My eyes open as I hear gunfire and explosions coming from the TV. My head is on Dean’s lap, my body curled up on the sofa.
Yep! I totally feel like a dick.
First, I go and cry on him like the weak little girl he probably thinks I am―that I know I am―and now he most likely thinks I’m clingy.
Determined to be stronger, I go to get up from his lap, but the hand he has pressed on my shoulder stops me from going anywhere.
“Lie down, love. The film’s nearly finished, but we can watch another one after if you like,” he offers softly, his thumb making sweet circles on my bare shoulder.
Reluctantly, my head turns, and I lie on my back, facing him. “I don’t think this film counts as the first one since I fell asleep and all. How long have I been out? I’m sorry for breaking down on you and for crying. Oh, and for falling asleep on you, again.”
“First, I knew you wouldn’t like this movie, and it was already in the DVD player since I didn’t get to finish it the last time I was up here. I would have changed it, but I didn’t want to wake you.” He shrugs. “Secondly, I’ll always be here to catch and hold you when you fall. Don’t ever feel like you can’t come to me for comfort, ever. I was going to go with a third, but I think my second pretty much nailed what I wanted to say. Plus, you didn’t drool on me, so we’re cool,” he teases, smirking at me.
I giggle, loving the way he seems to always know what to say to make me feel better. When his belly rumbles, loudly, I can’t help but laugh.
Sitting up, I swing my legs off the sofa and grab the two empty glasses off the coffee table.
“Right, mister, let’s get you fed. What do you have here? I can cook us something if you like?”
“I’ve never had a woman cook for me… except for Mom of course. It would be an honour to let you cook for me,” he says, in a mocking superior voice. He sounds so serious that I laugh again, which feels good. “Although, I don’t know what we have. I did bring some stuff, so it’s what you can make out of it, I suppose.”
With that, he gets up and follows me into the kitchen. The mood is lighter, our earlier conversation no longer lingering in the air. Although, I won’t lie and say it isn’t at the back of my mind.
*** *** ***
It’s just under an hour later when we finally sit down to eat our food, Cajun chicken salad with cheesy pasta. The dinner is so random that we decided to make it more spontaneous by adding garlic bread and some onion rings that were left at the bottom of the freezer. We eat our dinner while making small talk. I feel like I’m a different person when I’m around him. I’m finally free to say what I want, when I want, and how I want, without having to worry about retribution. He doesn’t judge me or patronise me, just listens and talks. It feels like I can finally be the Lola I was born to be.
After dinner, we both decide to watch another movie since it’s still fairly early, there’s not much else to do around here when it’s dark. We sit back on the sofa, both at different ends after Dean pops a movie in. I feel like we’re sitting too far away, but I don’t want to presume he wants to be closer to me and make a fool of myself.
The rain starts to pour heavily outside, and I mean, really pour, hitting the roof hard and loud. It echoes around the cabin, making the place feel like one of those spas that play raindrops in the background. It’s actually relaxing. At the first sound of the thunder, I shiver, and Dean looks over at me, grinning like an idiot. I’ve always hated thunder and lightning, but it’s the lightning that scares me the most. It’s only a matter of seconds before the area outside the cabin lights up, the sky bright.
I hate not knowing where the shot of electricity comes from or where it will land, singeing whatever it touches to a crisp. I suppose I could Google it, to help ease my mind, but sometimes, as sad as it is, it’s better not knowing. When the lightning flashes, making the whole room light up, I don’t think, jumping out of my seat and into Dean’s lap, ignoring his amused expression. His body shakes and I realise too late that the little shit is laughing at me.
“Hey,” I snap. “This isn’t funny. I hate lightning,” I remind him, narrowing his eyes.
“Lola, it’s outside, not inside. Come on.” He chuckles, holding his arm open for me after grabbing the fleece blanket from off the back of the sofa. I shuffle off his lap, snuggling into his open arm. I sigh when his arm wraps around my waist, and he covers us both with the blanket with his other hand.
We agreed over dinner to watch the new GI Joe film. Obviously, my reasons were because of the gorgeous Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson, but his reasons were boring. He only wanted to watch it for the action and fighting.
