It had been three days and, still, Spring hadn’t left the bedchamber. Shaw was losing his patience with her and decided he would drag her out by her hair if he had to. Donel had arrived back at the castle with Vika this morning and the wedding was about to take place.
Shaw bolted up the stairs two at a time and banged open the door to the chamber. “Spring, get out here for the weddin’.” He stopped when he saw Spring sitting on the bed holding a parchment. Colina was next to her pointing at something.
“Shaw!” Spring threw down the parchment and jumped up.
“Hello, Da,” said Colina, rolling up the parchment and sticking it under her plaid. “I’d better hurry so I dinna miss Donel’s weddin’.”
“Just a moment, young lady.” He grabbed Colina by the shoulders as she tried to leave through the door. “What was goin’ on here?”
Colina looked back at Spring but didn’t say a word.
“It’s all right, Colina,” said Spring. “Ye may as well tell him. It’s no’ good to lie to yer faither and neither would I want ye to.”
“I’m teachin’ Spring to read,” said Colina. “She’s provin’ to be a verra fast learner.”
“Really.” His eyes darted from his daughter over to Spring and then back again. “Why dinna ye meet us down in the courtyard? We’ll be right there,” he told her.
“Aye,” said the girl heading away, skipping down the hall.
He looked at Spring, waiting for her to say something. When she didn’t, he figured he’d better talk or they’d miss the whole wedding.
“I think it’s a good thing to do. To learn to read, I mean.”
Spring wrapped her arms around herself in a hug. “Ye dinna think I’m daft because I’ve never learned?”
“On the contrary, I admire ye. I’m glad ye want to learn.”
“My faither didna think it was an important trait for a warrior to have and that’s why no one but Fergus could read in our entire clan.”
“Ye mean, Cromwell, dinna ye? Yer faither is down in the courtyard still waitin’ to talk to ye. Ye canna ignore him forever.”
“I ken.” She looked to the ground.
Shaw stepped into the room and closed the door. “Talk to me, Spring. Tell me why ye’ve been so distant these past few days.”
He thought for a moment she was going to open up to him but, like she usually did, she remained silent with a stone-like face. Perhaps, part of her would always be a hardened warrior. If so, he supposed he’d just have to accept it, although he would like it if she let down her guard and learned to tell him her feelings.
“We need to hurry down to the courtyard or we’re goin’ to miss Donel’s weddin’,” he told her.
“I’m no’ goin’.” She turned to look out the window. “I’ll watch it from up here.”
“Now ye are startin’ to sound like Donel before he accepted ye.” This was all he could take. He lost his temper, which probably wasn’t the best thing to do. “Ye are goin’ if I have to carry ye there over my shoulder.”
Her chin rose in defiance. Not smart to threaten a warrior.
“I told ye I’d watch the weddin’ from here. Now leave me be.” She turned back around. Shaw came up behind her, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.
“I told ye, we’re goin’ to my son’s weddin’. I’ll no’ take no for an answer,” he growled.
“Let me go! Put me down.” She struggled and kicked, but he made sure to hold her tightly so he wouldn’t drop her and hurt her or the baby. He made his way down the stairs and out to the courtyard, plopping her down in front of everyone. Most people just stared, but a few of them laughed.
“How could ye?” she asked. “If I were as crude as ye, I’d take ye down where ye stand for forcin’ me to do somethin’ I had no intention of doin’.”
“Spring, I’m so glad ye’re here,” said Ross, rushing over, hoping to get to talk to her.
“I’m leavin’,” she said. Then she stopped and spoke to Donel and Vika. “I wish ye both the best with yer weddin’ and am sorry I am no’ able to stay.” Turning on her heel, she ran back to her chamber. Once inside, she closed the door and flopped face-down onto the bed. Shaw had hurt her pride twice today. Once by knowing she was secretly learning to read and the other by humiliating her in front of everyone. She felt terrible for not being there to support Donel on his big day but, if she stayed, she would have to talk to Ross. That was something she wasn’t yet ready to do.
