncertainty has me nodding once. “Yes, that’s right. That’s why I’m here.”

He beams while Kellie looks ready to poke out my eyeballs. “How long, though? I’m certain you’ll be out that door the moment things get tough. History has a way of repeating itself.”

I shoot up, ready to give this woman a piece of my mind once and for all, but Sam beats me to the punch. “That’s enough. Lucy didn’t have to come, but she did. I won’t have you saying such awful things about her to make her regret her decision. Now, please leave. I’m going to get dressed, and then we’re going home.”

My mouth hangs open as does Kellie’s. “Samuel…”

But he won’t hear another word. “I said leave.” A flicker of the old Samuel returns.

Her hand flutters over her throat as she’s clearly upset that he spoke back to her. Sophia clears her throat. “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

I’m still in shock over what just happened, but when Sam looks at me expectantly, the surprises just keep on coming because Sophia is apparently speaking to me. It takes me a moment, but I eventually find my voice. “S-sure.” I grab my bag, not sure what to expect as I follow her out of the room.

Her boots strike against the floor as she leads us to who knows where. I have no idea what she wants to talk to me about. Dread settles low in the pit of my stomach. How I wish it had no place in my life. But it does.

I don’t have the strength or patience for a fight, so when she leads us into her office, I can only hope this will be over soon. She gestures for me to take a seat. Although I would much prefer to stand, she makes it clear she won’t proceed with whatever she wishes to say unless I get comfortable.

I settle into the leather seat, flinching when she closes the door, sealing us in. “I’ll cut to the chase. I think you being here is good for Sam.” When she makes no attempt to face me, I turn over my shoulder to look at her. She’s pressed against the woodgrain, her stance rigid. “He has really struggled these past couple of weeks, and today is the first time I’ve seen him happy. With his injury, he can’t just take some miracle drug. They say laughter is the best medicine, and in Sam’s case, I think they may be right.”

My cheeks puff out as I attempt to process everything she just said.

“As Sam’s doctor, I can only give you the facts and allow you to decide what to do.” When she pushes off the door, I suddenly feel like prey. “But as someone who once respected you—” she snickers, taking a seat in her high-backed leather chair “—you owe it to Sam to stay.” It appears I don’t need to guilt trip myself because everyone seems to want to do it for me.

“Go to his therapy sessions and help him remember what went wrong. It may be beneficial for the both of you because god knows, a lot went wrong.” No guessing what’s at the top of her list.

Her smug smile irks me, and I stand. I don’t need to listen to this bullshit a second longer. “Thank you for your advice.”

“Say hi to Saxon for me.” My fingers furl into fists. I know she’s goading me, and it’s working. But I ignore the urge to rip out her perfect hair and smile.

“Of course. I’ll see you around.” I don’t wait for her to reply because I’m skating close to the edge, and it won’t take much to tip me over.

The moment I step out into the corridor, I take two deep breaths to center myself. I can’t allow her or Kellie to get to me. I have to man up and face the consequences of my decision. The urge to flee to Oregon is real, but I can’t keep running when things get tough.

“Lucy?” For the first time in a long time, Sam’s voice makes me feel somewhat better.

Once I’m composed, I turn to see him standing a few feet away. He’s dressed in ripped jeans and a black t-shirt. So unlike the old Sam, but I think it’s been well established we’re no longer the same people we once were.

“Everything all right?”

I nod. “Yes. All good. Ready to go?” I jingle the car keys while his lips tip into a lopsided grin.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here before my mom has me committed.” A small laugh escapes me, and it feels good. We quickly walk out the door because we both know Sam was only half joking.

Once we’re at the car, Sam tosses his backpack into the back before extending his palm, offering to drive, but I wave him off. Unless he’s forgotten, his arm is in a cast. “Ah, no thank you. I get car sick with you driving on a good day. I’m almost certain if you get behind the wheel, I’ll be decorating the interior with this morning’s breakfast…and last night’s dinner.” Sam smirks, before shrugging, seeing my point. This is the first time I’ve referenced the old days and not looked back with sadness or regret.

Once we’re in the car, for some reason, the air doesn’t feel as suffocating as I thought it would. The engine roars to life, and I almost leave skid marks in my wake as I can’t wait to leave this place behind.

