Chapter Eighteen
“Rosa’s already in bed,” Lilí said when she opened the door to the Fernandez house.
Jeremy’s elation fizzled like a dud firework as he stepped into the foyer.
Running on adrenaline fumes laced with excitement, he’d driven to Oakton on autopilot. His only thought: get home to Rosa and share the news.
She’d understand why his heart pounded and his hands shook with nervous energy over Sherman’s offer. Because she was the only person he had truly confided in.
Right now, all he wanted was to see her brown eyes sparkle with joy, her lips tugging up in her shy smile. He’d even take an “I told you so” if it came from her.
Jeremy pushed up the edge of his winter coat sleeve to find the gold hands on his watch pointing to nine forty-seven. No wonder the upstairs windows were darkened.
When he’d pulled up and noticed the television’s flickering light behind the living room curtains, he’d crossed his fingers that it meant Rosa was still up, maybe watching another documentary.
“Did you not try calling her before you drove all the way out here?” Lilí asked.
Jeremy shook his head as he unbuttoned his coat and shrugged out of it. “Thought I’d get here faster and surprise her.”
Dumb move on his part.
Surprise! She was already sleeping.
Lilí turned the front lock, then spun on her black furry house slippers to face him. Arms crossed, she leaned back against the door. Sporting fuchsia fleece pajama bottoms and a black long-sleeved top with fuchsia polka dots, her face washed clean of makeup, she looked ready for bed herself.
His adrenaline fading, he suddenly felt a little foolish for racing out here. Especially since he’d left in a burst of anger the last time and had only spoken with Rosa sporadically via text message in the week since then.
“How’s she doing?” he asked, ashamed he didn’t know himself.
Lilí’s mouth pressed into a thin line. Her youthful face was pinched with worry.
“Did something happen with Rosa? Or the baby?”
His pulse skipped, fear flicking it into high gear.
If something had happened and he hadn’t been here for her, he’d never forgive himself.
“Not yet,” Lilí answered. “But the way she’s stressing about this Poetry Club event tomorrow night, who knows. Sounds like the kids are crazy nervous, so Rosa’s stayed late every day this week meeting with them. Even though I can tell she’s dead tired by the time she calls me to pick her up.”
“Is she eating?”
“Some. But whenever I try to fix her a bowl of soup or remind her to rest she complains about me nagging. That why it’s about time you got your butt back out here!”
“I’ve been dealing with—”
“Yeah, I know, some hacker thing,” she interrupted, pushing off the door and advancing toward him. “But if you really care about my sister, and damn it, the other night you told me that you do, you don’t ‘peace out’ like that!”
Hands raised, palms facing her, as if to ward off the anger and hurt flashing in Lilí’s hazel-green eyes, Jeremy backed up until the heels of his oxfords knocked into the bottom of the stairs.
Guilt seared his chest. He should have checked up on Rosa. Not sulked, upset because it seemed she could so easily push him away.
Disappointed in himself, he sank onto the third step.
“What are you doing?” Lilí came to a stop. Hands on her hips, she scowled down at him.
“I need to sit for a minute.”
“Yeah, well, we have a couch, you know.” She waved her left arm toward the living room.
Jeremy shook his head at her exasperated tone.
Yes, he knew they owned a couch. He and Rosa had spent plenty of time on it together lately. He opted to keep that comment to himself. Lilí might take it the wrong way and she was already in protective sister mode.
“This is fine.” Shoulders hunched, he bent forward to rest his forearms on his knees. “It’s been a stressful week.”
“Tell me about it.” Lilí’s furry black house shoes shuffled into his view seconds before she nudged his shoulder for him to move over so she could join him. “Between worrying about Rosa and this . . . thing with one of the freshmen on my dorm floor, I’ve gotten almost zero sleep.”
“What’s going on at school? You mentioned something the other day. Are you having a problem?”
