“THIS REALLY WASN’T necessary,” Gabe smiled at Michael’s mom, Stacy.

He sat at their kitchen table, a hot plate of eggs, bacon, and potato hash in front of him. Across from him was Michael, who still looked like he was half asleep from the night before. But hey, what kid wouldn’t look that way at 9:30am on a Saturday?

Stacy sat between them, her auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail and a line of dark blue over her eyes. She was probably ten years older than him, in her mid-forties, right around the age his mom was when Gabe first started getting into trouble.

“Oh, please,” she placed a hand on Gabe’s forearm, smiling. “We are so happy to have you.”

Hell, Gabe wouldn’t argue with a home-cooked meal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had one of those. He stabbed his fork into a piece of potato, bring it to his mouth.

“So, Michael. Are you excited to be going to the meeting with Gabe today?” Gabe nearly choked on his food. Yes, the teenage boy would be so excited to go to a meeting for substance abusers first thing on a Saturday morning with a 34 year old stranger. What a way to spend a morning.

“Really, mom?” The sarcastic look in the boy’s expression made Gabe smile. “Pumped.” He continued playing with his food, pushing it around in his plate, but refusing to take a bite.

“Michael,” Stacy said sternly.

“Listen, I wouldn’t be excited, either,” Gabe jumped in to rescue his new pal. “Hell, I’m not excited.”

Michael’s eyes opened wide, and Gabe swore this was the first time all morning he’d seen any life in the kid. Perfect. Keep going.

“We do what we’ve got to do so that we can do what we want to do. Alright, bud?” Gabe raised an eyebrow. “You don’t gotta like it, you’ve just got to do it. And fuck, kid, do it well.” Gabe cleared his throat and remembered the woman seated beside him. “Sorry about the language.”

Stacy began to lecture, typical parent move, but Gabe knew exactly what Michael needed. He caught Michael’s eyes and smiled, and, just as he’d hoped, the kid smiled right back at him. What Stacy had to realize, is that she’d push him further by doing what she naturally felt inclined to do. Michael needed something else. He needed what Gabe had, and Gabe was happy to offer it: the support of someone who had been through it. No sugarcoating, no lecturing, no tiptoeing around things.

“We really have to get going,” Gabe said. “We want to get good seats after all.”

Gabe winked at Michael. The kid smiled.

“Alright. Let me walk you boys out,” Stacy said, standing up from her chair.

When they got to the door, Stacy placed a hand on Gabe’s arm. He paused. Michael was a few steps ahead of him, and turned back around.

“Door’s open, bud. Hop right in,” Gabe called to him.

Michael nodded and went to the passenger side door. Gabe turned to face Stacy.

“Thank you, Gabe. Really.” She smiled weakly at him, and he could see the worry in her eyes as she tried to keep herself from looking away.

Gabe placed a hand on her shoulder and gave a small squeeze.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said quietly. He waited until her gaze lifted and met his again. “He’s going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

She pulled him into a hug, and he gave her a quick pat on the back before pulling away. He gave a quick smile and then half-jogged to the truck, hopping in and turning his key in the ignition.

Gabe cursed. “When did we get to 9:55?” No way his clock was wrong. “We’re going to be late!”

Gabe hit the gas, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Michael nervously putting on his seatbelt. Gabe swallowed hard, his past coming back and pushing its way into his head. Deep breath. You’re not that guy, anymore.

He tapped the brake and slowed down. Being late wouldn’t be the end of the world.

 

***

 

 

FOUR PEOPLE SAT IN the chairs before her. There were three three empty seats, as well ten more folding chairs leaning on the wall of the closet at the back of the room.

The first person to enter the room was Jimmy, a tall gangly man with stringy blonde hair and a short beard. He wore clothes that were clearly two sizes too big for him and sat in the chair in the front left corner of the room.

Next, a couple. A man and a woman, both looking to be in their late twenties. The man, Greg, was well put together, wearing a collared shirt and black slacks. His wife, Lori, looked a bit disheveled, but her brown hair was pulled back neatly into a bun and her face looked youthful and soft. They both sat opposite Jimmy, on the two end chairs on the right side of the room.