I snuggle deeply against Dean, jumping every now and then from the storm. It hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down, which isn’t helping my anxiety. But with Dean’s arm wrapped protectively around me, it doesn’t seem so bad.
Not long into the film, Channing Tatum dies, much to my disappointment. Seriously? Why tease us with that gorgeous man and then take him away before we even get to see him in any real action? I’m actually enjoying myself watching the film, so I don’t sulk about losing him for too long. I hate watching violence, but thankfully this isn’t really violence, more like a martial arts kind of thing.
Lightning strikes once again, lighting up the whole damn cabin. I scream and jump in Dean’s lap, moving closer to him. I wiggle my backside in his lap, wanting to get more comfortable, but I still, and gasp at the feel of Dean’s erection. I’m more surprised by my own reaction, my arousal evident in my expression and body language.
Placing a firm grip on my waist, he leans forward, his breath blowing against my ear and sending delicious shivers down my spine.
“Lola, please, for the love of God, stop pressing that sweet ass of yours against my dick. I feel like I’m going to explode in my pants like a teenager if you move again,” he rasps, and a breathy sound escapes me. Knowing I’m the reason he has an erection turns me on more than I’ve ever been in my life. I can’t stop the moan that escapes me as I move again, his erection pressing into my ass.
“Lola, you’re killing me. I really want to turn you around and fuck you until you’re screaming my name and coming all over my dick. I can’t though. I won’t take advantage of you like that. Even if it hurts this fucking badly.” His words hold promise, and a shiver of anticipation runs through me. “I want you. More than you’ll ever know. I don’t want you to think I don’t. Okay?” he rasps, stilling my movements with his strong hands. I hadn’t even realised I was still moving.
He wants me. He really does want me.
No! my brain screams. He doesn’t. You heard him. He wants to fuck you, not marry you and have his babies.
I shake my head, not knowing what to think. I know he’ll never hurt me, not emotionally nor physically.
It’s Dean, I’ve had a huge crush on him since we were children, one that clearly hasn’t gone away.
But a small voice in the back of my mind is telling me to go for this, to take what I need and want. There’s nothing stopping me, and I really do want him. All of this may be new to me, as well as the sensations running through my body, but I know I can trust him.
With that last thought, I turn around so my front is pressed against his chest, my legs straddling his thighs so my sex is directly above his erection.
Pressing my weight down, a deep moan escapes both our mouths. When I look up into his eyes, I find him watching me, his pupils dilated and darker, and a small gasp escapes past my lips.
“Yeah, okay,” I answer, my voice wavering as I speak. Finding my confidence, I move a little closer. My eyes flicker from his deep blue eyes to his soft, full, plump lips.
He draws closer, and I don’t think he means to. Our lips are now a breath away, and my chest rises and falls heavily, rubbing against his. My sex burns and aches from the friction and I want more.
“Lola,” he rasps, sounding breathless. “Can I… can I kiss you? Please say it’s okay to kiss you,” he growls, his eyes searching mine for an answer.
Without thought, I press down harder on his erection, both of us moaning when my core rubs against his heat.
“Okay,” I whisper, nerves pooling in the pit of my stomach. I manage to get the word out before he moves, his lips crashing against mine as he pulls me closer.
The kiss is hard, demanding, yet he still manages such softness and care. Every fibre in my body is on fire from his assault.
His hands move down to my back, pressing me even closer than before. I moan as he slides his tongue into my mouth, massaging it against mine, giving me my first taste. He’s driving me crazy with his kiss and touch. I’ve never felt so powerful or sexy, or found a kiss so seductive before.
I move my hands into his hair, one at the nape of his neck and pull it softly as the kiss becomes more heated.
I’ve never been kissed like this. Yikes, I never knew a kiss could feel like this. I feel like I’m on the biggest high of my life and it’s all because of him. My hips start moving of their own volition, rocking faster as I rub my sex along his erection, chasing a sensation I’ve never felt before. It’s like my body is gearing up for something big, something explosive, and with each tightening of my core, I know I’m one step closer.
The friction of our bodies rubbing together is exotic and naughty, but oh so good. I can’t get enough of him, and when Dean slides forward and lies back on the sofa, I nearly scream with the amount of pleasure coursing through my body. His sudden change in position gives me better access, and I can feel every delicious inch of him. Every. Delicious. Inch.
