Chapter 33

Nicole

“Explain again why I’m doing this?” I asked Heidi as I inspected my makeup in the mirror. Next to me, Heidi was applying a coat of red lipstick.

“Because Simon’s a nice guy, fits your criteria perfectly, and is good-looking. And because you’ve been moping around your house for the past week.”

“I haven’t been moping. I’ve been busy finalizing the plans for the grand reopening. And I’ve been working on my new line of glass etchings.” Technically, I’d been staring at a blank piece of paper for the past week, but it was the thought that counted.

Heidi’s face brightened. “Can I see them?”

“The final plans for the reopening?” Which hadn’t changed since the last time I’d shown them to her.

“No, the designs for the new line.”

Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of. “They’re…they’re not quite ready for you to see just yet.” I applied my pink lip gloss in the mirror—any excuse to avoid looking at her. I didn’t want to see if she believed me or not. I just longed for our double date to be over so I could return home to my much anticipated evening of ice cream and any movie on Netflix that didn’t have Die Hard in the title or any hint of romance in it.

“The guys should be here in a minute,” I said, attempting to distract her. The guys were Simon and Heidi’s boyfriend, Chris. Simon played on the same touch football team as Chris, which was how they knew each other.

I quickly escaped the bathroom before she could challenge me about the designs. She knew me well enough to know I was stretching the truth when I said I’d been working on them.

Luckily for me, the doorbell rang as my foot hit the final stair. I opened the door, which was a lot easier thanks to Mason’s having fixed it when he was staying here. My heart slumped at the reminder of him. After a week of trying not to think about him every second of every day, I’d sent him a picture of Bernie. The pieces of my heart, which I had sloppily taped back together, broke apart again at his I miss Bernie reply. He didn’t miss me. He only missed the dog.

Not that I could blame him after the way I’d turned my back on him.

I plastered a smile on my face and greeted Chris and the guy who I assumed was Simon. He was tall, muscular, and ruggedly good-looking, with short light brown hair. According to Heidi, he didn’t have any tattoos.

The thought of that didn’t make me think about Mason’s tattoos. Nor was I thinking about how I used to trace my fingers over them after making love to him, as if absorbing their individual messages into my heart.

Heidi bounced downstairs and flung herself at Chris. Fortunately, she gave him only a quick kiss, nothing that would make Simon and me feel awkward—as if going on a blind date wasn’t awkward enough.

Instead of the romantic comedy Heidi wanted to see, we went to see some big-budget, action-hero-type movie. Since not a single kiss was exchanged on the big screen the entire time, I had to give the movie a thumbs-up. It was the perfect date movie to see when dealing with a broken heart.

Afterward we drove to Heidi’s favorite restaurant for pizza. Heidi kept giving me the so-what-do-you-think look, which left me struggling to not roll my eyes. Simon was a great guy—if you were into gamers.

As he was explaining the ins and outs of one of his favorite games, my phone rang. I glanced at the number. Nolan? A bad feeling slithered down my back. “I need to answer this,” I said as I accepted the call, hands trembling. “Hi, Nolan. What’s up?”

In the background, I could hear what sounded like “Code blue, room eighteen” and the quiet murmurs of people talking.

He cleared his throat. “I wanted to tell you before you heard it from the media. Mason’s in the hospital.”

“Oh God. What happened?”

“I’m not sure exactly.” The heavy mix of emotions choking Nolan’s voice told me that whatever had happened to Mason was far more serious than him needing stitches or having a broken bone. I came within an inch of begging Nolan not to tell me. I didn’t think my heart could take it. “Jared and I returned to the bus and found him unconscious….From the looks of it, he might have OD’d.”

My blood turned cold at his words. “OD’d?” I asked, voice shaky. I could feel everyone at the table watching me while I stared at the white tablecloth as though it was a life preserver, the one thing keeping me afloat. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” Nolan said. “They’re working on him, but we haven’t heard anything. He was barely alive when we found him.”

My hand flew to my mouth, and I only just contained the sob threatening to erupt. I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I couldn’t sit in the restaurant on a date while the man I loved was clinging to life.

Without a word to Heidi or our dates, I stood up and headed for the main entrance. I didn’t want them or anyone else in the restaurant to be part of the conversation. “What happened? I had no idea he was using drugs,” I said as I exited through the door.

Nolan mumbled what could have been “shit.” “How much did he tell you about his past?”

I leaned back against the brick wall. I had a feeling I would need it to help keep me upright. “Apparently not as much as he should have. I only knew that his family disowned him because of something he’d done, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was.” But given my history with a father who had been a gambling addict, it didn’t take much to guess what he had done to destroy their trust in him. I just wondered how much money he had cost them. “I’m guessing it had to do with his gambling addiction.”

