After neither Dr. Wilson nor Mac were able to change the charge nurse’s mind, I’ve decided to talk to her myself. Maybe that’s what I should have done in the first place.

“Sergeant Tilman,” she says brightly when she finds me sitting in her office. “What can I do for you?”

“You can allow my daughter’s mother to visit me.”

She raises an eyebrow. “But you’ve told me personally that she’s the only person you do not want to see.”

“I didn’t. But I changed my mind.”

She leafs through a stack of documents. “That would not be a problem if she hadn’t broken hospital rules.”

“I understand, but she had a good reason for doing that.”

The nurse sighs. “I know. But that doesn’t change the fact that she entered our premises without authorization to do so. So, I’m sorry, but my hands are tied.”

“She brought my daughter to meet me,” I say imploringly. “She turned my whole world upside down—which it needed—and gave me a completely new perspective on things.”

“Unfortunately, I couldn’t make an exception, even if I wanted to. Rules are rules.”

I rub my neck, and a sharp pain in my wrist reminds me of the stupid thing I did that got me into this situation. “How long’s my suicide watch going to last?”

“Normally, we have forty-eight hours to make a decision about whether to discharge. But, in your case, there was an actual attempt, so we are permitted to keep you here longer.”

“I’m here because I want to be here.”

She nods. “That’s true, but it is our obligation to make sure you no longer pose a danger to yourself.”

“Talk to my therapist.”

“I did. We want to keep you until the weekend.”

“So let Mac come see me. Please.”

“We can’t. I’m sorry. But we can get everything ready for your transfer to San Diego on Saturday.” She smiles a little, but all I see is the warped grimace of an obsessive-compulsive person trying to keep me away from Mac.

“Your priority should be your patients’ well-being.”

“It is.”

“No, it isn’t. Having Mac with me would help me. We could talk about everything that was keeping us apart.”

“Talk to Camille. She’ll take good care of you.”

“But she agrees with me on this.”

The nurse nods. “Yes, she does. And I agree, too. But that doesn’t change the fact that, as a professional, I cannot break the rules of this hospital.”

“Give me permission to leave the building then.”

“You’re under suicide watch, Sergeant Tilman. There’s nothing we can do.”

“That’s ridiculous!” I’ve learned not to get so worked up about things anymore, but this lady is on my last nerve. “I’m not a prisoner.”

“You are not a prisoner, Sergeant Tilman. But it is our professional obligation not to let your leave the premises while there is a risk that you might again attempt to end your life.”

I shake my head. “This is absolutely laughable. Mac is one of the only things that would have a positive influence on my recovery, and she’s the very thing you’re keeping away from me.”

“I understand you’re frustrated, but there are rules, and she broke them. You just have to be patient. This weekend, you’ll be able to see her again.”

I can’t believe this. It’s not like Mac came running into the building with a bomb. I mean, she kind of dropped a bomb on me, but still. She didn’t cause problems for anybody else. It’s so stupid I’m speechless. Before I freak out—and end up behind bars for murder—I stand up and leave.

The next thing on my agenda is physical therapy. Walking with my prosthetic still feels weird, but the good thing is that I still have my knee, which gives me pretty good mobility. It feels strange that I can’t move my ankle, but it’s nothing you couldn’t get used to.

We start off at the bar so I can walk holding on to something.

“Do you think I might be able to run after a two-year-old soon?”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” my physical therapist says brightly. “You’re young and fit. The prosthesis fits pretty good. And there are very impressive foot components these days that allow you to exercise and go running. Depending on the material, some you can even use in salt or fresh water.”

“That sounds interesting. What material do you use for that?”

“Carbon.”

“Oh, you mean those things without feet?”

“They’re especially useful for active people. Carbon foot springs give you a very efficient energy return. They’re very light, making your range of motion really natural. If you wear long pants and shoes, nobody’s able to tell you’re not walking on two real legs.”

“Shoes?” I repeat. “But I thought there was no foot.”

“Depending on the model, you can add a foot component or just have a spring.”

“What do most people have?”

“Mostly springs, because they give you a better range of mobility.”

I pause. I want to be able to move, but… “Doesn’t it look kind of freaky?”

He looks at me. “The people close to you know you have a prosthetic anyway. And who cares about the others?”

“But, uh, what about a two-year-old?”

He smiles s little. “If your daughter grows up with it, she’ll think it’s normal.”

That makes sense. So far, Hazel has been fine with my prosthetic. Maybe I just need to have faith in the adaptability of young children. I turn around and walk slowly back down the bar. With every step, it gets easier. “Do you have more mobility around the ankle with a carbon spring?”

“You don’t really have an ankle, but you don’t notice it’s missing because the spring adapts to the ground you’re walking on. You can’t move sideways, but up and down isn’t a problem.” As he’s talking, he’s observing my movements, giving me instructions when I get something wrong as my body instinctively tries to go easy on the prosthetic. And, of course, he’s always encouraging. “That looks great.”

I’m moving slowly, but it works. I don’t think it’ll be easy, but at least I can imagine myself walking again. It doesn’t seem to be the end of the world like it did a few days ago. So far, everything’s been as good as possible—considering the circumstances. I hope it’ll stay that way.

Knock on wood.