“Not me. Another girl.” Lilí’s heavy sigh sounded like she had the weight of the universe on her petite shoulders. He certainly understood how that felt. “I knew being a dorm resident advisor might be difficult sometimes, but this situation she’s going through, it’s terrible.”
Jeremy angled his body, leaning his back against the banister so he could face Lilí.
The poor kid looked like he felt—beat. Her fiery anger from moments ago had given way to weary angst, her brow puckered with a deep frown.
“You wanna talk about it?” he offered.
“Thanks, but I don’t think so. It’s pretty personal.”
“Have you said anything to Rosa?”
“No way, she’s got her own stuff to deal with. Plus, this is . . .” Lilí trailed off, her head bowed as she picked at her chipped purple nail polish. “This is life-changing, and not in a good way. Rosa’s so soft-hearted and gentle, I know she’d feel awful for this girl. I do.” Lilí shot him a misery-laden glance. “I don’t want Rosa worrying about something similar happening to me, and I know she would.” Lilí shook her head back and forth in tiny, agitated jerks. “I don’t wanna risk getting her upset.”
Sensing the angst building inside her, Jeremy gently put his hand on Lilí’s back, trying to offer a measure of calm. Whatever had happened, and it didn’t sound good, was eating at her. If she didn’t talk to someone about it soon, it could consume her.
“You know, beneath Rosa’s shy exterior is a steely determination many don’t take the time to see. Your sister’s a lot stronger than you think.”
“I don’t know,” Lilí hedged.
“Here’s what I do know—that gentle spirit of Rosa’s makes her a great sounding board. Her empathy is boundless because she cares so much about others. I’ll tell you, whether I wanted to or not, she’s helped me see a few things differently lately, for the better. Honestly, meeting her, getting to know and spend time with her is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Pffff.” Lilí huffed out a breath, knocking her bent knee against his. “That’s your hormones talking.”
He laughed, pleased to see her impish personality peeking out through her gloom.
“Here’s a truth you can take to the bank,” Jeremy told her. “If you ever need to get something off your chest, I’m all ears. You need help, just let me know.”
Jeremy slid his arm around Lilí’s shoulders, pulling her in for a one-armed hug.
“What can I say, you’re my favorite kid sister,” he teased. “I’d do anything for you.”
For all the Fernandez sisters. Especially the one upstairs, who had reminded him of the importance of family. And made him realize how badly he wanted to be a part of hers.
“Thanks, Jer,” Lilí said. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“From your lips to Rosa’s ears.” Jeremy craned his neck to glance up the stairs, where Rosa lay sleeping. Hope for the future burned inside him. “I’m crossing my fingers and toes that she agrees with you.”
* * *
Lilí’s raised voice startled Rosa awake.
Sleep muddled, she pushed the covers aside, wondering who could be at the house this late. She slipped on her robe, fumbling to step into her house slippers in the muted shadows cast by the downstairs foyer light. As she pulled her bedroom door open wider, she recognized Jeremy’s deep timbre.
He’s here! The realization instantly cleared the sleep from her head.
Her heart leapt with delight at the idea of seeing him again after so many days. Excited, she hastened her steps, continuing into the darkened hallway.
Then Lilí said Rosa’s name, her voice clearly upset, and Rosa came to an abrupt stop.
Worried about why Lilí and Jeremy would be arguing about her, she tiptoed closer to the banister, straining to hear better. Through the white wooden rails, she saw Jeremy sitting near the bottom of the stairs. Lilí stood in front of him, shooting him an annoyed glare.
He spoke in a soothing tone that apparently calmed her sister because the next thing Rosa knew, the two were seated side by side sharing a heart-to-heart.
She knew it was rude, but couldn’t stop herself from eavesdropping. When she overheard Lilí reveal why she hadn’t confided in her, dismay pricked her conscience.
Ave Maria purísima, she’d known something was wrong.
If she hadn’t been so wrapped up in worrying about Jeremy, she would have tried harder to pry the information out of Lilí.
