Chapter Eighteen
Exhausted, Sophie plopped down in the booth at Earl’s Diner across from her best friend, hair a mess, sunglasses still in place. She’d thrown on the first thing she’d stumbled upon and wore a pair of jean shorts and a pink T-shirt. She’d seen the mirror; she looked like she’d been on a bender.
And she had been. After two hours of sleep she’d jolted awake and jostled Ryder, whose arm had been draped over her stomach, trapping her, to yell, “I’m supposed to meet Maddie for breakfast in fifteen minutes.”
He’d groaned and gripped her tighter. “You are not a peaceful woman to wake up to.”
She’d squirmed under him. “You have to let me up. It’s too late to cancel.”
He yawned. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Without even opening his eyes, he’d kissed her, rolled over, and said in a sleep-rough voice, “Have fun, darlin’.”
She’d scrambled out of bed, run across the yard in a towel she’d found in his bathroom, gotten dressed, and here she was.
Maddie raised a brow. “What happened to you?”
The real question was, what hadn’t happened to her. Every single muscle in her body ached. She was sore everywhere, and she did mean everywhere.
A waitress came over, and she begged for coffee before turning back to Maddie. “I slept with Ryder last night.”
Maddie put her hands on the table. “Oh. My. God.”
Words she’d yelled about a thousand times last night. “Exactly.”
“How was it?”
Sophie raised her glasses to the top of her head and rolled her eyes. “Have you seen that man? How do you think it was?”
“That good, huh?” Maddie grinned ear to ear.
She shook her head and sighed. “It was the most phenomenal sex on the planet. I literally have no idea how many orgasms I had. And he’s so dirty, Maddie. He’s the best.”
She was addicted to him. Infatuated. Smitten, and all those other words, but it was more than that. They just fit—not just their bodies, but everything.
He terrified her. Excited her. Thrilled her. Made her nervous and happy. The complete gamut of emotions.
Maddie laughed. “So you had a good time?”
“Yes. So good.”
“So now what?”
Sophie sighed. She missed their twenties, when nobody asked about intentions and you could sleep with someone without it having to mean anything or go anywhere. In your thirties, everyone seemed to be pointing to an imaginary clock and saying tick tock.
She shrugged. “I guess we’re seeing each other until I go back home.”
Maddie’s brow wrinkled. “And you’re okay with that?”
The waitress returned with coffee and Sophie said, “Oh, thank God.” Then she tasted it and wanted to pray for death again. She remembered her first day of work, when Ryder had brought her Starbucks because he’d known it would make her happy.
She looked out the window onto the streets of Revival’s downtown. Completely different from the view she was used to.
Saturday mornings in Revival were still busy, but without the congestion of Chicago. Families ambled down the streets pushing strollers, people walked their dogs or stopped and talked to each other. She recognized some of the faces now. Like Mary Beth Crowley, who was outside the auto garage she owned with her husband, and an endearing pain in Sophie’s ass. She spotted Cindy, a librarian at the local branch who was part of the planning committee for the town project. And other people too.
“Soph?”
She turned back to Maddie and shrugged. “I’ll have to be. I tried to stay away from him. It didn’t work. I can’t do it. He’s impossible to resist.”
He wasn’t Tony. Ryder wouldn’t take advantage of her vulnerable state, and she couldn’t get consumed because there was a defined end. So she was giving herself the gift of him, and when she left to go back home, she’d close the door and not look back.
“I’ve never heard you say that about anyone before,” Maddie said.
“That’s because it never happened.” She bit her lip. “I’m probably going to be in trouble.”
“You really like him.”
“I really do.” Sophie picked up the menu. “And not just because he’s fucking awesome in bed. Because he’s awesome at everything. It feels like he knows me. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it does.” She smiled. “That’s how I feel with Mitch, that I can be exactly who I am. Happy or sad, irrational, emotional, angry, excited, impulsive and crazy. Anything I want to be, he’s good with.”
Sophie’s phone beeped and she looked down to see Ryder’s name on her screen. She swiped her thumb over his name. There was a picture of her black dress lying in a haphazard heap on his floor, and his text read, I hope you’re not at Earl’s naked.
A huge grin spread over her face, so big her cheeks hurt. She could let herself enjoy him for six months, then let him go. She typed back, And if I am?
The phone beeped a few seconds later. I’ll come down there with my Sharpie and write Property of Ryder across your breasts.
