It had been six months since Harlow and I had moved to Albuquerque and things had been going very well. Elijah had been helping out at Harlow's organization for men, and had even received a coveted humanitarian award for his hand in helping a retired veteran with PTSD reclaim his life and move into his own home after living on the street.
It was such a powerful story that the local newspaper did an interview and write up on Elijah and on Harlow's organization. From there, the mayor of the city reached out to Harlow and asked for the name of the man who was pictured. And things moved pretty quickly after that, with the organization continuing to grow, expand, and gain national recognition.
I’d been continuing to work as a nanny for Whitney and Harlow and I still loved every minute of it. Well, most minutes of it— potty training wasn’t exactly my favorite part. But I truly enjoyed being around the kids and taking care of them.
It didn't take Whitney long to start instigating the start of our own little tribe. When I told her that my getting pregnant would mean the end of my working for her since I would have a little one of my own to care for, I didn't hear anything else about it. But, the conversation about it with Elijah had been very interesting.
"You know, I have been actually giving a lot of thought to starting a family," he had said. "But, there are some things that we need to work on first before we do that."
Just hearing him say that made me feel really excited. I had spent so many years caring for the families of others that I’d never really taken much time to date, or do anything else for myself, and I hadn't even considered what it would be like if I were to actually find someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with and have a family.
Now that I was with Elijah and seeing that things were going so well, I gave in to the idea. Of course, I was in no rush. I wanted things to be right. And I wanted things to keep going as well as they had been. Elijah and I were falling deeper in love each day.
But his being late to dinner was something that I wasn’t used to. I had been in situations where dates had stood me up or left me sitting there waiting for a long time. But Elijah had never done anything that would make me think that he was that type of person. Unless there was very good reason, Elijah was always communicative and punctual.
Just when I was going crazy wondering what could be wrong, he arrived.
The energy in the room almost seemed to shift when he walked in. A hushed lull filled the room as I watched his large frame make its way from the front door to the table where I sat leaning against the wall. When I asked why he was late, he sighed and told me that he would tell me everything once he got to the restaurant. I nervously nibble on a dry piece of bread as I waited for him to walk in.
"Hello, gorgeous," he said, throwing me a toothy grin.
"Hello," I answered back.
"I am so sorry for leaving you sitting here like this. I thought that I was going to have more time... doing what I was doing..." His voice trailed off and he down as he scooted his chair up to the table.
"What were you doing?" I asked nervously.
He was acting very distant, like he was hiding something. I didn't like it at all. The thought of what he was going to say (or maybe what he was not going to say) was making me feel physically ill.
"I was putting together the final details of our trip," he said.
"Where are we going? The cabin?" I asked.
We had been back to the cabin several times in the past couple of months. I felt like it was our saving grace as we adjusted to life in Albuquerque. Things had been great, but in trying to adjust to everything, we still had to remind ourselves that we were developing a whole new relationship. And with all the exciting things going on in our world, we made sure that we got back out to the cabin pretty regularly so that we could shut everything and everyone out, except for each other.
"No, not the cabin," said Elijah, shaking his head. "Somewhere else. Somewhere we're long overdue for visiting. At least one of us is, anyway.”
"You’re right,” I agreed. “What we need to do is head back to the cave since it's warmer now, so that we can relive that amazing night that we had. This time, we can do it without freezing our asses off. And now, since we're in committed relationship, we don't have to worry about fumbling around with condoms. We can try it bareback without anything holding us back. That sounds like an amazing trip."
“I’m talking about something completely different,” he said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I like that bareback idea and I definitely want to take you back to that cave. But there are some other outstanding issues to resolve first somewhere else maybe, don’t you think?”
His words bounced around in my head for minute and I started to go into a mild panic. I realized how he said that one of us was long overdue for a visit, followed by there being things to resolve, and it was only then that it all clicked in my head. He wanted to go to Iowa with me.
"Wait. Maybe we should think about this a little more..." I stammered, feeling immediately overwhelmed with thoughts of how going to Iowa was one of the last things that I wanted to do.
"I know that it seems hard. Trust me, when I first started to face my fears, I was scared. I wanted to run. But, I had you there to help me through that. And now you have me to be here for you."
I wasn't as confident as he was that this would turn out to be a good thing, but I went anyway. We packed up the truck and drove to Iowa. It was one of the best road trips that I'd ever been on. We stopped and took pictures whenever we saw anything interesting. There were so many street signs, statues, and wildlife that we got pictures of. It definitely was a trip that I would never forget.
