Chapter 30
Avidya
After ordering pizza, Josh was in his bassinet, Zachariah and I sat on the couch, just enjoying each other’s company. The TV on some channel that neither one of us paid attention to.
It felt comfortable to sit here by his side with his arm wrapped around me. My head leaned against his shoulder as all the stresses of the world left me.
I never wanted to move. I never wanted to change things again. I had given up so much for my own personal gain, and it seemed that he understood. He didn’t hold it against me. He didn’t use it as leverage.
He was just the same Zachariah that I had fallen in love with. The same man that I never knew what to expect when it came to new things.
Maybe he really could be the father I had hoped for him to turn out to be. I knew it wouldn’t be a sudden thing, but he would be a dad. He’d be okay.
We’d be okay.
“Do we have a chance?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the TV, fearing his reaction.
“A chance at what?” he asked, confused.
“Of being together. Of being happy?” I clarified.
“I think so,” he answered after a moment of thought. “If we tried to compromise, we can try to be happy together.”
“You comprise?” I laughed. “I don’t see that happening.
“It is possible,” he grumbled. “If you give me a chance to show that I can.”
I had to give him a chance; I knew I had to. It wouldn’t be easy, but my heart and soul was his. It always would be. I had to give him a chance to prove to me that we could be happy as a family.
“Alright,” I sighed.
“Really?” he asked, surprised I was willing to work with him.
“Yes,” I smiled. “I miss everything we had. I miss the family. I miss feeling like I belonged.”
“Everyone has missed you,” he said. “Even Toby. He’s not very happy with me.”
“I don’t think he ever was,” I mused. “That poor boy. He probably was as hurt as you were when I left.”
“If he was old enough to drink himself to death, yes,” Zachariah agreed. “He thinks I made you leave. And he won’t talk to anyone as far as I know.”
“I should have left him a letter, too,” I mused. “He has to hate me like everyone else.”
“No one hates you,” he said, his voice firm. “They all knew why you left, or at least had an idea. Toby’s just a kid and will understand once he sees you are perfectly fine. Give Violet a call later this week and talk to him. I’m sure everyone would love to hear from you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you again,” I said as sadness hit me once more.
“I can understand, I think,” he stated. “It’s in the past. Let’s just move on from here, okay?”
“Sounds good,” I smiled, leaning into him more than I already was. Moving on sounded like the best plan of action. Putting the past back into the past was the best way to move on. We both forgave the other, so we had to keep on moving forward.
~oOo~
A few days went by, and between everything, Zachariah and I were able to get in a pretty decent routine. I was still tired, but not nearly as bad as I had been since I was able to get a little bit more sleep. Since the first time that Zachariah held Joshua, he was actually helping me with a feeding once a night.
That alone was showing me that he really was in it all the way. He wasn’t going to run off, leaving me or our son to fend for ourselves. Although, if that did happen, I would be able to deal. I wouldn’t have a choice.
Krissy made sure to stop by a few times a day. I think it was more of the fact she wanted to make sure he wasn’t hurting us. I knew that Zach would never do that, but I didn’t mind.
I knew I would be going back home sooner or later. It was all a matter of time. Right now, there was no way that I’d take Joshua anywhere because I didn’t think I could handle stopping every few hours to feed and change a diaper. That, and also all of his doctors were here and they knew him. I wouldn’t be leaving yet.
Not for another few months at least.
I was sure that Zachariah was itching to get back, but he never said anything. He never acted as though we were a burden that had to be taken care of before he returned.
For once, it felt like we were a family with no worries. For once, we were just us.
After Zachariah hinted again to call someone, anyone, in the family, I finally did. I talked to Julia enough times, I knew it wasn’t her that he was hinting at me to call. No, he wanted me to call his sister.
So, I did after Josh was asleep in his bassinet and Zach was answering one of his calls. He had been making sure to not answer any phone calls unless it was family. Apparently, he was using this as a vacation. Whatever worked, I guess.
Violet answered on the second ring. It was as though she expected me to be calling, which I wouldn’t have put it past my husband letting her know.
“Hello, Avidya,” she greeted, sounding happy to hear from me.
“Hey, Violet,” I replied. “How are you doing?”
“Doing well. You?” she returned.
“Doing better now,” I answered. I really was.
“Good,” she sighed out. “When will you be back? We all miss you.”
“I’m not sure yet,” I stated. “I can’t come back until late next month, since Joshua has a doctor’s appointment that would be best to do here. Depending on that, then maybe that same week.”
“That would be good,” she said. “How’s Zach handling it all?”
“Better than I expected,” I answered truthfully. “I figured he’d yell and demand things. But he’s been great so far. To the both of us.”
“Good,” she sighed. “I would hang him by the balls if he wasn’t nice.”
I barked out a laugh, knowing how true that was. His entire family would have done that and more if Zachariah did anything to harm me, or make me do something I didn’t want to do.