She sucked in a breath, heating in an instant. She suspected society would deem that unacceptable, but she liked the sound of that a little too much.
Another text popped up. And Do Not Touch, across your stomach.
Oh God.
The way her heart fluttered in her chest told her everything she needed to know about his effect on her. She turned her phone toward her, snapped a selfie. I’m not naked.
I might do it anyway, because I like the sound of it. So did she, not that she was about to admit it. Like I’d let you.
I spent the night with you, I know exactly how much you like the idea.
Arrogant and correct. She ignored the comment. Can I help you? I’m being rude.
Yeah, I’m going to Mitch’s to play basketball, so after breakfast you should head there instead of home.
What if I have stuff to do?
I’ll help you.
She couldn’t help it; she let out a dreamy sigh. All right.
Another text. Oh, and Sophie, you look like you’ve been fucking all night.
She laughed and put down her phone, looking up to see Maddie watching her, her eyes wide. “Wow.”
“What?” She shifted in her seat.
“You’re glowing.”
“Shut up!” Sophie threw a napkin at her. “They’re going to your house to play basketball.”
Maddie rubbed her hands together. “This is going to be fun.”
Sophie picked up her napkin. “So, I guess I’m doing this. I hope it’s not a total disaster.”
Maddie smiled. “Sometimes you just have to go for it, consequences be damned.”
She lifted her coffee cup. “Cheers.”
* * *
As Sophie and Maddie went out to the backyard, she sucked in a breath at the sight of Ryder, bare chested, body slicked with sweat, lunging for the ball.
Gracie waved them to the sidelines.
As they walked over, Sophie could only marvel at the scene before her. Screw professional sports, right here was a recipe for female fantasy. Mitch, Charlie, Sam, and Ryder were on the court, and holy hell, they were awesome. Hot men. Sweating. Swearing. Pushing and shoving. They did not play nice, which made Sophie all the more interested.
Until Ryder, she’d never given much thought to how much energy she put into curtailing her baser, wilder instincts and impulses. Until him, she hadn’t realized she’d been struggling under the weight of it.
They pulled some chairs next to Gracie, who smiled at them, coffee in hand. “Isn’t this fun?”
Maddie looked around. “Where’s James?”
“Running. You know he’s allergic to sports.”
While James might not like sports, he had the body of a competitive athlete.
Gracie sighed. “It’s marathon training season again.”
Maddie wrinkled her nose. “But think of it this way. Last year you invented those power cookies, and now everyone wants them.”
Gracie laughed. “True.”
They kept talking, but Sophie’s attention wandered to her current fixation. Her thighs ached pleasantly, reminding her how much time he’d spent between them. And as though he sensed her thoughts, he turned around and looked at her, his gaze sweeping down her body before he broke into a smile.
Oh God. She was in so much trouble.
He called time and jogged over to her.
She sucked in a breath, having no idea what he was going to do, but before she could say anything he leaned down, hauled her up to meet him, and kissed her. Not just a peck on the lips, but an open-mouth, full-tongue, dirty kiss. She tensed for a fraction of a second, thinking about everyone watching them, before she shrugged off propriety and gave into the heat of his mouth.
Her hand snaked around his neck, and even slicked with sweat she wanted to take him into the house and have her slutty way with him.
He finally pulled away, and as she attempted to catch her breath, she said, “Hi.”
He chuckled, tugged her close, and whispered in her ear, “I’m going to fuck you in the shower later.”
She whispered back, “But not before I go down on you.”
“Tease.” He kissed her again, this time quick and aggressive. “I’ll be back.”
Then he turned back to the game and said as casually as could be, “Ready?”
The men looked at him, then at Sophie, then back at Ryder before shrugging. A second later the game resumed.
Sophie didn’t get off so easy. Gracie and Maddie stared at her open mouthed.
Sophie shifted in her chair. “What?”
Gracie pointed toward the court. “Did you just offer to go down on Ryder?”
Oops. She shrugged. “Do you blame me?”
Gracie laughed. “Hell no.”
Maddie shook her head. “Girl, you are in trouble.”
Yep, she totally was.
* * *
Late that night, Ryder ran a hand over Sophie’s bare stomach, lightly tracing the dips and curves of her body with his fingers. One day with her and he was already addicted. After the Rileys’ they’d come home, showered together, and spent the entire day doing shit around their houses and screwing like it was going out of style.
