Islaen stumbled to the washbowl, splashed cold water on her face and rinsed out her mouth. The door opened and, for an instant, she felt panicked, then saw that it was Meg. She smiled weakly as the woman hurried over to her.
"Ye have been ill.” Meg felt Islaen's forehead for signs of fever.
"Aye, for the sixth morn. I am a wee bit slow this morn or ye wouldnae have discovered it."
"Why do ye wish to hide it, ye foolish lass? I maun look ye o'er and think of how to physic ye."
"Ye cannae physic this, Meg. Come, think. What makes a woman empty her belly every morn?"
"Ye are with child,” Meg gasped and hurried over to the bed to place a cool cloth upon Islaen's forehead. “Are ye certain?"
"My woman's time hasnae come since a fortnight after I was wed."
"Och, aye, there is a sure sign. Ye were e'er verra regular. And now this sickness of a morn."
"Aye, for near to a week. For a week afore that I felt it but didnae empty my belly. ‘Tis a pity that has changed."
"Weel, it doesnae last long. Does the lad ken?"
"Nay, and I mean to keep him from kenning for as long as I can."
Meg nodded. “The months can move by verra slowly for one who is afraid of it all. ‘Tis a pity ye cannae share this."
"That is my penance for the lies I have told,” she said quietly as she carefully stood up.
"God wouldnae expect a penance. Ye are doing as He commands. ‘Tis proper that ye choose His will o'er that of your husband's."
"Only this once, Meg. I swore to obey my husband and to honour him."
"Ye will honour him by giving the young gowk a bairn. A lass can do a mon no greater honour."
"Mayhaps. Help me dress. I need to eat something."
"Are ye certain?"
"Aye, ‘tis the only way to end this illness.” Although she had to eat it carefully food did settle Islaen's stomach. She then wandered through Storm's garden somewhat aimlessly. Iain was gone, as he often was, claiming a need to be at Muircraig, their future home. There was little for her to do. Storm only occasionally needed help in keeping Caraidland running smoothly.
"Such a dark look on such a lovely late summer's morn."
Startled from her thoughts, Islaen managed a smile for Storm. She found herself growing closer to the woman. Islaen just wished she could feel sure enough about the friendship to confide in the woman. They had talked about a lot of private things but there were still a few things Islaen kept secret.
"I was but feeling too idle."
"Then come with me.” Storm linked her arm with Islaen's. “'Tis my time to romp with my children."
"Are ye certain ye wish me to intrude?"
"Most certain. There are five of the little dears and only one of me. Extra hands are ever welcome. Tavis sometimes comes, whene'er he is about, but he is off with Iain."
"Aye. At Muircraig."
Storm laughed softly upon hearing the crossness in Islaen's voice. “He readies your home."
"I ken it. I also ken that he hides."
"Sadly that is undoubtedly true. Still, he cannot seem to stay away too long."
"Nay,” Islaen grumbled, “every few days he feels a need to come to me for a good rutting."
"Islaen,” Storm gasped, torn between laughter and worry. “Is it truly that bad?"
"Weel, mayhaps not. I am but too sensitive, mayhaps. It does seem, though, that he stays no longer than is necessary to sate his body's hungers. The last time he didnae e'en arrive in time to dine with me and he always leaves ere I waken in the morn."
Wincing slightly, Storm murmured, “It does sound a bit, well, cold."
"Aye. I begin to feel like a whore."
"Ye must not think so, Islaen. I know he would ne'er want ye to think that. Instead, take hope in the fact that he cannot keep away from you. Aye, it seems as if ‘tis but a lusting, but he does not really need you to sate that. I am certain there is a wench or two about Muircraig that would gladly become the leman of the new laird, yet he rides for hours to seek your bed."
"I do think it. ‘Tis all that of times keeps me from striking him.” She smiled crookedly when Storm laughed. “'Tis just that he gives me no chance to win him, to woo him. I had hoped that, once away from court, we would have time together, time for me to weaken his efforts at keeping us strangers. I feel sure that, an I can make a break in that cursed wall he has built around his heart, t'will crumble. I cannae do it when he stays out of reach. That keeps us strangers."
"It makes it harder, aye, but do not ignore the importance of that time in the night."
"Och, I dinnae. ‘Tis just that I grow a wee bit weary of only seeing him soften in the night. Weel, at least this way I neednae face that stranger each dawning. ‘Tis a blessing of a sort. That did grow muckle tiring."
Their talk was abruptly ended when they entered the nursery. Although the twins, Aingeal and Taran, were nine and beginning their training, they too were there. With so much to do, their time together with their mother was considered more important than any training, for it was too rare. Islaen recalled her mother doing the same and then her father until they were all of an age to dine together.