“It did. He paid them back with interest, but they wanted nothing to do with him. From what he told us, he struggled with depression several years before that and tried to commit suicide. It was only because your brother became worried about him when he wasn’t answering his phone that Mason didn’t die.”

“Oh God!” That was why Mason had driven all the way from L.A. when Zack had been worried about me. Mason believed he owed my brother for saving his life.

“As far as we know, he only started gambling again while we were in Atlantic City,” Nolan said. “His father’s death and what happened with his family at the funeral must have caused the relapse. And he started drinking more, especially after…” He let the final words hang.

“After what?”

Nolan sighed, long and heavy. “After you left. What with everything else, he didn’t handle it so well. We suspected he was also getting high.”

“How? Where the hell was he getting drugs from?” Oh, who was I kidding? He was in a rock band. Drugs were common, even if I had never witnessed anyone use or deal them while I was on tour with them.

“Wish I knew. If something happens to Mason, I’ll personally kill the guy he got the drugs from. All we know is that he stayed on the bus when the rest of the band went out after the show. He said he was tired and just wanted to sleep or play a video game. Jared and I returned early and found him unconscious, a half-empty bottle of whiskey next to him. We don’t even know what drug he was using.”

I closed my eyes, Nolan’s words pulling me under, making it hard to breathe. “Do you think he tried to commit suicide again?” The sob I’d been barely holding back finally broke free.

“I really don’t know. But we found out today that we’ll be headlining our own tour soon.”

Even though he couldn’t see me, I smiled, although it was weak at best. “Congratulations! You guys deserve it. It was about time your label finally realized it.”

“So it doesn’t make sense that Mason would try to kill himself,” Nolan continued, without acknowledging what I had said. “He wanted this as much as the rest of us did.”

“Then it was probably an accidental overdose,” I said, praying it was true. Praying he would be all right. Praying that if there really was a God, he wouldn’t be offended that I hadn’t believed in him, and would still listen to my prayers for Mason.

“You’re probably right. Look, I should go now. I just wanted you to know before it explodes on social media.”

I would have offered to help them, but this afternoon I’d received a call from their label letting me know that my services were no longer required. They had hired a more qualified candidate. He was taking over the contest I’d been running on the band’s behalf. To say it hadn’t stung would be like saying a great white shark didn’t bite.

“I can be on the next plane out.” I needed to be there for him, to make sure he fought for what was important—his life.

“It’s best that you don’t. It’s not like the doctors will let you see him anyway. And he wouldn’t want you to see him this way.”

If I had thought the call from the label had hurt, that was nothing compared to Nolan’s words. I sucked in a sharp breath. It did nothing to dull the pain. “Will you keep me updated on his condition?” I asked.

“Are you…are you sure you want that?”

I could feel my face crumple. “I still love him, and I miss him so much it hurts.” I covered my mouth with my hand, working hard at regaining some sort of control over my emotions, as futile as the effort was. I took a deep breath and lowered my hand. “I need to know he’s going to be okay.”

“All right. As soon as I find out anything, I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. We ended the call, and for the longest time I stood leaning against the wall, staring at my phone. Eventually Heidi came out of the restaurant looking for me.

“What happened?” she asked, voice soft.

I told her everything, then burst into tears. She hugged me and held me tight. Still hugging me, she sent someone a text. A moment later that someone left the restaurant, along with my date for the night.

They drove me home in silence, with me staring out the side window, tears dampening my cheeks, willing Nolan or Jared to phone me with an update—and at the same time willing them not to. I wasn’t sure if I could handle any more bad news about Mason.

When we arrived at my house, I apologized for ending the evening so soon, then bailed. Simon didn’t say anything, not that there was much he could say. And in the end, I didn’t care if I never heard from him again. I would gladly remain single for the rest of my life if it meant Mason would be all right.

Heidi walked me to the door. “I’m staying with you tonight.”

I attempted to smile, but my facial muscles refused to obey. “I’d rather be alone, thanks.”

Heidi frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’d feel better if I was here with you.”

This time I did smile. “I know, but it’s not like I’m going to do anything stupid. I’m just tired. I’ll probably go to bed anyway.”

She looked like she was about to argue, but something on my face must have caused her to change her mind. “Promise me you’ll call me as soon as you hear anything.”

I nodded and let her hug me again.

Inside the house, I grabbed a glass of milk and sat on the living room couch. The same couch I had made out on with Mason. But instead of letting those memories make me feel sadder, I pulled out the Die Hard DVD. As crazy as it sounded, I felt more connected to Mason while watching it. After it finished, I switched to Die Harder.

At some point during the third movie, I must have drifted off to sleep. I woke to the vibrations from the smartphone still clutched in my hand.

Nolan had sent me a text. He’s conscious but groggy. The doctor thinks he’ll be fine. He’ll be here for a few more days.

Relief flooded me, and another round of sobs racked my body. Never before—other than when my mother died—had I ever felt so lost and confused.

