12
The Chicken or the Egg
Ray and I are partying tonight. My sister has reached the ripe old age of thirty and to celebrate she’s hired a room at the Spritz Club in Fulham. It has been in my calendar for a long time and I fully expected to be going on my own, but when my sister phoned to remind me about it, I took the opportunity to ask if I could bring a friend.
Ray is super excited about getting to meet lots of eligible females, whereas I’m super excited to be going out to a club with my alien friend. It feels like we’re going on an actual date and I’m just going to chill out and enjoy Ray’s company tonight.
He’s already fussing about what he’s going to wear. The clothes he was wearing on the day he arrived have all been freshly laundered and I told him his black skinny jeans will be fine for this type of venue, so he just needs a top. We head on back to Camden Market, which we visited a couple of days ago, when Ray saw a sparkly top that took his eye. We manage to track it down. It’s a shimmery silver colour with a depiction of a green alien wearing sunglasses. The slogan underneath reads: Too Cool For This Planet.
“No!” I say, laughing. “I’m not going out with you wearing that!”
“Oh, come on,” he pleads. “It’s so me.”
“What about this one?” I say, trying to tempt him with an equally sparkly top with the slogan Bring It On! He pouts at me and one look at that sad face has me caving in.
As we’re about to leave Camden, we come across a stall selling an eclectic mix of brightly coloured footwear and Ray falls in love with a pair of rainbow-coloured Cuban heels. Just by the smile they bring to his face, I can’t resist buying those for him too.
Back home, Ray models his new outfit for me, twirling around and posing as if he’s on the catwalk. I lean back on the sofa and watch his tight little arse parading around the living room for a full five minutes before he comes to a halt and stares at me pointedly.
“Well? You haven’t said a word. What do you think?”
My dick has already passed judgement. I’m nursing a semi that I’m trying to hide by resting my arm over my lap.
“You look like a brightly decorated cupcake.”
“Do you like cupcakes?”
“I find them irresistible,” I drawl seductively. “They make me salivate when I think about tossing all that creamy goodness into my mouth and swallowing it down.”
He giggles briefly and then we stare at each other in silence for what seems like forever, until I hear my own voice cutting through the awkwardness.
“I’ll make coffee.” I slink off to the kitchen, keeping my arm strategically placed to hide the bulge nestling in my underwear. Fortunately, it quickly subsides as I busy myself with the drinks.
Ray changes into a pair of my old sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, and is seated on the sofa when I return. I sit beside him, depositing the cups on the coffee table, while Ray plucks a banana from the fruit bowl. I watch as he strips the banana naked and presents it to his mouth. He bites off a chunk, chews and swallows, and then turns to look at me.
“Did you know bananas can produce a tiny burst of antimatter?”
“Really?” I say, not in the least bit interested. I’d rather watch him wrapping his lips around that lucky piece of fruit.
He nods. “They contain a radioactive isotope called potassium-40.”
“Fascinating!” I lie.
He gobbles down the rest of the banana until there’s nothing left of it but loose skin, like a fully-spent cock. I must be really horny today because I can feel that familiar bulge developing again.
Ray tosses the banana skin on the table and we sip our coffees in silence as I try to think of something innocuous to talk about to take my mind of the growing bulge.
“I’ve got a question for you,” I say, having dredged up the most innocuous topic of conversation I could think of. “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”
Ray frowns at me. “What?”
“Oh come on, you must know the answer. You’ve been alive for two million years. You’ve seen everything evolve.”
“It just seems like a strange question, that’s all.”
“But it’s one that nobody can work out the answer to, so if you tell me, I’ll be the only person on this whole planet who actually knows. How cool is that?”
His face twists into a soft smirk. “Which do you think it is?”
“It’s the egg, isn’t it?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because dinosaurs used to lay eggs, and birds are descended from dinosaurs, so the egg must have come first.”
“But I presume the question is meant to relate specifically to the chicken egg.”