“How’s Toby doing?” I asked.
“Today isn’t too bad of a day,” she sighed in answer. “He’s been more withdrawn since you left, and we can’t get him to really branch out from it at all. He had been talking to Melio, but that hasn’t happened for months now. He worries that I’ll get rid of him.”
“That wouldn’t ever happen,” I was quick to say.
“Never,” she agreed. “But he’s…well, he just has to see that won’t ever happen.”
“Do you think he’d talk to me?” I asked.
“Maybe. He’ll at least listen, I think. I’ll put on you speaker,” Violet said before there was a bit of background noise that indicated she was moving around to find the boy.
After a moment, I could hear Violet explaining to Toby that I was on the phone and wanted to talk to him.
Taking that was my go ahead, I spoke to him. I wasn’t sure if he’d answer, but at least he’d know I was okay.
“Hey, Toby,” I began. “You don’t have to talk to me, but I thought you’d like to know that I am okay. I’ll be back in a few months.”
“Please, Vidie,” he whispered so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.
“I’ll come back soon, I promise,” I said, fighting back tears. “And I’ll bring you something when I do. Will that be okay?”
“He nodded,” Violet spoke for him. “I’m sure he’d like that.”
“Good,” I smiled. “I’ll be back home before you know it.”
“I think he’s done,” Violet said, a bit of sadness to her tone. “If he wants, would you be up to having another phone call?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “You can call anytime, and I’ll answer. Promise.”
Not sure if the phone call changed anything, or helped Toby in any way, but it was worth a shot. Violet and I talked a little more before hanging up. I hoped that Toby would call me. I worried about him more than I thought I should.
The boy had stolen my heart as much as the rest of the family had already. Would he be okay with Joshua? Would he open up to me when I got back? Or would Toby want nothing to do with me when he found out?
“You okay?” Zachariah asked, leaning against the doorway.
“Yeah,” I answered. “Just worried.”
“About what?” he asked.
“Toby,” I sighed. “What if he doesn’t like my reasons for being gone? What if he wants nothing to do with me?”
“I don’t think Toby would be anything but happy to see you,” Zachariah answered, pulling me into a hug. I melted against his chest. “He has liked you since he first time he saw you. It’s like the rest of the family, Avidya. No one could ever hate you, no matter how hard they tried to. You are light to the darkness in all of us.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I said, propping my chin on his chest. “You make it all seem so much easier than it really is. It’s not all sunshine and roses.”
“It’s you that makes it easy,” he said. “It’s all you. No one else. You are the one that is easy.”
“Did you just call me easy?” I asked with a glare.
“Well, I did get you with little effort,” he winked before his mouth crashed to mine.
Instantly, I melted against his lips and body. I let him take control of the kiss, making sure not hurt me or take things any farther.
With his lips alone, he showed me just how easy it was to forgive and forget. He showed me how much he loved me and would do anything for me.
As my stomach filled with butterflies, I knew he was it for me. There would be no more running or second guessing our motives in life. There was no more fighting against each other’s choices.
We were one, and would always be one. Nothing would be able to stand between us again.
Pulling back, his eyes were bright with happiness and love.
“Shall we go do something before I take you on that bed?” he asked.
“I’d love to do that, but yes please,” I blushed.
Yeah, now was not the time to let him have his wicked way with me. I couldn’t wait to get the all clear from the doctor next week. Now was not the time to test the links of fate with expanding our family. I don’t think either one of us could handle that.
Chapter 31
Zachariah
I never expected to fall into step being a father. I never wanted children, which everyone around me knew without a doubt. Kids and I just never got along. Ever. I didn’t try to be different to cater to children of any age. I never catered to anyone. That was until I found Avidya.
With Avidya, everything changed. She made me see how things were more than just black and white. Avidya brought things to light. She made me want to live; made me be something more than just a man that tried to control my men to bring in money.
That life was nothing when comparing it to the three of us now. Losing my brothel, losing my club, losing what I had worked so hard to get and my status in the world was no longer that important when put next to my wife and child.
Now as I held Joshua in my arms, watching Avidya sleep beside me on the couch, I knew I would never be able to give these two up. I questioned myself on why I didn’t want Avidya to have a kid. I asked myself why I didn’t want one. And why didn’t I give it more thought before jumping to conclusions?
Thinking over everything, I was scared that any child we had would be used against me. Everyone around me could be used against me. I didn’t want some nameless child to be forced into the life I led. I didn’t want its choices taken away from it.
My choices were all my own as I grew up. I didn’t have to be in the mafia. I didn’t have to take such a part in it. I did, though. I wasn’t as big of a rule abiding man as my father and grandfather, but I still took part in many things.