Finally, a young woman named Mary, who sat one chair to the left of Lori. Her eyes were big and brown, matching her dark hair that was cropped right at her shoulders. She had on a baggy sweater and leggings, and quickly folded her legs into her chest while sitting on the chair, notebook in hand and looking eager. She did not make eye contact with anybody in the room except for Victoria.

Checking her watch, Victoria saw that it was ten on the dot. She was nothing if not prompt.

“Welcome, everyone,” she said, walking to the front of the semicircle. “Thank you all for coming. It’s a huge step to be here, one you all should be proud of taking.” Victoria smiled, making eye contact with George, then Lori, then Mary, and finally, ending on Jimmy. She paced slowly in the front of the room, not nervously, simply to move and keep the attention of everyone in the room.

“This group is to provide support for those who suffer with addiction or problems associated with substance abuse. We’re not here to judge, or to fix. We’re here to get to the root of the problem, develop an understanding of ourselves and what brought us to where we are, and, most importantly, to find healthier ways to cope with the world around us and within us.”

Victoria paused, surveying the room. Jimmy’s expression had not changed, and he was clearly high on something; he reeked of alcohol. Lori nervously chewed her lip, a habit Victoria had spent years trying to break for herself, while George stared up at her, eyebrows raised and patiently waiting for more. Mary stared down at her notebook, scribbling things down while trying to keep an eye on Victoria at the same time.

“Before we get started, I think it’s only fair that you all know a bit about me, and who I am,” Victoria said gently. She patted down her skirt and sat at the seat in the front of the room, crossing her left leg over the right and placing her hands in her lap.

“My name is Dr. Victoria Wilson, however you can just call me Victoria. In here, we’re all the same. This is a safe place for everyone, and nothing said here will leave here.” She scanned the room, and then continued. “I grew up here, however when I was twenty I moved to New York to pursue my postgraduate studies. I worked and studied there  for seven years, and now here I am, back home.”

“You are all here because you read my fliers or my webpage, so you know my work and my qualifications. I won’t go on boring you with that. Instead, I’ll tell you this. I’m twenty-seven years old, and my favorite movie is Enchanted. I enjoy reading and spending time in nature, and while I’m so ridiculously happy to be home, I miss the ocean every single day.”

Mary’s eyes were lighting up as she put down her pen and fixed her gaze on Victoria.

“I am a human, just like you, and while we’re on opposite ends of the circle in here, we are equals. I’m going to be a part of this group just as much as you will be. I will participate in drills, share my stories, and go on the very same journey that each of you is going on. We’re in this together, okay?” Victoria asked, looking around the room.

Everybody nodded, excluding Jimmy, who continued to stare at her blankly.

“I’m extremely happy to have all of you here, and I can’t wait to—” a door interrupted Victoria. “I’m sorry. Somebody else must be here.”

She waited thirty seconds, and just as she was about to get up and investigate, a knock sounded at the door to the room.

“Come right in!” Victoria called out. When the door opened, a scrawny teenager walked into the room. Behind him was—oh, no.

Behind him was Gabe Matthews. His eyes went wide when he saw her, and she had no doubt that he was as shocked to see her as she was to see him. What the hell was he doing here? Her head was spinning.

The teenager turned to Gabe, called his name, and Gabe’s eyes pulled away from her. Thank God. He followed the boy and the two of them sat down in the two seats between Jimmy and Mary.

Victoria swallowed hard. This was her job, her dream, and a visit from Gabe wasn’t going to mess that up for her. She looked back to the group, purposefully avoiding Gabe’s eyes but meeting everybody else’s, big smiled fixed on her face.

“As I was saying, I can’t wait to get to know all of you and go on this journey together,” Victoria completed her earlier thought. “Now, let’s go around and introduce ourselves. We’re all going to be great friends in no time, so we should know a little bit about each other. Tell us your name, your age if you’d like, the issues that brought you here today, and anything else you’d like to share about yourself so that we can know you better.”

“George, we’ll start with you and move around the circle.”

George smiled. “Hi, everyone. My name is George, if you didn’t get that from the doctor. I’m 29 years old and I’m here because my wife wants me to be.” George laughed as he looked to his wife, but she did not share his humor. “I sometimes drink a little bit too much on the weekends, but that’s all.”

Lori cleared her throat.

