The big question was, how was I going to fight?
I went out that night with Saki to a nearby bar and had a surprisingly good time, considering what had transpired.
Even though she peppered me with questions about my relationship with Nobuki, proclaiming at some point that she was going to go straight to his house to demand he treat me right, I pulled her back down on the stool where she wobbled precariously, too full of barbequed meat and sake to remember what she had said a few seconds ago.
In the end, I had to carry her home. For the first time in our relationship, I was grateful I was almost a foot taller than my sister, because it made carrying her on my back that much easier.
The kitchen light was still on even though it was past midnight. Before I could situate myself and two handbags as well as a sleeping, drooling older sister to knock on the door, it opened, my mother's worried face pale in the weak moonlight.
"Oh, there she is," she said and let me in, making worried sounds behind me as I staggered into the house that smelled like lemon antibacterial spray. It was a familiar scent, and I took several deep whiffs as I let Saki down gently in our old room, the room my sister and I shared before we went to college and left the house for good.
She murmured something and smacked her lips, sticking one leg out of the covers, something she'd done for as long as I could remember.
"Night, sis." I drew the cover up to her shoulders and gazed down at her sleeping face. "Thanks."
A corner of her mouth tweaked up, as though she heard me, and I crept out, sliding the door shut.
My mom put a finger to her mouth. "Your father's asleep. I made your favorite stew for dinner tonight. Would you like some?"
Eating after midnight was an excellent way to gain weight, but my metabolism had yet to fail me. Knock on wood.
"Yes, please."
I followed her into the kitchen, taking a seat at the round kitchen table. My fingers traced over the faint scars in the wood, pushing hard through the transparent vinyl covering to feel the grooves.
She pulled a small pot out of the fridge and set it on the oven, making that typical click-click sound that, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out the reason or cause for.
"Saki and I went out."
"I can see that." She shot me a glance over her shoulder from her spot by the cutting board where her knife moved through a cucumber that would accompany my meal. "It's been a long time since you two went out together. I can't even remember. Maybe college?"
"I doubt it," I said. "Saki didn't have time for me. She was a cosmopolitan, fashionable business major while I was a dowdy literature major. She couldn't be seen walking around with me. Besides, I look even more like a freak around her."
My mother's shoulders stiffened. "I wish you wouldn't say that. No mother likes to hear that about her children."
"Sorry, Mom," I muttered, pulling myself up the chair as my feet pushed along the linoleum floor. "I don't like being considered a freak, either."
She shot me a smile over her shoulder, the knife still moving. Ladies and gentlemen, the Super Mom. "That's a relief to hear."
I poured myself a glass of refreshing barley tea and watched my mother move around the room in practiced ease, her hand brushing over an occasional item, as though to reassure herself. The microwave. The dish-drainer. The top of the rice cooker.
It was strangely relaxing to see her move about the kitchen, and soon the stew was bubbling on the oven, the rich scent of beef and potatoes cooked in a dashi broth with sake and mirin filling the small room.
It took me less than ten minutes to finish the midnight meal, carrying Saki a few blocks had been tiring work. For dessert, my mother brought out slices of oranges that exploded on my tongue with their tart yet sweet flavor.
Mom pulled out a chair and sat across from me, her chin resting on her palm. She tried to pull off nonchalance, but her eyes betrayed her—filled with curiosity.
I guessed Saki kept her promise, after all.
"I didn't get fired," I said. "In case you were wondering."
Her gaze turned sheepish.
"Then?" she asked. "What were you doing home so early? And you wouldn't answer your phone. Your father and I thought the worst. But we didn't want to say anything. We didn't want to pressure you."
"And I'm grateful for that," I replied as I pushed away the plate of orange rinds so my mother could put it with her compost. "I'm on paid disciplinary leave."
Her brows furrowed. "But why? You've never had any problems with your work before."
The next words stuck in my throat, like fish bones. "I had a bit of an…issue."
"Issue?" She seemed thoroughly confused now. I couldn't blame her. "I don't understand. Exactly what kind of issue? Did you say something bad about someone? Were you supposed to keep some kind of industry secret?" She shook her head. "No, it must be something different. You've never caused problems, even as a child."
I contemplated telling her my work situation, but stopped myself just in time. Even though my parents never pushed me to get married, if I told them I was engaged in a relationship with Nobuki, no matter how temporary, they would get their hopes up.
If there was ever something I didn't want to do to my parents, it was disappointing them.
"It's okay. I got it. Things will settle down soon. I promise. I'll be back to work before you know it."
My mother knew better than to press me, and she didn't have the volatile temper like Saki to force it. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
Thanking her for the delicious meal that was starting to make me drowsy, I kissed her goodnight and went back five flights of stairs, gasping a little bit as I let myself in.
