When I opened my eyes next, it was a little past three and I tried to sit up.
Nobuki mumbled and then clamped an arm around my waist, pinioning me in place.
"Don't," he whispered into my hair. "Stay."
I spent the next hour waiting for him to fall back asleep so I could slide out of bed and get home without my parents finding out, but every time I moved, his arm tightened.
Sometime around four, as I made another attempt to get away, his hand moved down my belly and clamped over my sex.
Nothing was said, just the slow, steady sound of his breathing, the beat of his heart against my chest as his fingers worked over my clit, driving me insane as I writhed against him, and when he finally slipped his fingers inside me, I pressed my face into the pillow to stifle the cry of pleasure as my body broke into a million pieces over and over again.
The next time I opened my eyes, faint, watery sunlight streamed through the windows and it was a little past six. The spot next to me was empty, but still warm and I heard the faint sounds of a shower running in the bathroom.
Shit. This was the first time I had spent the entire night.
This was not supposed to happen!
Quickly, because I didn't want him to catch me in the middle of escaping because damn it, that would've been awkward, I dressed and was out of his apartment in a matter of seconds.
There was no traffic back home, and I got home in a record ten minutes, mostly because I kept goading the cab driver to go faster, promising twice the normal fare.
When he screeched to a stop at my place, I'd used up my spending cash for the week, but at least I got home as fast as humanly possible.
The kitchen window was open at my parents' apartment, so once again, I had to sneak upstairs.
Not sure if I had succeeded, but grateful my parents hadn't called me out on my nighttime escape, I showered quickly and dressed for work, smearing on concealer to cover up the dark circles under my eyes.
When I got to the office, Nobuki was already there. I sat down at my desk, half-expecting him to call me out on running away.
But he didn't say anything, and we went about our business as though we were nothing but a boss and his employee. When lunch came around, I felt as though I was out of the woods.
Until that night when he told me to come over.
And the night after that. He waited for me in the entry way and pushed me against the wall before I had the chance to catch my breath.
The next fifteen minutes, I never did get a chance for a proper breath. At least not until we ended up in bed and he ate whipped cream off me.
It was those moments I lived for, yearned for.
And better yet, Yue Kinou never came up between us, nor did she call the office or show up with her noxious cloud of perfume.
I glowed, much to Ayaka's annoyance when she realized I wasn't going to call my relationship off with Nobuki.
"He's going to break your heart," she muttered darkly.
We shut up as Haru and her fangirls stomped past us, shooting me dirty looks. Haru, herself, acted as though I wasn't even there, which was preferable.
Everything was perfect.
Too perfect.
And fate made sure I couldn't enjoy my good fortune for long. It ended a few days later when I saw a text from Ayaka in the morning as I took the bus to work.
Rumors going around about a certain exec and his secretary.
I stared in disbelief at the words on my phone screen, my mouth going dry.
My phone vibrated again and a new message popped up.
For your sake, I hope it's Fukumoto and Tamiko.
Considering that Tamiko was recently very happily married and Fukumoto was a doting father with three children and a beautiful wife, I doubted it.
I didn't want to consider the possibility that it was about Nobuki and myself, but God…
Nobuki called me into his office to discuss an overnight trip he had to take to Hokkaido to meet a client, and I tried to put the matter out of my mind.
No way it could be about us. The only person I told was Ayaka, and I had sworn her to secrecy. The idea that Nobuki had been the one to spread our secret was laughable, considering how much care he took to maintain decorum at the office.
A muscle in my left cheek twitched.
Except for that day we made love on his desk.
I took my lunch down to the canteen, and met Ayaka at our usual spot, with my usual Tupperware and her usual salad.
But unlike our usual times, I wasn't hungry. The back of my neck prickled like mad while I picked at my food, imagining everyone in the room looking at me not-so-discreetly.
Halfway through lunch, Ayaka paused, the fork halfway to her mouth. "Act normal, for God's sake. You look like a dog about to get beaten."
"Did you tell anyone about this?" I hated that I had to ask, but I needed some kind of assurance it hadn't been her, that these rumors swirling in the company involved another unlucky couple.
She glared at me. "What do you take me for? I know when to keep my mouth shut."
We both fell silent as Haru and her group passed by us on the way to drop off their trays.
"—and I told Michiko I bet it's that lecher Toda and his fake-boobs secretary Yumie," crowed one of her friends with bright red lipstick that made her look like she'd just bitten the head off a rat.
Was I imagining the look of cool appraisal Haru sent in my direction?
"Can you imagine if it was Nobuki Miyano and that gawky giraffe?" said another one, pointing a not-so-subtle painted fingernail at me, and Haru threw her hair back, laughing stridently.
"Yeah, right. I'd rather believe that it's Fukumoto and Tamiko," she sneered. "Nobuki has way better taste than Rika."
I flinched as they clomped past me, my gaze centered in the middle of my lunch.
Ayaka sighed and shook her head. "The only thing keeping you safe is the fact that no one can believe Nobuki would break his professionalism to sleep with his secretary. But the second someone starts to doubt him…you guys are both screwed."