* * *
Shaw felt very upset during the wedding and couldn’t wait for it to be over. There was a huge celebration to follow, but he needed to clear things up between him and his wife first. Music played in the great hall, and food and wine flowed freely. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, except for Ross who was very hurt that his daughter had yet to talk to him.
“I’m goin’ to go drag her out of the bedchamber and bring her down here,” Shaw said to his brother.
“Good idea,” said Leod, standing next to him with a tankard of ale in his hand. “She’s already missed the meal. Make her come down here and dance with ye. Everyone wants to see her.”
“Do ye think I’m doin’ the right thing?” asked Shaw.
“Aye, of course. If I were ye, I’d –”
“Forget it.” Shaw waved his hand in the air and headed toward the stairs. If Leod said it was the right thing to do with a woman, then it was definitely wrong. The man knew nothing about women and even less when it came to manners or making amends. It was no wonder he was eight and twenty years old and had still never taken a wife.
He stopped in the corridor, running a weary hand through his hair. He had no idea what to do with Spring. Leaving her alone hadn’t worked and neither had using brute force. What other options did he have?
“There are many ways to woo a woman and I think ye’ve forgotten them all.” Nairnie stepped out of the shadows, watching him as always. The light of the torch flickered across her weathered, wrinkled skin.
“Nairnie, ye need to stop spyin’ on me.”
“I’m watchin’ over ye just as I’ve done ever since ye were a child.”
“Well, I’m no’ a child anymore, so stop it.”
“Ye need advice how to handle yer warrior wife.”
“Nay. I dinna.”
“Really?” She gave him that all-knowing look that he’d hated as a child. Nairnie could always tell when he was lying.
“All right, mayhap I do,” he said with an exasperated sigh. “Go ahead. I’m sure ye’re goin’ to tell me one way or another.”
“Do ye remember when ye were tryin’ to catch Alpina’s eye?” she asked in a crackly voice.
Shaw shrugged his shoulders. “I suppose so. Why?”
“I remember it clearly. Ye were always bringin’ her flowers or sayin’ nice things to her. Ye’d go out of yer way to make sure she was happy.”
“What’s yer point?”
“Do ye do these things for yer new wife?”
“What?” He scrunched up his face. “That’s different. We’re already married.”
That earned him another scowl as well as the evil eye from the old woman. “Ye dinna start ignorin’ a lassie once ye’ve got her. If ye want to keep her, ye need to work at it.”
“Our marriage was arranged. There’s no need for that.”
“Is that really what ye believe?”
Shaw thought about it for a minute and then shook his head. “I guess I have been treatin’ her more like a warrior than a wife lately. But that’s only because of who she is.”
“Who is she?”
“She’s a warrior. A raider and -”
“That’s who she used to be. Now she’s a wife and soon to be a mathair. Dinna ye think mayhap she’s confused? She needs someone to talk to about how she’s feelin’.”
“She doesna have emotions. Besides, I’ve tried to talk and she willna have it.”
“Perhaps she doesna ken what to say. She has emotions, but they are locked within her. Ye need to find a way to bring them out.”
“Oh, I have - on our weddin’ night,” he said, thinking about their wonderful night together and how he would like to do it again.
Nairnie reached out and slapped him on the head.
“Ow. What was that for?” He rubbed his head and scowled at her. She hadn’t done that to him since he was a boy when he and Leod collected frogs from the pond and hid them in the beds of every girl in the clan.
“She’s a woman, not a horse meant for breedin’. She’s already bairned with yer child, so remember to be extra nice to her. Her emotions might get on the tense side.”
“Ye’re tellin’ me,” he said, thinking of the fuss she’d put up and how she’d almost ruined Donel’s wedding.
“Ye need to think about things, Shaw. If ye want her to stay around and be yer wife and the mathair of yer child, ye’d better find a way to do it fast. Life has just handed her a lot of surprises. Ye should be there for her.”