Sam seems to meditate as he gazes out the window, reminding me of when I brought him home all those months ago. A nameless song sounds softly over the radio, filling the silence, allowing us time to process our thoughts.

Ten minutes in, Sam sighs, leaning his head back against the rest. “How’s Sax?” I almost sideswipe an oncoming car but quickly correct it in time.

His question seems casual enough with no hint of animosity, and things between us, for once, don’t feel weird. However, I’m afraid if I mention Saxon, that’ll change. I don’t have the mental strength for any more arguments.

Sam reads my thoughts and turns his cheek to look at me. I gulp, tightening my grip on the steering wheel, bracing for god knows what. “Lucy, I want you in my life. And you being here proves you want to be in mine. For that to happen…” I swallow, on the verge of a breakdown. “I have to accept you’re dating Saxon.”

Say what now?

Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea for Sam to drive because I’m suddenly feeling faint.

This is big—huge, in fact. I risk a quick glance at Sam, surprised he appears nothing but sincere. Could it be I’ve finally caught a break? Not overthinking it, I clear my throat, refusing to be victim to these insecurities for a second longer. “He’s…good.”

I wait for the car to erupt in violence. For obscenities to be strewn from here to Texas. But all I get is Sam waiting for me to continue. So I do. “You’d be real proud of him. He’s made a great life for himself in Oregon.”

“That’s good to hear. Do you like it there?”

Not believing we’re actually having a conversation, I decide to roll with it and hope this is the start of something new. “I do. I love Montana, but—” I still feel guilty for being happy when I know I broke your heart, I silently add.

“I understand,” he interrupts, shaking his head. “There’s no need for you to explain.”

“I’m sorry, Sam.” I suddenly feel so undeserving of his kindness.

“Why are you apologizing?”

I shrug, keeping my eyes focused on the road, too afraid to look anywhere else. “I think I’ll forever be sorry.”

A heavy sigh slips past his lips. “Me too, baby.” I clench the steering wheel, and he hisses, clearly remorseful for the slip. “But I don’t want you to feel guilty for being happy,” he continues quickly, needing to get this off his chest. “I know you. Always putting everyone before yourself. I want you to know that I’m okay.” I’m robbed of speech. “If Saxon is who you want, if he’s the one who makes you happy…then I support you. It’ll always be fucking weird, but I want you in my life. Not only were you my fiancée, but you were my best friend too. And I don’t want to lose that.”

I don’t even know what to think or say. All I know is a weight has lifted off my shoulders. “Me either,” I manage to choke out.

“So let’s start over.” The leather squeaks under him as he turns in his seat to look at me. I still can’t face him. “We’ve both done things we’re sorry for, but let’s leave them in the past. Where they belong.”

Is this a dream? I want to pinch myself just to make sure. “So you fo-forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. I know you didn’t do this on purpose. Neither of you did.” His sincerity is my undoing, and it’s not going to be pretty.

“Sam…” I press the back of my hand to my mouth to mute my whimpers. I’ve wanted him to say this for so long, and now that he has, holy shit, there’s about to be ugly tears.

“Hey, hey,” he coos, placing his hand on my thigh. For once, I don’t shy away. “That wasn’t supposed to make you cry.”

Finally sparing him a fleeting glace, I sniff. “They’re happy tears.” Afraid I’ll run off the road, I pull over and the floodgates break open. This is ridiculous, but I’m just so happy, relieved. What Sam just said came from the heart—the heart I once loved.

“Shh, don’t cry.” But the more he comforts me, the harder the tears fall. “Come here.” It’s too late to protest, but even if I had the chance, I wouldn’t move an inch. Sam leans over the middle console and pulls me into his arms.

The feeling is so foreign, and an action which was so innate, now provokes something new, but underneath the bloom is a wisp of familiarity to his touch, his smell, and to my surprise, it feels good.

I’m apprehensive, but if what Sam says is true, then I have to meet him halfway. I do want him in my life. I never thought it was possible, but now that I’m faced with the chance, I want to embrace it with both hands. The small snippet I saw of him in the hospital gives me hope that we can be friends. So I do. Wrapping both arms around him, I nuzzle into his chest, crying months’ worth of tears.