I rubbed my face, trying to tamp down the sense of burgeoning wrongness that simply wouldn't go away. I always had second sight when it came to things like this, and I knew, without a doubt, someone knew about Nobuki and myself.
The question was, why were they being so mysterious about it?
If all these rumors were about us and if the gossip mill knew it was us, then why haven't they spread our names?
No, this wasn't something I could work out on my own. It wasn't just my career on the line.
Nobuki had far more to lose.
I slapped the cover over the Tupperware and stood up. "I should get back. There's a lot of work to do."
Ayaka shot me a pitying glance. "You didn't even touch your lunch. This must really be bothering you."
The smile felt forced on my lips. "Nah, it's probably not about us. I mean, even if people did say we're the ones in the rumors, do you think they're going to believe it?"
Her smile seemed just as forced. "I guess not."
On the way back to the office, even though everything was normal and no one gave me a second glance, I couldn't help but feel like an object of scrutiny. Sure that at any given moment, everyone in the office would point accusing fingers at me.
When I got back to my desk, though, Nobuki's office lights were turned out, evidence that he had stepped out. I muttered a curse and sat down at my desk, knowing there was no way I was going to be able to focus on anything until I discussed this issue with him.
As the hours passed, I found myself listlessly playing Solitaire because even reading didn't work. I spent an hour reading the same line over and over again, ears straining to hear the sounds of multiple footsteps in the hallway.
At three, I decided I couldn't stand it anymore and sent a text to Nobuki, even though it was risky if anyone ever asked to see his phone. Therefore, I tried to make the text as cryptic as possible.
Rumors about an exec and secretary. Please advise.
Once the message was sent, I sat on the edge of my seat, literally, fighting the urge to bite my fingernails into bloody nubs.
Five minutes later, my phone vibrated. I almost dropped it into the trash can, my hands shook so badly.
Time sale now at Century Mart, come get your—
"Goddamn it," I muttered and almost threw my phone across the room. "Stupid spammy-as-hell messages, bothering me at such an important time."
I went back to my dreadfully boring game of Hearts, the clock tick-tock echoing in my head.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind and end up flinging the clock out the nearest window and damn the unfortunate soul on the ground floor, my phone vibrated again and this time, I opened it up with more trepidation than last time, telling myself it was just another spam message.
It wasn't.
Understood.
I stared at the screen and waited.
After two minutes, I knew there would be no other messages, nothing to tell me what was going through his mind.
Just "Understood."
I leaned back in my seat and took a deep sigh, staring at the ceiling.
"Nobuki, you idiot," I whispered. "What do you mean, you understand? Are you sure about that?"
Jesus, what a mess.
It was possible I was making a big deal out of nothing. There were over thirty managers and execs in Shokogan. The odds of the rumors being about another couple were fairly good.
But still…better safe than sorry.
If anyone could tell me the truth, it would be Saku in the HR department.
A headache starting to pound in the back of my skull, I put a hand on the office phone. Could I risk it? It would be strange that I show such interest in company gossip, something I always avoided in the past. But…
Then I heard the elevator ping outside and almost fell out of my seat as I rushed to my feet, the clipped sounds of Nobuki's black loafers echoed through the hallway.
When he came into the office, it was with the expression that I had seen a million times, one of deep focus, with an edge of boredom that I always secretly found kind of hot.
Not now though.
Now, I was just sweating like a stuck pig over a fire, and I followed him into his office, hands twisting nervously.
He sat down behind his desk and switched on his desk lamp. "May I help you?"
Even though it was against secretary protocol, about maintaining decorum at all time, I slipped into the chair across from him, my mouth dry, knees jiggling from nervous energy. "Didn't you get the text I sent you?"
He slipped on his glasses and peered at me through them, giving him a severe look that almost made me run for the door. "I replied, didn't I?"
I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest. "Yes, you did, and it was the most useless thing you could've said. What did you mean, you understood?"
After typing a few words, he sighed and then turned to me, taking off his glasses, letting them dangle from one hand. "I said I understood. What more do you need to know?"
My nails were tearing into my palms. "What if the rumors are about us?"
His gaze was cool, collected. I envied him. "I told no one of our relationship. Did you tell anyone?"
"I—uh…" I licked my lips. Crap.
His eyes narrowed. "I see."
I didn't know what to say, because I already knew who was at fault, if the rumors were about us.
"I think it's safe to assume I am not the cause of the rumors, hmm?" he asked, his voice cold. "I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. I thought you'd be a little more discreet regarding our…situation."
"She wouldn't tell anyone," I blurted out. "I know her!"
His brow went up. "If you were a betting person, how much would you stake on that?"
"Everything I had," I said, wishing I could have said that with a hundred percent conviction. "She's my best friend."
He looked at me and then sighed, pushing away from the desk, one hand fisted under his sharply angled chin.
"Do you trust her?"
"Absolutely."
But damn it, how I wished I didn't have 0.0001 percent of doubt lingering in the back of my mind.
He nodded. "Very well, then. If you trust her, that's good enough for me. Now, I do have a lot of work to catch up on. Is there anything else you needed to know?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat and stood up. "No. Thank you, Mr. Miyano."
"No problem," he said, already turning back to his monitor and this time, I tiptoed out of his office, closing the door quietly.
