Today is D-day, and I’m looking forward to it like a hole in my head. For me, it’s a sense of pride. I’m eighteen now, and although the girls at this school aren’t going to be much more than two or three years younger, we will be worlds apart from each other. It’s not a huge difference for someone who’s, say, twenty-one to interact with someone who’s twenty-five, but I’m eighteen, and it is a lot for me to be mixing with fifteen-year-olds. I will probably have more in common with the teachers than I will with the students.

With a sigh, I sit down and look at my calendar. I’ve worked it out so that I will only have to be at school for around a hundred and seventy days or so until my exams. That’s not a lot. Once I have those done, the world will be my oyster. It just makes me angry that Liam’s put me in this position in the first place.

An involuntary shudder courses down my spine when I think about him. For over two years, he taught me to think that no one existed but him. Almost three years of knowing that what was happening was wrong, but being told lies. All the time, he filled my head with lies, lies, and more lies. He lied about my mother being dead and how the world outside our bubble didn’t give a shit about me. He lied every time he tried to convince me that it was just the two of us. That was all he wanted me to know. That ended eight months ago, and since then, I’ve had to endure countless therapy sessions and interviews with therapists who want to study the phenomenon of Stockholm Syndrome first-hand.

I refuse to acknowledge that I suffer from that disorder. I don’t want to believe that I ever loved that man. But, at the same time, I can’t deny the fact that my heart was broken for a while after I escaped. I cried for two weeks solid after I came back. Sure, I look back at that time now and shudder. I consider myself mad for ever letting that man seep into my soul the way that he did. At the time, however, it felt like my world had ended. He was all I knew for three full years of my young life.

With yesterday’s date marked off my calendar, I take a brief look at my watch and see that I only have thirty-two minutes before I need to get to school. Luckily, the school’s only a twenty-minute walk away, but I will need to leave now, so I won’t be late. Assembly starts at nine sharp.

Picking up my rucksack, I straighten my black pleated school skirt and give myself a once over in the mirror. It’s not the best uniform in the world, but I’ll admit it’s not the worst. With a button down white shirt, black and red tie, and a black and red blazer, it all matches well.

A knock sounding at my door makes me jump. “Are you decent, Ray?”

I smile, almost rolling my eyes. No matter how many times I tell her to call me Sasha now, she still can’t help calling me Ray.

“You can come in,” I answer back.

The door pushes open, and my mum stands there, giving me the once over herself. “You’re looking very smart.”

I smile. “Thanks.”

“Do you fancy some breakfast? I’ve just put some toast on.”

At the thought of putting food in my stomach, I grimace. “No thanks, Mum. I don’t really feel like food right now.”

She steps forward, offering me a hand on my shoulder. “I know how difficult this must be for you, but it’s only for a short while. Just cling on to that.”

I nod my head. “I know,” I answer with a brief sigh followed by a smile. With a quick look around the room, I make sure I have everything before turning back to my mum. “I’d better be off. I don’t want to be late on my first day.”

With her arms out, my mum pulls me in for a quick embrace. “I’m proud of you. Just know that, okay? And I’ll get home as quick as I can from work. I’ll want to know all the goss.”

I chuckle. “Sure thing.”

My feet feel like weights as I make my way out of my room and towards the front door. Halfway through my journey, I receive a text message from Brett.

Keep your chin up today. Just keep reminding yourself that you’re legal to drink. They still have at least two years to go before they can make fools of themselves. ;)

I have to giggle at that. It is just the thing I need to kick myself out of my funk. I text back my thanks and promise to call him when I’m done. With renewed energy, I make my way to the school with five minutes to spare.

When I arrive, the school seems to be in a state of organised chaos. School girls are chirping amongst themselves as the teachers hurriedly make their way through the crowds. Some of the younger ones have parents with them, but most don’t. Already, I feel awkward and out of place. As the chaos calms down a little, I see a line form toward the assembly hall. I already know this from the visit I had here a couple of months ago.

One by one, they all move in, and soon, one of the teachers, who I recognise as Mrs Caterham, appears and starts glancing around all the heads. She will be my form tutor for the duration. As if sensing my stare, Mrs Caterham looks my way and immediately walks towards me.

“Sasha, how are you feeling? Nervous?”