The unexpected urgency to move quicker, to find more friction, is a shock to my system, but instead of thinking about it, I let go.
A hidden part of me, deep in my subconscious, is waiting for the pain. I’ve only ever been able to associate sex with pain, and what I’m feeling right now is anything but painful.
Dean runs his hand under my top, moving to cup my breast. I gasp when he squeezes my nipple, tugging at the sensitive bud, and a new kind of fire burns through my body. Everything in my lower body tightens, a million volts of pleasurable electricity shooting off in every direction, making it hard for me to pinpoint exactly where I’m feeling it from. It seems to spread across my body and my back arches as a scream tears from my mouth, wave after wave of pleasure coursing through me.
When everything becomes less fuzzy, I realise the significance of what just happened.
I just had my first orgasm.
Holy shitballs.
I lay limp in Dean’s arms, willing my erratic breathing to slow down. It doesn’t, of course. My body is too hyper aware of Dean beneath me, my body seeking out more of the pleasure only he can bring me.
What do I say to him? ‘Thank you’ doesn’t really seem appropriate or adequate for what we just did.
My face starts burning, a blush surely spreading up my neck to my cheeks as I think of how he touched me and how I went wild on his lap.
Rick’s taunts are like a slap in the face, the cruel words ringing in my ear. “You’re disgusting, Lola.” “No one will ever want you. It’s bad enough I have to force myself to finish.” “You’re nothing.” “You’re worthless.”
“Wow!” Dean whispers and I glance down at him, my eyes watering when I see that his eyes are pinched shut, his jaw clenched.
Oh no! He must be mortified. No! No, no, no, no! I’m never going to be able to live this down. I can’t believe I just had my first orgasm after practically attacking him and humping him like a dog does a tree.
God, what he must think of me.
I shoot out of his lap so quickly I’m surprised I don’t fall flat on my face. Dean’s eyes fly open in shock, but before he can open his mouth, I move, running up the stairs in shame.
Locking myself in the bathroom, tears fill my eyes. Then slowly, one by one, they fall, coming faster by the second.
Dean’s footsteps are rushed as I hear him climb the stairs. I rush over to the shower and turn the water on, hoping to drown out his voice. I don’t waste any time standing around, stepping into the shower fully clothed, needing to wash away the shame.
He knocks on the door a few times, but I ignore him. He pleads with me to open the door, his voice soft like he’s talking to a child.
The shame of what I’ve just done weighs down on me. It’s the only thing keeping me in the shower instead of obeying Dean’s orders.
I still can’t believe that I got off by rubbing myself on him.
Shaking my head, I try to push thoughts of him aside, focusing my attention on my present predicament. Wet clothes cling to me, so I start to peel them off, grateful the water was quick to heat up because my teeth were beginning to chatter.
Having the hot steamy water hitting my aching body makes me almost enjoy it, but thoughts of what awaits me on the other side of the door plagues me. I can’t help but wonder what will happen now. Will he still want to talk to me, or will he be too disgusted with me? Even if by chance he’s not, I still can’t picture someone as handsome as Dean wanting to be with someone like me. I’m damaged goods, after all.
He kissed you back.
But God, the way he made my skin burn, the way he touched me, it was… it was powerful, intense. I can still feel his touch everywhere, even in places he didn’t touch.
I don’t need to know a lot about sex to know that Dean didn’t enjoy it, not like I did. I made a complete and utter fool out of myself. I would be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt or that washing his touch away from my skin or his taste out of my mouth doesn’t bother me. My heart aches, a strange pull inside my chest causing me to rub at the pain.
Knowing I must leave the shower at some point, I step out. Wrapping a towel around me, I grab the robe for extra coverage, all my clothes on the other side of the door. Where Dean is.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door, embarrassed to be stepping out practically naked. He’ll most likely think I’m going to jump him again. The whole situation is mortifying.
Dean is lying on the bed with his ankles crossed, his hands relaxed behind his head with his eyes closed. I must have been in the shower longer than I thought because he seems to be asleep. I sigh, feeling grateful because I don’t want to have this talk with him right now―or in the near future. I know deep down that he’ll want to talk about it, but if I can avoid it, I will. He probably wants to set some boundaries and ground rules.