Holding my son, I knew that things wouldn’t have to be the same. He would have as much of a choice as I had when it came to being in the family of more than just a member. He would be protected, just like Avidya and anyone else. We protect our own before anything else. I knew we all would be fine in the end.
Joshua would be able to grow up having anything he desired. He’d have the same choices as I did as a child, and there was no guarantee that he’d pick the same paths that I did. I wouldn’t keep him hidden from the world. I wouldn’t keep secrets. I’d let him know what I did and let him choose when he was of age.
I just hoped that Avidya would be okay with that.
I knew we all would be okay. I’d do everything in my power to make sure that we were.
Why? Because I was Zachariah Melendez.
I was pleasantly surprised that Avidya let me kiss her, though. I had missed it so much, I never wanted to stop. Her lips called to me as much as the rest of her.
She was soft and warm, and I wanted to do so much more than just kissing her. I knew we couldn’t rush things, not yet. But fuck, I wanted her more than anything.
It really was amazing how she made everything better. She didn’t hold anything against me from the past. Avidya was open to put the past behind us and move on.
Looking back at Josh as he stared up at me from my arms, my heart swelled in love for this little one. Green eyes blinked at me, like he knew just who I was. His little hand was wrapped around my pinky as I held the bottle so he could eat. He even made these adorable little sounds as he drank his milk.
How could I not ever want a child after holding this one in my arms?
I wished more than anything that I could have been here for his mother, for him, while he was in the hospital. I wished that someone would have told me about all this—all that I was missing out on.
What did Avidya look like while pregnant? What were her cravings? Was she emotional? Did she cry herself to sleep, wanting me here just as much as I wanted to be here?
Would she want another child later on?
God, I wasn’t sure I’d be up for that. But if it happened, I would let it. I would never go against Avidya’s beliefs again. I was an idiot to do so the first time.
“He’s up already?” Avidya yawned, pushing herself up so she sat.
“He thinks so,” I said. “Not that anyone would agree with midnight playtime.”
“This is his new time to be wide away,” she laughed, her eyes brighter than they had when I showed up on her doorstep.
“How did you do all this on your own?” I asked. Given, it was only a week, but still it had to be hard.
“Luckily, I don’t have to go to work, so I slept during the day a bit,” she shrugged. “They say it gets easier, but yeah, I don’t think so.”
“No, it only gets harder,” I agreed. “I’m sure once we get back, everyone will offer to watch him every night.”
“Oh, that I don’t doubt,” she said, leaning her head against my shoulder. She put one hand on Joshua’s toes as they tended to stick out. He hated having his toes covered, I found out. “I’m sure they’d all be happy to keep him all the time.”
“Most likely,” I muttered. Louder, “They all want pictures.”
“I haven’t taken any,” she shrugged. “Krissy has.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“I don’t have a phone that will do them,” she said like I should have known. “And I haven’t gotten around to getting a camera or a phone to do so. But when I do, Krissy will send all of them to me.”
“How have you lived without all that?” I asked. No phone, no internet, and hardly anything she owned was here.
“I don’t need any of it,” she answered. “I’ve lived without it before, so now was no different.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything at all.
“Where did you work?”
“I worked in a home daycare part time. It kept me busy enough to keep my mind from going in circles,” she answered. “I won’t be returning, but I think they all expected that once you showed up.”
“You can if you want,” I said.
“There’s no point for a few weeks,” she shrugged. “I don’t really want to go back now, anyhow.”
“You sure?” I wouldn’t care if she wanted to. I’d be happy to take care of Joshua if she wanted to go back to work.
“I’m sure,” she said, her voice strong. “There’s not much point in working with little sleep, and for only a few weeks.”
“We don’t have to go back at all, you know,” I mused.
“Yes, we do,” she said, looking up at me. “Everyone wants to meet the new addition, and I promised Toby I would go back. I always planned eventually go back anyhow. I only have two friends here, and we’ll keep in touch through Facebook and phone calls. Plus, it’s not that long of a drive to meet up every couple of months.”
“You have it all figured out, don’t you?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” she said sheepishly. “I’ve had a lot of thinking time.”
“Guess that makes it easier,” I mused.
“I’ve always known I’d end up going back,” she shrugged. “I just wasn’t sure when that would be.”
“Would it have been sooner if I showed up before I did?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Most likely, yes,” she answered without having to think about it. “I figured you’d show up one day.”
“And I did,” I stated.
“You did. And I’m ready to go back once we get the all clear from the doctor on Josh,” she went on.
Although he was born a preemie, other than his size, he didn’t really act like one. Yes, he wanted food often, but I was sure that was a normal newborn thing. If I hadn’t known he was born so early, I wouldn’t have been able to tell.
Avidya had the all clear from her own doctor just a few days ago, but we still planned to take things slow. Mostly so that her birth control would be in full effect before we just jumped back into bed. I knew we had to take everything one step at a time.
It would be well worth it in the end.