“She told me to leave her alone, so I did.”
“Since when do ye ever listen to a pregnant lassie? She’s hurtin’ and needs ye there for her. She’s just lost everythin’ that made her the warrior she was. Do ye ken what it must feel like to realize yer entire life has been based on a lie?”
“Nay, I suppose I dinna,” said Shaw. “I never thought of it that way. Thank ye, Nairnie.”
“Dinna stand here thankin’ me when ye have so much work to do.”
* * *
Spring paced the floor, about going mad from staying locked away in her room for so long. She was used to the outdoors and being free. However, it was her choice to stay here. Besides Colina, who had dropped by once a day to teach her to read, Spring hadn’t seen anyone – except Shaw each night when he came to bed. Even that had become awkward between them. She’d kept him at a distance lately, not feeling like she deserved being happy in his arms.
She was no longer sure how to act. Was she a warrior or was she naught but a weak lassie who felt like crying at the drop of a gauntlet? She wasn’t sure. And to top things off, she was pregnant and had no idea how to act like a mother.
There was a knock at the door and, before she could answer, Shaw entered the room with a tray in his hands.
“I’ve come to make a special delivery to the lassie I love,” he said. When she didn’t answer, he entered the room and closed the door behind him. On the tray was a covered bowl that smelled like herbs and garlic. Next to it was a flagon of wine and two goblets. In the middle of the tray was a jar of water with fresh-cut flowers.
“What is all that for?” she asked, curiously.
“I thought since ye missed the meal, ye’d be hungry.”
“Well, I’m no’.” She turned and looked out the window, not wanting anyone trying to make her happy right now.
“Just look at this,” he said, taking the lid off the dish. “Smell it,” he said, taking a big whiff and letting out a breath.
It did smell good. Not to mention, she was starving. “What is it?” She turned back to look.
“It is some of Colina’s delicious mushroom soup.”
“Oh,” she moaned, sinking atop a chair. Why did it have to be mushroom soup? It only made her feel worse. It was something she’d managed to mess up and she didn’t want to be reminded of her failure. “I dinna care for any soup.”
“Then how about some fresh white bread?” He put down the tray and picked up a small hunk of bread and handed it to her. She reluctantly took it since her stomach was growling. She bit off a piece and chewed.
“How do ye like it?” he asked.
She was used to only brown bread and this tasted foreign. “It’s odd.”
“Odd?” he asked with a chuckle. “How about some wine with it?” He poured two goblets of wine and handed one to her.
“Dinna ye have any of that Mountain Magic?”
“Mountain Magic?” He scowled at her. “That is too strong and I’m sure it wouldna be good for our baby.”
“This will be fine, then.” He took the flowers next and held them out to her. She didn’t know the first thing about flowers, nor did she care. They were pretty, but the scent of them was powerful and it made her feel nauseated since she was pregnant. “Please, no more,” she said, pushing his hand away. She put down the bread and wine and got to her feet.
She heard him release a deep breath and then felt his arms close around her from behind.
“Sweetheart, I am tryin’ my best to woo ye, but ye are no’ makin’ it easy.”
“Woo me?” She turned and faced him, finding the notion amusing. “Whatever for? We’re already married. Have ye gone mad?”
“Ye dinna want to be wooed?”
“Nay, I dinna,” she said.
“Oh, good.” He let out a breath of relief and walked over and picked up the other goblet of wine. “Nairnie said lassies liked these things, but I’m so out of practice, that I was feelin’ less than confident about all of it.”
She smiled slightly as he drank his wine. “Shaw? Did ye think I was actin’ this way because ye were no’ payin’ me enough attention?”
He stopped drinking and his eyes opened wide. They moved back and forth across the room before he answered. “Yes?” he answered as if he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say.
That struck her as funny and she burst out laughing. It made him laugh, too.
“Why are we laughin’?” he finally asked.