“It’s important for you to be patient and not rush things,” he goes on. “Don’t ask more of your body than it can take. Walking practice helps, but you need to give yourself time. If you overdo it, you risk losing another part of your leg, including the knee. And that’s not worth it.”

Next, I lie down on a table for some exercises that are supposed to strengthen the muscles in my knee. Since I haven’t been able to use both legs in weeks, I’m a little weak in that area—and pretty much everywhere else. Looking at my upper body, I know I need to do something about that, too. One step at a time, I tell myself. Obviously, I want to look as good as possible for Mac, but I think she’ll be more interested in me living a relatively normal life than in well-defined abs.

I can’t seem to control my thoughts. I want to take things slow, but everything’s been put on fast forward. This is going to be a disaster…

When I’m done with my exercises, my therapist helps me back into my wheelchair and I wheel myself over to the visitors’ room.

“Daddy!” the little voice calls out. I laugh when I see her smiling face running toward me. Who would have thought one word and one little face could ever give me so much joy?

“Hi, Haze,” I say and pull her onto my lap. She snuggles up to me. “What have you been up to?”

“Part with Mommy and Ree. Draw with Mommy.”

“What did you have for lunch?”

“Tates and tarots.”

I give Carey a helpless look.

“Potatoes and carrots,” he translates.

“Yup,” Hazel chirps as Carey pushes us over to the table. “Dame,” she says, and Carey pulls a puzzle out of his bag.

“The puzzle?” he asks, and she nods.

It’s a picture of farm animals. Before we take it apart, I point at the donkey. “What’s this one called?”

“Molly.”

For a moment, I’m lost. Then I laugh out loud. Carey smiles broadly. Hazel looks up at me, probably confused about why I’m laughing. She is such a little clown. This is awesome.

“But what is that?” Carey asks, pointing at the donkey again.

“Donty.”

Okay, I guess you have to ask the right questions… “What about this?”

“Horsey!” she squeals.

“That’s her favorite,” Carey says, but I could tell as much from the enthusiasm in her voice.

“Have you ever been horseback riding?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “I want!”

Carey shakes his head. “Oh, now you’ve started something.”

But Carey doesn’t know how I feel. Ten feet tall, strong as a bear. Nothing can stop me. And if I have to tame a wild horse myself so my daughter can ride it, I will do it.

“Daddy, horsey,” she says, her eyes lighting up.

Oops. I should really find out what Mac’s philosophy on raising children is before I end up promising this kid a pony. “I’m afraid you’ll have to talk to Carey about that, Haze,” I say sympathetically.

She looks at my leg. “Daddy, ouch?”

I nod, and she pets my leg. So cute. So damn cute.

Carey looks at me, and I can see him moving to stand. “Does Mac know you’re leaving us alone?” I ask.

He nods. “Of course. There’s nothing about Hazel she doesn’t know.” Before he leaves, he bends down and whispers in my ear, “Mac says you need to tell Haze that you love her. She shouldn’t doubt for one second that you do, and that you’re proud of her.”

I nod. I wasn’t sure whether I should do that, or could do that, or whatever. God, I need to talk to Mac.

Hazel scatters the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle across the table, and together we put them back together. Until one piece falls on the floor.

She looks at me.

“Can you pick that up, Hazel?” I ask.

“Daddy ouch,” she says, starting to climb down. I help her to the floor, and she tries to pick up the piece. But it’s flat on the ground, so she can’t get a hold of it, like a dog trying to eat a slice of salami stuck to the floor. When she finally manages to scrape it up, she proudly hands it over to me.

Together, we put in the last piece, and she claps her hands.

“Yay! You did it, Hazel!” I say, and I’m actually a little proud. “Good job! That was awesome!”

She beams, looking shy at the same time. Mac is right, I realize. This little girl needs to hear she’s awesome. I squeeze her, kissing her on her head. “I love you, Hazel baby.”

Like she’s done before, she puts her fingers in my beard. “Love you too, Daddy.”

I’m a Marine. I’ve made it through BUD/S, two deployments to Afghanistan, sand in my ass crack, days without sleep, the Taliban wanting to kill me. But this little girl makes me weak. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. She’s holding my heart in her little hands.

“Look at that!”

The familiar voice throws me, and I turn around in my chair.

“Killian!” I exclaim, trying to contain the grin on my face. “What are you doing here?”

“Killer!” Smiling broadly, he comes over to us and pats me on the shoulder. “How are you doing? I heard what happened. I’m on base right now, so I thought I’d drop by.”

“Thanks, man. I’m doing pretty good.”

He pats me on the shoulder again, a little insecurely. I guess the situation is kind of awkward for him. What do you say to somebody who just lost their leg? And, God, does he know about my suicide attempt?

Can I still look him in the eye if he does?

Hazel snuggles up to me, eyeing the stranger in the room.

Killian sits down at the table and smiles at Hazel. “So who are you?”

She buries her head in my shirt and shakes it. I smile like an idiot and stroke her head. “This is Hazel.”

“Hi, Hazel,” he says. But she doesn’t react. He looks at me.

“She’s my daughter.”

Killian’s eyes grow huge, threatening to pop out of his head. “Your what?”

I smile. “My daughter. And Mac’s.”

