Chapter Thirteen
Thankfully, in government, everyone locked up their offices and vacated the building at exactly five o’clock. So Sophie was able to stop by Maddie’s by 5:15 for a first day recap.
She sat down at the table and smiled at Maddie’s happy, devious baby. “Hey, Lily, what kind of trouble did you get into today?”
Lily picked up a toy on her high chair and screamed, “Ba!” then chucked it across the room.
Very seriously, Sophie nodded. “I see. That is crazy, girl.”
Lily gave her a big gap-tooth, droolly smile. “Ba, ba, ba!”
“You don’t have to tell me.” Sophie patted the little baby’s hand. “You’re preaching to the choir.”
Maddie laughed, putting a couple of Cheerios on Lily’s tray before she sat down. “So, how was your first day?”
“Good.” It surprised her. It hadn’t been nearly as dreadful as she’d feared. She’d actually found herself having fun. She’d always loved meeting new people and taking on new challenges, and she’d assumed she’d be bored. But that wasn’t the case. Instead she wanted to dig in, get her hands dirty, and start tackling obstacles.
The festivals she could do in her sleep, but it was the tourism project that really got her juices flowing. She’d known Griffin had it in his objectives, so she’d prepared properly, but she hadn’t realized how high it was on his wish list for the small town until they’d started talking. To organize something of that magnitude, to build and sell the story, come up with creative solutions would be a huge accomplishment.
It would take a lot of work and far more time than she had in Revival, but the prospect of getting it going on the right foot excited her.
Maddie picked up a slice of apple and bit, chewing before she swallowed. “Was everyone nice to you?”
“Yes. They were great.” Everyone had been warm and gracious and excited to have her. Which was a nice change of pace from the cold shoulder she had been getting back home. “It was more fun than I thought.”
Maddie beamed. “See, I told you! I’m not going to lie and say moving here wasn’t an adjustment at first, even though it was what I wanted, but I love it now.”
Sophie took a sip of iced tea and grabbed her own apple slice from the bowl between them. “How could you not want to move back to Chicago?”
Maddie laughed, waving a hand. “What’s so great about Chicago?”
Sophie frowned. “What do you do for shopping?”
“Well, there’s plenty of stores, and there’s an outlet mall not too far from here.” Maddie’s eyes went wide. “And I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but there’s this new thing called the Internet where you can buy practically anything you want and have it delivered to your door.”
Sophie laughed.
Maddie continued. “Besides, I get back to the city enough to keep my palate sophisticated and my shoes current.”
It might not be Sophie’s dream, but she couldn’t be happier for her friend. “I’m glad you finally found your place.”
“Me too.” Lily gurgled and threw a toy on the floor. Maddie dutifully picked it up and handed it back to her daughter, her face practically glowing with love for the little girl. “And what did you think of Griffin? Think you can work for him?”
Sophie fanned herself. “Good God, you have one hot mayor.”
Maddie chuckled. “Yeah, he’s been awesome for the town too.”
“I can see why. He’s got a laundry list of ideas, and I think if he could, he’d implement them all at the same time.”
“So you think you can be happy here for a while?”
“Yeah, I think I can. It’s a good challenge and the time will fly by with so much to do.”
Maddie nodded. “Good. I really think if you give it a chance, it might be good for you.”
Sophie frowned. Both Maddie and Penelope had said that several times now, and she didn’t understand it. “Why do you guys keep saying that?”
Maddie shrugged. “Because I know you.”
“But I was super happy before it all came crashing down.” She had been, she’d barely had a second’s free time, but she’d been happy.
“That’s what you kept saying, but I don’t know . . .”
“I’m good, Mads.” Sophie patted her hand. “I promise.”
“Good, because we’re your family, you know that, right?”
“Of course,” she said automatically. She understood they all thought that, even though she’d always considered herself a bit removed. Never assimilated the way Penelope had been.
The light of mischief lit her friend’s expression. “Soooo, do I have to bring up Ryder? Or will you?”
Sophie swallowed a bite of her apple. And here they were, at the man invading her life from every angle. “Did you know he’s kind of my boss?”
Her friend laughed. “No way. How’s that even possible?”