“Because ye are such a simpleton sometimes, I find it amusin’.”
“Simpleton?” His eyes narrowed and he put down the wine. “I’m no’ sure I like that.”
“I dinna mean it in a bad way.” She walked over, put her arms around his waist and kissed him on the lips. His arms encircled her in return. The warmth of his body felt comforting.
“Is there any other way to take that comment?”
“I only meant that ye make me smile, tryin’ to please me when ye probably dinna even ken what is botherin’ me.”
“Oh.” He remained silent.
“Shaw, dinna ye want to ken what’s botherin’ me?”
“Ye asked me to leave ye alone, so I did. I figure ye’ll tell me when ye are good and ready.”
“Thank ye. But I think I am ready now.”
“Sit down, Spring.” He pulled out a chair anxiously.
“I’d prefer to stand.”
“Of course.” He nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. “Go ahead.” Then his hand shot up in the air. “Only if ye want to, that is.”
She smiled at her amusing husband. “Everythin’ about my life has been a lie,” she told him.
“No’ everythin’.” He picked up her goblet and sat on the chair since she didn’t want to use it. “I said I love ye and that was no’ a lie.” He looked up over the rim of the goblet as he drank the wine. He seemed like he was waiting for her to return the endearment and it was past time that she did.
“Shaw, give me that.” She took the goblet from him, placing it on the table. Then she sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around him. “I havena been good at expressin’ my emotions lately or tellin’ anyone how I feel.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“Ye need to realize; I grew up believin’ that to show any kind of emotion other than hatred or anger made a person weak.”
“That is no’ true.”
“I ken. See what I mean? It’s a lie told to me by my faither. I mean . . . Cromwell. I thought I was descended from a long line of strong Viking warriors, but now I’m no’ sure who I am.”
“Ye need to talk to Ross.”
“I’m talkin’ to ye right now. I’m tryin’ to tell ye I love ye!”
“Ye are?” He looked up and smiled, and his whole face glowed. “I didna think I’d ever hear ye say those words to me.”
“I didna think I’d ever say them to any man. I used to think love made a person weak, but I’ve discovered lately that, perhaps, it makes a person strong instead.”
“I believe that’s the truth.”
“Well, if so, it’s the first thing that hasna been a lie in my life. Bein’ married to ye and spendin’ time with ye and yer children has made me feel different.”
“How so?” He ran his hand up and down her back in a soothing gesture. It helped her to relax.
“I used to live only to please my faither. I learned to be a warrior and cold-hearted at a young age because I wanted to make him proud of me.”
“Oh, Spring. That is no’ the way to make someone proud of ye.”
“Then tell me, Shaw. What is?”
“Ye make me proud with just the simple things ye do.”
“Like what?”
“I dinna ken.” He thought about it. “Just anythin’. Like . . . makin’ me soup.”
“How can ye say that? It was a total failure!”
“I dinna care. I loved that ye wanted to make my favorite dish and now I’m sorry that I didna eat it.”
“No one could eat that vile concoction!” She shook her head in disappointment.
“Reed ate it. He couldna get enough of it,” said Shaw with a chuckle.
“Reed would eat just about anythin’ that didna move I’ll bet.”
They both had a good laugh over that. It felt good to laugh and it made Spring relax. She wanted to tell her husband more.
“I was also embarrassed that I couldna read.”
“That doesna matter to me,” he said, placing a kiss on her nose. “I ken that Colina is teachin’ ye and, soon, ye’ll no’ only be able to read, but also write, and even keep the tallies for me as lady of the castle.”
“Do ye really think so?” Her heart soared.
“I have no doubt ye’ll make no’ only a wonderful lady of the castle, but also a great mathair to our bairn.” His hand slid around and he cupped her stomach.
“I canna lie, Shaw. I’m terrified to be a mathair. I dinna ken the first thing about it.”
“There is nothin’ to be scared about, lass. I’ve seen ye with my other children and ye are wonderful with them.”
