5
The Kiss
Having polished off the pizza and finished watching the episode of Bell End with Ray, it’s time for me to head off to work. Ray is looking tired. His impeccable posture is starting to slip and he’s struggling to keep his eyes open.
“Listen, I’ve been thinking,” I say, turning to face him. “There’s really no need for you to sleep on the sofa. I have a perfectly good bed that’s going to be empty all night, so you might as well use it. You’ll be much more comfortable there.”
He offers up a weak smile. “Thanks, Blake.”
“Just give me a few minutes to get ready for work and then the bedroom is all yours.”
I rush around getting ready as quickly as I can and when I return to the living room, I find him nodding off.
I shake him. “Come on. Time for bed.” I pull him to his feet and he manages to stagger through to the bedroom without my assistance. “Goodnight, Ray,” I call to him. He grunts something inaudible before closing the door behind him.
As I prepare to depart, I pat myself down to check I have everything I need. Damn! I’ve left my phone on the bedside cabinet. I go over to the bedroom door and tap on it softly. “I need to come in, Ray. I forgot my phone.”
I wait a few seconds and when he doesn’t reply I presume he’s fast asleep already. Squeezing the handle open, I find him under the sheets, lying on his back, eyes closed, looking totally zonked out. As I tiptoe over to the bedside cabinet, I hear him make a soft whimpering noise, as if he’s dreaming. I reach out for my phone and gasp when his hand stretches out to grab mine. Ray opens his eyes and tugs me down to sit on the bed beside him.
“Did I wake you?” I say apologetically.
“Don’t go!” he pleads.
“I have to. I’ll be late for work.”
“I’m frightened.”
“It’s okay. I know it’s weird being left on your own in a strange place, but you’ll be perfectly safe and I’ll be back before you know it.”
“I don’t want to go to sleep.”
“Why not?”
“What if I don’t wake up?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t know how.”
“How to what?”
“If I’m unconscious, how do I tell myself to wake up?”
“I don’t know what drugs you’re popping, but you need to stop it if you’re staying with me. I won’t have drugs in my home, understood?”
“I don’t have any drugs.”
“Then what is wrong with you? You talk as if you’ve never slept before in your life.”
“Stay with me!” he begs, tears twinkling in his eyes.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“I don’t like this feeling of not being in control,” he says, his voice cracking up. “I’m so sleepy. Help me, Blake.”
He fights to keep his eyelids open but eventually they flutter shut.
“That’s it,” I purr softly. “I’m right here with you. Just let it wash over you.”
He grips my hands tightly, as if he’s clinging onto consciousness with every last fibre of his being.
“I won’t leave until you’re asleep,” I promise him.
I silently observe him for a couple of minutes until he whimpers again and his fingernails start digging into the back of my hand. “It’s taking me,” he whispers, his voice hitching. “I can feel the life draining out of me.”
“Relax. Don’t fight it.”
“Blake! Blake!” he whimpers pathetically, as a single tear dribbles down his temple and disappears into his hairline. He suddenly seems so childlike that I want to sweep him up into my arms and hug him until all the fear is squeezed out of him.
I lean in. “I’m right here, Ray,” I whisper.
He arches his back, tilting his chin up towards mine. My eyes fall to his mouth as he gasps, “I’m dying.”
“You’re not dying,” I assure him.
“Never been kissed,” he sobs.
I press my lips to his.
He arches his back even more, increasing the pressure on my mouth, and my arm slips underneath him, supporting his back. My lips buzz with a nervous tingle that spreads like wildfire, waking up every sensory node in my body until my groin throbs and burns with desire. We stay like that, lips moulded together in a static pose. I feel like one of those old matinee idols who leans his dame over backwards and glues his lips to hers without actually giving her a proper kiss, as if it’s just a pose for the cameras. I ache to kiss him like I mean it, to shake him out of his slumber and let him feel how hard I’m getting for him.
And then it occurs to me that this isn’t right. I shouldn’t be taking advantage of him like this when he’s half-asleep.
I gently release him and his limp body sinks back to the mattress. I get to my feet, standing over him to study his beautiful features. He looks so serene now. I’m sure I even detect a hint of a smile on his lips. I run a fingertip along my own lips, tracing the memory imprint that’s left there. It’s like a ghostly reminder of a gift I shouldn’t have stolen.
I should have known better.
Ray doesn’t feel that way about me.
What was I thinking?
With guilt swamping my thoughts, I grab my phone and exit the bedroom. My pulse pounds in my head as I realise how stupid I’ve been. I’m attracted to him and yet I know he’s straight, so what do I do? I get him in my bed and start kissing him while he’s barely conscious.
You really need to watch your step with this one, Blake, I tell myself. He could break your heart in two.