He shakes his head like he has water in his ears. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just learned myself. Four days ago, to be precise.”

“And you’re sure?” He clamps his mouth shut, obviously realizing belatedly that’s the wrong question to ask while Hazel’s sitting right there on my lap.

“A hundred percent,” I say proudly. I didn’t know there was so much tenderness inside me. My hand is bigger than her head, and very gently, I stroke the brown curls wildly framing her face. “If she’d show you her pretty face, you could see it.”

Killian laughs. “Did you just call yourself a pretty motherfucker?”

“Fuck you.”

Hazel raises her face. “Fut.”

I smile. “You’re not supposed to say that. Mommy’s going to be mad at me.”

Killian laughs. “Maybe you need to start a swear jar. It could be a swear piggy bank.”

“Don’t give Mac any ideas.”

“Is she here?”

“Here in Virginia, yes. But she’s not allowed to come see me.”

“Why?” he asks, surprised.

Contritely, I run my hand over my beard. “She was on my blacklist, but she got in anyway.”

“To tell you about Hazel?” he asks.

I nod. “Yes. Exactly.”

“Sounds like a good woman. Letting you visit with Hazel even without her here.”

“I’m surprised myself.”

Hazel tugs on my sleeve, and I look at her. “What’s up, Haze?”

“Tirsty,” she whispers, not very quietly.

“Can you get me the bottle and mug from that bag?” I ask Killian, pointing at the bag Carey left for us.

He gets up and pours Hazel some water. When he hands her the mug, he pulls a funny face, and I hear a little giggle from her, which just makes him keep going until she squeals with delight. She drinks greedily, giggles again, and puts the mug down in the air next to the table. I just manage to catch it.

“Oops,” she says before she starts rubbing the wet patches on our clothes again.

“She’s awesome,” Killian observes.

“She is.”

He grins. “You’re in love with her.”

I shrug. “I am.”

“With both of them,” he says, and I can’t help but nod.

After a while, he asks, “So how are you doing?”

“Better.”

“You can talk to me any time, you know. I’m your friend.”

“I know.” I nod and swallow. “I was depressed in Germany. But then Mac gave me a daughter. Man, she’s perfect.”

Hazel gets restless on my lap, so I help her down. She runs around the table and comes back to me on the other side. She smiles before she runs the other way again. I smile at her. Every time she reaches me, she touches my leg like she wants to make sure I’m still here. But she doesn’t have to worry about that. I’ll never leave again.

“That’s cool, man,” Killian says gently, “but she shouldn’t be your only reason for wanting to be alive.”

“She isn’t. I’ve started therapy with the prosthetic, and it’s not as horrible as I thought. I’m already walking again in just a week. I’m still at the bar, but hey, a few days ago, I thought I had to rely on other people to take care of me for the rest of my life.” It’s hard for me to open up to Killian. He’s my best friend, but we don’t usually talk about this kind of thing. I guess it’s not so common in our macho culture to have these kinds of discussions among men.

But I’ve experienced the effects again and again. After I talk to someone, I always feel better. I don’t know if Killian knows this, but I think he’s seen some bad stuff in Iraq, too. Maybe he has been through therapy.

“Hey, that’s great,” he says, and I can tell he’s genuinely happy for me. “I’m so glad you changed your mind.”

Hazel comes back, nudges me, and giggles before running off in the opposite direction.

“Me too.”

“So how is Mac?”

I sigh. “I have no idea. I want to take things slow. I don’t want to ruin things. Especially now that I know she has Hazel.”

“You have rights, being her father,” he says.

“I know, but I don’t want to end up in some situation where I have to sue her. Mac’s not a vindictive woman. She wouldn’t have brought Hazel here if she didn’t want me to be part of her life. She would have let me believe she was someone else’s child.”

He nods. “Okay, so you’re a daddy—”

At that moment, Hazel trips and falls. My heart stops, and I get up. Even if my steps are wobbly and I have to hold on to the table, I get to Hazel and manage to pick her up.

She gives me a fascinated look. “Haze ouch.” She holds her hand under my nose, and I gently blow on it and kiss her.

“Better?” I ask, and she nods. I put her back on her feet and sit back down in my wheelchair. I feel like the Six Million Dollar Man. I was able to be there for my baby. Fuck, I really need to learn how to use this fucking leg properly.

“Impressive,” Killian says, sitting back down. He jumped up, too, when she tripped.

“She keeps me motivated.”

Killian smiles. “I’m proud of you, man.”

* * *

Before they leave, Carey gives me a letter from Mac and several bags of clothes she bought me. I’m relieved, because I was wondering how I’d make do with a wardrobe of exactly one pair of sweatpants.

When I get to my room, I open the letter. I take a deep breath, nervous since I don’t know what to expect.

After reading the first few words, I breathe out.

She wants me in Hazel’s life. And she wants me.

It’s like a pile of rubble has been lifted off my chest. I mean, I’ve been telling myself she wouldn’t have introduced Hazel to me just to snatch her away again, but reading it in her handwriting makes me indescribably happy.

And she loves me. Fuck yeah!

But that doesn’t mean we don’t still need to take things slow. Neither of us is the same person we used to be. We need to get to know each other again. Spend time with each other. But I’m glad we’re on the same page.