“Nay. I’m too harsh with them.”
“On the contrary, I’ve been too lenient with them ever since Alpina died. I think the two of us are perfect for each other. We’ll find a balance between us.”
“All I’ve ever been good at is bein’ a warrior. How am I supposed to be Ross’ daughter now?”
“Oh, so that is why ye’re no’ talkin’ to him?”
“He has three daughters that are refined ladies. I could never compare or live up to those expectations. How could he ever accept me when I ken nothin’ but how to raid and kill?”
“We all need to learn things in our lives. I’m sure Ross would never judge ye for that. Ye did what Cromwell told ye to do. Ye were only bein’ an obedient daughter.”
“Aye.” A shiver went up her spine at the thought of it. “I want to ask Ross about what happened when I was a baby, but I’m afraid to hear the answer.”
“Why dinna ye just talk to him? He’s still here waitin’ for ye.”
She shook her head. “No’ yet. I need to figure out what to say first. I dinna want to disappoint him.”
“Ye need to talk with him, Spring. I’m sure no matter what ye say, ye willna disappoint him. He is happy that ye are alive and well.”
“It’s no’ just that,” she explained, taking her worry pawn from her pocket and fingering it as she spoke. “I saw him kill my faither.”
“Ye mean, Cromwell.”
“Aye.” She nodded her head. “Cromwell was the only faither I ever kent. As mean and as horrible as he was, he was still my faither. I belonged to the Gunn Clan and it felt good just to belong somewhere. I had brathairs – or so I thought. I had a place to call home, but now I am no’ sure where I belong.”
“Ah, I see. Spring, ye belong to the Gordon Clan now – with me.”
“I suppose so.”
“I think what ye’re also sayin’ is that when Ross killed Cromwell – it wasna easy to watch.”
“Nay, it wasna. A part of me wanted to kill Cromwell myself when I first found out the truth. Yet when I saw Ross stab him three times with his blade, it was as if I felt each stab to my heart as well.” Tears streamed down her cheeks and she wiped them away, feeling like a fool. She looked the opposite direction.
“Dinna turn away, lass.” Shaw reached out and gently turned her face back toward him.
“How can I ever accept Ross when I saw him kill the man I’ve considered my faither for the past one and twenty years?”
“How can ye blame him for killin’ the man who stole his precious baby daughter?”
“Ye’re right.” She nodded as she thought about it. “I am so confused. I also feel so betrayed. I believed Cromwell was my faither. It is hard to believe anyone now. Ross said he never gave up lookin’ for me, but how do I ken that is true?”
The wall she’d been using to hold back her emotions suddenly burst and the tears flowed freely. She sobbed and clung to Shaw, burying her face in his shoulder.
He stood up, cradling her in his arms. “Enough talkin’ for one night. What ye need is a good rest.” He walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers and laid her atop the pallet.
“Dinna leave me,” she begged him, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had in her life. “I need ye to stay with me, Shaw. Please, dinna go.”
“I’ll stay with ye as long as ye like,” he told her, settling himself next to her on the bed. “I am here for ye, Spring, and I will be yer strength in yer time of turmoil and confusion.”
He kissed her gently on the lips, cradling her chin in his hand.
“Make love to me, Shaw.”
Surprise showed on his face as if it were the last thing he expected her to say. “Are ye sure, lass?”
“I need to feel what I felt the first night we made love. I dinna ken what’s happenin’ to me, but the only thing that is real right now is the love between us.”
Spring held tightly to her husband and they made love that night. The union of their two bodies melding to one gave her the strength she needed to face a past life of lies. She fell asleep in his arms, feeling safe and comforted, trying to remember a time before Cromwell ripped her from her family. It was naught but a dream – a horrible nightmare that she could not remember in the least. She’d been too young at the time to remember anything. Still, a part of her wished there was something, anything, she could grasp on to that would make her feel as if she were part of this family that she didn’t even know at all.