Holding back a smile Islaen fought not to look at Storm knowing she would see laughter in the woman's eyes and lose her control on her own. Gamel Brodie, the youth she and Storm had rescued, was vowing his undying devotion, swearing to sacrifice all in their service. Islaen decided the youth had listened to too many minstrel's tales of knights and chivalry. Worse, he had taken it all to heart.
As soon as they could, she and Storm left him. When they felt they were far enough away so that he could not hear them, they gave into their laughter. They were still giggling over the matter when they entered the hall where Tavis and Iain awaited them. They told their husbands, who exchanged rueful glances, what they found so amusing, for it was clear that neither Tavis nor Iain saw the humor of it. That lack became clearer as the days passed and Gamel healed enough to start trying to prove his devotion.
Iain glared at young Gamel when he found the youth singing love songs to Islaen as Islaen sat by the fire in the hall doing her mending. He sat next to Islaen and continued to glower at the youth but Gamel paid him no heed. It was not only the way Gamel paid such attention to Islaen, for the youth paid equal attention to Storm, but the handsome young man made Iain all too aware of the years that separated himself from his young bride. He could not stop himself wondering if Gamel would make Islaen aware of it too.
"Storm is having a wee bit of trouble settling her bairns for the night,” he lied smoothly. “Mayhaps ye can soothe them with your singing, Gamel.” He smiled with satisfaction when Gamel left.
"I was enjoying that, Iain."
"That drivel?"
"Aye, Gamel has a sweet voice. I also ken that Storm ne'er has trouble settling her bairns."
"Are ye saying that I lied?"
Looking at him in wide-eyed innocence, Islaen said sweetly, “Nay, merely that ye may have been mistaken. I also feel sure that ye but forgot Tavis's threat to make Gamel eat his lute an he doesnae cease singing love songs to Storm."
Sprawling more comfortably on the settle, Iain smiled faintly, “Nay, I didnae."
"The boy means weel, Iain."
"Islaen, that boy is near one and twenty."
"Aye but he is a boy still in many ways."
"Nay in the ones I think on."
"Gamel doesnae think on that. To him, Storm and I are the ladies of his songs. He plays at the old courtly love, love pure and from afar."
"Hah. I have seen courtly love. So have ye, in the halls e'en. T'was neither pure nor from afar."
"Ah, aye, weel, I did say the ‘old’ sort of courtly love.” She sighed for, while it was nice to see this jealousy in Iain, it was not something she wished to go on for too long nor to worsen. “I admit he can be tiresome but he means weel. He feels he owes us his life."
"He does."
"Aye, I suppose. He has no one, Iain. I cannot toss him out."
"He has kin."
"Iain, ye ken weel that they tossed him out."
"Aye, for nearly causing a bloody feud by singing love songs to anither mon's wife. The lad didnae learn by it, ‘tis clear."
"Actually, I think t'was more that he challenged the mon because the mon had raised his voice to the lady.” She giggled when Iain cursed softly. “So, ye best not yell at me, Iain."
"I ne'er yell at ye,” he bellowed.
"Nay, of course not,” she murmured, then laughed.
His lips twitched with suppressed laughter. “Ye are a brat and that lad is fast becoming a nuisance beyond bearing."
She nodded and frowned in thought. Soon the humor would vanish from the situation. Since she could not simply throw the youth out she had to think of somewhere to send him. Her eyes widened as she suddenly saw the perfect solution to it all.
"Iain,” she cried, dropping her mending to throw her arms about his neck, “I have the answer. We will send him to my kin."
Lightly putting his arms around her, he smiled crookedly. “I would be glad to see the back of him, but I think your brothers may object to having him underfoot. They too have wives he can swear vows to and sing to."
"Aye, but such has happened before and they ken the way to cure the lad of his fancies. We had a cousin afflicted with such fancies and they soon set him aright, yet didnae kill all that makes it so sweet. Do ye ken what I mean?"
