Chapter Four
Lindsay
My dress sticks to my damp skin, making me even more irritated. The July humidity, along with my nerves, is driving me up the wall. I’m pretty sure my jittery nerves are contributing more to my sweating than the weather, though. I don’t know why I agreed to meet up with Amanda and her fiancé today. Although there’s no way I could have avoided it for long. This is a small town, after all. God, what will she think of me? She’s some successful finance something or another, and she’s marrying a big shot lawyer. They will both see me as a complete loser. The temptation to swing my car around and head back to my crappy apartment looms in my mind. I’m sure I can find some excuse to explain my absence.
“No, Amanda will probably ask around until she finds out where I live.” And that is even worse than meeting up at her parents’ house. At least this way Amanda won’t see the dump that I live in. I let out a sigh of resignation and keep driving until I turn onto the familiar street. I practically grew up on this street, spending more time at Amanda’s house than I did at my own. I used to love staying at Amanda’s. Her parents made more money than mine did and lived in a more upscale part of town. I loved the swimming pool, and seeing her big brother, of course.
Panic wells up inside me. Holy crap. Will Ethan be there today? I didn’t ask Amanda when he would be flying in: if he is. More than likely he would, because football season hadn’t started yet, so he had more time on his hands. “Damn it.” Now I really want to kick my car into reverse. I’m already in front of the house, though, so I might as well go through with it. As I reluctantly get out of the car, I hope Amanda isn’t watching from the window. My car looks more like a beat up piece of metal than an actual vehicle.
“Okay, I can totally do this.” All I have to do is be vague, and no one needs to know what a failure I turned out to be. Then it hit me. If Amanda’s parents are back, they will have told her that I have a child and that I still work at the diner. They didn’t spend much time here after Amanda went off to college in New York, but they know enough about my pathetic life. I take a deep breath and continue up the stone walkway. The front door flies open before I reach the top step and Amanda comes running toward me, as bright as the sunshine in her yellow summer dress.
“Lindsay!” She flies into my arms, and I instinctively wrap them around her. The warm embrace leaves me feeling both happy and guilty. To think that I have treated my best friend so badly, and still receive such a greeting.
“Hi, Amanda. I’m so glad to see you.” It’s the truth. All my fears aside, I have missed her dearly. If only I were able to lean on her after finding out that I was pregnant, I wouldn’t have been so stressed. But I couldn’t have told her I was pregnant with her brother’s child. She would have hated me. She probably still will, if she finds out.
Amanda steps back to examine me from head to toe. “Oh, Lindsay, you’re still as gorgeous as ever.”
“I am? You look amazing, too.” She’s a head shorter than I am, with green eyes. I can’t help but think how similar my daughter’s eyes are. “Wow, you’re very blond now.” I let out a laugh.
She giggles and flips her short hair. “I am. You like?”
“I do.”
Amanda suddenly gets serious. “Did I do something, Lindsay? We haven’t stayed close like I thought we would. I know we are in different states, but I always assumed we would chat every day. I’ve wracked my brain trying to recall if I said or did something to offend you. I know I’ve always been ditzy, so maybe I said something-”
“Amanda, stop.” I’m totally shocked by the word spilling from her lips. Now I feel even more guilty. For three years she thought I was avoiding her because of something she did. Am I the worst friend in history or what? “You’re not to be blamed for anything. In all honesty, it had everything to do with me. Didn’t your parents tell you?”
She seems confused. “Tell me what?”
I blink. So Mr. and Mrs. Taylor haven’t said anything. I stayed away from them, as well, but they must have heard about it in a small town like this. “Can we go inside and talk?”
“Sure.” Amanda leads me inside, sending me confused glances now and then. “I’ll introduce you to Nathan and then we’ll go up to my old bedroom. Remember how much fun we used to have in there during our slumber parties?”
I smile. “Yeah, I do.”
“Nathan, where are you, hon?” Amanda calls. A man of average height emerges from the kitchen. His blond hair is parted and combed over to the left. He’s dressed in a polo shirt and khaki shorts, with a sweater tied by the sleeves around his shoulders. My brows lift slightly. It seems Nathan thinks he’s on a golf course. And who wears a sweater over their shoulders in summer? Swallowing a laugh, I approach Nathan with outstretched hands as Amanda makes introductions.
“Nathan, this is Lindsay Williams, my very best friend. Lindsay, meet the love of my life, Nathan Wilby.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Lindsay. I’ve heard so much about you. Amanda carries on about you all the time.”
“I see. Nice to meet you too, Nathan.” We shake hands briefly. Is it just me or does Nathan seem a bit pretentious? Amanda did say he’s some rich, big shot lawyer, so being pompous must come with the territory.
“Okay, darling, go back and enjoy your drink. Lindsay and I need some time alone.”
“Ah, you women do love to chat,” Nathan says. “Very well, run along and have fun, you two.”