Driving down the street where I had lived while sitting next to Elijah was surreal. I thought that my heart would beat out of my chest and my palms were so sweaty.
"We're here," Elijah announced as he pulled the truck to a halt in the parking lot outside my apartment building. I wasn't sure what I would find once I went inside. My father and I hadn't talked since I had left for my trip to Colorado. After that, I had just relocated to Albuquerque with Elijah. I made sure that all of the bills were paid at the old apartment, though.
"I haven't talked to my dad in over six months," I admitted, staring down at my hands folded in my lap shamefully.
"It's okay," said Elijah. "I'll wait here. Go and talk to him and I will be right here. If you want me to come in, I can do that, too."
I thought for a minute before responding.
"Let me go and see what's going on and then I'll let you know," I said. Elijah nodded.
I got out of the car, stretching the stiffness out of my legs and back. The walk down the sidewalk heading toward my apartment seemed more like a death march. I was almost certain that once I opened the door, I was not going to like what I saw.
When I walked up to the door of the apartment, I could hear the drone of the TV set. I couldn’t help feeling like Elijah should be with me. So, I leaned out over the balcony and nodded my head in a motion that signaled he should come up, after all. He quickly got out of the car and began heading in my direction as if he knew I was going to change my mind. We seemed to have secret ESP couple language like that.
Once Elijah was with me where he belonged, I took his hand. Then with my other one, I put my key in the lock and pushed the door open. The lights were on, but I didn't see anyone in the living room.
"Michelle, I’m so glad you came back," said my father, walking into the room.
He looked surprised, but not as surprised as I thought he would. And, he looked much better, overall, than I had feared he would. He had on a button up white shirt and suit pants.
"Where are you going all dressed up?" I asked, surprised. My dad smiled shyly.
"Oh, I have a job interview,” he said, smiling proudly. “Your old dad is trying to turn his life around.”
“That’s wonderful,” I told him. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I’m glad to see you,” he said. I went over and gave him a hug.
“I thought you’d be mad at me for taking off and not coming back,” I told him.
“How could I be mad at you for that?” he said. “You needed to live your own life. I was only dragging you down. And it was a wake up call to me, too. I’m sorry I wasn’t making the best choices. You know, I thought of calling you so many times, but I didn’t want to be any more of a burden on you than I already had been. I decided that when you were ready, you would come see me. And here you are.”
He let go and looked at me, then hugged me again and continued.
“To be honest, though, I promised myself that once I was set with a good job, I would contact you to let you know I was going to pay you back for the rent you’ve paying on this apartment for all these months so that I could live in it, and also to tell you that I was a functional human being again, and that I would love to have the honor of seeing you again in my life. But, I’m sorry if you thought my lack of contact was for bad reasons. And, again, I’m just so sorry for everything I put you through.”
“It’s okay, Dad” I said, my arms wrapped tightly around him. “I know you were going through a lot. I too thought of contacting you many times but I thought you were happy without me, or that you would be mad that I left you like that. I’m so glad to find you’re doing much better now.”
“And I'm glad to see that the relationship between your mother and I didn't ruin your chances at love,” he told me, breaking away from our hug and nodding at Elijah before extending his hand to meet him. “I wasn't sure that I would ever get the chance to see you walk down the aisle, but it looks like all of that may change?"
My father looked at Elijah questioningly as they shook hands and Elijah introduced himself.
"Dad..." I said, beginning to fidget uncomfortably.
"Don't 'Dad' me, I'm just saying. It's a good thing. I am very happy for my daughter and her... boyfriend?" my dad said, a smile creeping up on his face.
"Yes, boyfriend," said Elijah. "For now, that is.”
As they continued to grasp hands, I remembered how Elijah had told me that freeing my conscience when it came to my dad would help me the way that it had helped him when he’d confessed his feelings to his fellow SEALs. I took a deep breath and decided to plunge right in with it.
“Dad, speaking of you and Mom,” I said, a tear springing to my eye as soon as I mentioned her name. “I loved her and am still really sad about her. But there’s something I wanted to tell you about someone at the funeral. I’d been keeping it in because I didn’t want to hurt you any further, but…”
“It’s okay,” Dad said, walking over to place his hand on my shoulder. “This is about that Jean guy, isn’t it? The asshole.”
“What?” I said, looking back and forth between him and Elijah. “You knew about Jean?”
“Not at first,” he said, sitting down on the couch.
Elijah and I sat too. Dad looked at his watch and then continued.
