Things have been a clusterfuck between Cooper and me.

And it’s all my fault.

After our strip tease in Vegas, I kinda messed everything up.

And the worst part is … I haven’t even spoken to him to try and clear the air.

The Yankees are about to make it to the World Series. If he had a jam-packed schedule before... it doesn’t hold a candle to the intensity that is his life right now.

Cooper is the anchor holding his team all together. I know because I check the box scores every morning, even though I watch the games on TV the night before.

Which is why a note being slipped under my door four weeks after our COCKPIT hook-up is pretty much a shocker. He hasn’t even been staying at his apartment during home games.

Gracie,

I made a commitment to you. And I don’t take commitments lightly.

Tonight. You and me. In your bedroom. Nine pm.

Cooper

At first, I have no idea what to think. This is a bad idea, right? I had basically told him this entire thing is a job to me, and he retreats.

After pulling open my apartment door and see that Cooper isn’t out there, I carry the note to my living room where Bridget sits crossed legged on my couch.

She has Wednesday’s off at the women’s clinic she works at. After graduating last spring – when I did not – she got herself an awesome position doing important work. She says the pay is shit, and the benefits are bare bones, but she is doing something that she believes has value.

She may like to hook-up all freaky-deeky with strangers on Saturday nights, but maybe she just needs to let her wilder side free on the weekends so she can be all business when she’s at work.

Regardless, I’m proud as hell of her.

Even if I haven’t been honest.

Like, all year.

“Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?” she asks, unwrapping her burrito. She just brought over Chipotle and while I’m grateful, I suddenly don’t have an appetite.

“Just read it,” I say, tossing her the letter.

“What the fuck does this mean?” she asks, frowning as she scans the note.

“I think I should start at the beginning.”

Her eyes narrow; she leans in.

Have I got a story for her.

* * *

An hour later I’ve described the leaky sink, the Kinky List, and the “dates” we’ve had in detail. But of course, I don’t explain the last four weeks.

Mostly because I’m ashamed.

“So, let me get this straight,” Bridget says. “The hottest pro athlete in the state and possibly the country – has been fucking you sideways all year and you are literally just now telling me?”

“It wasn’t personal.”

“Sure seems like it,” she says, shrugging, picking at her tortilla chip crumbs.

“Well, it wasn’t personal in a way that is mean. At first, I thought you might be too eager about it. I got insecure. I messed up school – and Cooper wasn’t having that––”

“Which is a good thing,” Bridget says, interrupting.

“True, but I’m just saying, at that point, too much time had passed. I didn't know what to say.”

“Besides, hey BFF I am currently screwing the hottest man in the USA?”

“Okay,” I say slowly. “I could have. But I didn’t. And honestly, I thought the entire thing was off after Vegas... I can’t believe he wants to see me again.”

“What happened in Vegas? I mean, what happened after you 69’d until you passed out?”

I exhale slowly. This is where our story got all jacked up. “We went back to the hotel, we slept in his bed, but not like sex-all-night-sleep, we literally slept. I had horrible jet lag, he was exhausted from the Arizona series. Anyways, the next morning we woke, ordered room service, and he asked again about my meeting with my advisor.”

“About her wanting you to bulk up your research and submit it to a literary agent?”

“Yeah.”

“Why does that involve Cooper?”

When I turned in my grad paper my advisor loved my paper so much she thought it had the potential to be a sort of memoir slash research-based book. Of course, the idea of a book deal flashed like massive golden unicorns before my eyes.

But I knew immediately that Cooper might not like it.

Like, at all.

“The paper is pretty much exploring the Kinky List ... what happened to a woman when she decided to take charge of her sexuality.”

Bridget’s mouth falls to an O. I’ve rendered her speechless for the first time in her life.

“I’m confused, I thought you’ve spent the last four weeks working on this book proposal,” she says. “How are you doing that if he nixed it?”

“I’ve been trying to make it work without naming names. But the truth is, Cooper being Cooper is part of the appeal of the book in the first place. I’m pretty much spinning my wheels, wondering if I should just take a page from your playbook and randomly find guys on the internet to check off the last two items.”

Bridget picks up the note. “Except he wants to see you again.”

“He was so irritated in Vegas. He said chronicling our sexual exploits wasn’t the life changing work I should aspire to. He said that like he knows me.”

“Does he?”

“Does he what?”

“Does he know you, Gracie?” Bridget asks, her tone non-confrontational. She is trying to understand me. Which makes her far too good for me considering I’ve been keeping all of this from her.

“Sometimes I think he knows me better than anyone else on the planet,” I admit. “No offense,” I add, quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I mean, obviously, it was shitty that you didn’t tell me sooner, but Gracie... maybe Cooper actually cares about you.”

I shrug. “It’s not like that. He’s my sex-guru. He’s done all of this stuff before... he’s not my actual lover.”

“Gabe says he hasn’t been dating anyone all year.”

“Gabe?” I cock my head watching my best friend talk about a guy like he’s her... friend?

“You talk to Gabe often?”

She pulls up her phone. “We only text. But we text a lot.”

“Is that because you’re both closet UFO weirdos?”

“No,” she laughs. “It’s because we hit it off. And also, because we love aliens.”

“Are you like, dating him?”

Bridget shakes her head. “Naw, it’s never been like that. We just randomly started texting. We’ve never hooked up or anything.”

“But you talk about Cooper’s dating life?”

She shrugs. “It’s come up.” Her eyes light up, “Ohh, maybe he knows about the list and he wanted to see if I did.”

“That would make sense. I think he does know, actually.” My head falls back on the couch. “Sorry, Bridget, for not telling you.”

She waves me off. “I’m just glad you’ve been getting laid. This is groundbreaking.”

“That’s what Drake and Stephen say.”

“You still talk to those guys?” she asks. “I didn’t realize.

“What, jealous I have so many friends?” I laugh, knowing this has never been the way our dynamic has played out.

“I’m not jealous. I’m happy. Honest.”

“What?” I know from her smirk she is thinking something more.

She laughs again, her head falling back as she chooses her words. “I just can’t believe Gracie Lithe had a foursome before me.”

I don’t reiterate it wasn’t an actual foursome, considering Rocco and Kittycat were the only ones doing the nasty.

“Well, anyways,” Bridget says. “What do you think you’ll do tonight?”

I raise an eyebrow, wondering the exact same thing.