“Oh, and uh, sometimes I take adderall when I’m working on a tough case. But I’m not addicted to anything, I can go days and weeks without taking them,” George laughed again.

Victoria was starting to understand George’s demeanor, now. And she knew better than most that you didn’t need to have a physical addiction to have a substance abuse problem. Victoria’s eyes traveled to Lori.

“I’m Lori. I’m 28. I’m here for the same reasons my husband is. I woke up one day and realized I can’t sleep without a glass of wine or a sleeping pill of some kind. I want to have kids, and I won’t raise them with all of this crap in the house,” Lori said. Her face became very serious. “I won’t.”

Victoria had so much respect for that. She’d seen too many parents take out their problems on their children, or, even if they didn’t, they normalized dangerous behaviors. She knew that all too well.

“I’m Mary. Eighteen. I’ve actually never drank or smoked or tried anything… I’m here because I’ve wanted to. Because I’ve seen other people do it and hurt people and I don’t want that to be me, but I want to do it. I have addicts in my family and… and I just don’t want that to be me. So I came here, instead.”

A smile broke across Victoria’s face. What an incredible young woman. She nodded softly at Mary, not wanting to cut anyone off, but wanting to acknowledge to her what a big deal her being there was.

“I’m Michael. I’m nineteen. My mom thinks I’m drinking too much with my friends, so she asked me to come here. I wasn’t going to, but Gabe here talked me into it, and here I am.”

Gabe talked you into it, huh? That was an interesting plot twist.

She kept total composure as her eyes locked on Gabe. No matter what feelings she felt, she would lock them down and do her job. He would not mess this up for her.

“I’m Gabe. I am thirty-four years old, and I’m mostly here to support my buddy, Michael, over here. That being said, I had a drinking problem for a big chunk of my twenties. I’ve been completely sober for three years, now, but uh, as they say, you’re always recovering, right?”

Victoria saw Jimmy nod at Gabe’s remark. Interesting. And interesting that Gabe had been sober for three years… three years ago was when Amy died. Did her accident trigger his decision to quit? She’d always wondered what the accident had done to him, but she hadn’t had any way of knowing.

“Jimmy. Forty-eight. I spent twenty years sober, until last week.” Jimmy was looking at the ground, his hair covering his face. “So here I am.”

Gabe reached over and placed a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, and Jimmy responded by placing a hand over Gabe’s and nodding in his direction. The look on Gabe’s face was one of genuine sympathy, real concern there. Victoria couldn’t spend time thinking about it now, but she was starting to wonder just how much Gabe had changed in the years since she’d left home.

Maybe there was more to Gabe than she thought…

 

***

 

WATCHING HER SPEAK took his breath away. God, she’d changed. Victoria was strong and confident and sweet, assertive in the most gentle of ways. She was a walking contradiction and it drove Gabe crazy.

When he had first walked into the meeting and saw her face, he was nervous. He thought it might be better for him to turn around and walk away, but he made a promise to Michael, and he couldn’t just abandon the kid. So he’d stayed.

Staying was the best damn decision he could’ve made. He was able to sit back and watch her, listen to that voice of hers that soothed the turmoil in his head. Every move she made had his heart doing leaps in his chest, and when she’d bite her lip? Yeah, well, it’s a good thing that they were all sitting down.

Gabe couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted a woman like this. Maybe never. He was completely sober, simply watching her sit and talk, and yet in his head he was going crazy. His mind was drifting back to that night they’d shared all those years ago…

It was still the best sex he had ever had.

People started standing up, and he had to get his head straight. Quickly.

“Gabe?” his cock pulsed when she said his name. Get it the fuck under control.

“What’s up?” he asked, meeting her gaze.

“Do you mind staying a bit? I’d like to talk to you. It will only be a few minutes.”

Fuck yes. “Sure.”

“I’m heading out to lunch with my friends, man. I’ll talk to you later?” Michael asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, man. You need a ride?”

“I’m good. We’re meeting at Ellie’s, it’s right down the block.”

Gabe nodded. “Talk soon, kid.”

Michael smiled at him, waved to Victoria, and walked out. The room slowly emptied, and Gabe stood, taking two steps towards Victoria, who was in the front of the room, sifting through papers.

“Why did you come here, Gabe?” her voice was controlled, the way that it had been when she had first started the meeting.