I collapsed face down on my pillow that smelled faintly of shampoo and bleach, but this time, my sleep was untroubled and relatively dream-free.
Saki left early the next morning before I woke up, leaving me a single note.
Keep fighting.
My mother brought me the note and breakfast, an understandably confused expression.
I put it on my fridge with a magnet to remind me.
Saki was right. I had to fight.
I couldn't be complacent anymore.
I wasn't sure what my feelings were for Nobuki. The lust was there, that was for sure, but there was definitely something more. To call it love was frightening, but I wanted to take the chance to find out.
For the next few days, I wandered around my apartment in a state of readiness, nervous energy making it hard to stay still for long.
When I tried to slink back into the office, wearing a high-necked trench coat with Coach-style sunglasses, my card got rejected by the security scanners, keeping me in the lobby. In retrospect, my strange attire might've brought me more attention, but I didn't know how else to be incognito. I had spent my entire life perfectly content to blend into the background and be the perfect wallflower, but now that everything depended on it, I couldn't do incognito to save my life.
I sent Nobuki several messages, but he only sent me one, none of them a reply.
I'll take care of everything. Enjoy your time off.
Incredulity flooded through me. "What?"
He'd take care of everything? How was I supposed to enjoy the enforced time off?
Sitting down, back braced against the bed frame, I looked aimlessly around my small one-room apartment.
"I spent the last three days resting," I whispered. "I don't want to anymore.
My fingers hovered over the phone keys. I wanted to hear his voice. I didn't care if he was angry. I wanted to reassure myself, tell myself I could trust him to do whatever he thought was necessary.
From where I sat, I could see the white square note on my fridge.
Keep fighting.
But how could I fight when I didn't even know who the enemy was?
I found out the next day when my phone rang while I was leafing listlessly through my dogeared copy of Stephen King's Misery.
The messages and phone calls from the curiosity seekers had mostly died out, and the lack of messages from Ayaka was discouraging to say the least, but I still checked the caller ID.
My brows went up as I saw a name that, surprisingly, I hadn't heard from at all, when he should've been the first person to grill me.
I picked up. "Tadashi?"
He laughed, his low voice tickling my ear. Anyone else would've been a puddle on the floor, but I was strangely immune to his charms. "Well, hello there, Miss Sexy Office Lady. How are you?"
I groaned, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm in hell. I'm so bored. What's going on at work?"
"Well, aside from the rampant rumors that haven't died, things are boring as always," he said with another slow chuckle. "By the way, my dear, did you know your boss has his disciplinary hearing in half an hour?"
I bolted upright from the bed, the phone screwed to my ear.
"What? Are you sure?"
"As sure as anyone, I suppose," he said. "One of the girls from HR told me. She was all excited. Seemed to think this affair is terribly romantic. I have to admit, it is kind of interesting. I wished you would have told me about it."
Now, I knew my enemy.
The battlefield lines were clearly drawn.
I rushed across the room, throwing clothes over my shoulders as I tried to find the suitable armor to charge into battle. "If you help me, I swear to God, I'll tell you everything you want. I'm begging you, Tadashi, I have to get in there!"
"Tempting," he said. "It would be nice to be the only person in the company to know the truth behind this fabulously sordid affair."
"Anything, everything," I gasped as I hopped around, trying to slip on a pair of jeans both legs at once. "Whatever you want. If you can get me into the meeting, you got it."
My shin hit the edge of the wooden bed frame, and I screeched as sharp, sudden pain coursed up my leg.
I dropped my phone in the scuffle and dove headfirst onto my bed for it, just in time to catch the rest of Tadashi's sentence.
"—to stop her, but she seemed upset. She almost head-butted me to get away."
Pressing the phone to my ear with a shoulder, I shimmied into the pants, biting back the whimpers of pain emanating from my severely banged-up shin. "What? Who was upset?"
"You know. Your lover's ex. The porn star."
I blinked, still lying in bed, jeans stuck around my hips. Either they had miraculously shrunk two sizes in the last week or my metabolism had, at last, given up on me. "Yue Kinou? She was there? When?"
"Uh, yesterday. Why?"
My muscles tensed. "What was she doing at the office?"
"That's what I asked, but she wasn't in any condition to answer. You should've seen her. Snot running down her face and everything. I had to go home and throw out all her DVDs, even the collector edition ones. Once you see something as traumatic as that, it ruins you forever."
With renewed effort, I forced the pants over my hips, expecting to hear seams split. "You have her DVDs? The naughty ones?"