“Apparently he’s the project lead on the festivals.” Sophie’s eyes narrowed. “Like you didn’t know. This is a small town, I thought everyone knew everyone else’s business.”
“Well, yeah, sure.” Maddie laughed, hearty and warm. “But I don’t know who’s on what project team.”
Finished with her snack, Sophie dragged a hand through her hair. “Now I’ve got to live next door to him and work with him. It’s hell.”
“Hmmm . . . It didn’t look like you were suffering too much yesterday when I found him on top of you.”
“Ha!” Sophie waved a hand. “That just shows what you know.”
“That bad, huh?” Maddie’s voice was filled with feigned sympathy.
“It’s terrible.”
“So what’s going on?”
“Nothing.” The word was quick and unconvincing. She thought of the mark on her neck, left by his teeth sinking into her flesh. The way her knees quivered and she’d wanted to clutch at him. “He kissed me a few times, no big deal. Right now we’re working on being friends.”
Maddie nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”
Something that felt a lot like disappointment welled in her chest. A part of her wanted Maddie to press, if only so she could make sense of her emotions. Sophie was an extrovert. Talking it out helped her process. Only without direct questions, she didn’t know what to say.
Sophie scowled at her friend. “You should have warned me about him.”
Lily kicked her legs against the base of her high chair and Maddie pushed a Cheerio at her. “It didn’t occur to me.”
Sophie stared at her wide-eyed. “I know you’re all blissfully married, but have you seen him? Even Penelope made a comment.”
“You’re totally right, I don’t know what I was thinking.” Maddie’s lips twitched. “Disclosing your hot landlord should have been the first thing on my list to discuss with you.”
“Exactly!” Sophie pressed her hand to her hot cheeks. “Maddie?”
In answer, her friend tilted her head.
She blew out a deep breath and confessed what she’d refused to even admit to herself. “He brought me dinner. And drove ten miles out of his way to bring me coffee. I think I like him.”
“Oh,” Maddie said.
Sophie looked away, studying Maddie’s beautiful kitchen with all its handmade cabinets and state-of-the-art appliances. They’d kept the decor true to the farmhouse’s origins, and it was quite spectacular, although Sophie cared more about clothes than houses. She said softly, “Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I liked someone?”
“Yeah, I do.” Maddie’s voice was soft.
Sophie wrinkled her nose. Her friends worried about her, fretted over her being the last one to fall in love. She’d tried not to mind, and really she hadn’t. She didn’t even think about kids and a family. She’d always liked being single. What she didn’t like was the stuff that came with it. All those holidays people spent with their families, and her parents were in the far-off corners of the world. They always invited her, and she always went because she knew they’d be concerned if she didn’t. But you don’t bring a casual date to Christmas. She barely even talked about men these days because there hadn’t been anyone worth mentioning in a long time.
She swallowed hard. “I don’t like the way he makes me feel.”
Maddie’s head tilted. “How does he make you feel?”
“Wild and reckless.” She licked her lips. “Like I want to go out and do something crazy.”
“Is that wrong?”
Maddie had been her partner in teenage rebellion before her dad died in an accident that left her in a coma. When she’d woken up, she’d turned herself into a perfect daughter, sister, and girlfriend until she nearly suffocated with it. When it got too much for her, she’d climbed out the window on her wedding day and ended up in Revival and never looked back. For her, crazy and reckless had led her to the love of her life. Sophie had never been that lucky. Sophie blew out a breath. “You know my track record with wild and reckless, and it never ends well.”
Maddie clucked her tongue. “Soph, Tony was a long time ago. You’re not the same person you were then.”
“I know, because I don’t engage in that kind of behavior anymore.”
Maddie frowned. “We all have that one guy that messes with your head. Eventually you have to move on.”
“It’s not that. I got over that asshole the second he overdrew my bank account and abandoned me.” She shuddered, still able to recall the crushing loss of it. She shook the rush of emotion away. “It was more than messing with my head. I was so crazy about him, so desperately in love with him, I let him do whatever he wanted. But worse, I let him manipulate me. Let him isolate me from you and Penelope. Let him convince me that every red flag I saw was in my imagination. That every time he disappeared to screw some girl, I was the crazy one. And all because I was addicted to the way he made me feel.”