She smiled as the youngest, two-year-old Blythe, toddled her way. Soon they were all involved in a game. It went slowly for each child had a great deal he or she wished to tell Storm, but none complained. The game was merely used to keep them seated in a companionable circle as the children took greedy advantage of having their mother's undivided attention. As she watched the group, helping to keep Blythe from chewing on the game pieces, Islaen felt that Iain would not, indeed could not, fault her for refusing to let him deny them a family.
Iain frowned as he entered the hall. Having not found Islaen in their chambers, he had paused only long enough to wash up before seeking her in the hall. She was not there either and he was not sure about where else to look.
"Looking for Islaen?"
"Aye, Tavis. Have ye seen her?"
"I was told she was with Storm. Since that is where I am bound right now, ye may as weel come along."
"With the bairns?” Iain asked as they strode along and he recognized where they were heading.
"Aye, ‘tis their time with Storm. Can ye no hear them?” Tavis asked, grinning as the sounds of rowdy children grew louder. “Here now,” Tavis growled with mock sternness as he paused in the doorway, then waded into the tangle of laughing children and women. “Here is a muckle great noise."
Iain watched his laughing wife sit up, a giggling Blythe clinging to her. Islaen was flushed and disheveled but looked happy and content. It was obvious to anyone who cared to look that she thoroughly enjoyed being with the children. It was also obvious that the children had accepted her quickly and completely.
He felt swamped with guilt. Because of the fears he could not conquer, he was denying her all of that. However, each time he held Islaen close, his fear grew stronger. Even the guilt he felt now did not really ease that fear.
As she approached him, trying vainly to tidy her appearance, Islaen wondered about the look upon Iain's face. His expression was remote but his eyes were clouded with troubled thoughts.
"Ye have returned early this time,” she said quietly, smiling her welcome. “Is there any trouble?"
"Nay.” He absently tidied her hair. “I but need extra time here to gather supplies. Where is Alex?"
"He left for home early this morn. He said he had been too long away from his daughter."
"Weel, I shallnae miss his unasked advice."
"Why did ye not tell me about Lord Fraser?"
Iain's step faltered slightly and he eyed her warily. He could easily see her annoyance and understood it even as he cursed Alexander for having too busy a mouth. Iain was not really sure why he had said nothing to her. He did not want to hurt her by repeating the man's loathsome insults but that was not really reason enough to keep her ignorant about a danger that lurked around her.
"I am nay too sure why. He spoke most unkindly about ye,” he said quietly as they entered the nearly deserted hall.
"Aye. I ken it. He calls me a whore, a temptress, mind ye. Wheesht, what a fool. Me, a temptress.” She shook her head.
Smiling with a soft lechery as he sat her at the table and poured them each some wine, Iain murmured, “Ye surely tempt me, sweeting. Can ye fetch us some bread and cheese, David?” he asked a young page as he sat down.
"That is most convenient since we are wed,” she retorted softly, even though she blushed over his words.
"Aye, true enough.” He grew serious. “As I said, I am nay sure why I didnae tell ye. I have e'er thought ‘tis best to ken a threat e'en if the kenning brings some pain. Ye need to ken a threat if ye are to protect yourself from it."
"Do ye really think he will do it? Mayhaps he but boasts and rattles an empty scabbard."
"He is a mon to do that, but we cannae just assume that he will this time."
She reached across the table and patted his hand. “We are troubled by a madman and a fool. They see wrongs where there were none and wish to blame someone for what wasnae their fault. Ye didnae hurl Fraser on top of me and I didnae lure the fool on. Ye must cease to blame yourself for what isnae your doing and what ye have no control o'er. I put no blame upon ye."
He took her hand in his and kissed her palm, smiling faintly when she trembled. “Ye are of a verra forgiving nature."
She smiled and shook her head in silent denial. “What do we do about Fraser?"
"Naught, curse the fool's eyes,” growled a voice from the doorway.
Islaen gasped when she saw her brother Robert standing beside Phelan. Giving a soft cry of delight, she raced over to him and was caught up in his arms. She flung her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, then giggled as he strode over to the table still holding her, then set her down back in her seat.
For a while she was allowed to dominate Robert, plaguing him with questions. As she did so, the page, David, arrived with Iain's bread and cheese. The boy then hastily left to get some more as well as some more wine.
"Now, lass, if ye are satisfied that we have all managed to survive without ye,” Robert drawled, winking at Islaen, “I would be pleased to pass a word or twa with your husband."
"Weel, I will leave ye to it,” she said as she stood up, “and see that ye have a place to bed down for the night."