I write back to her, feeling like I’m back at boot camp. I’m not one to cry about missed opportunities, but it would have been so cool if she’d been my girl back then…

For a moment. I’m tempted to cross out the last part, but then I think it’ll probably make her laugh, which makes it okay.

I grab my crotch just to make sure I still have a dick.

* * *

It’s official. On Saturday, I’m going back to San Diego. My therapist attested that, in her professional opinion, I’m not going to attempt suicide again, so they have to release me. As much as I loved being alone with Hazel, too much is still unclear between me and Mac.

But not for long. Mac and Hazel went back yesterday, and Carey’s flying back with me today. I already miss Hazel. I don’t know how Mac came to see me in Germany and left her for so long. Suddenly, I see her selfless act in a totally new light.

I’m walking pretty well by now. At least in short stretches. But for an exhausting trip like this, I can’t go without a wheelchair, even if I hate the thing. I wonder if Mac and Hazel are going to pick us up at the airport. I hope so.

When, after what seems like a hundred hours, we finally step out of the secured area of San Diego Airport, I immediately see them. They’re both waving, their faces beaming. Mac’s walking toward us, Hazel on her hip. I get up, not wanting to greet them sitting down.

“Daddy,” Hazel coos, stretching out her arms for me. Mac hands her to me, and I hug her tight before she demands Carey’s attention. He takes her in his arms, and they start babbling at each other.

Mac stands there a little awkwardly, obviously not sure what to do.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” she says quietly.

“Come here.”

And that’s enough to make her hug me. I hold her tight, bury my nose in her hair, and breathe her in. Her fingers close around my neck, holding me tight. She begins to sob.

I break away from her, and she wants to protest, but I don’t give her time. My lips find hers, and without much ado, I kiss her like I’ve been wanting to kiss her for a long time. I pull her in tight, and she opens her mouth, taking in my tongue. My kiss gets more passionate, more wanton.

Right, we’re taking things slow…

I can’t. I need to kiss her, need her like air to breathe.

One hand is behind her head so she can’t escape, the other on her lower back, pressing her against me. Fuck! I’ve missed her so much.

My mouth is fucking hers, and she’s returning my kiss just as hungrily. Yes, she wants me. She still wants me.

Carey clears his throat behind us. Slowly, I end our tongue wrestling, kissing her more gently again, and lightly stroking her cheek. Fuck, I’m done.

“Shall we go?” Carey asks, and you can hear the amusement in his voice. Ass.

I sit back down in my wheelchair, and Carey puts Hazel on my lap. He pushes us, and Mac carries our suitcases, which I hate. I need to get rid of this fucking chair.

Instead of going home, Carey drives us to an isolated stretch of beach. There’s nobody else there, but just before the sand starts, there are some picnic tables.

“Is this okay?” Mac asks. “I thought…”

“Perfect.”

Mac and I get out, and I manage the three steps from the car to the bench. Immediately, Carey backs up and turns the car around. He’s going to pick us up again when we’re done. God, I can’t wait to start driving again. This is so annoying.

To top it off, I feel like a prisoner because I can’t even walk when I want to. But maybe it’s better this way. Maybe we need to talk about this while I can’t run from it. The only downside is I can’t run after her if she decides to beat me to it…

She sits on the other side of the table, kneading her hands and chewing her bottom lip. I put my hand on hers.

“Hey, Mac…”

She looks up, and it kills me to see the insecurity in her eyes. That was the look she gave me way back then…and I never wanted to see it again… She needs security.

“Whatever we tell each other here, Mac, when we leave here, we’re also going to leave our past. We need to get it out so the air is clear between us, but then…then we can start looking ahead again, okay?”

She nods but doesn’t seem convinced.

I turn and tap my good leg. “Come here.”

Hesitantly, she gets up and steps around the table. “But your prosthetic…”

“Sit down.” I grab her hips and pull her onto my lap.

She’s so beautiful, and she belongs right here. I smooth her hair back out of her face before I kiss her again. She moans softly. I’ve missed these sounds so much!

Since I’m a greedy bastard, I knead her breasts, her perfect tits that drive me crazy. She squeezes my hand, and I put it in her cleavage. I pull down the fabric of her shirt, freeing her tits. She rubs her pussy against my hard-on.

Fuck!

I won’t be able to talk.

“Mac,” I gasp as I pull away. “I’m so fucking hard. I can’t even think straight.”

She gives me a cheeky smile and massages my dick through my jeans. “I can feel it.”

“You beast.” I kiss the tip of her nose.

She slides off my lap, kneels down in front of me, and starts unbuttoning my pants. I should be a gentleman…but I’m not. I want her full lips around my cock. I’ve thought about her BJs, always hoping they weren’t just a brief spell, that I’d keep getting them for the rest of my life. No, not hoping. At that point, I had no hope left. But I desperately wished it.

She looks up at me, and there’s so much love in her eyes it makes me swallow. My girl is about to suck my dick… Fuck yeah!

She gets my dick out and strokes it before taking it into her mouth. “Fuck, yeah, baby!” I moan, happy nobody but her can hear me.