"Honey, those are the only ones worth watching." His voice grew hushed, as though he was covering the receiver with one hand. "Rumor has it, your lover boy is going to get canned. Your office shenanigans have pissed off the board. There's talk of eliminating the foreign marketing department and having the regular marketing staff take over. Needless to say, no one's happy about this, but your department has a shitty track record. Congratulations, you just became a statistic, my dear."
My mouth went dry with horror. I froze, one arm hooked through the neckline of a silky, orange blouse that was utterly inappropriate to salvage someone's livelihood. But it was either that or T-shirts emblazoned with cartoon characters. That'll teach me to do laundry once a month.
"He's getting fired? Are you sure?"
"That's the word on the street, and you know the ladies never lie to me," he continued, lowering his voice even more. In my mind, I envisioned him crouching under his desk by this point. "You need to hurry up. Can you get here in half an hour? I'll be waiting for you in the lobby, by the security desk. I'll borrow someone's ID so you can get in and make your case to the board."
God bless Hurricane Murai. "I'll be there in twenty."
Blood spotted the knee of my pants, but I didn't have time to change. Grabbing my handbag and a leather jacket off the back of my vanity chair, I lunged out of the house and almost broke my neck sprinting down the stairs.
As it always goes in situations like this and something about Murphy's Law, I couldn't find a single empty taxi, even though it was the middle of the day. In a moment of desperation, I clambered on the bus, and then a line of empty taxis zoomed past us on the nearly deserted street.
Of course, the bus stopped at every stop to pick up doddering old ladies who looked as though they had escaped from nursing home and had to be helped by the well-meaning and infuriatingly kind driver.
By the time the bus rolled to a stop a block away from the office, I was a nervous wreck, fingernails bitten down to the nubs. I bounded off the bus, eschewing the steps entirely and it was only by sheer luck I didn't turn an ankle.
Tadashi was waiting by the security desk in the lobby, exactly as he said, his handsome face creased with worry.
"What took you so long?" he hissed and took me by the arm, subtly slipping a keycard into my hand. "You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago." He sniffed delicately. "Also, you smell like a construction worker."
Still breathing hard, absolutely drenched in sweat from my block-long sprint, I winced. "You would not believe how hard it was to get here. But I'm here now, so that's something, right?"
"Maybe, but the meeting started ten minutes ago," he muttered as we waited in the long lines to get through the security gates. Lunchtime was almost over and people were coming back to work.
I tried to duck my head, an ostrich in a sea of water buffalo, terrified someone was going to recognize me and raise the alarm. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. Thanks so much, Tadashi."
"All this for a scoop." He sighed and shook his head dramatically. "What I do for excitement."
He went ahead of me, swiping his keycard over the reader and the gates swung open to let him through.
For one wild moment, I imagined jumping over the gates and making a run for the elevators before anyone could catch me. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I had zero grace. With my luck, I'd catch my foot on something, smash my face on the granite floor and pass out, missing Nobuki's disciplinary hearing.
I glanced down at the keycard Tadashi snuck out for me.
Kayako Itou. Whoever that was, I thanked her from the bottom of my heart and took another deep breath before I swiped the card over the reader.
The gates swung in for me, and I gingerly stepped past, half-expecting to hear sirens go off and get chased down by the security staff.
But nothing happened, and I joined Tadashi at the elevators, handing him the keycard.
"Thanks," I whispered as we stared at the elevator coming down from the twenty-first floor. "I owe you."
"Just remember, you don't talk to anyone before I hear everything," he said from the corner of his mouth as people started to join us at the doors, talking in subdued tones as they readied for another five hours of work.
Someone gasped from behind me.
"Rika?"
Tadashi stiffened and I winced, telling myself I wasn't going to turn, no matter what.
Not even for Ayaka.
The whispers started up, as people started to look around. Thankfully, no one knew I was the infamous Rika Hasegawa, but then Ayaka's hand fell on my arm, forcing me around to face her and the growing crowd behind us.
Tadashi stuck his hands in his pockets and started whistling under his breath as he sidled away, vanishing from sight. I couldn't blame him for running away. After all, he had already done so much for me.
Ayaka stared up at me, her mouth open. "Why are you here? Didn't you get your security pass revoked?"
"Er…" Inwardly, I cringed as I now had the attention of the entire hallway of people waiting for the three different elevators. "I…uh…"
I could hear the whispers now.
"She's the one?"
"God, what a disappointment."
"Wait, so the office hottie is sleeping with that giraffe? Jeez, guess there's no accounting for taste."
I saw Haru, surrounded by her fangirls coming through the security gates, as of yet oblivious of my presence. I had to leave now. If anyone was going to alert security, it was going to be that pack of crazed she-devils.