"I will be here for more than a night, lass. Fither says I am to set here until I can tell him that both Fraser and MacLennon feed the worms. T'would be worth me verra life an I return afore that."
Nodding in understanding, Islaen hurried away to find Storm. She hoped that Robert's presence and his insistence upon staying would not anger Iain.
"Ye think I cannae take care of her?” Iain growled as soon as Islaen was gone.
Robert shook his head. “Nay. Doubt of your ability isnae what brings me here. ‘Tis worry. When so many swords point at one who is so dear to ye, ye want to be there e'en if ye ken weel that ye arenae needed."
Iain relaxed and smiled faintly. “Anither sword on our side cannae hurt. Nay, nor anither pair of eyes watching the shadows."
"T'was sore tempting to end the threat of that fool Fraser with a dirk in the night."
Phelan laughed. “Alex was right about the roar. Phew, Iain, I ne'er saw such a display of tempers."
Grinning, Robert nodded. “We were all ready to ride straight to Fraser and cut the dog to pieces but the women blocked the door out o’ the hall. Is Alex still here?"
"Nay, he left this morning."
"'Tis best. I wasnae too certain I liked that mon sniffing round my sister."
"I wasnae too certain I liked him sniffing round my wife,” Iain drawled and Robert laughed.
"Come, tell me what ye are doing, though by God's toe-nails it seems we arenae allowed to do much."
Discussing the danger he and Islaen faced and what little could be done about it was the last thing Iain wanted to do. He had used the excuse of needing supplies to come to Caraidland but what he really sought was time alone with Islaen, in their chambers, naked. However, there was no way he could say that to her brother so, with an inner grimace of frustration, he entered into a rather fruitless discussion with Robert and tried very hard not to think of Islaen.
As the day wore on into the night, Iain began to wonder if he would ever get time alone with Islaen. His family soon gathered to meet this representative of Islaen's large family. As always, they wished to hear any news Robert might have that they had not heard yet. The food was good and the company enjoyable, but it was not what he needed or wanted. He found himself watching Islaen more often than he liked and grew a little angry at the way she seemed to pull him to her despite what he thought best for both of them.
"There, ye see?” Storm murmured, leaning close to Islaen. “Iain was home early this day and did not rush ye off to bed."
"He had no time. Robert arrived and wished to talk. Iain couldnae say, ‘Excuse me, Robert, but I really must go and bed your sister. ‘Tis why I came home.’”
"Oh Islaen."
"Look at how he stares at me and tell me that that is not what he thinks on.” When Storm looked, then blushed, Islaen asked, “What troubles ye? I have seen Tavis look at ye thus. Are ye no used to it?"
"Well, Tavis does not look at me just so."
"Aye, there is the love to soften the lusting in his eyes. There is none of that in Iain's look."
Storm was not so sure of that, but decided it would probably only cause difficulty if she stated her opinion, so held her tongue. “That was not what I referred to. I know what it is,” she breathed in sudden realization. “Well, well."
"Weel, weel, what?” Islaen pressed when Storm fell silent.
"Beneath the hunger lurks a touch of anger."
"Aye, that is oft there,” Islaen said dismissively, and wondered if she had had enough wine as she had her goblet refilled.
"Do ye not wonder why ‘tis there?"
"I assumed I had done something to annoy him."
"Aye and I think I know what it is ye do. Ye make him want you."
"That doesnae make much sense."
"I think ye have drunk too much wine to think clear. We agree that Iain wishes to keep his heart locked away?"
"Aye."
"Well, he wants you. He mayhaps wants you far more than he wishes to. So, he comes to you because he is unable to stay away but with a man's twisted logic he blames ye for that. Aye, he most like accuses ye of bewitching him."
"Because he wants a lass?"
"Not just any lass but ye, his wife, the one he tries to hold at a distance."
"Weel, if ‘tis true, aye, that would annoy him. It could also just be lusting."
"An it was just lusting, he would not be so particular. Nay, nor would he find aught in it to be annoyed about."
"I ken what ye are saying, Storm, but I am thinking t'would be best an I didnae think on it. ‘Tis the sort of thinking that could bring me some pain. Ye could be wrong, ye ken. He could just be feeling in a black mood but nay black enough to still the lusts that brought him home. Nay, ‘tis best for me an I just wait, wait for more than a look in his eyes and a hearty tumble atween the sheets. Aye, that be the supplies he has come for."
"Islaen, ye sound a little bitter."
"Och, weel, I do get so now and again. ‘Tis naught and passes quickly."