Her head bobs up and down, her lips wrapped tight around my shaft. One hand grips the base, because she can’t quite fit my dick in her mouth. I imagine for a second what it would be like if she were to deep-throat me, but then I’m back here and now. Even if she doesn’t have my dick in her throat, this is spectacular. And maybe we can work on that in the future…

I put my hands on her head. I want to give her some freedom, but I can’t keep my hands off her. I stroke her long, brown hair, my eyes locked on the point where my cock and her lips are connected. It’s so amazingly hot when it comes out of her mouth, wet with her saliva. She keeps looking up at me through her lashes. Seriously, those looks make a man weak…

“Mac, baby,” I gasp quietly. “This is so hot. You are so good at this. Take it into your mouth some more.”

She does, and I can feel my glans hit the back of her throat every time. That makes it so much better!

Her second hand gently reaches for my balls, rolling them in her palms. Her thumb and index finger forms a ring around the base. I need to hold back not to cum in her mouth right away. Nothing’s better than fucking a tight pussy—except for Mac’s BJs…

I throw my head back and growl, “Fuck!”

Enough said.

She licks across me with her tongue, and I’m in heaven. Or maybe hell, because such pleasure probably doesn’t exist in heaven. But if Mac’s in hell, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

And then I can’t hold back any longer. I reach around her head more tightly, squeezing her against me. I can feel her gag a little, but at that moment, I don’t care. I know I’m being a selfish bastard, but nothing is as good as this moment! It is so incredibly sweet. I’ll never need drugs if I have her sucking my dick. There’s nothing like it!

In Germany, she swallowed. So I don’t even think of the possibility that she might not want to do it now. Yes, I know. I should never assume… But, again, my horniness turns off my thinking.

My sperm squirts deep into her mouth, and she swallows every last drop of it. I can feel the waves surging through my cock, getting pulled deep down her throat.

“Fuck, yeah, baby!” I moan, tilting up my pelvis, thrusting into her mouth, extending my pleasure for as long as I can.

When the last drop has left my body, I take my hand off her head. With a little gasp, she lets my cock out of her mouth. She looks up at me. Her eyes are a little moist, and I rub the skin underneath them. She turns her head, kissing my palm.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly.

She nods and gets up. I close my fly while she straightens her top. Then I pull her back onto my lap, holding her and stroking her back.

“Whatever we have to say to each other, this is the end result,” I whisper in her ear. “You and me. Got it?”

She nods, kissing my neck. “I love you.”

My hands pull her in closer, and I’m more than just happy when her arms hug me back. “I’ve always loved you.”

I can feel her tears, and I know she’s happy. “Don’t cry, baby,” I whisper. But that makes her cry even more. Does anybody understand women?

When she finally calms down, I say, “Let’s talk.”

She nods and moves to climb off my lap.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?”

She gives me a surprised look. “I thought…”

I give her a smile that melts her. I can see it happening. It’s only fair that she can’t resist me, either. “You don’t think I’m letting you go now that I’ve got you where I’ve wanted you for seven years, do you?”

She sits back down, this time straddling me so we can look at each other. My hands are on her hips, her hands on my arms. “I’m not too heavy?”

I snort. “Don’t be ridiculous!”

She smiles. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know.”

She chews on her lip before she looks me in the eyes. “I was so happy this one weekend.”

“Me too,” I say, my voice a little hoarse, knowing exactly what she’s talking about.

“It was perfect.”

“It was.”

She nods. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand the situation like I should have, Hunter. I wanted to take your hand that day. I really did, but…”

“But what?”

Her fingers close around my arms more tightly. “But… You didn’t do anything wrong that night Hunter, but I did. I was in a relationship, and I cheated on Carter. The fact that he caught us was the worst possible way for him to find out. I wanted to talk to him and apologize. Explain it to him. I mean, it must have been such a shock to find us, you know?”

“I don’t feel sorry for him,” I almost spit out. “Plus, you seem to have forgotten that he cheated on you, too. There’s no reason to put all the blame on yourself. Besides, you could have sorted all that out later. In that moment, you should have taken my hand, Mac. You really should have! How could you not? How could you let me believe you were choosing Dad?”

“I’m so sorry, Hunter. I made a huge mistake! I’m so incredibly sorry. I didn’t want that to happen.”

“I was so mad at you. And so hurt. Up to that point, you’d always done the right thing, but when you did that, I just wanted to rip your head off!”

“I know! If I could change it I would! I swear. I only wanted you. Only you! The thing with Carter and me…” She bites her tongue.

“Say it. I need to know, even if I don’t really want to know.”

“I’d been feeling like I was just a nanny for him for a while…”

I frown. “That he was only with you so you’d watch Carey?”

She nods. “He’d been off in New York for months.”

“Does that mean…you didn’t have sex with him for months?”

She shakes her head. “That’s how I knew immediately that only you could be Hazel’s dad.”

“And after that?” I ask, just to make sure.

“Of course not! I was in love with you! I wouldn’t sleep with anybody else.”

I’m stunned. “You haven’t had sex since that night we spent together?”

She shakes her head and murmurs, “No.”

I want to rip my shirt off and drum my chest with my fists while grunting. Of course, I don’t do that. Instead, I murmur, “Hmm.”

“What?” she asks, and I kind of want to hide my face in my hands.

But I have to get this out there. “I stopped sleeping around when I fell in love with you.”