"Aye, the ideals remain but the foolishness is gone. ‘Tis the best way for, aye, there is good in the fancies the boy holds. Do ye ask first?"
"I best do so.” She pulled out of his arms and stood up. “I will ask Robert to send his mon to our father. I dinnae think Fither will refuse the boy."
Iain watched her hurry away and sighed. He was letting his jealousy show but he could not help it. His only comfort came in the fact that Tavis acted much the same. It was a hint of his feelings, however, that he would be wise to hide. Shrugging, he decided a man did not have to love to be possessive. Islaen had an excellent understanding of men, a rather uncomfortable one at times, and he could console himself with the thought that she would not read too much into his jealousy over the youth.
As soon as the youth was gone, Iain decided he would go to Muircraig. He had lingered at Caraidland to see that Islaen had healed completely, in mind and body, after Fraser's attack. Once sure of that he had lingered because he had not wanted to leave her alone with the young, ardent and handsome Gamel. Soon that reason would be gone for Iain was also sure that Alaistair would accept Gamel.
Heading out of the hall he decided to go soak in a hot bath. He was restless and he knew why. Islaen was healed enough to make love to and he ached to do so. With his emotions still in such a turmoil, Iain knew it would be dangerous to hold her close and make love to her, just as he knew he would surely do so before he fled to Muircraig.
Watching her brother, Duncan, ride away with Gamel, Islaen looked over her shoulder at Iain. “The thorn has been plucked out."
"Verra amusing. T'was not only my side that thorn pricked."
"Nay. I noticed Tavis was in high spirits today."
"I swear, the lad was more annoying than Alexander,” Iain grumbled as he escorted Islaen back inside.
She laughed softly, then frowned as she realized they were headed to their chambers. “Why do we go here?"
Gently pushing her into the room, then shutting the door, he murmured, “Ye are all healed from that attack, are ye not?"
Beginning to grow suspicious, Islaen answered, “Aye, I have been for a few days. I thought ye kenned that."
"Aye, I did, but I was being gallant."
"Ah,” she watched him start shedding his clothes and knew she was going to go along with what he so clearly planned, “and ye arenae planning on being gallant anymore?"
"I dinnae ken. Ye will have to tell me—after."
"After? After ye bathe?” she asked brightly as he moved to stand before her wearing only his braes.
He ignored that and looked her up and down. “One of us is overdressed."
"Aye, but I will soon mend that."
With a soft laugh she swiftly undid his braes. “Better?"
She giggled as, with a soft growl, he picked her up and tossed her onto the bed. By the time he finished removing her clothes most of her playfulness was taken over by desire. Holding him close and savoring the way his skin felt against hers, she met and returned the hunger of his kiss. Her hands moved over his lean frame with an ill-disguised greed until he caught them in his, stilling them. She met his gaze and caught her breath at the passion revealed there.
"Now, that is better."
"Ah, but is it gallant?"
"Ye can tell me in a minute."
"Only a minute?"
"Ye are feeling pert, arenae ye?"
Rubbing her feet over the back of his legs she smiled and tugged his mouth down to hers. “I have ne'er heard it called that before."
Iain laughed softly, then kissed her. Islaen quickly lost the last of her playfulness as he took them to the sweet oblivion all lovers sought. It was not until her mind cleared and she was holding him close, their sated bodies still intimately joined, that she began to get a little suspicious. She had the sinking feeling that Iain's impetuous lovemaking was spurred on by plans to leave for Muircraig again.
Nuzzling her neck and enjoying the feel of her so intimately close, Iain began to think of a way to gently tell her he would be leaving for Muircraig in a few hours. Making love to her only strengthened his conviction that he had come close to breaking all his rules. Keeping the distance between them that he felt was necessary left him feeling empty and alone. It was a great temptation to end that.
"I must return to Muircraig,” he said softly as he kissed her neck and felt her tense briefly.
Not at all pleased to find that she had guessed correctly, Islaen forced herself to relax and asked calmly, “Aye? And when do ye leave?"
