I went downstairs after waking from an unintentional nap. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately, but when I’d lain down, I’d only meant to rest for twenty minutes or so. Three hours later, I’d come to like a coma patient struggling to regain consciousness. Now I was groggy and dehydrated. I felt like shit.

Although that was basically the norm for me lately. I wasn’t moping around like a baby. I was handling my business. But on the inside, I was a wreck. It felt a little bit like I was slowly dying again. Like my heart was struggling to keep up, the compressions labored. I guess when your heart breaks, it feels a lot like a case of myocarditis. It fucking sucked.

I grabbed some water out of the fridge and went over to the couch. I’d stopped checking my phone quite so often, hoping Brooke had sent a message. But I still did it, and still felt the let-down that she hadn’t. I could have been the one to call, but it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. If I muscled my way back into her life, we’d only wind up right back where we started. Something needed to change first.

I went over to the couch and plopped down. Olivia was in the big overstuffed chair by the window.

“Hey,” she said.

“Sup, O,” I said. “Where’s Chuck?”

“Store,” she said.

I took a drink. “I hope he’s getting me dinner.”

She smiled. “Yeah, you know he has your back. Although that means it’ll be something healthy. Bo-ring.”

I tapped my chest. “Gotta take care of the ticker.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Speaking of… I saw Brooke yesterday.”

That got my attention. “You did? Where?”

“Her house.”

“And?”

“Well, I apologized for my role in the assholery that occurred recently,” she said. “And she did the same.”

“You guys made up?”

She nodded. “Yeah, we’re good. I kind of figured some things out that I should have realized a long time ago. You know, life experience and stuff. It makes a difference.”

“Sure does. How is she?”

“Not great,” she said. “Maybe not as terrible as I thought she’d be. It looks like she’s eating and all that. And there was a notebook sitting out with a pen next to it. If that means she’s writing, it could be a good sign. I think she works stuff out that way, you know?”

“She does,” I said.

“But, I don’t know, Seb. I told her she should come back to work, because I know Joe will take her back. He misses her dumb ass. But she said no. She said she’s thinking about leaving and starting over somewhere.”

Oh, fuck no. “She what?”

“She wasn’t packing or anything,” she said. “But you never know with her. She upped and left Phoenix. I’m a little worried she might do the same thing again. And if she decides to disappear, it’s pretty hard to find her. Trust me. She didn’t even have to leave the area after my brother died and it was impossible to track her down.”

I stood, spilling my water. But I didn’t give a shit. I grabbed my coat and my keys. This had gone on long enough.

“Good luck,” Olivia said.

I was already out the door.

Brooke’s house was dark. I banged on the door. No answer. Again. Fuck. She couldn’t have left. Olivia said she’d only mentioned it.

God, Brooke, don’t do this. Don’t disappear on me.

I still had a key, so I let myself in. She could be pissed at me all she wanted for it. I walked through the rooms, but her stuff was all there. Even her backpack was tucked away in the closet. I knew what she kept in there, and I didn’t think she’d leave it behind. That made me feel better.

But I was still worried. Where had she gone?

I checked her kitchen for bottles. Looked in the garbage. Nothing. Checked her bathroom and the drawers in her bedroom. I kept thinking about her on the couch in that frat house, so wasted she could barely stand. I hoped she wouldn’t do something like that again. But if she was unraveling, I didn’t know what she’d resort to in order to escape her pain.

It would be hard to find her if I just drove around. She didn’t have a car—she walked places, or used the bus or Uber—so I couldn’t find her that way. It was cold as shit outside, so she probably wasn’t walking. She could be pretty much anywhere.

I took out my phone and called her, but it went straight to voicemail. She’d either ignored my call, or her phone was off. Maybe she’d forgotten to charge the battery. Or hadn’t bothered. Damn it.

I texted her anyway, in case she just didn’t want to talk to me. Maybe she’d read it.

I’ll leave you alone if you want but please tell me where you are.

I also texted Olivia and Charlie, asking them to call me if they heard from her. Olivia texted back a few minutes later to say she’d called her, but it had gone straight to voicemail.

There were a few places I could check—places I knew she liked or might go. The bookstore was closed. I stopped at a restaurant we’d been to a bunch of times, but she wasn’t inside. If there was a horror flick playing, she might have been at the theater. I checked the movie times, but none of them seemed like something she’d go see.

If she wanted to drink, she might be at a bar. But fuck, it was a college town. There were bars everywhere. I drove around town a while longer, but there was no sign of her at any of the places I tried.

My last hunch was a little tavern that was walking distance from our neighborhood. I didn’t think she’d have walked in the cold, but I’d checked everywhere else. Might as well stop there, too.

As soon as I stepped inside, I knew she was there. It took me a few seconds to find her. She was on a stool at the far end of the bar. It looked like she was leaning over a notebook and writing something. She had a glass of water near her left hand, and a glass of what was probably whiskey sitting in front of her.

Something came together inside of me at the sight of her. That drive I’d always had. The determination. I felt it again, stronger than ever before. More intense than before any wrestling match—even before I’d faced Charlie at state. It coalesced into a razor-sharp point, and I made a decision. I was going all in. I knew exactly what I needed to do. And there was no turning back.