When I sat back down in my chair, my shoulders relaxed. I put a hand over my chest to verify that my heart had stopped its incessant, almost painfully hard pounding. The conversation with Nobuki had helped. There was something about his cool, collected façade that made me feel like everything was going to be okay.
"Everything is going to be okay," I whispered to myself as I turned back to my monitor. "Everything is going to be okay. It has to be."
When five o'clock crawled around, I limped out of the office with a quick farewell to Nobuki who merely nodded in reply. It seemed as though he was just getting into the swing of things as far as his work was concerned.
I caught the crowded bus back home, smashed against a tall kid wearing a basketball team jacket and an older woman carrying a canvas bag filled with groceries.
The pungent, sharp aroma of onions filled the bus and only whet my appetite, when I realized that I hadn't eaten much for lunch. By the time I staggered through my parents front door, I was starving.
My mother professed dismay as I asked for second and then third servings. When I finally staggered upstairs to my apartment, I was so carbed out on rice that I don't remember falling asleep.
Nobuki didn't call me that night, luckily or maybe not. The next morning, when I clambered on the bus to work, despite telling myself that everything was okay, the by-now familiar misgivings were starting to rotate in my mind again.
I fiddled with the idea of maybe calling up Sakurako Nii from HR to see if she had any ideas about the rumors. Even though she didn't start or circulate them, for some reason, she always turned out to be the go-to person when it came to rumors like that. I suspected it had something to do with her competent attitude and a small, friendly face that would have endeared her to anyone from age one to one hundred.
But as I was never anyone to show interest in rumors to begin with…it would only be suspicious.
With a sigh, I got off at the stop near the Shokogan building and climbed the steps, joining the mass of employees as we shuffled into the lobby and swiped our passcards on the security gates.
Strangely enough, I couldn't help but feel like the attention on me was even worse than yesterday.
The back of my neck prickled incessantly, but no matter where I looked, no one seemed to be paying me any mind.
Feeling paranoid and foolish, I pressed the button in the elevator for the thirteenth floor and moved away from the doors as the rest of the elevator was filled up by other Shokogan employees.
Even though I was in the back, I was aware of the subtle glances, the muted whispers.
Something was definitely going on.
Summoning my courage, I turned to the man next to me, the one who had been giving me the side-eye since he got on.
"Excuse me, is something wrong?"
He froze like a rabbit caught in a car's headlights, eyes wider than dinner plates.
I could have sworn the entire elevator went still, everyone's head swiveling in our direction.
Yeah, I was definitely getting a bad feeling about this.
"Um," he stammered, his gaze darting back and forth as if looking for salvation. "I, uh, um. Nothing. Nothing at all."
I felt faint with trepidation.
Of course. My coworkers would be far too polite to say anything if there was anything going on, especially something as sordid as an office affair.
Not that it was an affair…but a relationship between Nobuki and I was definitely a no-no, thanks to Mr. Abe and Aimi.
The elevator dinged for the thirteenth floor, and with a muffled apology, I prepared to push my way to the doors.
But getting out was terrifyingly easy. Everyone had moved aside and someone even sucked in their stomach so they didn't have to touch me.
Nausea made my knees weak, and I paused in the hallway, the elevator doors sliding shut behind me with a muted thud.
I was going to throw up, I was sure of it.
There was a flurry of activity in the office, people rushing back and forth, raised voices and with a sense of impeding dread so great I was surprised I could keep walking, I proceeded down the corridor, wondering if this was how Marie Antoinette felt as she walked the stairs to the guillotine.
Praying I wasn't going to puke all over the threshold, I stepped into the office and found myself face to face with overturned file boxes, a number of executives, their secretaries scurrying around the office with their arms full, and Chairman Hamazaki, his bald head practically glinting under the lights, talking urgently to Nobuki.
Mr. Hamazaki's formidable battle-axe of a secretary caught sight of me hovering in the doorway. Her eyes narrowed into slits.
"You!" she shrieked, and I almost jumped a mile in my ballet flats. "Exactly what do you mean by this transgression?"
I gaped, my mouth dryer than the Sahara Desert. "I don't—I don't know what you mean, Mrs. Nakashima. Exactly what's going on?"
If it came down to it…I would deny. Deny everything until my jaw fell off.
Nobuki gave me a cool smile as the activity in the room stilled, everyone staring at me. "They seem to be under the impression we're engaged in some kind of relationship."
My laughter was shrill, ear-splitting almost. "What? You and I? There must be a mistake."
He glanced at Mr. Hamazaki, who contrary to his usual cheery, smiling self, seemed dour, deep lines bracketing his mouth. "As you can see, these rumors are completely unfounded."
The old man sucked in a breath and shook his head mournfully. "I'm sorry, Nobuki, but the accusations leveled against you and Ms. Hasegawa are quite severe. We must determine how to progress from here."
Nobuki turned away, but I wondered how many people saw his jaw clenching.
Even though we were a few feet away from each other, the distance between us felt larger, as though we were a million miles away.
"As it is, I'm afraid this office is closed until further notice," said Mr. Hamazaki. "And the both of you placed on administrative leave."