Tally twisted the phone over and over in her hand and then cleaned the screen by rubbing it on her jeans. She needed to stop procrastinating, but plucking up the courage to call Cash was proving difficult, despite the fact that this time he’d be expecting her call.

He’d want to know why she hadn’t told him about the baby, and she didn’t know what to tell him. Pete’s warnings and Em’s insistence that Cash had a right to know seemed obvious now. Why had she stubbornly dug her heels in and refused to share the news with him? Was it to punish him? Had she chosen to keep impending fatherhood a secret as a way to get her own back? If she had, that would make her a terrible mother.

She sighed, tossed the phone on the table, and allowed her head to flop back against the sofa. She stared at the ceiling. He’d looked so good the night before that it had taken every bit of her willpower not to leap from the cab straight into his arms. The five-month gap since she’d seen him hadn’t dulled the intensity of her love for him one little bit. If anything, the enforced separation had honed it, sharpened the edges, causing her insides to churn with need. And all that despite how appallingly he’d treated her.

She gritted her teeth and picked up her phone once more. Her finger hovered over his name. Putting this off would not make it any easier in the long run. And knowing Cash, if she didn’t call, he’d track her down to Em’s new place, and she didn’t want him to know where she was living yet.

She pressed Dial.

“Hello.”

Her breath hitched, and her chest prickled. “Hi, it’s Tally.”

“Hi, sweetness.”

Tally ground her teeth. “Don’t call me that.”

“Sorry.” A pause. “Force of habit.” More silence. “Can I come and see you?”

“No,” she said firmly. “Why don’t we meet at the same place you were the other night?”

“Which night?”

“The night you were photographed pawing that woman.” A low blow, but she wanted him to hurt as much as she hurt. If she could wound him, maybe her pain would be a little easier to bear.

Cash hissed a breath. “Not every picture tells a story.”

“Do you have a trope of lines you trot out whenever the situation fits? I seem to remember you using that one before.”

“And I was proved innocent then too. Have you perhaps thought you may be a little too quick to believe everything you see or hear?”

Now it was Tally’s turn to suck in a breath. “This was a terrible idea. Nothing’s changed.”

“Wait,” Cash said as she pulled the phone from her ear, ready to hang up. “I’m sorry. Rail on me as much as you need to. I deserve it, and so much more. But give me one thing.”

“What?”

“Meet with me. Surely you owe me that, especially after keeping something as important as a baby from me.”

An ache started in her chest, rapidly growing outwards. She struggled to catch her breath. He was hitting back with his own low blows. “Fine,” she eventually managed to say.

“If you don’t want me to come to you, shall we meet at Rupe’s place?”

“Is he there?”

“Yes, but I promise it will be you and me. Alone.”

“I saw him,” she said in a low voice, sorrow prevalent in her tone.

“Yes, he mentioned it.”

“I was horrible to him. Will you apologise for me?”

Cash chuckled. “No need. He has a hide like a rhinoceros. You must at least remember that.”

Tally’s lips twitched. “Still, I treated him terribly.”

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll pass on your apologies.”

“It would. Thank you.”

The line went silent for a few seconds until Cash said, “So when are you coming?”

Tally let out a soft sigh. Delaying the inevitable would only make things worse. She glanced at her watch. “I can be there within the hour.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

Tally paid the taxi driver and climbed out of the cab. She stood in front of Rupe’s place, so familiar and yet so strange at the same time. She smoothed her skirt and pulled her ponytail tight. The strap on her handbag had fallen from her shoulder. She shoved it back into place and rang the bell.

As prepared as she had been to face Cash, nothing quite primed her for the way her heart raced, her stomach clenched, and heat spread through her core the minute he opened the door. He looked good. Better than good. Time seemed meaningless as they stared at each other before he broke the spell by stepping back.

“Come in. It’s good to see you.”

“Thank you.” She sidled past, making sure she didn’t touch him, even though all she wanted to do was climb up his body and kiss him until the hurt disappeared. But she needed to remain aloof. It was her only leverage to maintain control.