Ryder had picked up takeout and they’d watched three more episodes of Making a Murderer before going to bed, where she was game for literally anything he wanted to do to her. Now they lay there, and Ryder couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so relaxed and happy.
He propped his head up on his hand. “Tell me about your childhood.”
Her lashes fluttered open. “Now?”
“What’s wrong with now?”
“Don’t you want to bask in the afterglow?”
He laughed. “With the amount of sex we’re having, if we only basked in the afterglow we’d never get out of bed, or off the floor, or out of the shower, the kitchen table . . .” He grinned. “Well, you get the idea.”
She rolled her eyes. “You are such a bragger.”
“Darlin’, this is all you.” He cupped her breast and stroked over her nipple, which rose to the occasion. “But back to the question.”
He’d noticed she avoided talking about herself. That she didn’t like it. It was like she tried to play everything about her past as inconsequential, which was usually a sign of avoidance.
She shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. I was an only child. As you know, my parents are free spirits, but they held it together long enough to give me a stable, albeit eccentric childhood. When I turned eighteen, they took off to travel the world. End of story.”
With the tensing of her body, he somehow doubted that but decided not to push for details. “How did you meet Maddie and Penelope?”
She smiled. “I met Maddie in junior high. We both got kicked out of English class and bonded in the hallway. Penelope came as part of the package with Maddie. They met in kindergarten.”
He circled her nipple. “Penelope is the one that kept you guys out of trouble?”
She laughed. “Well, she tried, but we had minds of our own. She kept us out of jail a few times. Of course, we got her thrown in jail too, so you know, it all worked out in the end.”
“Do you have a record?” Amused, he shook his head at her.
“Just some juvenile misdemeanor stuff. Nothing serious. Woods parties, underage drinking, stuff like that.” She grinned at him. “Are you disappointed?”
“Kind of.”
“You are such a pervert.”
“If you are just figuring that out, you haven’t been paying attention.” He bent down and nipped at her bottom lip. “I’m imagining some very creative role-playing in our future.”
Her face lit up with excitement. “Can I dress up?”
How could one woman be so perfect for him? She could show up in a burlap bag as far as he was concerned, but he was curious to see what she came up with. “What do you want to dress up as?”
“Of course there are standards, but I’m not sure yet.” She pressed her shoulders into the bed. “What are your fantasies?”
They were countless. He traced a path over her ribs. “They all end with you naked.”
“Will you tell me one?”
He narrowed his gaze. She wanted to divert the conversation away from her past, but maybe he could work with that. “How about we trade. You answer my questions, and I’ll answer yours.”
“That sounds fair.” She slid her leg across his thighs. He expected a sex question, but she surprised him by asking, “Did you have a happy childhood?”
“I did. It was very idyllic. My parents loved each other, and us. We had fun, laughed around the dinner table. I have no complaints.”
She tilted her head. “Not one complaint?”
He shrugged. “Nothing substantial. My only complaint was that I hated having no complaints. Which sounds like an entitled asshole thing to say, so I keep it to myself.”
Her gaze darted away. “I can’t imagine what that would be like. To be raised so normal. I mean, my parents weren’t mean or anything, but I always felt . . .” She trailed off, her gaze darting away.
He smoothed a path over her stomach. “Always felt what?”
She shrugged. “They loved me, but they never really wanted me. They never said, but I’m pretty sure my mom got pregnant on accident. It was more like they were putting in time, that they couldn’t wait for their responsibility to be done.”
He frowned, thinking of his own encouraging childhood. He’d never once doubted his family’s dedication. “That must have been hard.”
She pushed a lock of hair from her face. “Not really. It was how it was. They are who they are, what’s the point of wishing for someone different? I had Penelope and Maddie and all the freedom a teenager could possibly want. Sure, sometimes I’d walk into a group meditation session going on in the living room, but there’s far worse things.”
True, but he didn’t like the idea that she’d felt like a responsibility instead of a blessing.
She touched his chest, her fingers a soft flutter over the scrolling black design on his skin. “Does this mean anything?”
He shook his head. “I got it on my eighteenth birthday, so it wasn’t a well-thought-out plan. I picked the design out of a book because I thought it was cool.”
She chuckled before tracing the word “freedom” on his ribs. “And this?”
He shrugged. “I got that one when I was twenty-one. As a reminder, I suppose.”
“How do you mean?”