His eyes snap open when I take another step into the room. He jumps up to his knees at the end of the bed and kneels in front of me. My hands are sweating, knowing what’s about to come. I don’t think I’m ready to hear him reject me, yet for some reason I stay standing in front of him, frozen. A cold shiver runs down my spine, so I grab at the belt attached to my robe and pull it tighter around my waist.
“Lola, what happened downstairs was entirely my fault. I started that, and I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have abused your trust the way I did. I’m so fucking sorry,” he says hoarsely, his eyes filled with pain.
I shake my head at his words, wondering why the hell he’s blaming himself when it was me who did this. I have to look away before I break down. The shame inside me is overwhelming. I know he only said what he did because he feels obligated to. He just feels sorry for me, and I think that hurts more.
“Dean, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. I don’t know what came over me downstairs, but I’m so sorry for pouncing on you. I shouldn’t have done that. You’ve been nothing but great and supportive towards me, and then I went and read more into it like an idiot. You didn’t need me embarrassing you like that, forcing myself on you―’’
My words are cut off when he rises from the bed. At first, I think he’s going to leave and my heart clenches. Instead, he walks over to stand in front of me. He’s so close that I can feel the heat radiating off his chest and my breath hitches. My eyes water as I stand there, scared sick over what he’s going to say.
“No, Lola. That’s where you’re wrong. What happened… fuck! It was… it was perfect. I’ve never felt a connection like that with anyone before. I’ve never been so turned on in my life, not even as a teenager.”
My heart pounds inside my chest as he takes another step, coming closer and running his fingers through the wet strands of my hair.
“What happened between us was the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t even think you realise just how long I’ve wanted this, wanted you. I don’t think I’ve ever been so bent out of shape over a woman before. Then again, I never really got over losing you. So please don’t regret what happened between us. Don’t turn something beautiful into something twisted and seedy. If anyone should feel bad, it should be me. I’m the one who betrayed your trust, and I’m sorry for that,” he says sincerely, his eyes dilating.
My eyes water at his admission, feeling so many emotions swirling in the pit of my stomach. All of it is beginning to overwhelm me.
“I just had my first orgasm, straddling you, humping you like a dog,” I say, embarrassed. “I don’t have any experience when it comes to sex, not really, but what happened downstairs has never happened to me before. You didn't betray anything. I just feel like such a fool.” I sigh, tilting my head back to get a better look at him.
“You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who isn’t broken and has more baggage than an airport. I pushed myself onto you, not giving you a choice. I guess it just made me realise that Rick has been right all along.” Admitting what’s actually nagging at me is hard, and I have to ignore his confused expression and the way his jaw tenses when I say his name to keep going. “I really am a disgusting whore,” I whisper, tears rushing from my eyes.
“What?” Dean snaps, eyes blazing so wildly I take a step back. “You are not a fucking whore! What happened downstairs was between two consenting adults. You haven’t slept with a bunch of random guys, and you certainly don’t go through them like you change your underwear. I can see what happened between us has your emotions all over the place and I can understand that, especially after everything that jerk has done to you, but don’t ever believe a word of what he’s told you. I love the way you trusted me down there. You trusted me enough to let go, to share that moment with me, so don’t let him taint that because I wouldn’t change what we did for the world,” he says, fiercely.
I stare in awe, my heart melting at his words. His emotions are clear to see and even though he’s angry right now, I know it’s not aimed at me. He’s angry at Rick and what he did.
God, the way he looks at me, the way his voice softens when he speaks to me, shows me just how much he cares for me. And I love him for that. I love that I can trust him with my life and know he’ll never physically hurt me.
“It’s not just that. It’s… it's also the fact I just got out of a relationship, an abusive one at that. To rush into something else so soon feels shameful. I was out of control down there, and I can’t handle you thinking badly of me. Because… like I said, I’ve just broken it off with Rick.”
Dean pulls me closer. “You and that prick were finished the first day he laid his hands on you, Lola. He has nothing to do with us. He didn’t deserve you. He had the whole world in his hands, and he mistreated you in the biggest way. Wherever this is going between us, we’ll be in it together. He doesn’t exist for you anymore. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yeah, sort of. You’re right. We did break up long before now. It’s just hard to get my head around it all. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do. But you should know that whenever I’m around you, that life, that nightmare, it all fades into the background. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before, not with anyone. You make me crazy… crazy for you.”