Her eyes widen. “You were seventeen.”

I shrug. “I stopped sleeping with that girl… What was her name? After that, I never fucked anybody else until that night we spent together.”

“That’s more than three years,” she states unnecessarily, because obviously, I know that. I can even tell you the number of days and hours.

“I know. My hand was so sore.”

“But you were being an ass.”

“Yes. Initially because I hated you, and later because I wanted you so much.”

“And after our night together?”

I swallow hard. “Not going to lie, Mac. I was desperate after that. So when I was in Virginia between my first and second deployments, I met a few women.”

She bites her lip. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No,” I say quickly.

She smiles a little. “I hate that you slept with other women.”

“I know.”

“But…had you lost all hope that we would end up together?”

“Yes,” I say. “And my balls were so blue, they would have dropped off.”

“Hunter!” she squeals, exasperated.

I grin. “Just telling you the truth, baby.” I bend forward, breathing against her ear. “But I only ever saw you.”

A shudder runs down her back, and every hair on her arms stands up.

“And your perfect tits,” I add, grabbing them.

She lets me for a second before she says, “I wrote you so many emails. Tons of them! I wrote that I loved you, that I was pregnant. I tried to call you. Carey tried to call you. I was so worried about you! Both times!”

My hands release her breasts. It doesn’t feel right to touch her like that while she’s so vulnerable.

“I spent every night lying awake, cursing the decision I made that day,” she confesses. “I could have endured so much more of Carter’s rage if…”

“What?” I ask, shocked. “Carter’s rage? What does that mean? Mac, what did he do to you?”

She bites her lip. Obviously, she didn’t mean to reveal this. “It’s over now.”

“Oh, no,” I snap. “Tell me!” But she only looks down. “Tell me, Mac! Or I’ll ask Carey.”

She must realize he would tell me, because she says, “He was verbally abusive and threatened to sue me for seducing minors.”

I frown, anger rising in me. “Minors, plural?”

“He accused me of sleeping with Carey…when he was fifteen. And… Oh God!” She buries her face in her hands.

Gently, I peel them away. “And then?”

“Then…” She shakes her head.

“I need to know, Mac. I need to know.”

Tears run down her cheeks. “He grabbed my hair…”

Oh my God! What? Fuck! “Mac, did he… Did he…?”

“He threw me against the wall, and then…”

Red creeps into my field of vision. Everything inside me is coiled. I want to… I want to… What do I want to do?

Kill him. He hurt Mac. Mac, of all people. Who has gone through so much shit already. And he knows that.

“And then he hit me in the face,” she finishes in a rush.

It takes all my strength for me to stay where I am instead of marching right to New York on my new prosthetic to strangle him. “And then what happened?” I grind out.

“And then Carey was there to protect me,” she said quickly. “He has always protected me.”

I nod. I owe my brother so much. And my father? “I’m going to kill him.”

“Hunter, don’t—”

“Mac, he knew what happened to you! He knew it! And he still hit you. In spite of everything. If I ever see him again, I’m going to break more than just his nose.”

Her fingers reach around my face. “No, Hunter! We’re leaving the past behind us after today. Those were your words! We need to let go of the past.”

“Our past, Mac. But this is between Carter and me.”

“Hunter, please…”

I put my hands on hers. “I promise you I’m not going to drive out to New York while you’re sleeping. But if I ever see him again, I’m not going to be able to keep quiet…”

She sighs. “Okay…”

“You will not keep any secrets from me, Mac,” I say seriously. “It is my job to make sure you and Hazel are okay. You will not keep secrets from me. And you’ll let me take care of them. Is that clear?” My eyes bore into hers until she finally nods.

“Okay. But—”

“No buts. I’m your man.”

I can see arousal flooding through her. Through the fabric of her top, I see her nipples getting hard.

“Why now?” she suddenly calls out, sounding upset. “And why couldn’t you just give me a chance to explain things to Carter?”

“Because you broke my fucking heart, Mac! I didn’t even know how to keep functioning!”

“And then you just went off to Afghanistan! How do you think I’d have functioned if you’d been killed over there? I couldn’t have lived with the guilt!” Her voice is shrill, and there’s pain in her eyes.

“I couldn’t stay!” I yell. “I had no hope left! If you could leave me after telling me you loved me, then… Fuck! Mac! You said you loved me, and then you chose him! My heart was shredded!”

“I did not choose him! I chose you!” she yells right back.

From the outside, this must be a great show. She’s sitting on my lap as we touch each other, yelling.

“But I didn’t know, because you didn’t take my fucking hand!” I cry.

“Because I wanted to apologize to Carter!”

“Fuck that! If the man you love stretches out his hand, you fucking take it!”

“And when the woman you love repeatedly sends you emails telling you she’s pregnant, you read them!”

“Why has Carey seen your pussy?” I scream.

“Because—” Her brows drop. Her open mouth, ready to scream drifts closed like a deflating balloon. “Wait, what?”

“Carey said he saw your vagina.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, because he’s an ass. I wanted Sheila to be with me when Hazel was born, but it was Carey. I told him to stay in the safe zone, near my head, but he just had to be the one to catch the baby and cut the umbilical cord.”

Oh. I’m quiet for a second. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Me too.”

