Walking into the kitchen, Lily greets us with a bright smile, her hands clearly full. She’s prepping lunch whilst juggling her phone, letters, and other papers scattered about.
Putting down the phone and dropping a letter, she steps up to us. “It’s so good to see you two,” she beams, bringing me in for a hug. I tense but scold myself and relax into the hug.
“Hi.” I smile and step away, letting Dean give his mom a hug and kiss on the cheek.
“I’m just going to feed the horses. I’ll be back in five or ten minutes,” Dean says, winking at me and making me blush before leaving.
“What’s all this?” I ask, picking up a flyer.
“It’s for the charity event we’re throwing. These pompous arses said they sent over the charity details, but I can’t find them anywhere. I’ve been on the phone to them all morning, but they keep mugging me about.” She sighs. “They take life for granted, only caring how much money they have in their bank accounts. I wouldn’t be surprised if they benefited somehow from doing this event. If your mom was here, she’d have them all up by their balls. She wouldn’t take this shit,” she rants, and I giggle. Hearing her get all worked up is funny. “Hold on,” she says, holding her finger up as her phone rings.
She answers the phone, her voice changing to one I remember from when she’d tell Dean or the twins off. I tune her out, knowing she means business. I feel sorry for the poor soul on the other end of the phone.
She’s right about my mom though; she would’ve had them by their balls. Both my parents gave a lot to charity, usually as an anonymous donation and sometimes through my dad’s company. They never wanted the recognition or the publicity, wanting people to concentrate on the charity instead.
I think they also kept their donations quiet because no one knew how wealthy they were. They never wanted to risk the dangers of having money. They didn’t like the saying ‘money changes you,’ strongly believing money actually changed the people around you. They didn’t want people to be their friends just because they could get something from them. They couldn’t stand fake people and didn’t want to be associated with them.
I actually carried on donating to the charities my parents were involved with. It’s another thing Rick didn’t like me doing. He would say there were millions of people in the world who could donate and that it didn’t have to be me. He hated the fact I gave my money away, yet never seemed to want it, if that makes sense. It’s what always confused me about him. He didn’t want my money yet always moaned about paying the bills. I even offered to pay for them, but he refused, saying I was rubbing it in his face about how much money I had.
He even went to my grandpa once, demanding he be given guardianship over my inheritance. There was no beating he could have given me to make me sign over my parents hard-earned money, so Grandpa was the last resort. Of course, he declined and was actually pissed at Rick for having the nerve to even ask such a thing.
Lily ends her phone call, immediately rushing over to a stack of folders. She grabs one and starts shifting through it before sighing with relief.
“Everything okay?” I ask, stepping forward, a worried frown on my face as I take in her dishevelled appearance.
“The charity is for McMillan Cancer,” she says, sounding shocked as she reads through a letter.
“You seem surprised, Lily.” It seems like a good cause to me. In fact, it’s one of the charities I make monthly donations to.
“I am, doll. Last year they all stayed here whilst holding the benefit at the town hall, and they were so rude, impolite, snobby and arrogant. They didn’t even know what charity they were raising money for and it irked me. They came across as selfish and spent the whole night talking business deals. They didn’t take the night seriously. It was just a ruse to make deals,” she tells me.
“That’s bad,” I whisper, appalled.
“It was. They were supposed to make a speech for the chosen charity, but the speaker spoke about a different one, and even then the facts weren’t right. It was a shambles. It’s the same group of people who are attending this year, but with the venue being bigger, we’ve involved some other local businesses.”
“Maybe this year they could have their act together,” I suggest, though Lily looks doubtful.
“Maybe, but they’re still arses.”
I giggle at her cussing. She doesn’t do it much, but when she does it sounds like a foreign language. It’s hilarious.
“Hey, what did I miss?” Dean interrupts, stepping into the room.
“Your mom cussed,” I blab, and Lily shoots me a death glare, making me giggle.
“Mom,” Dean scolds, narrowing his eyes though he’s clearly amused.
“I’ll put a quid in the swear jar,” she mutters, shaking her head.
“Swear jar?” I ask, wondering how that happened.
“Yeah,” Dean answers, chuckling. “Dad kept swearing in front of clients. Mom and Pagan told him it was unprofessional and that it reflected badly on their business, so she bought a swear jar.”
I laugh, throwing my head back. They’re simply a crazy bunch.