I grabbed Ayaka's hand, wringing it between mine.
"I have to do this," I begged. "They're going to fire Nobuki. I can't let them. This is all my fault. I won't let anyone stop me."
Her eyes widened, and she pulled me into the emergency escape stairs, leaving behind a group of whispering employees who'd no doubt talk about this for weeks, until something juicier came along.
When we were on the second-floor landing, Ayaka stopped, pushing me into the corner.
"Are you crazy?" she hissed, her voice echoing in the staircase. "Do you know what'll happen if security catches you? What were you thinking, waiting for an elevator like you belong there? Haven't you ever seen any spy movies?"
I blinked. I expected some kind of reprimand, but not this kind. "I—"
She sighed and shook her head. "God, you are hopeless, aren't you? If you're that hell-bent on sneaking in here, why didn't you ask me to help? You know I'd help you, no matter what."
"Oh." My voice was weak, shaky. "Really?"
My throat closed up and my eyes started to water.
Her eyes widened "Oh my God, are you going to cry?"
I sniffled, swiping at my nose with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry, Ayaka. This is all my fault. I know you didn't tell anyone about me and Nobuki. I don't know who did, but if you say it's not you, I should've believed you. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. I don't deserve you as a friend."
"Christ, stop blubbering like a child," she snapped and fished around her purse, coming up with a handful of tissues. "Here. Blow your nose. You want to save your boss, don't you? Well, appearance counts for a lot. You're going to hurt your cause if you go in there, crying like this."
There was a screech as the door to the emergency staircase opened and Tadashi tumbled in, his tie askew, his hair rumpled.
For a moment, we both stared at each other, stunned into silence.
Tadashi was the first to break out of the spell, as he slammed the door shut behind him, glaring at us.
He threw his back against the door, feet braced on the floor, his face contorted in effort.
"What are you still doing here?" he shouted. "Someone told security you're here. Hurry up and get out of here!"
"It was probably Haru and her fangirls," I muttered.
Ayaka snapped her purse shut with a decisive click and started dragging me up to the third-floor landing, her hand painfully tight around my wrist. "Let's go, Rika!"
I watched as the door started to bow behind Tadashi's weight, his polished Italian loafers slipping on the polished floor.
A hand wearing the dark blue sleeve of the security staff tried to poke through the widening gap, and I watched in horror as Tadashi grunted and forced the door shut, thankfully without catching the hand in the doorway.
"Tadashi, what are you doing?" I screamed, unable to believe what was going on. "Are you insane? Why are you fighting the security guards?"
His face creased with strain as the door started to open again. "Hurry up and go, Rika! Don't let this be in waste!"
Ayaka tugged at my sleeve urgently. "Come on, it's a matter of time before they come up here too. Let him be the hero. The idiot probably gets off on it."
I bit my lip, reluctant to let Tadashi get in trouble on my behalf, but knowing that my true struggle was still many floors over my head.
Tadashi shot me his trademark Hurricane Grin, even taking one hand off the door to give me a sloppy salute. "Don't worry about things down here. Now go and save your knight in shining armor, you giant of a princess."
Gratitude rushed through me, and I swore right then and there that I would never say another unkind thing about Tadashi Murai again.
"Tadashi, I—"
Ayaka pulled me up the stairs. "Rika, let's go! Leave the idiot alone and let's go!"
"You owe me!"
His shout followed us up the staircase, reverberating in the tiny area, punctuated with the sudden crash of the door, and a masculine shout that made my steps falter.
Was he hurt?
Oh God, did Tadashi get hurt because of me?
But Ayaka kept me going, pulling me up the stairs with the strength of an enraged rhino, huffing, her four inch heels clacking on the slippery concrete stairs.
Behind us, we heard people running up the stairs, pounding footsteps vibrating underneath us.
Ayaka put a finger to her lips, and I followed her out into the sixth floor, entering a long hallway with multiple offices on both sides of us, and elevators at the end.
"Go!" said Ayaka as she stationed herself in front of the door, arms crossed over her chest.
My head whirled. "What—what are you going to do?"
"I said, go! I'll hold them off as long as I can," she screamed and pushed me away before going back into the emergency stairway.
It was so hard to leave her, knowing that she'd end up with the same fate as Tadashi.
But I couldn't let her sacrifice be in vain.
No matter what, I was going to get to that disciplinary hearing.
I sprinted to the elevators, seeing one coming up from the first floor and smacked a hand on the up button, praying it would get to me before the security staff broke past Ayaka.
My best friend was formidable, but she wasn't impenetrable.
Hopping from foot to foot, I watched the elevator come up the fourth floor, the fifth floor, then the sixth.