There was silence for a bit before Maddie said, “I don’t think Ryder is emotionally abusive, Soph.”
“I know that.” But it didn’t matter; she had no desire to lose herself like that again. There was the truth of the matter. He had the potential to ruin her, and she couldn’t let that happen. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving. So I’m going to stay away.”
“Okay,” Maddie said, like it was so simple.
She sighed. “I only wish he didn’t make me remember.”
“Make you remember what?” Maddie asked.
“What abandon tastes like.”
* * *
Ryder knocked on Sophie’s door at six thirty, slightly embarrassed by his actions but unable to help himself.
She opened the door a minute later dressed in yoga pants and a tank top, her hair in a ponytail. She didn’t say anything, she just looked at him, with shadows under her eyes.
He jerked a thumb over to his house and smiled. “I’m making dinner, I thought you might want to join me.”
Her forehead furrowed and she peered over his left shoulder, looking out on the quiet street before she shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
Sadness creased her face and he frowned. He’d been in the last meeting with her and she’d been fine, all bright and full of sass. Had something happened between now and then? “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s great.” But her voice lacked any of its customary verve. She shrugged. “I . . . I think we should keep our distance.”
Okay, he’d kissed her and bitten her, but she’d seemed fine all day. He wanted to ask but didn’t think she’d tell him. He shrugged. “It’s just dinner, Sophie. I know you haven’t been shopping, and Revival doesn’t have delivery. I thought you might want to eat.”
Her fingers tightened on the door frame. “That’s what we always say.”
She had him there.
She gazed out onto the street again. “Bill called, I’m having coffee with him Wednesday.”
His jaw tightened, and an unfamiliar and unwelcome jealousy sat in his gut. “You don’t want to go out with Bill.”
She shrugged. “Why not? He’s a nice guy.”
“Because you’ll eat him alive.”
She raised a brow, putting a hand on her hip. “Like you’d give Cheryl a heart attack if you ever said boo to her.”
“I never said I wanted to go out with Cheryl. Maddie put us on the spot and we went with it.”
“Maddie must have believed there was some reason the two of you should go out.” She met his eyes.
And here he thought asking her for dinner would be the simplest part of his evening. He sighed. “Yes, I thought about it, but I hadn’t gotten around to it.”
“Ryder?”
“Yes?” His cop instincts went on high alert.
“I don’t think we are a good idea. And you don’t think we are a good idea.” A small smile flirted over her lips, but there was no joy in it. “We’re only playing with danger because we like danger. That’s all it is.”
Was that it? Was that all it was? The adrenaline rush of her clouding his judgment? Because she was right, he kept saying he didn’t want to tangle with her, but kept putting himself right in her path. Playing with fire.
He stared at her and she stared right back, her expression unwavering. He blew out a breath. “Be very careful what you wish for, Sophie, what you ask for, because I’ll give it to you.”
A frown curved over her lips, and her face darkened. “Is that a threat?”
Shoulders rigid, he said, “You don’t think I know you say one thing and mean another? Do you think I haven’t noticed?”
“Why are you fighting for this? To what purpose?”
The question stopped him cold. What was he fighting for? When he really thought about it, his reasons for staying away from her were flimsy as hell. Sure, he had this grand plan to stay away from reckless wild women, but Sophie wasn’t a one-night stand.
She wasn’t a future either.
His only excuse was he . . . liked her. He could be himself with her, and he didn’t know the last time that happened. She made him feel clicked on and engaged, and fuck it, he wasn’t ready to give that up. Even if that meant agreeing to friends only. For real this time.
But first he had to tell her the truth.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Last year, I had a one-nighter with a girl I met in a bar.”
Her expression clouded with confusion but she nodded. “Okay?”
“I’ve always been a bit wild. It’s not that I didn’t ever want commitment, but more that I was young and had time and didn’t want to tie myself down. I guess you could say I was your typical player. I was always up front. Always told the woman she couldn’t expect anything from me.” He sighed and pointed to the steps. “Can we at least sit down?”
She straightened. “Okay.”