“I wish I’d seen her when she was a tiny baby.”

Tears run down Mac’s cheeks. “I would have loved to see you together.”

I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. “Thank you for giving me such a wonderful gift.”

“Thank you.”

We hold each other, reminiscing and dreaming about the could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves of our relationship.

“I couldn’t read your emails,” I finally explain. “I thought you were saying goodbye to me. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. As long as you hadn’t told me it was over, I could still live in my imagination.”

She nods, stroking my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Hunter. It’s my fault.”

I shake my head. “No. It was both of ours.”

She leans her forehead against mine. “Have you read my emails now?”

“No, I haven’t had access to a computer.”

“Okay. Then wait. Don’t read them yet.”

“Why?”

“I want to give you the things I made for you. Then you can read everything and look at everything in chronological order.”

I nod. “I cannot believe you chronicled every single day of Hazel’s life for me.”

“And every day of my pregnancy, since I found out.”

I smile and kiss her. “You’re really something, baby.”

She shrugs. “Yup. I’m in love.”

I scoot away from her a little so I can look her in the eyes. “I want to be with you, but…”

“But?” she says, fear pervading her voice.

“I don’t want to rush things. We need to get to know each other again. Really get to know each other. You only know me as your boyfriend’s son, and I only know you as the unreachable girl of my dreams. We need to get to know each other slowly and properly. I want us to be together. For us, but also for Hazel, so she has a mom and dad. You know what I mean? I want this to last forever. But…maybe it won’t because we’re not even compatible. We need to be sure. You understand?”

She nods. “Yeah. I get it. We need to be sure for Hazel. Not that she’ll ever not have the both of us. I mean…” She takes a deep breath. “You need to know that I’ll always want you to be part of Hazel’s life, if you want. I would never keep her from you. Never. If it doesn’t work out between us, we’ll file for joint custody. She is your daughter, and you need to be in her life. I would never—”

“I know, baby.” I stroke her cheek. “Don’t worry. I know that.” I run my finger across her bottom lip. “I’m very grateful you see it that way. I never want to be without Hazel again.”

“She’s fantastic.”

“She is. Because she has a fantastic mom.”

Mac runs her fingers through my hair, which is longer than it’s ever been. “And because she has a fantastic daddy.”

I laugh. “I will be. Once I learn how you’re raising her, so I don’t get it all wrong.”

Mac shakes her head. “Don’t do stuff just because I think it’s right. You have the right to make your own decisions, too.”

I shrug. “Whatever you’ve been doing seems to be working.”

She smiles. “What really matters to me is that she knows we love her, that we’re proud of her, and that she’s our top priority. Of course, I don’t want her to be a crybaby or anything, but so far it doesn’t look like it. When she falls, I always wait a little before I go to her because she usually gets up on her own and only starts crying once you give her attention.”

“Oops.”

Mac gives me a curious look. “Are you spoiling our daughter already?”

I smile. I love how she talks about our daughter like that. “I may have picked her up when she fell the other day. But she didn’t cry. She just said her hand hurt. I blew on it and kissed it better.”

She laughs. “Oh, I wish I’d seen that!”

I’m quiet for a moment. “What about discipline?”

“If she does something wrong, I tell her. I try not to yell at her, but it doesn’t always work. Especially when it’s something dangerous.”

“Spanking?” I ask.

“Never. Are you okay with that?”

“Of course.” I rub my neck. “Just be patient with me.”

She nods. “Sure, if you yell at her or—”

“I don’t mean that. It’s just… Well, I’m afraid I might end up being the good cop…”

Mac laughs. “Oh, my sweet wuss!”

I hold her face. “Mac, I would never hit her. Never. And I would never hit you, either.”

She wraps her fingers around my wrists. “I know that, Hunter. I know.”

“It’s important to me that you do.”

She bends forward and kisses my lips. “I do. I’m always a hundred percent sure with you.”

I look at her for a moment. “I haven’t been suffering from PTSD so far, aside from…you know. But I don’t think that was PTSD. Still, I’ve seen a lot of shit. It might come later. And that usually affects the people around you.”

“Whatever happens then won’t be on purpose,” Mac says gently. Sometimes I forget she’s a therapist.

“Okay, but don’t forget that,” I say. “Never forget that. I’m never going to be a threat to you on purpose.”

She shakes her head. “I want you in our lives. If I thought you might be bad for us, I wouldn’t say that.”

I run my thumb across her lips. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world, baby.”

She stands and leans her forehead against mine. “I’m so happy you’re here. But don’t you want…?”

I know what she’s going to ask. “It’s better for both of us if I stay at the clinic for now. We just agreed to take things slow, and three minutes later, I can’t keep my hands off you. We both need some physical distance, babe. Otherwise we’ll be all over each other like animals.”

She grins. “Not the worst idea.”

My fingers move down her back, reaching around her perfect ass. “We’ll fuck, Mac,” I promise. “I haven’t been able to think about anything else.”

I can see her face cloud over. “Why didn’t you get in touch, Hunter? Why did you shut me out so rigorously? I broke your heart, but you broke mine, too.”

I thought this would happen. It was going much too smoothly. Of course, I know I hurt her with my continuous rejection. Of course.