The thoughts of his twenty-one-year-old self seemed distant and unclear, but the word still resonated with him. He tugged down the sheet, exposing her hip where he curved his hand around her soft flesh. “It’s like I’ve always been a little too wild, a little too reckless for my own good. It’s hard for me to feel content. I’m not sure if that makes any sense. It’s to remind myself that most of the time when I feel restless, it’s because I’m trying to put myself in a box.” He laughed, slightly embarrassed. “Or, I don’t know, something equally stupid.”
Her eyes went wide. “I don’t think that’s stupid.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “Some people just need to roam free.”
A smile curved over his lips. “Exactly.”
She furrowed her brow. “I’m surprised you decided on a career in law enforcement.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s a field governed by rules.”
He nodded. “It is in some ways, but it’s also not a traditional work environment. I’d go crazy working in a corporate job, and since my parents didn’t raise me to be a good criminal, this seemed like a balance.”
“Do you like it?”
“I do, very much. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
Her gaze flickered to his face. “I know what you mean, about the wildness.”
Somehow that didn’t surprise him. He leaned down and brushed her lips. “Tell me more.”
She bit her lips. “Like I said, I didn’t have a lot of rules growing up, and Maddie was like my kindred spirit in causing trouble, with Penelope standing over us as the superego. And it worked. I needed Maddie and Penelope. Maddie to fulfill my bad girl, Penelope to fulfill my good. But then Maddie got in a terrible car accident that killed her father and left her in a coma, and when she woke up, she’d changed. It’s a long story, but she felt a lot of guilt and decided the way to cope with it was to become perfect. I understood it. Even as a fifteen-year-old kid it made sense to me. But I lost my partner in crime. Now I had the superego standing over me, and the ego, and eventually my antics began to seem silly, like an annoyance. In college, I found new people to be wild with, and it came back to bite me. So I learned a lesson: to stop letting it control me. To be safe and responsible for it. Oh sure, I was still feisty and outgoing. Still the life of the party. And people think I’m the wild one. But I haven’t felt wild in a long time.”
Somewhere in that story was the truth of her. But he was smart enough to bide his time, so he asked softly, “Until me?”
She looked at him. “Yes. I like the way you make me feel. I like how I don’t have to tuck myself into a contained ball around you.”
“Thank you.” He kissed her, soft and gentle. “I feel the same exact way about you.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
She averted her gaze. “I have a question.”
“What’s that?”
Her big brown eyes gazed up at him. “I promised Penelope I’d visit next month. Is it too soon to ask you to come with me?”
He slid his hand around her throat, feeling the fine muscles flex under his touch. “Not too soon. I would love that. We could make a long weekend out of it.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
She sat up in bed and beamed at him, and Ryder fell impossibly harder for her. “This is going to be fun. I have so many places to show you.”
He laughed. “Sophie, you make everything fun.”
She straddled him, sliding over his cock, which now paid attention. She leaned down and her hair cascaded over him as she bent to his ear. “You know I’ll never say no to you.”
“Never?”
She licked at his skin. “Never.” She sat up, her breasts bare and beautiful in the soft glow of the moonlight streaming through the window. “Are you going to tell me a fantasy?”
His mind scrolled through a hundred different scenarios before he settled on one he thought would strike her fancy and sense of adventure. “I’m at a bar. We’re strangers. Your dress is slutty and minuscule and your lips are red. We flirt, everyone knows we’re circling each other, and I fuck you in the corner of the bar, quiet and discreetly, but in front of everyone.”
She sucked in her breath, her nipples hardening at the suggestion.
He ran his thumbs over the hard peaks. “Do you like that idea?”
“Yes.” Her hips twitched against him.
“Because you like danger. And getting caught.”
“Yes.” She rocked her hips against his now-hard shaft. “And so do you.”
“I do.” He tugged at her nipples. “Sophie.”
“Yes?”
“I’ll never say no to you either.”
“Good.” She reached over to the bedside table, its surface littered with condoms, and grabbed a packet. With her gaze heavy on his, she ripped it open with her teeth before sliding the condom down his shaft. Then she lifted her hips, grasped his cock, and impaled herself on him. They both groaned at the contact and she began a slow, steady grind. “Ryder.”
“Yes?”
“I’m going to make you a very happy man.”
She was already more than he could have ever asked for, more than he could have dared to hope for. He closed his eyes, gripping her hips to speed up her rhythm. Needing to get lost in her, so she felt like him.