At the end of the hall, the door screeched open, followed by Ayaka's enraged scream and I spun on one heel to find Ayaka wrapped around a security guard, bashing him with her handbag, while he tried to escape her.
"Go, Rika! I've got him!" she screamed. "Just go!"
My hands clenched into fists. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to help her.
But I couldn't afford to lose sight of the final goal.
Three more security guards popped out into the corridor.
One of them pointed a finger at me. "There she is! Stop her!"
The elevator pinged open behind me.
Without looking, I jumped in, falling over a body that went oomph underneath me.
Barely able to think straight, terror galvanized me to stab at the close-door button, pressing it a million times as the security staff got close enough to almost give me a heart attack.
"Come on, come on," I begged, almost breaking my forefinger on the button as the doors started to slide shut agonizingly slow. "Please, close, damn it!"
The security guard in the front was close enough so I could see his nametag reading Hayashi, his face contorted with effort.
He dove forward, one arm outstretched to stop the doors from closing.
But he fell short and the doors closed shut with a resounding thud.
The elevator continued its ascent, and I fell back against the wall, breathing hard, hand over my speeding heart, wondering if I was going to die of a heart attack.
"Well, this is an exciting lunch break," said a soft, feminine voice from behind me, making me screech.
I whipped my head around so fast I got dizzy. "Saku!"
Sakurako Nii from HR wiped her glasses on the edge of her light gray blouse before returning them to the bridge of her nose.
"Hi, Rika. Starting a revolution?"
As an afterthought, I pressed the button for the top floor, even though I had no idea where the disciplinary hearing was. "Not…really. I—"
She blinked owlishly behind her tortoise-shell glasses. "I heard a rumor you were looking for Nobuki Miyano. Is that true?"
"Er…" I said hesitantly. "Yes?"
She nodded, her lips thinning. "He's on the twenty-fifth floor, in room 14. If you're lucky, the meeting will still be going on now."
She reached past me to press the button for the that floor.
"You're helping me? And how did you know where he is?"
Her eyes twinkled. "I'm in HR, I know where everyone is. Besides, I think this is all very exciting. Like a drama!"
"Trust me, I wish it wasn't."
She giggled, one hand over her mouth. "You know, a lot of people are rooting for you and Mr. Miyano."
"They are?" I asked numbly. "They don't…hate me?"
"Are you kidding me? You guys are like the Cinderella couple of the entire building. Even Haru helped."
I blinked. "She what?"
"Surprising, isn't it?" she said nonchalantly. "When the security staff tried to pile into the elevators, she made her friends interfere with them and she rallied everyone into the elevator so it was overloaded and couldn't go up. That's when the guards used the stairs."
"But—but—" I stammered. "She hates me! Why would she bother?"
Her laughter was soft. "I think you underestimate Haru. She can be a little difficult to get close to, but on the inside, she's just a big, soft kitty."
Picturing Haru in such a way was almost too much to handle. Haru an old, spoiled pussycat?
Focus. I had to focus.
The elevator read 20…21…22…23…
"Good luck." Saku patted my shoulder. "We're all rooting for you."
Her words filled me with gratitude, and I hugged her quickly, knowing it wasn't enough. I wasn't sure if anything would truly be enough. "Thanks, Saku. Thanks so much. How am I supposed to repay everyone?"
"Being happy with Mr. Miyano is a good start."
The elevator slid to a smooth stop, pinging once before the doors rolled open with a soft whir.
I gave Saku a sickly smile. "Well, here goes."
"You can do it." She flashed a thumbs up. "Remember, it's room 14."
"Thanks," I said gratefully and stepped into the corridor.
The room closest to me was 1, which meant 14 was at the end of the hall.
But then the elevator next to us pinged, and Saku and I exchanged a glance, knowing whatever was going to come out wasn't good.
"Go," she said, waving me ahead. "I'll take care of this."
The corners of my eyes prickled.
So many people helping me.
How could I ever hope to repay them all?
"Go!"
I fled down the corridor, listening to her argue with the security staff.
"I keep telling you, we're chasing that woman down there!"
"Oh, are you? Well, where's your clearance? I demand to see your clearance. I can't let anyone up here unless they have permission."
"I don't need a clearance, lady, we're the goddamned security staff!"
Finally, I came to room 14.
I would've liked to take a moment to compose myself, but the frenetic, pounding footsteps behind me made that impossible, so I settled with taking a deep breath before wrapping a hand around the cold, smooth doorknob.
"Someone, stop her!"
"Hey you! Stop!"
Hah, not a chance in hell.
Not looking back, I gave the knob a quick jerk, and let myself in.