You women? Run along? I throw Nathan a strange look, which I hope is subtle. What are we, twelve? Where did Amanda find this guy? And why the heck is she marrying him?
As I settle on Amanda’s bed, I eye her from beneath my lashes. “So, um, is your brother coming?”
Amanda dives onto the bed, reminding me that she’s just as young as I am. She looks older in appearance now. “Of course he is. Ethan’s joining us in a few weeks. You know I had to come way early to get everything in order.”
Oh, God, Ethan is coming. I can’t let my panic show. Clearing my throat, I move the topic away from Ethan. “I can’t believe you’re planning your wedding in just a month.’
She shrugs. “I have to. Nathan is on vacation from work, and I wanted to come back home to have my wedding in the church where my parents got married. I had to beg Nathan to have it here.”
“Oh. Are you sure about Nathan? Sure he’s the one you want to spend your life with? You’re only twenty-one.” I want to say more, express my concerns about Nathan, but decide not to. I’m not sure how Amanda will take it.
“Of course I’m sure.” I see uncertainty flicker in her eyes, but she quickly hides it. “He’s great. Enough about me. You wanted to tell me something downstairs.”
“Right.” I might as well spill. I don’t have to tell her everything.
“Come on. Talk to me, Lindsay. We haven’t seen each other for years, and we haven’t had a decent conversation since I left.”
“I admit that I avoided your calls most of the time.” Hurt flashes in Amanda’s eyes and I rush to explain. “It wasn’t because you did anything. I was just so ashamed. I still am.”
“Of what, Lindsay?”
“The way my life turned out. You know I didn’t get to go to art school like I wanted.”
“Yes. I was so sorry to hear. You’re so gifted. A damn genius with a paintbrush, pencil and anything you touch. I always told you you would make millions with your art someday.”
My head dips. I can no longer look at her. “That’s just it, Amanda. I turned out to be a complete failure. I got pregnant and never made it to college, never fulfilled my dreams, never left this small town. Everyone I graduated with has moved on to bigger and better things. I still work in the diner that I used to work in during the summer when I was fifteen, for Christ’s sake.”
Amanda gapes at me, her mouth hanging open. “Linds, I can’t believe you would be ashamed to talk to me, your best friend since freaking pre-school. But I’m stuck at the part about you having a baby. When did that happen?”
“I-I found out after you left for New York, right before I was to leave for art school.” I can still remember my shock and dismay, and my parent’s disappointment. The look in my father’s eyes still haunts me to this day. “Daddy was so upset. He died with a broken heart,” I whisper.
“Oh, Lindsay, I’m so sorry. I didn’t make it to his funeral.”
I shake my head. “I’m to be blamed for that. I didn’t even tell you when it happened.” I sent a measly text after the funeral. “I know you would have come if you knew.”
We remain silent for a while until Amanda says, “Wow, you have a baby. Who is the father? Are you two together? I’ve missed out on so much in your life.”
My heart stops. “Er, well… he-he’s not around. We don’t talk.” At least that was the truth. “I don’t want to talk about him, Amanda.”
She nods. “Um, alright. I can’t wait to meet your baby!”
“Yeah.” Oh no. I can’t let Amanda see Casey. She’ll figure out that she’s her niece for sure. I’m going to have to keep Casey away from Amanda and Ethan until they leave town. How am I going to pull that off? I suppose I can leave Casey with my mother anytime I have to meet up with Amanda.
Amanda pulls me into a hug, taking me by surprise. “I wish you had told me all of this years ago, Lindsay. You have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I think you’re incredibly strong. You made a big sacrifice to keep your baby. I don’t care what you do for a living. You’re still you. And to hell with what anyone in this town or any of our old friends thinks.”
I swallow hard to keep from bursting into tears. “Thank you, Amanda. Now that I look at it, I was incredibly stupid and immature to treat you the way I did because of my bruised ego.”
“How about we just forget that and start fresh?”
I let out a relieved sigh. “I’d like that very much.”
“Good, because you’re going to be my maid of honor.”
My eyes widen. “I am?”
“Hell yes, woman. You were always going to be. I was planning to come here, force you to tell me why you wouldn’t talk to me and then force you into the dress.”
I burst into a fit of giggles. Amanda hasn’t changed one bit. I’m glad. “I love you, Amanda, I really do. Thank you for bestowing me such an honor. I will wear the maid of honor dress with pride, no matter how ugly it is.”
“Hey, have you forgotten that I have impeccable taste? There will be no ugly dresses at my wedding.”
We both laugh. Things with Amanda have gone much better that I imagined. She doesn’t hate me, and she doesn’t think any less of me. I don’t bother to ask her who else will be a part of her wedding or how many old friends will be coming to town. I don’t care anymore. After spilling my guts to Amanda, I could care less what anyone else thinks about my less than perfect life. Well, maybe there is one person, but I have a few more weeks before he gets here.