Her mind tumbling through ways to politely interrupt them, Rosa missed part of Jeremy and her sister’s conversation. She keyed in again in time to catch him saying something about her and the best thing that had happened to him.
Sucking in a shocked breath, she stumbled back against the wall, accidentally knocking her elbow on her bedroom door frame. Pain shot down her arm. Her funny bone had that tingle-hurt pain and she rubbed at it.
Dios mío, could he really be speaking the truth?
Rosa pressed a hand to her chest as if she could calm her pounding heart. Ay, she was afraid to hope. So afraid of getting hurt.
Lost in the swirl of doubts, she didn’t notice Jeremy and Lilí had moved to the foyer until she heard the click of the front door bolt unlocking.
“Wait!”
The word slipped out as she lunged toward the banister, leaning over the wood railing.
His navy cashmere winter coat in hand, Jeremy came back into view at the bottom of the stairs. “Rosa? Are you awake?”
Embarrassed that they might think she’d been listening, she tugged the lapels on her robe tighter and skirted gingerly around the banister to the top step.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“How are you feeling?” He raised a foot as if to move up the steps, then hesitated. Uncertainty crossed his face, and he stayed where he was.
Ay, how she’d missed him.
The long hours his texts had mentioned were evident. He looked tired, his hair mussed like he’d shoved a hand through it a few too many times. His grey suit pants and white dress shirt were rumpled, and several days of scruff shadowed his handsome face. Still, through his obvious fatigue, his blue eyes gazed up at her expectantly.
“I’m fine. The nausea’s a little better,” she answered. “I heard voices out here and wanted to check on Lilí.”
“We didn’t mean to wake you. I was just heading out.”
He slipped his arms into his jacket sleeves, and she hurried down, desperate for him not to go yet. She hadn’t seen him in days. These few moments weren’t enough.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. “You didn’t—didn’t call or anything to say you were coming over. I would have waited up.”
She reached the foyer, breathless with unease over what would bring him all the way out here this late.
“Bueno, if you two don’t mind”—Lilí wagged a finger between Rosa and Jeremy—“this third wheel is going up to her room. Rosa, remember you need to get your rest. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. And you . . .” Lilí narrowed her eyes at Jeremy in warning. “Be nice to my sister, got it?”
“Got it.” Jeremy gave her a thumbs up, punctuating his words.
“Smart aleck,” Lilí grumbled. She edged around them, rubbing Rosa’s arm in a loving gesture. “Estoy arriba si me necesitas.”
“Gracias,” Rosa murmured, touched by her sister’s reassurance that she was upstairs if need be. Usually Rosa was the one taking care of others. The role reversal felt strange, but in a good way.
She watched Lilí head up the stairs, past the years of family pictures hanging on the wall. Her sister paused, kissed her fingertips, and gently pressed them to a candid photo of Mami and Papi laughing together at their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
The touching gesture sent a pang of longing through Rosa. Her parents’ love for each other, and for all three of their daughters, had been powerful. Like a living essence, it still connected them.
That’s what she wanted to create for her child, hopefully with Jeremy.
Once Lilí had disappeared down the upstairs hall toward her room at the back end of the house, Rosa turned to him.
An instinctive need to be close to him urged her to grab a hold of the unbuttoned edges of his coat and pull him in for a hug. But, despite what she’d overheard earlier, the unpleasant way he’d left last week and the short text messages he’d sent since then made her leery.
“How are things with the firm?” she asked.
He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug, like he was too tired to shrug them both. “There’s one last security audit to complete, but if I’m right, we’ve finally got it under control.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
He nodded in response and she racked her brain, desperately thinking of how to prolong their conversation.
Jeremy stared at her, his gaze pensive, his face unreadable.
Rosa ducked her head, her fingers nervously fiddling with the knot tying the sash on her fleece robe.
He covered her hands with one of his, stilling her motions. The warmth of his palm seeped into her, and she peeked at him from under her lashes.
“Yeah, it’s a good thing,” he said.