“Okay, so which came first? Did the chicken lay the egg or did the egg hatch into a chicken?”
He twists to face me and crooks a finger, inviting me to come closer. I shuffle right up to him, until my knee brushes against his. He leans in close, as if he’s afraid someone might overhear.
“The answer lies in the arginine residue,” he whispers.
I scowl. “Arginine residue?”
He nods. “Although I’m not sure I should be telling you the answer to such an earth-shattering question.” He leans back and I can see the amusement dancing in his eyes.
“No need to be so smug, just because you know the answer to everything.”
He shrugs. “I’ve accumulated a vast amount of useless information over the years.”
“We could make a fortune doing pub quizzes together, but I still don’t know the answer to the chicken and the egg.”
“I told you, it’s in the arginine residue.”
“Say that again.”
“What for?”
“I like the way you say it.”
He smirks at me. “Arginine. Residue.”
“Again,” I demand.
He leans forward, his eyes falling to my mouth. “Arginine.”
“You do realise you’re giving me a stiffy,” I whisper.
“Residue,” he growls, as he grabs a fistful of my t-shirt, yanking me to him.
His mouth crushes mine in a kiss that’s so passionate, so full of hunger and need, I’m overwhelmed. Tears prick the back of my eyes from the sudden outpouring of emotions. His lips part, inviting me in, and as our tongues entwine I hear a soft moan in the back of his throat. I move my hand down his arm and then across his firm pecs, palming his nipples, which protrude against the soft fabric of his t-shirt like a pair of pencil erasers. It tells me how aroused he is and it spurs me on to press my weight against him until he’s lying flat on the sofa, with me on top.
He moves beneath me, grinding his groin up against mine, and I can feel how hard he is.
“You don’t have any trouble getting it up for me, do you?” I whisper against his lips.
“No, Blake,” he admits breathlessly.
I nuzzle his neck. “Is that because you’re dying to fuck me?”
I feel him tremble beneath me and his cock twitches.
“Say it,” I demand
He shakes his head.
I lift his t-shirt and flick my tongue over the hard nub of his left nipple and he bleats like a lamb.
“Say it,” I repeat, moving to the other nipple, sucking and licking.
“No,” he cries. “I can’t.”
“Or maybe you want me to fuck you? Is that it?”
I reposition myself over his right hip, so my hand has access to his groin. I snake my hand down his torso, over the waistband of his sweatpants, but as soon as my palm brushes up against his erection, he wriggles out from under me. He tumbles off the edge of the sofa, depositing himself on the floor in an ungainly heap.
I sit up. “What’s wrong?”
“This is not appropriate, Blake,” he bleats.
My jaw stiffens as anger and frustration boil up inside of me. “What are you talking about? Appropriate to what?”
He looks at me with sad eyes. “This is not conducive to the aim of my mission.”
“Nobody’s stopping you completing your mission,” I say through gritted teeth, “but I’m getting sick of your cock-teasing ways.”
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “Desire makes me weak.”
“You know you want this, so why deny it? Why deny me? Why deny yourself?”
“I try not to think about such things, otherwise I might go crazy. We can’t get involved, it would complicate things too much. You know my time here is limited. I don’t wish to hurt you, Blake.”
“You just did,” I snap. “There has to be a way we can make this work, Ray. You’re not the only one going crazy here. I think…I think I’m in love with you.”
“No, don’t say that,” he pleads.
“Why not?” I grunt, my voice thick with emotion. “You’re falling for me too. All you have to do is let yourself go, Ray, because I’m waiting with open arms to catch you.”
“If I fall for you, friend Blake, no one in this whole universe can save me.” He gets to his feet. “The sooner I complete my mission, the better for everyone.”
He turns his back and walks away from me.
“Where are you going?”
“For a walk. I need some air.”
“Make sure you’re back in plenty of time to tart yourself up for the ladies,” I snipe. “You might get lucky tonight.”
“Let’s hope so,” he replies. “Then this torture will be over.”