"I am glad. It may not seem as if ye have much now, and how well I know the pain of holding back all the love ye ache to give the fool who does not want it, but t'will change. I am certain of it. All I felt I had from Tavis in the beginning was his lust. Many times he hurt me because he did not want to love me. I too tasted the bitterness and anger that brings, but I ne'er stopped loving him. When I was with him, I gave him all I could save the words. That is what ye must do. Tavis had his scars too, deep bitter ones, but they healed. I am certain that Iain's will too."
"Weel, I just hope that when they do heal ‘tis me he reaches for."
At the very first chance that came his way, Iain caught hold of Islaen and hurried her off to their chambers. He ached with wanting and did not really care if anyone guessed exactly why he had hurried his wife out of the hall. However, he could not fully repress a grin over the way Islaen blushed as he towed her along to their chambers.
"Iain,” Islaen gasped as they entered their chambers and he sent a dozing Meg scurrying out by just one fierce glance. “Poor Meg."
"She best get accustomed to it. God's teeth, woman,” he growled as he tumbled her onto the bed, “I have sat for what seems like a lifetime just thinking about ye under me, naked and aching as badly as I am."
"Ah, is that why ye have been sending me such black looks."
Even as her passion was stirred she was a little amazed at the speed with which he disrobed them. She was sure she would find a tear or two in her clothing in the morning. It was also a little surprising that such haste would arouse her. Islaen suspected that his powerful need invaded her body too.
"The black looks were because ye werenae trying too verra hard to creep away with me.” He sighed with near relief when the last of their clothing was tossed aside and their flesh met. “Och, lass, this is what I needed,” he murmured as he pressed his body close to hers, savoring the feel of her warm soft skin.
"Only this?” she purred as she ran her hands over his back.
"Nay, ye greedy wench,” he growled just before kissing her hungrily.
As Islaen returned his kiss with a hunger that was swiftly equalling his she mused that, if passion was all Iain was going to give her, he was certainly giving her the best. She knew she had nothing to compare it with, but she was certain that no other man could make her feel as good, make her soar as high. The way he could stir her had to be unique.
She cried out softly as his lips touched her breasts. Although she would have thought it impossible, she seemed more sensitive to his touch. When he began to suckle with a gentle greed, she nearly grew frantic with the desire flowing through her. She was almost relieved when his kisses moved from there to caress her abdomen, then her thighs.
That sense of near calm, when she sought to gain some control over her passion, faded instantly when he kissed the bright curls that adorned her womanhood. She went still with shock, then tried to move away. Although she felt no qualms about caressing him so intimately, she was not sure it was a caress that was meant to be so fully returned, nor that she wanted it to be despite what her body was beginning to tell her. Her attempt to draw away was easily thwarted by Iain.
"Be still, dearling. Ye will like it as much as I do, I promise ye."
With a few strokes of his tongue he filled that promise. All resistance Islaen had felt fell away, passion smothering her modesty. She made no further attempt to elude the intimacy until she felt her desire about to crest. Even as she called his name he was over her, joining their bodies almost roughly. She clung to him with near desperation, as they sought and found passion's goal together.
Once her mind began to clear of desire's haze, Islaen no longer felt so sanguine about it. She was sorely embarrassed by the wantonness she had displayed. It was a little difficult to face him after he had caressed her so intimately. When he eased away from her, she tried to roll out of his reach but he laughed softly and pulled her close.
"Such modesty from a woman who has tasted every inch of me,” he murmured and kissed the top of her head when she pressed her face against his chest.
"Weel, that is different,” she mumbled and wondered if that sounded as foolish to him as it did to her.
"Nay and weel ye ken it.” He combed his fingers through her thick hair. “I thought on it this past fortnight."
"Thought on it?"
"Aye, thought on it often, wondering why I had been so slow to enjoy that pleasure with you. I was certain t'would be nectar and I was right. Ne'er have I tasted such sweetness,” he whispered, then laughed huskily when she groaned softly, clearly embarrassed by such direct talk. “Islaen?” he asked after a moment of companionable silence.
"Aye?"
"Were ye ready?” he asked hesitantly, thinking upon the swiftness with which he had bedded her.
'Was I ready?’ she mused incredulously. ‘Surely he can tell such things? How much more ready does he want me? I near to impaled myself upon him in my greed for him.’ Then she grimaced, suddenly realizing that he referred to the sponges she was supposed to be wearing and wondered idly what had prompted him to ask when he had not done so since their wedding night.
"Aye, I was ready soon after ye arrived,” she replied and felt his sigh of relief and was both angered and hurt by it.
It was an effort to keep her hand from drifting to her stomach. There now rested the cure for Iain's fears. She would present him with a healthy child and rise unharmed from her childbed. Islaen just prayed that God would grant her that.