“And you drove out here because . . .”
“Because I missed you. And I wanted to see you.”
His raspy admission had Rosa twisting her wrist so her palm met his. Their fingers interlocked.
“I missed you, too,” she whispered.
Jeremy’s lips curved, his smile shining in his tired eyes. “I got some surprising news a little while ago, and the first person I wanted to tell was you.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh.” He lifted his free hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, his fingers continuing down to gently caress her jaw.
She leaned into his touch, craving more.
“But it’s late, and I know how you need your beauty sleep or you’re a grouch in the morning.”
“What? I’m not—”
His arched brow halted her complaint.
An embarrassed flush crept up Rosa’s face.
“Bueno, not always,” she qualified.
“Uh-huh. I don’t want Lilí blaming me when you bite off her head tomorrow.”
“Whatever.” Rosa wrinkled her nose in feigned displeasure as she gave his chest a little push.
His strong arms wrapped around her, and she welcomed his embrace, winding her arms along his waist. She laid her head against his shoulder, his coat’s thick cashmere cushioning her cheek. Breathing deeply, she caught the faint hint of his musky aftershave and basked in the deliciousness of being near him again.
“Seriously,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “I should have paid attention to the time. Lilí’s right, with the open mic night tomorrow, you’ll be on your feet more than Dr. Jiménez would probably like.”
“She doesn’t have to know.”
“But I will.”
Rosa bit back a resigned grumble. When had everyone else around her become such rule followers? That was her domain.
“So you drove all the way out here to say you have some surprising news, but it’s now too late for you to tell me?”
She arched back to make sure he caught her are-you-kidding-me scowl.
Jeremy responded by bending down to press his warm lips to her forehead.
Her frown instantly dissolved. She closed her eyes, savoring the tingles swirling through her, even at this chaste kiss. If only he had aimed a little lower.
Far too soon, he released her and stepped back, bumping into the oak hutch nestled along the foyer wall. Their discarded key rings rattled, and the tall glass candle with Virgin Mary’s picture wobbled from side to side. Jeremy deftly reached out to steady it.
When he turned back around to face her, he pushed his open jacket aside and dug his hands in his pants pockets. “Fine, I’ll spill the news. Do you remember me telling you that Mark Henderson almost retired a few years ago, but wound up changing his mind?”
Rosa nodded.
“Turns out, it wasn’t a change of mind, but more like he stuck around while searching for a suitable replacement.” Jeremy paused, rubbing at the back of his neck while he seemed to consider his next words. “According to my dad, Henderson’s found the right guy. Someone Dad, as a founding partner, feels he can get behind and trust.”
“That’s nice.” Jeremy’s ambivalent expression didn’t lend itself to her assessment of the news, and she frowned in question. “Isn’t it?”
“It could be. I want to think it is.” His head bobbed yes, but his broad shoulders shrugged a confusing maybe. “If I decide to accept.”
Rosa gasped. She blinked several times, processing his words, completely stunned.
Him? Working at Taylor & Millward?
“Yeah, that’s how I felt, too, when I first heard Henderson’s recommendation.” Jeremy chuckled wryly. He gently tapped her chin with his knuckle, and she realized her jaw had dropped open at his news.
“I-I’m surprised. The idea never occurred to me. I know you said you didn’t want to work for the firm before. But a position in IT would be different.”
“Actually, it’s more than basic IT. They’re asking me to be the new director of cyber security.”
Wow! Rosa barely kept her jaw from dropping open again. The magnitude of what it would mean to him to work with his dad. The pride he would feel. More importantly, the wound it would heal within him. How she wanted that for Jeremy.
Yet, taking a position at Taylor & Millward was a huge step for someone who hadn’t even taken a baby step into the firm’s offices for such a long time.
“What do you think about the offer?” she asked softly.
“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “It’s definitely unexpected, and I need more details.”
“Of course.”
Jeremy rubbed at the scruff on his cheeks, his gaze unsure.