I feel absolved of my sins, and when Sam sighs, pressing his lips to the top of my head, I know he feels it too. I stay cocooned this way for countless moments, cherishing our connection—one I thought was forever lost.

Once my tears finally dispel, Sam loosens his hold. “How about I drive? I promise to stay ten miles under the speed limit.”

I snuffle out a chuckle. “Okay.” Pulling from his embrace, I wipe away my tears, feeling about a thousand pounds lighter.

Sam smiles, and my god, how I’ve missed seeing it. He jumps from the car, reminding me I need to do the same. The moment I open the door, the air licks at my skin, and I inhale, finally able to breathe. Everything appears amplified, electric, like I’m seeing life through different eyes. The sky is a vivid turquoise, and the splashes of rolling green hills come to life. Is this what a second chance feels like?

I have the ride home to ponder on that thought, and for once, I welcome those musings.

I’m sitting in the middle of my room, my old room that is, gathering my belongings. Sam has packed up most of his things and was kind enough to grab a few extra boxes for me too in case I returned. Peering around at the cardboard boxes, I find it hard to believe someone’s life can be packed away so neatly, so orderly. It’s all an illusion, of course, because life isn’t that straightforward.

We don’t fit into a box—well, I don’t anyway—and that’s what I love about being human. We need to make mistakes to learn, and what I’ve learned is that Sam and I can be friends. Our friendship will never fit into a box because, to most, remaining friends with your ex who lied to you the entire time you were together is simply impossible. Most would call me weak, a pushover. But I suppose I’ve embraced the chaos to appease the noise.

I haven’t felt this lucid in months. It’s hard to believe that Sam was the missing piece because, in a way, he started the chain reaction which led to now.

Regardless of the past, Sam shaped me into the person I am today. Yes, he lied, and what he did was inexcusable, but I can get past it if he can do the same. He seemed genuine in the car, and I can’t begin to explain the relief I felt when this saga finally felt like it was coming to an end.

I’m not naïve. Sam is right. This will always be fucking weird, but if we can really do this, if we can co-exist… I don’t even want to think about that possibility because my life would be complete.

I’m desperate to talk to Saxon, but every time I call, it goes to voicemail. I don’t want to dampen my good mood, so I refuse to believe he’s ignoring me. He’s most likely busy at work. Once I’m done tackling this mountain of clothing, I will try him again.

As I’m folding sweaters I didn’t even know I owned, Sam enters the room carrying two cups of coffee. He’s so working that cast. When he sees me buried beneath my clothing, he bursts into a husky chuckle. “Lucky I added a splash of whiskey.” He closes the door and dodges the apparel shrapnel as he passes me the coffee.

The bitter tang is exactly what I need, and I draw the mug to my nose, inhaling deeply. “You always knew how to make the best cup of coffee.”

“Why, thank you.” He lowers himself to the floor, spreading his long legs out in front of him. I’m thankful the vibe between us is still chilled. “I’ll grab a few more boxes for you tomorrow,” he says, sipping his coffee as he peruses my loot.

“I can’t believe all this fit into the closet.”

He reaches for a fluffy red sweater with a reindeer print and cocks an amused brow. “Yes, neither can I.”

Chuckling, I snatch the garment from his judgmental hands. “Hey, don’t mock the sweater. It was from a Kris Kringle.” I didn’t have the heart to throw it out because it’s the thought that counts.

However, Sam doesn’t seem to share my sentiment. “That person clearly hates you,” he jabs, smirking when I gasp in mock horror. I’m not even halfway through packing my things, so I decide to start a keep and a toss pile. I have no idea where I’m moving to, so it’s probably wise I pack light.

“How did you decide what to keep? And what to donate to Goodwill?” I blow the hair from my cheeks. This is going to take all night.

Sam leans forward, picking out a pair of hideous fluffy boots. “Well, for starters, I tossed anything that looked like a baby orangutan.”

I burst into laughter, blushing, as this early 2000’s fashion must-have was hot at the time. “I got those on sale.” I attempt to defend my impulse buy.

“I can see why,” he counters, chuckling hoarsely. “Let’s put this in the Goodwill pile.” He pitches them over his shoulder without a second thought. There isn’t a hint of animosity between us, and even though this calm is at the expense of my very questionable fashion choices, I don’t mind.