He groans, pressing our foreheads together and running his nose along mine before cupping my cheeks in his warm hands. He pulls back a breath, locking our gazes.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he says huskily. “Even when we were kids I admired you. I loved how you always made me laugh, helped get me out of trouble a time or two, and even took the blame for me on occasion. But it was more than that. It was who you were, how easy we fitted together. You were the best part of my childhood, Lola and now I want more. I want a future with you. Since you came back, I feel like I’m whole again, and that’s because of you,” he admits, kissing the tip of my nose.
A shudder rolls through me. That’s exactly how I feel. God, the whole conversation feels surreal, like I’m going to wake up any moment to find out that this was all a dream. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I don’t want this―whatever this is―to end. I’ve missed him too much.
It feels like my whole life has revolved around missing someone. I miss my parents and my grandma every day. Hell, I even miss my grandpa when I don’t see him, but until now, I never realised just how much I missed Dean and his family. And I don’t want to risk losing that.
“You don't think all this is happening too soon? I mean, I’ve only been here a few days, Dean, and already we’ve spent every night but one together.”
“No,” he answers immediately, shaking his head. “No, I don’t, not when it comes to us.”
“You make me feel stronger. I no longer feel like the worthless, weak, scared person who let him do those things to me. I should have fought him and ran away, never looking back. I know you disagree, but a part of me blames myself. After all, I did stay with him. I chose to carry on living alongside him,” I whisper, taking a deep breath. Before he can interrupt, I place my finger over his lips, shutting him up. I need him to hear this, to listen to what I have to say. He needs to know what he’s getting himself into.
“I’ve been so lost since I lost Mom and Dad. I’ve literally been living in hell since but you, Mr Salvatore, have brought me back to life. I thought it was the cabin that brought me here, but now I know it wasn’t even about the cabin. It was about you. I’ve always thought about you, whether it was memories of us playing together or just wondering what you were doing at that second. It helped me get through so many bad days. I guess you were the best part of my childhood too, and I’m so glad I found my way back home. I’m just scared I’m going to lose it all,” I admit, wiping a lone tear away.
Taking my hand, Dean pulls me down to sit on the bed, keeping our fingers laced together. He pulls in a steady breath before facing me.
“You don’t need to be scared. You’ll never lose any of us, especially me. I’ll never do anything that will hurt you. Ever. You can trust that I will never change who you are or betray that trust. I hate knowing what you’ve been through and that I didn’t do a damn thing to track you down or come see you. I wanted to so many times,” he says and then shakes away the pained look on his face. “You might have been lost, but you’re found now, and you did that by yourself. I’m proud of you, and awestruck at your incredible strength.”
Tears are streaming down my face but ignore them as I push myself into Dean’s arms, hugging him tightly. He’s right, I did do it. And no matter what I endured, it brought me here. It brought me to Dean, and for that, I’ll be forever thankful.
He picks me up off the edge of the bed and carries me to the top, placing me down gently on the mountain of luxury pillows.
I blush furiously when I realise I’m still only in a towel and robe, my hair slightly damp.
“I’m just going to get another movie from downstairs. There’s a horror in the DVD player up here, and I know you hate them,” he says, ending our earlier conversation.
“Does that thing even work?” I tease, looking at the old box sitting on the television stand.
“Yeah.” Dean laughs, shaking his head at me before leaving to go downstairs.
Sitting up, I make quick work of putting on a pair of knickers and some pyjamas. I’ve just finished pulling on my top when Dean walks up.
He has the DVD in, and the television switched on in record time. He jumps into bed with a bounce, making me giggle.
Big kid!
“C’mon,” he says, tapping his chest.
I give him a puzzled expression, wondering what he’s up to, but I still place my head on his chest. It’s only a few seconds later that I get my answer. He runs his fingers through my hair, and it feels amazing. A shiver races down my spine, causing the hairs on my arms to stand on edge. He really has no idea what his touch does to me. As he strokes, he manages to catch the sensitive spot between my neck and collarbone, and I moan. Immediately, Dean becomes hard beneath me, and a small smile touches my lips. I love the fact I’m the one who aroused him. It’s also a relief to know that I don’t disgust him and that he feels the same as I do. I turn my head to look up at him, and his eyes blaze with fire and passion. Bringing my hand up to his face, I run my thumb along his strong, masculine jaw line. He leans in to my touch, his eyes closing and my heart melts.