None of the problems associated with gambling addictions were new to me. But, I realized, things with Mason were different from how they’d been with my father. And it wasn’t only that my father had shot himself in the head to end his life. After Mason’s first ride with a gambling addiction, he had turned his life around. He had been able to control it—until something triggered him and sent him into a downward spiral again. My father had never been able to control the beast, and it destroyed him.

I texted Nolan back, thanking him, and asked him to keep me updated. Then I sent a text to my brother: Call me! He deserved to hear about Mason from me and not find out about it through social media.

He called a few minutes later. “What’s wrong?” he said, his voice sounding like he would’ve crawled through the phone line if he could have, just to be with me.

“It’s Mason.” I told him what had happened and everything Nolan had told me. “The physician said Mason should be all right.” I didn’t mention that Mason had fallen off the deep end when it came to the gambling and drinking. I didn’t want to worry my brother any more than absolutely necessary. He was away on his tour of duty—he wouldn’t be able to help Mason this time.

I also didn’t ’fess up when it came to my feelings toward Mason. That was the last thing Zack needed to know.

We talked for a couple of minutes more, and then I let him go.

I turned the movie off and went upstairs to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep, though. I lay awake until the weak sunlight peeked through the gap in the curtains. Then I plodded downstairs and made myself an extra-strong cup of coffee. Standing at the kitchen window, I sipped the hot drink and stared numbly at the world. Beatrice’s kitchen light was also on. Familiar with her morning schedule, and knowing what I needed to do, I took a long sip of my coffee before bolting upstairs.

I returned a minute later in jeans and an oversized Pushing Limits hoodie, shoved my sneakers on, and hurried out the door with my cellphone in hand…in time to see Beatrice step out of her house with an eager Bernie. He practically dragged her out the door.

I ran across my small lawn to her adjoining lot. “Hey, do you mind if I take Bernie for a walk?”

Bernie gave me an enthusiastic woof. I took that as a Yes, I’m fully on board with that plan, and held out my hand for his leash.

Beatrice grinned at me. “You know you’re welcome to walk him anytime you wish, Nicole. But is there a particular reason why you want to do that? Maybe to meet that nice gentleman down the street who likes walking his English bulldog at this time?” She winked at me, and despite everything I giggled. That nice gentleman was about sixty-five years old and had quite the crush on Beatrice, as far as I could tell.

“You’ve found me out,” I said. “I’ll be sure to tell him you said hi.”

She chuckled. “You do that.” She didn’t ask about Mason, the way she had when I first returned from touring with the band. If news about his accidental overdose had been leaked, she hadn’t heard it yet. Which came as no surprise. It wasn’t as if she listened to the kind of radio station that would’ve given two shits about the rock band.

Bernie and I went for a long walk, checking out the Christmas decorations and lights adorning the houses in the neighborhood. I tried to get into the holiday spirit. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get past how they reminded me of Atlantic City, with its bright lights and over-the-top decorations.

While we walked, I told Bernie about Heidi’s and my plans for the store’s grand reopening, and he daydreamed about chasing squirrels down the street. My goal of not thinking about Mason was a bust, but that was nothing new since returning to Desert Springs.

My phone chirped in my hand. Bernie stopped and looked over his shoulder in interest. I checked who was calling and my hand shook. I didn’t know why. Nolan had already told me that Mason was conscious and was expected to make a full recovery. Callie wasn’t phoning to give me bad news.

At least I hoped she wasn’t.

“Hi,” I said, forcing the word out like it was a reluctant baby bird, not ready to take its first flight.

Deciding the conversation between Callie and me could take awhile, Bernie plunked down on the grass next to the sidewalk and eyed the fake donkey guarding the baby Jesus in the manger near us. Faith and hope—weren’t they what Christmas was all about? Too bad I was fresh out of both.

“Hey, I wanted to see how you were doing,” she said, her words full of compassion. I took this as a good sign. She would have sounded more broken up if anything had happened to Mason.

I gave a short laugh, the sound more pained than filled with humor. “I’m not sure. I can’t believe he would do something like that. And I have no idea what I should do. Do I go there and see him? Do I leave him alone? I just don’t know.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Yes,” I whispered. “No matter what he did, I still love him. I’m trying not to, but so far that’s not working too well for me.”

“That’s what I thought. I figured you might want to know that Mason checked himself in to rehab.”

“He did? Aren’t the guys still touring?”

“They’ve canceled the rest of their dates for the next month. Then they’ll wait to see what happens. If he’s out by then, they’ll resume touring.” She didn’t sound too disappointed that the band would be taking an extended break. And I doubted Logan would be too disappointed either.

“Can I visit him?” I blurted out without thinking.

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted after a heartbeat. “I want to see him, but I don’t want to hurt him either.”

Callie let out a long breath. “I know.”