"By noon,” he replied, and covertly but carefully watched her, not sure she would take the news very well.
Islaen tried very hard not to get angry. She utilized every trick she knew to stop her temper from rising. None of them worked. With a curse, she shoved Iain away, then sat up to glare at him. Clenching her hands, she fought the urge to strike him.
"I see, and ye thought ye best have a quick toss with the wee wife ere ye go,” she hissed.
Deciding that it was not a good time to think on her beauty as she sat there naked and fuming, Iain met her glare. “Now, dinnae get into a fit,” he began.
"I will show ye a fit."
She tried to push him out of the bed but he was prepared for her move. Try as she would she could not budge him. In frustration she finally hit him. Iain cursed softly and wrestled with her until he got her firmly pinned beneath him.
He supposed she had a right to her anger, and could see that getting her into bed, making love to her, then abruptly leaving was tactless, but he had not expected her to get quite so angry. Hurriedly he searched his mind for the right words to soothe her yet not reveal the real reasons that he had hesitated to make love to her until the moment before he left. Not only did he not really like her to be so angry with him, he did not want to spend what time he had before leaving Caraidland in argument.
"Islaen, t'was not like that. Ye had a bad time when Fraser got hold of ye and needed to heal."
"I have been healed for a while."
"So ye say, but e'en now I can see the remnants of his attack."
"They dinnae hurt."
He eased his hold upon her so that it was more of an embrace than a fettering hold. “Good, for I would hate to think that, by giving into my needs, I hurt you—which is what I have feared. I but reached the point today, kenning that I was to leave, where I was willing to chance it, or, rather, didnae think on it too much. Islaen,” he murmured as he brushed light kisses over her face, “is it wrong for a husband to want to have some loving ere he leaves? I but seek a sweet memory to warm my empty bed at Muircraig. Aye and mayhaps mean to leave ye a wee memory or two."
"Humph, ye mean to sweet talk me out of my anger,” she mumbled as she unsuccessfully fought her rising desires.
"Aye, there is some truth in that but what I said was also true.” He kissed her with a slow greed, then said softly, “I couldnae leave without a taste of this, lass, not when I ken t'will be a while ere ye are near enough to reach for again.” He began to toy with her hardened nipples with his tongue, enjoying the way she moved restlessly against him.
'So dinnae leave or take me with ye,’ she thought a little crossly but bit her lip to hold the words back. She knew it would be a mistake to press him too hard on the matter. For the time being, no matter how it hurt and no matter how it destroyed her attempts to build a good marriage, it was best to open her hands and let him run. Complaints and recriminations would gain her nothing. She was sure of it just as she was fairly sure that they would cost her more than she was willing to pay
Closing her eyes, she decided to luxuriate in the passion they shared. She admitted honestly, but only to herself, that she too did not want him to go off to Muircraig without making love to her. There were too many times already when she ached for his loving.
Wantonly, she lay beneath him, nourishing every kiss and caress, greedily soaking up the pleasure he gave her. However, she jerked compulsively when his lips touched the curls adorning her womanhood. Her shock over such intimacy was brief and she soon arched to his kiss. Soon she was shaking with need and tugged on his hair.
"Please, Iain, please, I dinnae want to go alone,” she rasped softly and cried out with relief and pleasure when he fiercely joined their bodies, taking them both to desire's apex, their cries of release blending in what Islaen thought was the sweetest of harmonies.
When it was time for him to leave she did her best to hide her anger and frustration. She knew she could not force him to stay just as she could not force him to love her. As soon as he was gone, she went back to her chambers and indulged herself in a furious tantrum, finally collapsing across the bed, a little exhausted after venting so many pent-up feelings.
"Is it safe to come in now?"
"Aye, Storm,” she answered with a soft laugh.
Glancing around at the disorder as she entered the room Storm smiled, “Did it feel good?"