When Sam sets his sights on a denim jacket decorated with badges, I beat him to the chase. “That’s definitely staying in the keep pile.” I finger the jacket, the material bringing back many wonderful memories. “I wore that—”

“On our first date,” he finishes for me. “I remember.” The calmness I once spoke of suddenly turns sour. I regret saying anything, but Sam smiles, appearing lost in a private moment in time. “You were so nervous. But so was I.” He skates his finger along the rim of his mug. “I was sure you’d call bullshit, and I’d have to come clean. I should have,” he adds, his eyes lowered. “I really am sorry, Lucy.”

“It’s okay.” And for once, it really is. “I thought we agreed to leave things in the past.”

“We did, I just feel really shitty for doing what I did,” he confesses, risking a glance my way.

But I refuse to ruin our newfound resolution by talking about something we agreed to leave behind. “Well, you should.” He pulls back, an unsure smile tugging at his lips. “We can discuss this until the cows come home, but I’m done. Let’s focus on the future and look forward to the new memories we have yet to make.”

When Sam nods slowly, my heart dislodges from my throat. “You were always the smart one.” I laugh, not seeing the point in arguing.

We sort through my clothes in silence, that is, until the doorbell rings. I’m not expecting company, but when Sam clears his throat and stands, it’s apparent that he is. “I hope you don’t mind. I invited someone over.”

“Of course, I don’t mind.” However, when he stands rigid, making no attempt to move, I begin to think my attitude may change when I see whoever is at the door. The doorbell rings once again, longer this time, alerting Sam that his visitor has no intention of leaving anytime soon.

“Cool. I’ll be right back.” I nod, busying myself with my clothes and ignoring his sudden mood shift.

As I’m folding the clothes in the keep mountain into tidy piles, my phone vibrates in my back pocket. I quickly reach for it. When I see the caller is Saxon, I forget the strange past thirty seconds and only focus on the now. “I miss you. I love you. Where have you been? Oh, hi. Did I mention I miss you?” I spit out in a rushed breath.

I’m rewarded with a deep, husky chuckle which inflames my body from head to toe. “Hello to you too. Sorry I missed your calls. Everything all right?”

“It is now,” I reply, closing my eyes and basking in his voice. Oh, how I’ve missed it. How I’ve missed him. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. Just busy at work. How are things with you?” The edge of his tone reveals he’s anxious as this can swing either way.

Looking at the mess in front of me, I shrug. “I’m packing.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Sam has packed all his clothes. He left some boxes for me, so here I am, sitting in my old room, packing up my life into two piles.” My attention flits back and forth between the keep and donate pile, and from out of nowhere, I’m struck with an epiphany. I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier. “But you know what? I don’t want any of it.” Rising to both knees, I sweep the two piles into one huge foothill. “I don’t need any of it because as long as I have my toothbrush, a clean pair of underwear, and my cowboy boots, I can figure the rest out as I go.”

A surge of vibrancy swathes me as everything seems to be falling into place.

“I’d like to see you in that attire any day,” he teases, warming every inch of my flesh.

“Well, come here, and I’ll happily show you.” His silence hints that suggestion is not on the cards. I hate this distance between us, and I’m not just talking the physical miles. Deciding to speak first and think later, I confess, “Sam and I spoke… he’s happy for me. He’s happy for us.” I wait for a reaction, but I get nothing in return. So I fill in the blanks. “He’s accepted that I’m with you now. And I am with you, Saxon. I know coming here doesn’t seem that way, but my heart is back in Oregon…with you.”

The tension leaves me breathless, and I nervously chew the inside of my cheek, waiting for Saxon to say something, anything.

“He said that?”

“Yes,” I reply, a little too enthusiastically. But this response is better than him saying Sam is full of shit. “He said if you’re the person who makes me happy, then he supports me. He’s sorry for everything. I know sorry isn’t enough…but it’s a start.” I’m playing with fire, but if I don’t tell him how I feel, I’m afraid it’ll just be Groundhog Day for years to come.

“I just want to forget the past and move on. I sound like a broken record, but coming here, reconciling with Sam or whatever happened between us, I feel like this is the first step. For us to move forward, I need this. I need to know that Sam will be okay…and he will be. And so will we.”

