I walked out of the classroom, knowing I’d just crushed my final. Considering how distracted I’d been since Brooke had left, it was something of a miracle. I was good at compartmentalizing—staying focused on just one thing, even in the middle of chaos. But this thing with Brooke’s mom was weighing on me, making it hard to focus.

Still, I’d pulled it off, and I’d done it for her. She wanted me to ace my tests, so I was going to ace the shit out of those fuckers.

Still, I kept feeling like I should have gone with her.

I hated that she was down there dealing with something as intense as her mother’s death without me. I’d had a bad feeling when she’d left, and now it was worse. She’d been texting me to keep me updated, and this morning she’d said she’d need to stay a few days longer than she’d thought. I’d been ready to go to the airport and get on the first flight I could—or maybe just fucking drive the twenty-four hours to Phoenix—but she’d stopped me. Again. I had another final on Monday, and she wanted me to stay and take it.

She’d insisted this was what she needed from me. I wanted to give her what she needed, but I didn’t have to like it.

I was free for the rest of the day, although I had to spend more time studying. I also needed food, so instead of going to the library, I drove out to Billy’s, a diner I liked that served great breakfast. If it wasn’t too busy, I could get some studying done there anyway.

The restaurant was quiet, so I got a table by the window and ordered a breakfast burrito. I pulled out a stack of envelopes from my backpack and laid them out in front of me.

Admissions packets. I’d requested them from five different universities with good architecture programs. There was no guarantee that I’d be accepted if I took the leap and applied. But I had a shot. My grades were good, especially since I’d been back at U of I. I’d taken most of the prerequisites.

But I still wasn’t sure.

I didn’t have to ask to know what Brooke would say. She’d tell me to apply. I knew she’d have my back.

Something was still keeping me from taking the plunge. This would mean leaving U of I—leaving Iowa. All the schools I was interested in were out of state. I liked the idea of moving somewhere new—that wasn’t a problem.

But it would also be the point of no return. It would officially set my life on a different path—one that didn’t end in Waverly with me running one of my dad’s dealerships and coaching wrestling on the side.

Like I’d told Brooke, I hadn’t been on that path since the day my heart had stopped. It had been almost seven years and I was still trying to figure it all out. Who I was. Where I was going. I’d gone from believing I was going to die before I was old enough to order a beer, to being healthy again, able to pick up the pieces and go back to my life.

But in trying to pick up the pieces of who I used to be, I’d stalled out. Some of those pieces didn’t fit anymore. I wasn’t the guy who’d thought wrestling was a metaphor for life—who’d thought winning was everything. Who’d been content to follow the path that everyone expected.

I didn’t want to be like those guys I used to hang out with, who never thought beyond the obvious. Who got jobs they didn’t care about and married their high school or college girlfriends, simply because that’s what you do. Not because it was what they wanted. Not because that life had anything in it that set their soul on fire.

“Hi, Sebastian.”

I glanced up, surprised to see Cami standing next to my table. I’d been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed her.

“Hi.” I quickly scooped up the admissions packets and stuffed them in my backpack. “What are you doing here?”

“I met a friend out here for coffee this morning. I drove by and saw your car outside so I stopped. Do you mind if I sit?”

“I guess not.” I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I didn’t really want to sit and talk with her. I was still annoyed with my mom for the dinner debacle. But that hadn’t really been Cami’s fault.

“Thanks.” She lowered herself into the chair across from me. “So, how have you been?”

“Great,” I said. “How about you?”

“Okay,” she said. “It’s weird to be back in Waverly. It all looks the same, but it’s not, you know?”

“Yeah, things change.”

“They do,” she said. “People do too.”

The waitress brought my breakfast and asked Cami if she wanted a menu. Cami glanced at me, like she was hoping I’d invite her to stay, but I didn’t. She told the waitress she’d stick with water.

“Sebastian, I’ve really been wanting to apologize,” she said. “I was hoping I’d get the chance when your parents had us over for dinner last month, but…”

“Kind of hard when I was there with my girlfriend,” I said. Cami flinched, but I didn’t feel bad about it. I was with Brooke and it was better that she knew where things stood.

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, what I wanted to say was that I’m sorry. I abandoned you when you needed me. It was immature and selfish. I was so caught up in sorority life and parties. I thought I wanted a boyfriend who could spoil me and show me off. But all I got out of that was drama. Guys who didn’t care about me. Who cheated on me and treated me like I was disposable. And then I went off to Chicago and I thought I’d be living this glamorous big-city life. But none of it turned out the way I expected.”

I felt bad for Cami. Life had obviously knocked her around a bit. I understood what that was like. “I’m not mad at you anymore. It was a long time ago. And I’m sorry if you went through stuff that was shitty.”

She met my eyes and smiled. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

I figured she’d leave, now that she’d said what she wanted to say. But she traced her finger along the outside of her water glass. I just ate my breakfast.

“So, what have you been up to?” she asked. “Are you still at U of I?”

“Yeah,” I said. “For now.”

“Do you think you’ll move back to Waverly after you graduate?”

I paused and put my fork down, meeting her eyes. “No.”

“Oh,” she said. “Why not?”

I was surprised at the sudden sense of conviction I felt. But hearing Cami—who had been as much a part of that plan for the future as the job at my dad’s dealership—ask me that question began to harden my resolve. “Because that isn’t the life I want.”

“You’re going to turn down your dad’s job?” she asked. “You know in a few years he’d have you running things. Maybe even make you part owner. You’d make a fortune. You could live like a king in Waverly.”