"Aye.” Sitting up Islaen looked at the strewn clothes and the rest of the mess she had made. “Aye, it did."
"I know.” Storm sat next to Islaen. “I have usually enjoyed the ones I finally gave into. Well, until I had to pick up."
"Aye, that will take some of the joy out of it. Still, ‘tis better than beating Iain o'er the head with a mallet."
"Mmmm. Husbands find that sort of thing hard to understand.” Storm joined Islaen in laughing.
"'Tis just that I grow so weary of the game but see no end to it. Aye, and undoubtedly t'will soon take a turn for the worse."
"Why do ye say that?"
"I think that, when next he comes home, I must tell him of the child."
Looking at Islaen's waist which was no longer tiny, Storm sighed and nodded. “I think ye are lucky he has not seen it yet."
"He mentioned that my figure was growing a wee bit fuller but, ere I could fumble with a reply, said he supposed I was just finishing my growing. He sees me as a child, I think."
"Not too much or ye would not be with child."
"There is a blessing. I think too that he sees the years atween us as more than they are.” She stood up. “Weel, best I sort out this mess."
"I will help."
"Nay, ‘tis my temper that set it all awry."
"Ye can help me next time I have one."
Islaen laughed. “Fair enough.” She grew somber as she picked up a gown. “I think t'would nay be so upsetting an I could ken for certain that he doesnae put me from his thoughts as he easily as he puts me from his sight, that mayhaps he thinks on us, our marriage and all. Ye ken what I mean, on what we dinnae have and what we could have."
"I feel certain he does."
Smiling faintly Islaen did not reply, but concentrated upon cleaning up the mess she had made. She wished she could have faith in such assurances but she could not. When a man was so determined to keep a distance from a woman, it seemed very reasonable to think that he would learn to put that woman from his thoughts as easily as he did his arms.
Turning from giving her horse a treat, Islaen watched Wallace, the stablemaster, tend a calf. She had often watched him with the animals and recognized the man's skill. Lately she had found herself thinking a lot about that man's skill and knowledge. The idea she had was a wild one but she had been unable to discard it. She decided she might as well give it a try. There was nothing to lose in trying and, if her wild thoughts and ideas were right, a lot to gain not only for her own sake but for Iain's. As she moved towards the man he suddenly moved to take her by the arm and gently lead her to a seat.
"Ye shouldnae walk about the animals too much, m'lady, not in your condition. Ye set here if ye are of a mind to watch."
"My condition?” she asked calmly.
He frowned at her before turning back to the calf. “Aye the bairn. Didnae ye ken it?"
"Aye, I but wonder how ye did as no one else has, and I have told only Storm and Meg."
"Och, weel, I have seen the look on the mares and all weel enough to ken.” He flushed and looked at her nervously. “I didnae mean..."
"Dinnae apologize. When a mon loves animals as much as ye do ‘tis no insult to be compared to them. Aye and with ones like that chestnut mare of Storm's ‘tis a compliment, for they are verra fine indeed.” She smiled at him and he briefly smiled back. “Mayhaps ye ken what I wish to talk to ye about then."
"I dinnae ken naught about bairns, m'lady."
"Be it all so different from foals and calves?"
Wallace stared at her for a moment, then sat down by her feet. “Nay, I dinnae think it is. Are ye afraid?"
"I think every woman holds some fear of birth. Wallace, I am going to confide in ye."
"Ye can trust me, m'lady."
"Aye, I ken it. Do ye ken Iain's fear of childbirth?"
"Aye, m'lady, ‘tis no secret though he doesnae ken that, I'm thinking."
"Nay, possibly not."
"Is that why ye say naught about the bairn?"
"Aye, that and the fact that, when we were wed, he,” she felt herself color but took a deep steadying breath and continued, “made me promise I would do something to make sure I ne'er got with bairn."
"Oh."
"Aye, oh. I didnae do it. I decided the lie was less a sin than what he asked. I also feel sure I can show him that all women need not suffer as his late wife did. That fear he holds must be conquered. If left to fester t'would bring sorrow to both of us. I want bairns and I feel most certain he does too."