This speech has been said a hundred times, a thousand different ways, but this time, it’s different. Sam has met me halfway, and that’s better than where he was standing weeks ago.

“And you believe him? That he’s okay with us being together?”

I try not to get ahead of myself and rein in the tickertape parade for now. “Yes, I do. I really do.”

Saxon sighs, and I can imagine him running his fingers through his tousled locks, biting that lip, deep in thought. I know he has his doubts, he has every right to, but something inside me tells me this is really it this time.

“How can you be so sure?” Just as I’m about to reply, a sign is sent from above, and I don’t know whether I should laugh or bathe in bleach. “Lucy?”

I’ve gone quiet because no words could convey what I’m seeing right now.

“Lucy, you remember Alicia.” Sam fills in the silence because my mouth is opening and closing like a goldfish. How can I forget? She looks exactly how I remember—cheap and nasty.

I haven’t seen the Stone brothers’ exes in years, and now it appears they’re coming out in droves.

“Alicia? As in Alicia Bell?” Saxon asks, clearly as stunned as I am.

Finding my voice, I answer, “Yup. And that’s how I can be so sure.” I reply to his earlier question, hoping to put his mind at ease once and for all. Alicia is Sam’s ex-girlfriend, and although he had amnesia and they dated for five seconds, he still seemed to remember her and not me. And it appears he remembers her now just fine as well.

The overnight bag she carries and the way she’s snuggled smugly into his side hints they’ve rekindled whatever spark they once had. She thinks she’s won. The thought is enough to make me want to puke. Alicia is Sam’s rebound? Wow. I thought he’d have a little more class than that. Are they a thing now?

Regardless, this is none of my business. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. It cements my point that we’re all moving on. Sadly for Sam, he’s moving downhill, but that’s his choice, and just as how he’s come to respect my choice, I must respect his.

Finding my manners, I stand and wave halfheartedly. “I sure do.” I don’t see the point in small talk because neither of us has ever liked one another, so why start now.

“Alicia will be staying the night,” Sam reveals, watching me closely. He’s likely afraid of my reaction, considering the last time I saw her, she rubbed my face in the fact my fiancé remembered her but not me.

But que sera, sera. This is what moving on entails for everyone. No judgment here. “Awesome. I’ll get out of your hair then.”

Sam blinks once but quickly composes himself. Alicia, on the other hand, is more than happy with my departure as she tosses her bag onto the bed, making herself right at home.

Without a second thought, I sweep my clothes into a messy pile in the corner of the room, intent on discarding them all. But that can wait until tomorrow. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” I bite back my smile.

With the phone still pressed to my ear, I exit the bedroom, dashing down the hallway to my room. Once I’m safely locked within, I flop on the bed as a maniacal cackle erupts from me. “Why are you laughing?” Saxon asks, clearly concerned about my mental health. His question only seems to stoke the crazy, and I continue to laugh.

He allows me to get whatever this is out of my system, and when my full-blown laughter turns into semi collected giggles, I exhale, composing myself as best as I can. “I’m laughing because this is exactly what I’m talking about. Sam is moving on. His choice of partner is questionable, but you know what? That’s not my problem. I’m here because he asked me to come. He still wants to be friends, and as his friend, I will support him through this difficult time.”

I sit upright, reaching for Saxon’s pillow and hugging it to my chest. “But make no mistake, while I’m here, I will pack my shit, get everything sorted, and then…”

“And then?” His heavy exhalation exposes his anticipation.

“And then we freaking live.” Not the most poetic of words, but it’s the truth. This is the first step for all of us, and I can’t wait to take ten more.

“I like the sound of that,” he hums, and just like that, everything is right again.

“I love you, Saxon.”

“I love you too.”

I’m complete because those three little words, when used together, are the most powerful, most life-changing gift, and have the ability to change your life forever. And that’s what Saxon and I are—forever.

We say our goodbyes, both a lot happier than when we said our hellos. I lie back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling, as a sense of completeness envelops me. The world is now my oyster, and this heavy, foreboding sense of guilt seems to be shedding its skin.

When over-the-top, ear-splitting groans float down the hallway, leaving nothing to the imagination, I reach for my iPod, turn the volume to high, and interlace my hands behind my head. Living has never felt this good.