A few seconds pass in silence before his eyes finally open, those deep blues looking down at me with such intensity that my heart picks up. He gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning his attention back to the movie. My eyes stay focused on him a while longer before I reluctantly turn back to the movie as well.
*** *** ***
The storm hasn’t gotten any better since it started; the thunder seems closer, the lightning brighter. The sound of the rain relaxes me though, soothing my tense muscles as it hits the skylight window.
Dean gets back into bed after switching the television off, shivering as he positions himself so he’s facing me. He brings his hand to my jaw before leaning in closer, his breath fanning my face.
“Lola, I really want to kiss you again. Right now,” he says, his voice low and husky.
My body reacts instantly, heating up at the memory of his lips on mine, how he tasted. But my mind and heart aren’t ready for anything else sexually, or a repeat performance of earlier, no matter how good he made me feel.
It’s not that I don’t want Dean that way, but when we do have sex, I want my mind to be free of my past experiences. I want to be sure that when Dean is inside me for the first that it won’t be tainted with memories of Rick.
“Just a kiss?” I ask, my voice a whisper as it shakes slightly.
“Just a kiss,” he agrees, before moving forward, his lips pressing against mine. Everything around me is drowned out as he kisses me passionately with wild abandon. Nothing else exists; there is only us at that moment.
He starts the kiss off slow, nipping at the corners of my mouth and along my jaw before moving his way down my neck. When his lips return to mine, I’m a pile of mush, and the second his intoxicating taste hits my tongue, I arch my back in bliss. The same shock of electricity runs through me, pulsing almost painfully at my sex.
In the back of my mind, my subconscious screams at me to stop, even though my body wants it badly.
I grip the back of his neck as he devours my mouth. I tell myself I’m going to stop in just a minute, but I never do.
Having Dean kissing me this way reminds me of a book I read not so long ago. The woman in the book says that he ‘fucks her mouth’ when she’s describing their heated kiss. It isn’t until now that I understand what she meant. It’s like making love to my mouth, lovingly and thoroughly. I’m completely drunk on him, addicted as I pull him in for more.
So many sensations course through my veins that I feel like I’m going to pass out, overdose on my all-time high.
I never knew my body could react this way over a kiss. It makes me wonder what it will feel like when we make love for the first time.
The dirty thoughts have my cheeks heating as I duck my gaze, settling in closer for the night.
When we finally break apart we’re both breathing heavily, our chests rising and falling in unison. I can still feel his arousal pressed again my stomach and I have to squeeze my thighs together to ease the pulsing ache between my legs.
When our breathing finally calms down, we both gaze at each other, neither of us wavering. The only light in the room is coming from the storm, but it lets me see his features clearly. I’m giddy when his face splits into a smile, and I smile back, blushing.
“Why are you smiling?” I ask, my voice husky and sounding strange, even to me.
“You make me smile,” he states, grinning now. “Your beauty is breathtaking. You make me crumble under the slightest touch, and you can make me feel like I could explode into a million pieces from just that touch. It makes me smile because I’ve never had that, never felt like that.”
“Oh.” Nothing I say will ever compete with that.
God, his words make me feel invincible. It’s hard not to fall for the man in front of me.
“Yeah, oh,” he repeats, clearly amused by my dumbstruck expression.
He pulls me against him, my head falling to his chest again. I listen to his heart beating, the sound fast and strong. My eyes close; it’s like a lullaby, ready to poof me into the land of fairies.
At the sound of the rain and wind, my mouth stretches into a yawn making Dean chuckle.
“Sleep, love,” he says gently, running his fingers up and down my arm.
“Night, Dean,” I whisper back, my mind and body shutting down with exhaustion.
Just before I’m lured into the deep sleep, I swear I hear Dean whisper “I think I may love you more than I did as a youngster.” But with the day’s events, I can’t be sure. Only time will tell.