I incline my head. “I must admit, I am.”

“It’s only natural, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. Assembly first, and then I’ll take you all to your classroom. There are only nineteen pupils in your class. We figured you’d be better suited with as few students as possible.” She smiles, gesturing me towards the front of the line, and all the while, I don’t know whether to feel irked or pleased by what she’s just said.

As I get in front of the line towards the assembly hall, a young girl with a bright smile and pigtails joins right behind me. She beams when I glance at her.

“Hi,” she says in a bright, chirpy voice. Already, I want to go home. “My name’s Samantha. What’s yours?”

“Sasha,” I say, offering her no more than that.

She giggles. “Oh, my God! We could be like name twins! Both names begin with an S. How about Samansha?” She goes off into a fit of giggles at her own joke. “That sounds totally cool!” she screams.

Can the floor swallow me up now?

Only offering her a smile, I turn back to face the hallway when I feel a hand tap my shoulder. When I turn, she’s still got that same smile plastered on her face. “I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but you look more like a teacher than a student. You look like you should be like twenty or something.”

All I can say is, “I get that all the time.”

She squeals, making my eardrums hurt. I squint, naturally trying to move away from the pain of her shrill voice. “Ooh, I bet you can get into clubs so easily! You wouldn’t even need a fake ID. You’re so lucky.”

“Oh, yes,” I respond with sarcasm. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”

She’s about to respond when Mrs Caterham interrupts, shouting for us to get in line. Once satisfied, she nods towards me, so I start walking towards the next row of seats that are available in one of the middle rows. Shuffling up to the far end, I take my seat. Once settled, I look up and sense someone looking at me. When I turn, I see it’s Pigtails, flashing me a massive smile.

“You’re new here.”

I nod. “That I am.”

“What school were you at before?”

Nonchalantly, I utter, “Northside.”

She frowns. “I’ve not heard of that one.”

“That’s because it’s further up north. Near to Scotland.” I smile when I think of Scotland. I’ve yet to text Easton back. Despite knowing I shouldn’t be fooling around with men so soon after Liam, I can’t help the need I have inside me to contact him. He’s been making all the right moves since. It’s me who’s trying to pull away.

“You don’t have a Scottish accent,” Samantha observes.

“I’m not originally from Scotland. I’m from London. Just been living up there for a few years. Since my mum’s breakup, we decided to start a brand new life down in Bournemouth.” Mostly lies, but it is true that I was in London for a while before Liam took me. After my escape, my mum and I were given new identities and a new start in a place where, hopefully, Liam will never find me. And, he will look. Unfortunately, I know all too well that he won’t rest until he finds me. Sometimes, it’s that thought which keeps me awake at night.

“I would love to live in London. My mum’s like, ‘You don’t want to live there—too many people.’ I love it, though. I guess it’s an age thing. I bet you loved it in London. Are you planning on moving back once you finish school?”

Questions. Too many that I both can’t and won’t answer. I shrug my shoulders, answering with a maybe and hoping that she’ll leave it at that. Of course, she doesn’t. She opens her mouth to ask another question, but thankfully, I’m saved by the teacher on stage shouting at everyone to be quiet.

“Good morning, ladies.”

“Good morning,” everyone answers.

“We start a brand new year with some old faces, but also with some new ones.” She smiles, looking over to the eight year students. Luckily, she doesn’t look at me. “Now, most of you here will notice that we’ve had a few upgrades since July. Most are cosmetic, but there has been the addition of a new IT room with lots of brand new Mac laptops.” Everyone’s ooh’s and ahh’s make the teacher smile. “But also, as many of you already know, Mrs McClusky, the previous headmaster, retired in July, so we have a new addition to our growing family here at Lady Penelope’s. Please all welcome our new headmaster, Mr Lockhart.” Everyone cheers as the teacher motions towards the back of the room.

And in he steps.

At first, I think I’m seeing things. Maybe this is a dream. It must be. In an effort to wake myself up, I pinch my forearm hard, noticing that my skin’s puckering and turning white under my nails.

It hurts.

I’m not waking up.

Feeling my panic rise, I look up, watching as he takes the place of the other teacher. His eyes are focused on the crowd, and there’s a smile on his face. I hear the collective gasps and talk of the girls as he takes his spot. They’ve all noticed how young he looks and how good looking he is. How his lips curve up into a sexy, brooding smile. The very same lips I was sucking face with just last night.