“Shall we call the twins to come back early?” Lily asks, and the laughter leaves me, suddenly nervous because I know what’s about to happen.
“Actually, Mom, Lola has something she wants to tell you and Dad. It’s important,” Dean says, his voice serious. “I think it best she tells you without the twins here, okay?”
Lily looks between us, her expression curious and concerned, and I start to feel queasy.
“I’ll just go get your father, then. We’ll meet you in the dining room,” she states before making her way out of the room to find Mark.
I take a deep breath, feeling like I’m going to be sick. I wasn’t like this when I talked to Grandpa, but then again I was feeling all kinds of brave this morning. Now it seems to have worn off, nerves kicking in and bringing friends.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I promise. I’ll be with you all the way through it,” Dean tells me as we walk hand in hand to the dining room. The place is spacious like the rest of the cabin, the dark wood glossy and brilliantly fitting with the rest of the room. It has a warm feeling, with thick white candles filling every available space. On the walls are canvas photos of the views around the land. Everything in here is inviting, and I can’t help but be comforted by that.
Two minutes later, Mark and Lily walk in, both looking concerned as they take a seat at the mahogany table. My chest tightens.
Dean, sensing my unease, places a reassuring hand on my thigh, squeezing me gently.
“What did you need to talk about?” Lily asks, and Mark places his hand over hers, hearing the tremor in her voice.
“I need to tell you something, and it’s going to be hard for me,” I tell them, looking at both straight on and gulping. “By the end of it you’ll understand why I can’t tell you everything, but you deserve to know as much as possible. If my parents were still alive I’d have sat here a long time ago telling you, so please let me get it all out before you want to ask me anything, okay?” I ask gently.
“You can tell us anything, darling,” Mark assures me, and I give him a sad smile.
“Thank you,” I whisper, then start from the beginning―how I met Rick, how it all started and then to the beating.
I find myself going into more detail, not able to stop the words from leaving my mouth.
I share about this morning, telling Grandpa for the first time and what he has planned. The whole time my eyes focus on Lily, watching her as she silently cries yet never once interrupts me. It’s so hard to watch and I want to stop so many times through everything just so I could comfort her.
My eyes sting from holding back tears. I feel like I’m going to split apart at any second. It doesn’t feel the same as when I told Dean, Blaire, Brooke, or even Julie. It was hard telling Grandpa, but even after telling him, I felt the weight being lifted off me. But somehow, somewhere, I feel like I’ve let Lily and Mark down. It’s the same feeling I get when I think of my parents knowing.
God, it’s killing me knowing I’ve put them through so much pain.
After finishing I look down at the table, fighting tears. The dreaded silence begins to weigh me down. I feel like I’m paralysed, fearing the unknown of what they’re thinking.
I honestly don’t know what I’d do if they hated me or were disappointed in me. Just the thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Lily clears her throat after what feels like hours of silence, when in reality it’s only been a few minutes or so.
“Lola, baby. I’m so sorry. This is all our fault. We should have been there for you. We shouldn’t have given you time or let you push us away. God, your mother will be turning in her grave knowing I let you get hurt.” She sobs, clutching her chest as tears fall free.
“No,” I deny, shaking my head as tears fall, blurring my vision. There’s nothing she could do that would upset my mom and it’s certainly not her fault.
“Yes, Lola. It’s true. We should have protected you. If we were in your lives, then we would have seen the signs and helped you, my girl. We don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I hope you can find it in your heart to. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” She sobs into Mark’s chest, clutching his shirt. “He hurt our girl. Our girl. What kind of monster would hurt her?” she cries and my nose stings, more tears falling as I choke back my own sob.
“Are you disappointed in me?” I ask quietly. “I knew what he was doing was wrong, and I tried. I really did try to leave him, but―”
“No! Don’t think like that, ever. We could never be disappointed in you. You’re such a strong woman, Lola, but no one, and I mean no one, should ever have to go through that,” Mark says, his eyes watering.
“But I―”
“No, girl. No buts. We love you and never should have left you. It’s breaking my heart to know you’ve been alone all these years with that monster,” Lily chokes out.
Not being able to stand to see her in so much pain, I lift myself out of my chair and make my way over to her. She pulls away from Mark, watching me curiously, and when I pull her in for a hug, she returns it. Holding onto each other for dear life, we sob into one another’s shoulders.