“Go through to the kitchen. I’ve made some coffee,” he said, waving his hand to show her the way, even though she could find Rupe’s kitchen with her eyes shut. She tried not to think about her first time there, when Cash had pinned her up against the kitchen cupboards and kissed her. He’d been angry that day, his kiss meant to punish rather than pleasure, but that hadn’t stopped the thrill she’d felt as his mouth had touched hers for the first time.

“Good memories,” Cash said, correctly reading her mind.

She lifted her eyes to his. “Yes.”

He opened the fridge and took out some cream, poured a little into two mugs, and topped them up with freshly brewed coffee. The strong, chocolaty bitterness was pleasing to her nose as she sniffed deeply.

“You still love the smell, then?” Cash said, pushing a steaming mug towards her.

“Yes.”

“Good. I wondered, you know, whether…” He nodded at her stomach. “Whether hormones may have changed that.”

“Not that. But definitely some things.” She smiled a little. “Believe it or not, I can’t stand the taste of ice cream.”

Cash waggled his eyebrows in mock horror. “Surely not.”

Tally smiled at the warm laughter in his eyes. This was the Cash she loved, the man she knew. “See what you’ve done to me.”

His face crumpled, and the momentary lightness between them evaporated. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The speed at which he cut to the chase caused a sickly feeling to grow in her gut. There was the question she’d been struggling to answer, both for herself and for Em and Pete when they’d pressed. And then, like an epiphany, it came to her.

She blinked slowly and then met his gaze. “You told me you didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t want you to feel trapped, like you had to be with me out of a sense of duty or pity.” She shrugged. “So I kept it from you.”

Cash sucked in a breath, making a hissing noise through his teeth. “God, I’m sorry.”

“For what? Falling out of love with me? It happens all the time. There’s not much you can do when the feeling has gone.”

He raised his hands to his face and scrubbed hard. When he dropped them, his shoulders sagged, and his eyes held so much pain and sorrow that Tally’s heart squeezed.

“I never stopped loving you.”

Her knees trembled, and she gripped the kitchen countertop as her world folded in on itself. He’d been so convincing, and yet… he’d been lying? “But you said—”

“Never mind what I said. I was so angry, out of control, bitter at the unfairness of it all. Of how a random accident had taken from me the second most valuable thing in my life. When I threw that vase, I knew I had to make you go because if I didn’t, I couldn’t be sure the next thing I hit out with wouldn’t have been my fist.”

Tally gasped as Cash’s words sank in. “You were going to hit me?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head slowly. “I wasn’t seeing straight. I’ve never felt fury like that in my life. Uncontrolled, scary as shit. But I knew you. I knew if I couldn’t convince you I didn’t love you anymore, you’d stick around to the bitter end. If I’d laid a finger on you, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.” He gave her an agonised expression. “So I did the only thing I could think of.”

“Pushed me away,” Tally whispered.

“Yes.”

“Oh, Cash.” Tally shook her head, regret making her stomach knot. She lifted her hands in the air and then let them fall.

“I did it for you, for us.”

She closed her eyes briefly. “How’s your hand? Can you play yet?”

“Not quite, but my physio says I’m making good progress. Maybe in a few months, I will be well enough to get back on court, although whether I’ll ever reach the top again…” He let the words fade, as though speaking them aloud was too painful, too scary.

Tally narrowed her eyes. “Then what’s changed?”

“I spent a few months in Germany at a mental health clinic near Hamburg. Me, seeing a shrink. Can you imagine?” He gave a small smile and a slight shake of his head. “They taught me how to control the anger through various coping techniques. They convinced me that the way I feel isn’t my fault. It isn’t the same as my father—more like a symptom of the accident. I’m not unique in that, but Dr Bauer, the psychiatrist I’ve been seeing, thinks I’ve made pretty incredible progress.”

Tally rubbed her forehead. “So why didn’t you come to see me when you got back? Why was it only a chance meeting that I’m here at all?”