Up close, she could see the tiny lines of fatigue around his blue eyes, now clouded with indecision. Seeking to offer him solace, she brushed his coat lapels, smoothing the soft cashmere between her thumb and fingers.
“Working at the firm is an idea I gave up on years ago,” he said, his voice raspy with emotion. “I figured Michael was a true Taylor, he’d follow in Dad’s footsteps.”
He winced, as if the thought pained him.
“Oh, Jeremy, you can’t still think like that.” Rosa’s fingers tightened on his lapel. It was unbelievable that this man who exuded confidence, and often made her feel confident in herself, could harbor a doubt of such magnitude. “You’re just as much deserving of Sherman’s name as your brother.”
His hesitant smile of thanks warmed her.
“It’s taken me a while, but I’m getting it,” he answered. “Working there this week, I don’t know, maybe it was just the project and the challenge it gave me, but I found myself walking into that building every day invigorated. Even when I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep.”
“That’s a great sign,” Rosa said. “Definitely something to put in the ‘pro’ column if you’re making a list of the pros and cons about the job offer.”
Jeremy laughed, the husky sound drawing a smile from her.
“What’s so funny?”
He shook his head. “Not funny, more like charming.”
Before she could decide if he was complimenting or teasing her, Jeremy cupped her shoulders with both hands, his face serious.
“One really important pro is that if I leave my current job to work at Taylor & Millward, I won’t have to go to Japan. No more worrying about turning down that project, potentially torpedoing my promotion, so I can be here for you and the baby.”
“Wait a minute.” She frowned, replaying his words in her head and zeroing in on one key point. “What do you mean, ‘torpedoing’? You said it wouldn’t be an issue if you requested to be taken off the project, even though I told you not to do it for the wrong reasons.”
Unease wormed its way through her, quickly growing in intensity.
“You can’t make this decision, whether it’s moving to the firm or staying where you are and vying for that promotion, based on what you think I need. This is your career. Something you’ve worked hard for.”
“Yes, but you’re part of the equation now. I have to consider what’s right—”
“Don’t!” she cried.
Horrified by what she was sure he’d say next, Rosa shook off his hands and edged away. Her worst fear sprawled between them like Lake Michigan separating its various shores.
Words like “have to” and “what’s right” were nothing close to the terms of endearment she wanted, needed, from him. She refused to accept anything less.
At the bottom of the stairs, she took the first one, adding a measure of height to better meet him eye to eye.
“I appreciate you wanting to do the right thing, Jeremy. But let me assure you, the ‘right thing’ is for you to consider what will fulfill you.”
She shook her head at him when he took a step toward her. It was difficult, but she forced herself to continue, determined not to show her devastation.
“You were right. It’s late. We’re both tired, and we’ve been under a lot of stress. Tomorrow’s a big night for my students and me. Not to mention, with Father Yosef and two board members planning to attend, I need to focus on making a good impression. And you—”
She grabbed onto the railing, when what she really wanted was to grab on to him, beg him to see her as more than a responsibility. “You have a big decision of your own to make. An exciting one. And I’m so thrilled for you, whatever you decide. All I want is for you to be happy, Jeremy. If you are, then I will be, too.”
Her voice shook the slightest bit on the last word, and she cleared her throat to cover the tremor.
She expected Jeremy to argue, like he’d done last week. Instead, he stared back at her, his expression contemplative.
He bobbed his head up and down in tiny nods. But she had no idea what he agreed with.
“Okay, I’ll go,” he finally replied, his matter-of-fact tone making her heart ache. “Know that, whatever happens, I won’t make my decision lightly. And I definitely won’t make it for the wrong reasons.”
He snagged his keys off the oak hutch and pocketed them. “Get some rest. I’ll see you at the open mic night tomorrow.”
The door closed quietly behind him and Rosa sank onto the stairs. Tucking her feet under her, she laid her forehead on her knees and let the tears of disappointment flow.