Two chairs scrape across the wooden floor, causing us to pull apart. Dean and Mark quietly exit the room, giving us some privacy.
“I’m so sorry we let you down,” Lily says, more tears falling as her chin wobbles.
“No, Lily, you didn’t let me down. I was too weak, but it was always this place that kept me strong. Every time he laid a hand on me, or I was recovering from one of his tempers, I’d close my eyes and revert back to my happier moments, back here. This place was my safe haven. Why I never thought to come here before is beyond me.
“Please don’t blame yourself. Back then, I was grieving too much, and I couldn’t deal with any reminders. As years went by, that hole in my heart just got bigger and bigger, but then I met Rick. I desperately wanted to be loved, and he filled a little of that hole, if only for a short while. But since I’ve been back here? It’s like I’m whole again. So don’t ever feel responsible, ever,” I tell her, my voice choked up as I explain it to her.
“Oh, darling, you’ve always been loved. I love you like you’re my own daughter. I always have. Your parents died loving you, and they’ll be in heaven looking down on you, loving you more. When I look at you, I don’t just see your mother, my best friend, my soul mate. I see your beauty, your strength, and your heart. It’s pure and magical.
“Knowing someone tried to take all that away from you breaks my heart. I wish we could have been there for you and that you had come to us sooner. I understand why, but darling, there is only one person to blame in all of this and that’s him. I know you haven’t told us everything he did, and I hope one day you’ll come to me and tell me. I know your mother would want that for you. She’d want there to be someone for you to talk to,” she whispers, and I break. Falling into her arms, I sob so hard we end up on our knees on the floor, holding each other.
I can barely speak when we pull away, looking at her through blurry eyes.
“I will, Lily. I promise. I just need some time. I can’t do this without any of you, and I was stupid to ever think I could. I was so scared you’d all be disappointed in me for staying with him for so long, or that you’d hate me for letting him do all those awful things to me,” I choke out, exhausted.
“Never. And did you give him permission to hurt you?”
I look up at her sharply, confused and a little hurt by her question. Because of course I didn’t give him permission. What kind of person would?
“What? No! Never,” I tell her, shaking my head.
“Then you never let him do those things to you, doll. You couldn’t be a disappointment if you tried. You’re too loving, too caring, and so much like your mother it’s uncanny,” she says, running her fingers through my hair before cupping my cheek.
“I love you so much,” I sob, trying to calm down. “I love you all and I didn’t want to taint you with all of this, but I promise to tell you everything from now on. I’ll never keep anything from you again.”
“Take all the time you need.” she whispers, pulling me into her lap and kissing my temple.
After a few minutes, my sobs subside. A few tears still fall, but I manage to pry myself out of her arms and look up at her.
“C’mon, let’s go see where our men have gone. I don’t want them messing in my kitchen and eating the food,” she says, lightening the conversation.
She helps me to my feet, and we try to straighten our clothes, but when we look at our appearances, our eyes meet, and we burst out laughing.
“God, I look a mess.” I giggle, my throat still raw from crying.
“You look beautiful.” She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear before wiping under her eyes.
“Yeah, right.” I chuckle, rolling my eyes.
We walk towards the door leading to the kitchen, but instead of opening it, Lily stops to look over her shoulder at me. She seems reluctant about something, and it has me shifting on my feet.
“Can I ask you something?” She turns to face me fully.
“Yeah, anything,” I nod, although I feel a little nervous about what she’s going to ask.
“It’s nothing bad,” she quickly assures me, waving me off. “It’s just… well, you can tell me to mind my own business, but you and Dean… seem close. Like, really close,” she says, and I blush. I can hide my reaction, she’s jumping and squealing.
“What?” I ask, wondering what’s going on.
“I knew it! I freaking knew it.” She laughs, bouncing excitedly. “You know, your mother and I watched how close you were growing up, and we planned your future together. We said you’d end up married with children.”
“I know. She’d always go on about it, making me blush.” I giggle.
“Yeah, she’d say you were going to be what tied our family together as blood, but then, even if you didn’t get together, we’d always be family.” She smiles.
I don’t know why but her words have me choking up again, as does Lily. But the second we meet each other’s eyes we start giggling, a few tears falling free.
God, what are we like?
“C’mon, we need to get lunch ready for our men.” She winks and I blush. There’s no denying how my belly flutters at hearing her call them our men.
She never was good at giving a subtle hint.