I hate taking Hunter back to the clinic. I want to take him home, to be with us, with Hazel. I don’t know why I agreed that we need time. I feel the need to pull him in so close he can never run away again. At the same time, I do realize it’s not going to work that way—he should stay with us because he wants to.

I walk him inside and stand next to him as he signs in.

And here’s the moment I’ve been dreading.

“Time to go, baby,” he says quietly. I look down at him and swallow. I can’t say goodbye!

As if he can see the turmoil in my eyes, he pulls me onto his lap.

“Don’t cry, baby. You come see me as much as you can, okay?” He strokes my face and smoothes my hair back behind my ears.

I nod, but I’m still not happy with the situation. God, get it together! I chastise myself. He’s not going back to the Middle East! He’s fifteen minutes away. It’s nothing. Nothing.

So why does it feel like I’m losing him again after just getting him back?

I wrap my arms around him and press my face into the curve of his neck. “I love you, Hunt.”

“I love you, too. Will you drop by tomorrow?”

“Try to keep me away.”

“Never.”

He gently kisses my lips before I get up. A male nurse reaches for his wheelchair, pushes him through a door, and then he’s gone.

A queasy feeling spreads through my stomach. But at least I know I’m not on any blacklist here. I can come see him any time. At least I hope so.

* * *

“You can’t be with him twenty-four seven,” Carey says a few days later. “You have to give him some air.”

I nod, chewing my lip. “I know, but…”

“But?”

“But I’m scared he’s going to slip through my fingers.”

Carey snorts. “He loves you, Mac.”

“Maybe just because of Hazel.”

He gives me an incredulous look. “You’re crazy. He’s head over heels for you. Trust him, doll. You need to. Otherwise, you won’t stand a chance.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“Don’t be too clingy. That’s all I’m going to say. He might react badly to that.”

“So you don’t think I should go see him today?”

“Ummm…”

“Did he say something? Did he say I’m being too clingy?” Otherwise Carey wouldn’t be talking about this, right? Hunter must have said something.

Carey rolls his eyes. “No.”

“You would tell me if he did, right?”

“Of course.”

I squint, scrutinizing him. He looks a little hurt.

“Seriously, Mac? I’m your best friend. Have I ever given you reason to doubt me?”

I look down contritely. “Sorry, C. I was just wondering why you suddenly started talking about this.”

He laughs. “Fuck, Mac! You went shopping again for him yesterday—for the fourth time. There’s a chocolate cake in the fridge I’m not allowed to eat because it’s for him. And you’re wearing your fourth outfit of the day. By the way, I liked the purple dress best.”

Unfortunately, he’s right. I have gone a little crazy… And I guess I shouldn’t mention that I’ve already made space in my wardrobe for Hunter’s clothes…

“Well, I—”

“I know, doll,” he interrupts my self-defense. “You’re so happy about getting Hunter back that you’re overdoing it a little. I’m just saying, don’t smother him. And…” He gives me a cheeky smile. “Maybe you shouldn’t blow him every time you go see him, either.”

My cheeks go pink. “What? How do you…? Did he…?”

He shakes his head. “Hunter would never say a word. I was just guessing. But thanks for confirming my fears.”

“Asshole.”

“Asshow!” Hazel croaks from the floor, where she’s playing. Why does this child have such a radar for bad words?

“He seems so relaxed, while you seem on edge,” Carey goes on. “You seem to be running around with a lot of pent-up sexual energy. Is he returning the favor?”

No, he isn’t, but can I really tell Carey that?

I guess I’m quiet a little too long, because he says, “So you keep blowing him, but he’s leaving you out to dry? That sucks, Mac.”

“He’ll return the favor, Carey. But at the moment… I mean… He probably feels like he’s only half the man he used to be. And if I can help him with that by kneeling in front of him…I will.” I smile. “It’s not like it’s torture for me.”

“So you think kneeling for him and devotedly sucking his cock while you give him adoring looks is helping him get better?”

“Yes, I do.”

Carey cocks his head. “Hmm. You may be right. And, if not, at least he’s having fun.” He laughs out loud. “When you go see him, you should try something new. Take his cock between your tits.”

“Tot. Tit.”

Carey laughs his head off as he hears our parrot repeating every bad word. I can only shake my head. I mean, I try not to swear. Except with Hunter, because I know he likes it when I say fuck. Even if we haven’t really fucked—we’ve only made love. You know, since we’ve only ever had sex once.

“One day,” I say, “she’s going to repeat that in preschool, and the teacher’s going to kill me. I’m going to blame you!”

Carey laughs. “Hunt has taught her a lot more bad words than me.”

“Maybe it’s not such a great idea to have a soldier for a daddy after all,” I mumble.

Carey gives me a knowing look. “Sure. Whatever. By the way, when you do it, you should make sure to touch his prosthetic.”

I squint. “Excuse me? Do you think I’m dumb? I’m already doing that!”

“Good girl,” he says, winking at me.

I snort, exasperated, which just makes him laugh.

“Put on the purple dress again before you go pamper your hero.”

“You’re so not funny,” I say and go to my room to change into the purple dress.