“So?”

“So? He’s handing you a career on a silver platter. You could have your life back.” She paused and batted her eyelashes a few times. “You could have everything back if you wanted it.”

“I don’t want it,” I said, and a spasm of pain crossed her features. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but Jesus, why couldn’t anyone understand? “I’m sorry, Cami, but this isn’t about you. My life is different now. The Sebastian you knew in high school isn’t who I am anymore.”

“Of course it isn’t,” she said. “I’ve changed too. That’s what happens when you grow up and start experiencing things. But that doesn’t mean you should throw away the chance to have a comfortable life.”

“I don’t want comfortable,” I said. “And you know, I don’t think I ever did. Even if my heart had never gotten sick and I’d never gone through any of it, I wouldn’t have been satisfied with comfortable. I would have resented it.”

“Then what do you want?” she asked.

“I want to take risks,” I said. “Go places I’ve never been. I want to pursue my dreams and fail and try again. I want passion. If I’m going to be here, I want to really live. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

“But why can’t you have both?” she asked. “And what if some things are just meant to be?”

I pushed my plate away. I was getting tired of this conversation. “Did you come here to try to talk me into something?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Look, I accept your apology,” I said. “But if you’re fishing for some sign that you and I might have another shot, you’re in the wrong place. It’s not because I’m mad at you. It’s because I’ve moved on. I have someone in my life who means the world to me. You want to know what I want? Her. The rest, I honestly don’t know yet. But Brooke is the one thing I’m sure of.”

“What if that’s a mistake?” she asked.

I raised my eyebrows. “You’re asking me if Brooke is a mistake?”

She paused, pressing her lips together, her eyes on the table. I couldn’t tell if she was thinking about what to say, or just being dramatic.

“I know how you met her,” she said finally.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.

“Seb, your mom told me she was supposed to marry him—the organ donor. And then he died, and they were so young. That must have been a devastating loss. Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that maybe that,” she said, pointing to my chest, “is why she’s with you? That she doesn’t really want you? She wants what’s left of him?”

“Why are you discussing Brooke with my mom?” I asked.

“Because we’re worried about you,” she said.

“Cami, you lost your right to worry about me, or who I’m with, when you broke up with me.”

She crossed her arms. “We’ve known each other since kindergarten. Our mothers have been friends for years. Just because we stopped dating doesn’t mean I can’t worry about you.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” I said. “And if my mom has an issue with my life, or my girlfriend, she should take it up with me. Not discuss it with my ex.”

“It’s not like she’s gossiping,” she said. “She’s concerned for her son and she doesn’t think you’ll listen to her.”

“Well, I’m telling you she doesn’t have anything to be concerned about. And neither do you. And as for Brooke, and this,” I said, touching my chest, “that’s not only morbid, it’s insulting.”

“I’m not trying to insult either of you,” she said. “But I don’t understand how you can throw away the life you were supposed to have. It was almost taken from you, and now you can have it back. You just have to reach out and grab it. But you won’t.”

“What if I told you I was moving back to Waverly after I graduated?” I asked. “That I was going to work for my dad, and buy a nice house, and be a volunteer wrestling coach, just like everyone always figured I would—but I was going to do it all with Brooke. Would that make a difference? Is it really my career and financial stability you’re worried about?”

Her lips parted and her eyes narrowed, but she smoothed out her features before she replied. “I’m worried about all of you. About your life, and your happiness.”

“I’ve got it covered, Cami,” I said. “I am happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear and gathered up her purse. “Well, that’s good, then. I hope you’re really as happy as you claim to be.”

I didn’t say anything else as she walked out the door.

God, my mother. It pissed me off that she’d been talking about Brooke with Cami. My mom didn’t know Brooke. She’d obviously made some ridiculous assumptions. Brooke didn’t want me to be some kind of second-choice replacement for Liam Harper. If that had been the case, she would have sought me out. As it was, she hadn’t wanted to meet me at all.

And this heart in my chest still sometimes felt like a wall between us. Not the way it once had, but I did wonder if she’d ever be able to truly let go. Truly move on. My heart wasn’t the reason she wanted me—it was one of the reasons she’d been afraid to be with me.

Moving back to Waverly, working for my dad, marrying Cami… living in a nice house with our two-point-five kids and a minivan in the driveway… that was safe. That was why my mom wanted it for me. But it wouldn’t be living—just existing.

I didn’t want safe. I didn’t want friends like the guys I’d known in high school. I wanted Charlie, who’d had my back every step of the way, even when he was still basically my rival. I didn’t want a girl like Cami, who was more interested in her reputation and finding someone to take care of her. I knew why she wanted me. She saw me as the means to a life of comfort—a fancy house and a new car every year. A life where she was the envy of all the other wives in Waverly.

I pulled out my admissions packets again. Maybe there was a piece of myself that I still needed to recapture. The drive and focus I’d once had. That single-minded resolve to do whatever it took to achieve my goals. It was why I’d won state. In a lot of ways, it had gotten me through my illness. I might not have survived long enough to get the transplant if I hadn’t been mentally tough. Driven. It had only been at the end that I’d wanted to give up.

But since I’d been better, I hadn’t applied that drive to anything. Not school or my future. I’d always thought of myself as an all-in guy, but the only thing I’d gone all in on was Brooke.

She’d brought that out in me. With her, I felt a flame burning inside. A desire to really live, not just exist.

I ripped open the first envelope and spread the letter out on the table. It was time to start living.