Easton.

Feeling all the eyes upon him, Easton pulls a little on his tie before clearing his throat. “Good morning, ladies,” he says with that all too familiar Scottish accent. I can hear the dreamy sighs from all the females in the room.

My face heats. Luckily, he hasn’t noticed me yet, and I don’t want him to. This will be just as embarrassing for him as it is for me. The heat in the room suddenly triples as my hands feel clammy, and my stomach coils. The last thing I need in a room full of people is a panic attack, but the more I try to calm my ever-beating heart, the more it bounces against my ribcage. Easton starts talking, but all I can hear is, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

I’m going to be sick.

I can feel it crawling up my oesophagus, ready for me to purge. I know I can’t move because he’ll see me, but I also know I can’t stay.

With my panic reaching new levels, I grab my things and without looking in his direction, I get up from my seat and try to sneak out from the side—away from prying eyes. I can feel everyone looking at me as I practically spring for the door. Easton hesitates mid-sentence, noticing of course that a student has just up and left before assembly has ended. I know I’m most probably going to get into trouble for this, but I also know that if I don’t find a toilet, this situation is going to become even more embarrassing than it already is.

Once outside, I know I can’t keep it in any longer. I rush towards the small garden area in the middle of the courtyard and throw up. I know I only have bile in my stomach, but it keeps coming.

“Oh, dear God. Sasha, are you okay?”

Mrs Caterham rushes over to me, offering a hand over my shoulder. As I heave out one last time, I manage to nod. “I’m really sorry about the garden.”

I feel her squeeze my shoulder. “Don’t be. You’re much more important than that.”

“Can I get some water to wash it away or something?” I ask, wiping my mouth.

“Never mind that. Come with me to the toilets and we’ll get you cleaned up.”

Nodding my head, I let her lead me through the courtyard and into a dimly lit grey hallway. I know this school was supposed to have had some upgrades, but this portion is far from upgraded.

As if reading my mind, Mrs Caterham says, “One of the rooms on the list that never got painted in time.” She shakes her head, tutting as if remembering something unpleasant about it.

She steadily leads me into the toilets, quickly grabbing some tissue and handing it to me. “Thanks,” I say, wiping my mouth.

She smiles, looking like she feels pity for me. I hate that look. “When you’re ready, come outside. I’ll go fetch you some water.”

All I offer is a nod. I watch her leave, and when she does, I welcome the instant silence of the room. I step towards the mirror and look at myself. I look a lot older than I did this morning. Haggard, even. My luminous blonde hair looks dull and lifeless. Even my light blue eyes look darker than normal.

Shit. Of all the situations I could have landed myself in! What are the odds that the man of my dreams would turn out to be my head teacher?

With a shake of my head, I blow my nose and splash some cold water on my face. I didn’t bother putting on any makeup this morning as I was too rushed, and now I really wish I had. My mum always tells me I don’t need it. I guess it’s just a thing for me. Liam never let me wear any, so I guess that’s partly why I do.

Grabbing some more tissue, I pat my face down, feeling a little more refreshed. I fish through my bag, picking out a mint and pop it in before taking a deep breath. I take one last look in the mirror. I look better than I did, but I’m still haggard. I guess it’ll have to do.

Once I open the door, Mrs Caterham’s standing there with a bottle of water ready for me. “Here,” she says, laying it in my outstretched hand. “Do you feel better?”

I nod. “Yes. Sorry again about that. It just came on so suddenly.”

She frowns a moment. “Do you often get that? Sickness, I mean?”

Knowing what she’s implying, I shake my head. “Oh, no. Maybe it was just something I ate last night.”

“Would you like to go home? I know it’s your first day, but you can’t be here if you’re sick.”

I shake my head on a smile. “Of course not. I’ll be fine. Really.” She has no way of knowing the real reason why I was sick. Even I can’t totally believe I got to first base with the head teacher of all people last night. Not to mention the fact that he wanted us to go to fourth base, and we might done so if not for my need to get home to my mum.

Mrs Caterham places her hand on my arm and with a warm smile says the words that bring my nausea back with full force.

“That’s good because Mr Lockhart wants to see you.”