"Aye, m'lady. I am sure he does. Ye can see it in the way he is with his brither's bairns."
"Soon I must tell him. There is little hiding it now from a knowledgeable eye. I think Iain remains blind because he thinks me safe from it. I will have lessened the wait a great deal though, and can be thankful for that. What I must do now is try to find a way, any way, to ease the birthing as much as possible."
"Ye cannae think I have the answer, m'lady."
"Aye. Come, Wallace, think. The beasts birth their young so much easier than we."
"But they, weel,” he flushed and stared at his hands. “They be larger."
"Oh. Aye.” She too flushed but did not falter. “I am fairly certain there are some differences but nay such differences that your knowledge becomes useless. ‘Tis the wrong time of the year to watch the birthings but I ken ye can tell me about them.” She smiled faintly. “We shall have to learn to control our blushes."
He laughed, then said quietly, “I be a rough mon, m'lady. I am nay sure I can speak on it weel. I mean..."
"Dinnae fash yourself, Wallace. I have near a dozen brothers. I doubt ye can say anything I havenae heard or that will truly shock me. I need the knowledge, Wallace. I need to cure my own fears enough to hide them from Iain. I need to ken as much as I can so that I may do my birthing as quietly as some of your beasts do. To hear my pain willnae help Iain. There is a knowledge here, in the ways of these beasts, and I mean to have it. Will ye help me? Will ye share what ye have learned?"
"Aye, m'lady. I just hope it can help ye like ye wish it to."
"So do I, Wallace. So do I. Shall we begin?” He nodded and she smiled, relieved to have him agree, and hoping she would be able to conquer the objections she was sure would come from the others as easily.
"Ye arenae going to the stables again?” Meg exclaimed in horror as Islaen donned her cloak.
Sighing, Islaen nodded. She had become a regular visitor to the stables. Wallace had lost all reticence with her and although she was not certain she had learned much to help her with her birth, she had learned a lot of useful, interesting things.
"Aye and I will keep going ‘til the cold or my belly stops me.” Islaen started out of her chambers.
"'Tis a dirty place."
"Far cleaner than some keeps I have been in. Wallace takes excellent care of his animals."
"Wallace isnae a mon ye ought to be getting so friendly with."
"Why not? He is a good mon; his work of value."
"I didnae ken ye had such a love of beasts. I tell ye it isnae right for ye to spend so much time there."
"And I say I will.” Turning to face Meg, Islaen said firmly, “'Tis important."
"Why?"
"I dinnae think ye will understand but it has to do with the birthing I must soon go through."
"Wallace doesnae ken about bairns, only beasts."
"Who arenae so different from us.” She grimaced when Meg gasped in shock. “I didnae think ye would understand. It doesnae matter. Ye willnae turn me in this. I must ken all I am able to about birthing. If naught else I shall find a way to keep my pain a secret from Iain."
"If ye ask me, there be too much kept secret here."
Islaen winced. She did feel caught in a choking net of secrets. The lie she had told Iain still ate at her. It was also hard to hide the fact that she carried his child, something she felt great joy and pride in, yet could not share.
"I am sorry, lass,” Meg said softly. “I let my tongue work ere I think. T'was unkind."
"Nay, t'was the truth, pure and simple."
"Mayhaps, but I ken weel ye didnae want it this way, that secrets from your mon arenae what ye like."
"Weel, there is one secret that willnae be one much longer, Meg,” she said quietly, her hand resting upon her slightly rounded abdomen.
Watching the group of men riding into Caraidland, Islaen felt her heart leap with delight, then sink, Iain was back. She was pleased to see him but knew this visit would be a troubled one. She was going to have to tell him about the child. Even he could no longer ignore the signs and she felt it was better to tell him than let him find out for himself. It was going to be difficult, however, and she was not looking forward to it at all.