Chapter 21
Avidya
Five weeks.
Five weeks seemed so pass extremely slow.
Five weeks my baby was in the NICU.
Five weeks to the day, I was finally able to bring him home.
Five weeks.
I never knew how horrible five weeks would have been, or how wonderful it was at the same time. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. So much so, I didn’t know how I lived as I had before becoming a mother.
All my thoughts had been on my son, worrying about things that probably didn’t even need to be worried about.
Julia was a constant presence in the house, helping me clean and buy clothes for the baby. He had more than enough clothes to last for many years, all ranging from different sizes.
In the bedroom I had taken over, there had been a few changes to fit the small portable crib that Taylor had bought me not all that long ago. It fit into the room perfectly, and would work until Joshua was about six months or so.
He had taken to feeding from a bottle like a pro, and was off the oxygen without any issues. Surprisingly, he was doing very well still being so early. It was still a week away from my official due date, but Joshua was cleared and ready to go home.
I had spent every day at his side, helping the nurses to care for him. The only reason I ever went home was to sleep and get some needed me time before I had no more time to do that.
I was ready for my son to be home. I was ready to introduce him to the world. I was ready to be a full-time mother that came along with having my child at home with me.
Yes, Julia would still be around for another week, mostly because she wanted to hold and spoil the little man. That I couldn’t agree more on.
I knew that when Travis and Julia would return back home, it would only be a matter of time before Zachariah showed up. And I was okay with that.
I was ready for him to come find me. I was ready for him to know why I hid this secret from him for so long. I was ready to be a family of three.
I was ready to face him once and for all.
It didn’t take that long to get the car seat secured into the car that Travis was currently using, and the same car that would be left for me to use after he went back home. Julia had gone with us, having Travis drive us all to the hospital to get my baby and then back home.
Krissy had wanted to be home, but she had to work. She promised that she’d stop by later, though. Catrina also couldn’t wait to meet the baby, as she wasn’t allowed to be inside the hospital due to all the sickness going around.
Having Julia with me the past few weeks was nice, though. Having someone to talk to and knowing I wasn’t left alone was a blessing. She even went to church with me every Sunday.
“How long do you think it’ll take Zach to find me?” I asked after we got back home and settled in.
“I’ll give him maybe two weeks tops to get here,” Travis joked. “At the moment, he’s a bit busy. But once he gets the issue taken care of, he will be here as fast as possible.”
“And you won’t tell him the exact location,” Julia said, giving him a look that said not to try.
“Just the town,” Travis said with an eyeroll. “And nothing about the package.”
Travis had mentioned that my husband was busy with something, but didn’t tell me what. At least Zach seemed to be in a better mood after so many months. Maybe he finally started to act his age and get things done.
“He has taken time to cool down, so I’m sure he won’t do something stupid,” Travis said, not taking his eyes of my son sleeping in my arms.
I had no idea what to expect when he showed up, but I was ready. I was ready to hear his side, and hopefully explain my side as well as I could. I did expect him to be mad at me and not let me explain. I could understand his anger that would no doubt come along with his reappearance.
That I could handle.
I just didn’t think I could handle him wanting nothing to do with me anymore because I had a kid. Would he demand I give him up? Because I would never do such a thing.
He’d have to accept us both, or neither of us. He couldn’t just have one without the other. I didn’t care if it broke my heart again, but my son was my life. I ran to have him, and I would stop at nothing to make sure it stayed that way.
Julia was on my side, and the more people I had, the better.
“Did you get everything you’ll need?” Travis asked, helping himself to the very well-stocked fridge.
“I think so,” I answered as Julia took my son out of his seat.
In the corner by the couch was a baby swing, waiting to be used, along with a few other little baby things that had been scattered across the house.
It finally felt lived in.
I think there was almost too much stuff, now.
After being in this house for over six months, the place finally felt like home. Or, well, as close as much as it could. I needed Zachariah here with me to make it complete, because he was home to me, but I could handle all this that was here.
“You okay?” Julia asked, cocking her head to the side in worry.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said, clearing my head. “Just thinking.”
“I’m here if you want to talk,” Julia said as she took a seat on the couch after taking Joshua from my arms.
“I’m alright,” I sighed. “Just thinking about things that are out of my control.”
“Alright,” Julia said, letting it go for now.
“How’s Toby doing?” I missed him, too. How was he handling me gone for so long? I was, after all, the only person that he had gotten along with at the first moment he met them. I took a seat on the couch.
“He’s doing okay,” Julia said. “He’s dealing, I guess. Going to therapy, but still not happy about you leaving. He thinks that it was all Zach’s fault that you left.”
“But it wasn’t,” I said. “When you go back, please let him know that I will be home soon. And that I miss him?”
“Of course,” Julia said. “He’d be very happy to hear that. But he’d be happier if you called him and told him yourself.”
I made a mental note to talk to him when I went back home. I just hoped he could forgive me, too. He may be harder to gain back on my side than my own husband.
It wasn’t that long after that Krissy showed up, Catrina in tow. The little girl bounced with each step she took, happy to see me and Joshua.
Once her eyes landed on the baby, they widened and she froze for a second before a splitting grin met her lips.
“Can I hold him?” she asked.
“Not yet,” Krissy said. “He’s really small. When he gets a bit older, then you can. Okay?”
“Oh. Okay,” she sighed sadly.
“But you can touch his hand or foot. That’d be okay, Catrina,” I smiled.
“Can you have a baby, Mommy?” Catrina asked her mother.
“One is perfect for me,” Krissy laughed. Then, turning to me she asked “How are you doing?”
“Happy to not have to be at the hospital every day,” I said through a yawn.
“I bet so,” she laughed, taking a seat on the floor and making herself at home. She stole one of the chips off my plate that sat on the table next to me in the process.
“Do you always just help yourself to whatever?” Travis asked jokingly as he eyed my friend.
“What’s wrong with that?” she asked. “You stole her food.”
“So. I’m her brother,” Travis shot back.
“How’s Kenna?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“Wonderful,” Travis said, wagging his eyebrows.
“How can you stand letting a woman boss you around?” Krissy asked.
She knew the lifestyle that I had, and vaguely understood Travis’ sex life. That had been a slightly awkward conversation about stuff I didn’t really know about.
I just knew that I liked submitting to my husband in the bedroom only. I was not the type to let him control everything I did, and he knew that too.
“It’s easy,” Travis shrugged. “It’s not a full day and night thing. Well, not always. If we feel the need and just need to feel better after a rough day, or week, then we sit down and talk about it. We have completely free communication without jumping to conclusions.”
“Still, it’s all strange,” Krissy hummed.
“At first, yes,” I answered. “But it does grow on you. It did on me.”
“Of course, the BDSM lifestyle isn’t for everyone,” Travis said. “It all depends on the person.”
“What about you, Julia?” Krissy asked.
“I prefer to not partake in this conversation,” Julia answered, although she had a slight smile on her face.
“She’s not very kinky,” Travis muttered on a laugh.
“No, that I am not,” Julia agreed. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’t dabbled.”
“Ew!” Travis said, covering his ears.
All us girls burst out laughing.