They sat on the top of the steps, her on one side, him on the other. He put his elbows on his knees and continued, “So this woman, we met at a bar, and I took her home after I’d laid out my normal ground rules.”
“All right.” She sounded interested now, and he supposed that was something.
“She wanted to exchange numbers, and I didn’t see the harm, since we’d had fun and she seemed cool with what I wanted.” He gave her a chagrined smile. “Even though I didn’t intend to call her again.”
She rolled her eyes. “Men.”
“Yeah. Typical, huh?”
She laughed a little, and he was happy to see the sadness slip from her features.
He laced his fingers between his splayed knees. “She called me a few days later wanting a hookup, and I didn’t see the harm.”
“Of course. ’Cause sex.”
He shook his head. “Pretty much. I was going through a pretty busy time at work, and she’d call, always very cool and relaxed, and I figured why not.”
“Oh no.” She shifted, propping against the rounded column. “You fell for it.”
“Yep.” He shook his head. “She was a head case. She must have watched too many soaps when she was in her formative years because she pulled out every trick in the book, including a fake pregnancy.”
Sophie grimaced. “God, how horrible. How’d you find out it was fake?”
“I took her to the doctor and sat in the room with her.”
Sophie smiled. “You were still giving her attention, though.”
“I was.” He sighed, looking at her. “It’s the kind of nightmare guys always fear, and it was a nightmare for a good three months. Once I threatened her with a restraining order she seemed to snap out of it. But you know the lesson I learned?”
“What?”
“It was my fault. It happened because I was out for consequence-free sex and was entitled enough to think I was above paying the price. It wasn’t her, it was me. I wasn’t some victim, my actions were to blame.” He held up two fingers. “It took two weeks for her crazy to show itself. Two tiny little weeks. If I’d done things the proper way, the way my parents had taught me, asked her on a date, gotten to know her, I would have seen what I needed to. But I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.”
“I’m sorry, Ryder.” Her voice was soft and low. “That really sucks.”
“It did.” It was a harsh lesson, but one he’d never forget. Actions had consequences. End of story. He sighed. “After it was over, I decided it was time for a change. I changed jobs, towns, and told myself I’d date a woman before I took her to bed.”
“A solid plan.”
He met her eyes. “Then you showed up and I took one look at you and wanted to toss you over my bike and do filthy things to you.”
She sucked in a little breath. “Yeah.”
“It reminded me that my actions have consequences and that I should probably stay the hell away from someone who makes me want to forget all that.”
That shadow passed over her face again and she nodded. “Yes.”
“There’s only one problem.”
“What’s that?”
“I like you, Sophie. I like you a lot. You’re fun to be around, you make me laugh and think. I know you’re going back to Chicago, but it’s been a long time since a woman has engaged me the way you do. I find myself making excuses to spend time with you.”
She sighed, long and deep. “I like you too, Ryder.”
“But?” Because he knew there was a “but,” he could hear it in her tone.
She shrugged. “I don’t see how it ends well.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “I think you’re running scared and won’t tell me why.”
“I don’t know, maybe.”
Definitely. But she wasn’t ready to talk. Well, it was time to put his money where his mouth was, so he took a deep breath and dived in. “There’s no way for us to avoid each other. We’ll see each other at work and at home. You’ll see me at Maddie’s house, and at Earl’s Diner, and probably a couple of places in between.”
“I’m figuring that out.”
He tightened his fingers. “So, I’ll leave it up to you. I told you where I stand. I will respect and abide by your wishes and parameters. Whatever they may be.”
Truth was, the promise was hard to make. Not because he wouldn’t always respect what she wanted but because he knew how easy it would be to push her until she caved.
Appearing deep in thought, she looked out at the street. The sun was low now, settling into that purple-pink horizon before it set.
He waited, not enjoying the brilliant sky because he thought he already knew her choice.
Finally, she looked back at him. “I don’t think we should spend time together.”
“Are you sure?” One last time he needed to ask.
“I’m sure. It’s for the best.”
The confirmation went down like glass, but he nodded. Going against all his baser instincts, he rose. “Okay then, I’ll leave you alone.”
He paused, waiting to see if she spoke, but when she didn’t, he walked down the steps and didn’t look back.
He’d tried. That was all he could do.