Cash swept a hand down the back of his head. “The meeting last night may have been chance, but I was coming to see you anyway. Ask Rupe if you don’t believe me. I carried out a little test, and once I was satisfied I’d passed, then I knew it was safe for you to be around me again.”

Tally frowned. “Test?”

Cash sipped his coffee. “I reached out to a woman I used to see quite a bit of before I met you. She was a… regular companion whenever I was in London, but I never did like to spend much time with her. She always got on my nerves.”

Tally winced as she figured out what “regular companion” actually meant. His fuck buddy.

“I knew if I wanted to make sure you were safe with me, I had to test my control on someone I was easily annoyed by. Suze was the best person I could think of. She’s a nice woman, but dear God, she’d test the patience of a fucking saint. When I managed to survive a whole evening without feeling the urge to punch her, I knew I was cured—at least enough to control my anger. That meant I could see you again. If I hadn’t bumped into you on the street last night, I would have come looking.”

“Did you sleep with her?” The words were out of Tally’s mouth before she could stop them. She dropped her head and steeled herself for an affirmative answer that would rip apart what was left of her ravaged heart.

“No.”

Her head snapped up. “Oh.”

“I haven’t been interested in other women since I first kissed you right here in Rupe’s kitchen. How could I? You ruined me for anyone else. After being with you, another woman would be like scoffing spam when you’re used to dining on caviar.”

A slow smile spread across Tally’s face. “That must be killing you.”

Cash raised an eyebrow, and then he grinned. “Never knew blue balls could be so painful. Especially as I lost you and my wanking hand at the same time.”

Tally giggled. “Only you, Cash.”

The smile drained from his eyes. “I’ve missed your laugh.”

Her gaze locked onto his. “I haven’t had much to laugh about lately.”

Cash put his cup of coffee on the kitchen island and moved closer. Raising his hand tentatively, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Me either.”

“So what happens now?”

“I don’t know. One day at a time. I want to be there for you and the baby, but I’m not stupid. I know it’s a long road back for us.”

“What if we don’t get there?”

Cash flinched, his grey eyes dark and troubled. “I can’t think like that. I’ve said some terrible things that can’t be unsaid. Treated you so very badly.” His voice broke. “But if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Tears welled in Tally’s eyes, but before they spilled over her lids, the baby gave an almighty kick. Her son or daughter certainly knew how to distract her at the most poignant of times. She put her hand over her belly, tears turning to smiles.

“The baby’s kicking. Want to feel?”

With a rapt look on his face, Cash nodded. Tally took hold of his hand and placed it on her stomach. The minute she did, the baby kicked again.

“Feel that?”

“Yeah. Wow.” His smile was broad, a delighted gleam in his eye. “Does it hurt?”

“No. It’s sort of like butterflies. Looks a bit weird, though, like a scene out of Alien.”

Cash laughed as he kept his hand in place, but the baby had stopped kicking.

“Show’s over,” Tally said. “At least for now.”

He immediately dropped his hand, choosing instead to hold his arm close to his body and rub his palm up and down his forearm. She’d never seen him look so insecure, so uncertain of what his next move should be. She took a step towards him and closed her hand over his, stilling him. She brushed her thumb against skin that was softer than she remembered. His eyes briefly met hers before he dropped his head and stared at where their hands were connected.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

A rush of love raced through her body, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up straight. Whatever had gone before, she needed him. Wanted him. He was the only man for her.

She wrapped her hands around his neck and tucked her head under his chin. His arms snaked around her waist, and he held her close.

“Let’s look back only when it helps us move forward,” she said.

He cradled her cheek. The familiar, tender touch left her breathless, and she tilted her head back so she could look at him.

“You’re giving us a chance?” he asked.

“It’s not a choice. Not for me. I need you. This baby needs you. I still love you.”

He closed his eyes slowly, and when he opened them they were brimming with emotion. He began to cry, silent tears that mirrored the way she felt. Those salty tears were testament to the sadness and sorrow he must have carried around with him these past months while he fought a private battle—one he hadn’t dared allow her to be a part of.

She wiped away his tears as her own began to fall. He touched his forehead to hers, and they silently cried together.