I look at myself in the mirror and straighten it around my breasts. I’ve always had big breasts, but since I had Hazel, they’ve become even bigger. Hunter seems to like it, even though I sometimes think they look obscene.

“Put on a push-up bra,” Carey says from the doorway.

“It’s going to make me look like a porn star.”

“Hunter likes porn.”

I shut the door in Carey’s face. Then I put on a different bra. Hmm. Isn’t this too much?

“Carey?” I call, opening the door again.

He’s still standing there. “Yes?”

“I think this is too much.”

“No way. He’ll know immediately what you’re up to.” He grins, staring at my cleavage.

“But I mean…everything’s spilling out.”

“That’s how it’s supposed to be. Put on a jacket, and when you’re alone with him, take it off.”

“You think?”

“Yes.”

“But I thought I wasn’t supposed to go today.”

He raises an eyebrow. “And you’ll stick to that?”

I shake my head, smiling.

“Leave Hazel with me.”

“But he’s always looking forward to seeing Hazel.”

“If you take her, there are no BJs for Hunter. Off you go.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll take Hazel by tomorrow morning.”

Smiling, I nod. “Thanks, Carey.”

“Any time, doll. You know that.”

* * *

“Where’s Hazel?” Hunter asks as soon as I get to the visitors’ room.

God, I should have brought her! How could I leave her at home? Hunter’s crazy about her.

“With Carey,” I say quietly.

Surprisingly, he only nods. “Let’s go outside.”

He can walk short distances on his own now. It’s not completely smooth yet, but it’s going really well. I’m so proud of him. He takes my hand, and together, we go out into the garden. We walk a few steps before I open my mouth.

“I’m sorry I didn’t bring Hazel. I’m so stupid. But Carey’s going to come see you with her tomorrow.”

He strokes my hand. “I’m happy to see you, too.”

“But—”

“Stop it. Don’t overthink things.”

He takes me to a quiet corner overlooking the ocean, and I take in the wildness of the Pacific. He steps behind me and closes his arms around my middle. I let my head fall against his shoulder and put my hands on his lower arms. He leans his head against me, and we stand like that for a moment.

“Mac,” he whispers hoarsely.

“Hmm?”

His hands wander up, reaching around my breasts. I open the buttons of my cardigan.

“Fuck, Mac,” he growls, pushing his hands into my cleavage. “I would really love to fuck you.” Shaking his head, he pulls his hand out again, grabs my hand, and we keep walking through the garden. He doesn’t know I really want to fuck him, too.

“Shane was here last night,” he says suddenly.

“Were you happy to see him?”

“I was, but it’s also strange.”

“Why?” I ask, stroking his knuckles. His hand is so huge beside mine.

He puts the other hand on his neck. “I know I don’t have anybody but myself to blame. But… Fuck… When I think about the fact that one word from Shane could have put us out of our misery…”

I bite my lip, not saying anything.

“What?” he asks when I don’t reply for a while.

“That’s my fault.”

“Your fault? It’s—”

“Let me explain, okay?”

Reluctantly, he nods. But how can I explain what I was thinking back then?

“Okay. So I thought you needed a friend. Someone you could trust completely. Someone who was always in your corner. And you had placed your trust in Shane. I didn’t want him to compromise that role. I thought you needed him to get through it all.”

“Mac…” He shakes his head. “Why?”

I want to pull my hand out of his, but he holds on to it, which warms my heart. It makes me feel like maybe I haven’t ruined everything after all. “It broke my heart. It really did. But there was nothing more important to me during that time than you coming home alive. I didn’t want to risk anything.”

“You are so stupid.”

Everything inside me contracts. He’s mad at me. Tears well up, but I fight them down. I don’t want to be this ridiculous figure who always starts crying.

“You are so stupid, Mac, to think I would have blamed you for that.”

I finally look at him. He’s smiling.

“Baby…” He tugs at my hand so I land in his arms. “We have both made so many mistakes. So many.” I nod against his chest, burying my fingers in his T-shirt. “We need to stop. We really do, okay? We can’t get through this if we keep being so stupid.”

I nod again. He’s right. He is so right.

“No more lies, no more secrets, no games, no tactics, nothing.”

“Nothing,” I repeat.

His fingers are gentle as they lift my chin. “I love you, Mac. I have been in love with you for almost a third of my life. I will always love you.”

A thousand shudders run down my back, and inside me, everything tingles. The love of my life loves me back. There’s nothing better.

His lips gently press down on mine. But rather than deepening the kiss like he usually does, he stays gentle, showing me there are so many levels to our relationship that go beyond mere passion.

“I love you, too,” I say when I briefly break away. I breathe against his lips, and for a moment, we’re breathing the same air.

He smiles, so full of love my knees go weak. Only then do I realize that it’s not me that’s wobbling but him. He’s been standing way too long. I spot a pair of chairs and take him over to them.

When he sees where we’re headed, he says, “It’s okay, Mac. I’m fine.”

“I know, babe, but I want to sit on your lap so you can hold me close.” It’s just a tiny little white lie, but obviously Hunter needs to feel like he’s a real man. Which I would never question. But he obviously does.