“I swear, I didn’t know this was your meeting. Michael’s parents found the meeting and asked me to go with him. They told me where it was and that is literally all of the information I had,” he said quickly. “I swear.”

She stared down at her papers, biting her lower lip as if contemplating something. Then, suddenly, she turned to him and moved closer, so that there was only a foot of space between them.

“Has it really been three years? Since your last drink?” she looked up at him with some emotion in her eyes… hope? Was that it?

“Yes.” Three years and change. He’d been completely sober since the day after Amy’s funeral…

Victoria let out a breath, looking away from him. Gabe didn’t know why, but he couldn’t stand to have her look away from him. He placed a hand on her cheek, pulling her face back towards his, but she flinched. He moved his hand to her shoulder, and her gaze met his.

“I’m sorry, Vic,” he started. She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “I’m really fucking sorry.”

She licked her upper lip, looking away from him and nodding before heading back to her desk and the papers.

“I want you to do the program,” she said.

“What?” Gabe was confused.

“The past is the past. It’s gone. You’re a man who could benefit from what I can offer here and I am a psychologist who wants to help people who need it. I would like for you to take part in the program, as if you were any other patient.” She looked back up at him, and as if she knew he was about to protest, she walked towards him, strong and confident in each step, quickly closing the space between them and continuing, “You will take part in the program, participate as anyone else would, leave our history where it belongs, far away from here, or you will get the fuck out and not come back.”

Who was the woman he was talking to right now? This wasn’t the Victoria he’d known so many years ago. She was different, now. Stronger. More confident. Good for her. Gabe felt warm to know she’d done it, she’d made something better for herself. He was… happy for her.

“Deal.”

“Say it. Say that our past is dead and buried,” her voice was strong, still, but there was something pleading in it. A tiny movement at the corner of her lips gave her away, and he knew that there were emotions there, still. He’d play along, though. He’d do whatever it was she needed him to do to feel better.

“What past?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and lifting his shoulders into a shrug.

He gave her what she wanted, and yet she looked… disappointed. Her eyes lowered, her chin fell, slowly she turned her back to him, taking small steps away. He wanted to pull her back, find out what was wrong, but he let her go. That’s what she wanted.

“Then we’re good here.” Her voice was quiet, controlled, schooled as if she’d practiced these words.

Gabe turned and started towards the door, until he heard Victoria call his name. He turned around, looking at her, waiting as she battled whatever it was she was thinking in her head.

“Sorry. Nevermind. I’ll see you next week.”

Gabe released the breath he’d been holding in his lungs and continued towards the door.

“Next week,” he muttered. Damn it.

 

***

 

 

WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE doing here? Victoria continued to play with the papers on her desk as Gabe left the room, needlessly moving them around from one position to another, the only purpose to keep her from fidgeting around and showing him how nervous she still was around him. Maybe nervous wasn’t the right word. She was still hurt. And that was worse.

Victoria wanted to pretend it never happened, or, at least, she thought she did, but when she heard him speak those words, “what past,” something inside of her felt like it broke. She was catapulted right back to that day, seven years ago, when Gabe pretended he’d never known her, never kissed her, never made love to, er, slept with her.

Victoria let out a long sigh. What was it about Gabe Matthews that gave him this power over her? His face looked older, harder, his expression colder than she’d ever seen, but he was still the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on. The stubble on his jaw seemed like a permanent fixture now, and if Victoria was being honest, she liked the manly addition to his face. She liked the way it made his lips look. She remembered what his kisses felt like… Her skin lit on fire when he’d touched her earlier, and the chemical reaction to a simple touch had shocked her so much that she flinched. God it hurt when he took his hand away.

Stop it! Victoria had to get a grip.

Gabe Matthews was just a man. Nothing more. She’d met plenty of men in her life. She’d meet plenty more. Hell, she was meeting one tonight! Right! The date!

Victoria dropped the papers, did a quick tidying up of the room, grabbed her purse, locked up, and headed home. Not only did she have a date to look forward to, but she also had to continue preparations to take on more clients. She had something to get ready for, and memories of Gabe from nearly a decade ago would not stop her. She was a new person, now, and the new Victoria just met Gabe today. No past. No history. Maybe some chemistry, sure, but that’s all. Nothing else.

What a joke…