“I have five minutes before I have to leave for the job interview, and that’s about all the time and breath I’m going to waste on Jean,” he said. “But, yes, I knew. At first, I didn’t know who exactly he was or the extent of the involvement, but, I’m no fool. I knew your mom had found someone else. I was trying to get her to talk to me about it, but, probably not very well. It was easier to just stick my head in the sand and ignore things instead of having to face them and deal with them.”
“I know exactly what that can be like,” Elijah said, nodding.
“Well, that Jean dude came up to me after the funeral,” Dad said.
“He came up to me, too!” I exclaimed.
“I didn’t know that, or I would have kicked his ass,” he said. “Instead, I just threatened to. I told him your mom’s and my marriage was between us and us alone and that he should honor her memory by staying out of it.”
“I agree!” I said.
“You know what’s funny?” my dad said, although he wasn’t laughing. “Your mom and I had had a fight that day she left, a real, actual fight. I had told her to pick, him or me. She had said she needed time to herself, but that she knew she had to do the right thing and call off anything she had going with third parties so that she could focus on herself and be in the right frame of mind to be there for you and to think about what to do when it came to our marriage.”
I looked at him, flabbergasted.
“She told me not to tell you she was leaving,” I said.
“I know,” he replied. “And I don’t blame you for keeping your promise. It didn’t surprise me when Jean said she was leaving me, but, I honestly don’t think it was to go to him. She really seemed to act as if what she and he had was just a crazy fling. I mean, how could she think she seriously wanted to be with that dork, anyway?”
“Exactly!” I said, laughing despite myself.
“She just needed to find herself,” he continued. “I have hope that she would have decided to work things out with me. I can’t say I’d want her back, after all that cheating, to be honest. But, I also highly doubt she would have ended up with Jean.”
We all three snickered at his name.
“I wasn’t always the best husband to your mother, and I think I would have forgiven her her transgressions if she had forgiven me mine. However, we never got to find out. Life had other plans,” he said. “The thing that has kept me going, in addition to wanting to be a better father to you, is the thought that all of us are imperfect and only love can see us through. I decided to live a life that was worthy of your mother’s memory— not the bad part, but the good part. She and I were together for a long time and it wasn’t all bad. Plus, I didn’t want that Jean guy to win, and to know that he had successfully destroyed my family. I still have my love for your mother, and I still have you.”
Dad reached out and took my hand, and I squeezed it, trying not to cry.
“Well, Dad, I really think you’ve learned and grown a lot over these past six months,” I told him, proudly.
“And it looks like I can say the same for you,” Dad said, patting my hand and then standing up. “I have to get to my interview. It’s a second one— a follow up— and I really think I’ll get it. If you kids want to stick around, hopefully we can celebrate with ice cream afterwards. Vanilla, hand dipped in chocolate?”
The memories of ice cream trips with my mom— and her favorite kind to choose— flooded me in a mixture of good and bad memories. I guess that like Harlow always likes to say, the only thing to do with feelings is so strong is feel them and live through them.
“That sounds great,” I told him, looking around at my old apartment. He had actually kept it pretty clean, but there were some dishes in the sink, and it could use a good deep scrubbing. I decided to tidy up while he was gone. “We’ll stay here and wait for you. Elijah can watch some baseball on TV.”
“You a baseball fan?” my dad asked, turning with a smile towards Elijah.
“I like to watch a good game now and then,” Elijah nodded.
Of course, his cave hadn’t had TV, and he had barely watched the one in his cabin because he liked to be active outside. But now that we had moved to Albuquerque, we had gone to some Isotopes games with some of the Bradford family members, and he had gotten into watching some games on TV.
“I think we’ll get along just fine,” Dad said, with a wink.
“Me too,” Elijah told him. “And if things keep going the way they have been, I have a pretty good feeling that you'll be walking your daughter down the aisle soon, after all."
I hadn't expected to hear him say that, but it made me happy he did. He wanted to marry me.
Elijah had helped me reunite with my dad, just as I’d helped him reunite with his SEAL friends. And we’d both found purpose in the veterans’ charity work. The fact that he had taken me as his captive in his cave had helped free both of us for a life of happiness and love— and some bad feelings we had to work out sometimes, too, but that was part of life and at least we were facing it together.
On top of everything else, it looked as if my mountain man and I were going to be engaged soon. I wondered how it would happen— perhaps when he took me back to the cave and tied me up for old time’s sake, as we had talked about before we had come here to Iowa.
Being engaged would just be the icing on top of the cake which was our very amazing life together. I had gotten my very own happily ever after, after all.