“It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life,” I try to explain, “but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’d always had so much hope. Something inside me had always told me we would end up together at some point. But then… Mac, reverse our positions in that night. Imagine it was my girlfriend who’d caught us. Imagine you asking me to come with you, but I stay. What would you have felt like? You were the first girl I ever loved. The only one. I’d been waiting for you for four years, and finally, there you were. I finally had you… And what do you go and do?” I rub my neck. “I was crushed, Mac. I was broken.”

“I missed you so much, Hunter. I know I let you down, but then you pushed me away, and that sucked, too. You made me feel like you didn’t want me.”

“I didn’t want to want you anymore.”

“Well, that hurt me, Hunter. You’re not the only one who suffered.”

I stroke her cheek. “I know, baby. We both made mistakes, and we both ended up paying for them.”

“I needed you.”

“I know.”

“I wanted you to be there when she was born.”

Fuck, I want to have been there, too! I should have been there. What kind of a dad isn’t present when his baby is born? I gently hold her face in my hands. “I will always regret that I wasn’t there.”

“I know you were in Afghanistan, but…”

“I wouldn’t have gone if things had been different. I would have finished Force Recon.”

She leans her forehead against my chest. “God, Hunter… It’s all so fucked up.”

My fingers gently massage her neck. “It must be, if it’s making you swear.” She snorts into my shirt. “I’m sorry I cut off all contact. I’m sorry I told Carey not to talk about you. You’ll never know how sorry I am about all that. I’ve missed out on everything. Plus, Carey ended up seeing your pussy…”

She snorts again. “You only have yourself to blame.”

Smiling, I lift her chin. “Let’s promise each other something.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s promise each other we’ll never doubt each other’s feelings again. Let’s promise never to shut each other out again. If we don’t like something, we’ll talk about it until we find a solution. Or end up having hot sex.”

“Okay.”

“Say it, Mac. How do you feel about me?”

Her fingers touch my cheeks, my beard. “I love you, Hunter Tilman.”

I smile. “I love you, Mackenzie Hall.” Suddenly a question pops into my head. “What’s Hazel’s last name?”

Mac looks down. “Tilman.”

A warm feeling spreads inside me. She gave Hazel my name? I can’t believe it! “Really?”

She shrugs.

I firmly pull her toward me, my heart throbbing so hard it’s going to burst out of my chest any moment. “You make me so incredibly happy.”

“And here I thought that was a dumb move,” she mumbles against my shirt. “That it would pressure you.”

For a moment, I’m perplexed. What’s she talking about? “Pressure me?”

“Well…at some point, I would like to have the same last name as my daughter.”

My heart stops.

Was that a proposal? It was, right? She just told me she wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me, right?

My heart starts racing, going from zero to sixty in a second. There is nothing I want more than that! But…this is the opposite of what we need right now. I take a deep breath and say, “We’re taking things slow, right?”

“You didn’t care about that when I was sucking your dick.”

“Because your mouth around my dick feels fantastic.” It really does.

“We’d have a problem if it didn’t.”

I grab her upper arms, pushing her back a little so she’s leaning against the edge of the table. This way I can look her in the eyes. “But that’s not what this is about.”

She nods. “It’s just some extra fun.”

I smile at her the way I know she likes. Her eyes widen a little, her lips open, her breath quickens, her pulse starts racing. And her pussy gets wet. “Some amazing extra fun.”

“Hunter…”

“Yes?”

“Come home with me. Live with us.”

Fuck! Lying in her bed, naked, this body next to mine. Having access to her any time, fucking her whenever I want to. Sitting on the couch and playing video games with Hazel on my lap. I want that. So much. But… “I can’t, Mac. I want nothing more than that, but I think we need more time. Look at what happened as soon as we were alone. We can’t solve our problems that way.”

“Abstaining from sex is not going to help, either.”

I smile. “Maybe not, but we need a solid foundation to start with.”

“Don’t you think sex is a solid foundation?”

“Not if we want to spend the rest of our lives together.” I wrap my arms around her. It is amazing how easy this is after spending so much time apart. Especially since we didn’t even spend all that much time together back then. But it feels right holding her in my arms.

“Mac…” I take a deep breath. ‘Don’t you have a problem with the fact that I only have one leg?”

She shakes her head vehemently. “No. You’re still the hottest man I’ve ever seen.”

I don’t think of myself as particularly vain, but when she says this, I implode. Fuck yeah! I want her to think I’m hot. I want to be the only one she finds hot. Fuck, I don’t even want her to look at other men!

She leans toward my ear and whispers, “As long as you’re able to fuck me, it’s all good.”

I get hard. So ridiculously hard. She rubs her pussy on my hard-on, and my hands fly to her hips to stop her. “Don’t, baby, I can’t control myself if you do that.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to control yourself.” She lets her hand slide between us to stroke me.

I moan quietly and fish for her purse. I search inside it for her phone and call Carey to come pick us up.

“Spoilsport,” she says, pouting.

She is so cute. And hot. I plant a kiss on her mouth and smile. “You’re cute when you pout.”

She leans against me. “So, how long are we going to take it slow?”

I smile. I love that she wants me so much. Pulling her in closer, I kiss her hair and say, “Until I come rescue you from this purgatory.”