It’s three in the morning by the time we get back home and, although I’m exhausted, I’m too alert to even contemplate going to sleep.
I kick my shoes off as we enter and sluggishly drop my bag before turning to follow Dean into our bedroom.
He’s hardly said two words since the police took my statement and it’s beginning to alarm me. He’s keeping his anger in check, and although I know he’d never hurt me, I’m still fretting.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask, standing at the edge of my bed. I clutch the ends of his suit jacket in the palms of my hands, making a fist over the material.
He takes in a ragged breath, gripping the edge of the dresser before slowly turning, watching me standing there drowning in his suit jacket with tears pouring down my cheeks. His eyes soften, and he takes a step towards me.
“Lola, I could never be mad at you. I’m mad at myself.” He sighs, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I just want to go smash his face in, but I can’t, and it’s killing me.” He pauses. “I’m worried about you too. You’ve come so far, and then this happens. I should never have let you go out there alone. I’m going to see to it that the prick gets jail time, even though he deserves a lot more done to him. I’ll stamp his name and company through the mud. The bastard stood there and had the nerve to tell me, and everyone else there, that you asked for it,” he growls, getting angry. “We could all hear you screaming. I’ll never be able to get those screams out of my head. I can still hear you, and it breaks my fucking heart knowing I wasn’t there for you.”
“What are you talking about, Dean? If it hadn’t been for you, it could have been a lot worse. He could have… could have….” I pause, shaking my head. Saying it out loud will make it real, and I don’t even want to acknowledge what could have happenen.
Dean steps forward, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his chest. I go willingly, leaning my head on his chest.
“C’mon, let’s get into bed. It’s been a long night,” he says, then steps back and starts undressing. I nod, pulling his jacket off, but when I look down at my ripped dress, I freeze. My eyes take in the corset, and they water, thinking about my plans for tonight. Dean was meant to be the one to take this off me. I can’t end the night with Jordan being the last person to touch me, to be the one who got to see me in this. Not when it was meant for Dean, the man I love. No one gets to see me like this, but Dean, and Jordan took that away.
I’ve come too far to fall back into my old ways.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and all I can do is nod, unsure of how to approach the subject of what I want. But I need him desperately. “Are you going to get ready for bed?” he asks, eyeing me softly, wearing only his boxer briefs.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
Walking back over to me he pulls me into his arms, and I sigh, feeling content.
“Why, baby?” he asks.
“I don’t want to end the night with him being my last memory, of him being the one to try and get this dress off me. I want it to be you. I need it to be you, Dean. I had this surprise all set up for you for when we got back, and he ruined it, Dean. He ruined it.” Tears start to fall again. I hate myself for being so weak, but tonight was meant to be a step forward for me. I was going to seduce Dean with my new undergarments and make love to him, show him how much I love him.
Dean's hand goes to the zipper on the back of my gown, and for a second my body tenses, but the feel of his cool fingers running along my spine relaxes me instead.
I trust Dean, and trust him to know what I want and need. I know he can make me forget about tonight’s incident just from his soothing words and by holding me, but I need him to erase his touch. To erase everything that tonight resurfaced, reminding me of my time with Rick.
It’s selfish of me to take this from him, but I need it. I need him. I’ve never needed anyone in my entire life the way I need Dean. And I want to finish today, tonight, on a high. I want it to end as a dream, not a nightmare.
The second the zip lowers to the middle of my back, the dress falls helplessly to the floor in a puddle.
He takes a step back, his eyes widening as a small puff of air slips through his gaping mouth. I blush as he slowly, ever so slowly, takes in my appearance from head to toe, taking his sweet time.
I’m still shocked and a little unnerved by the fact I’m actually standing here wearing a tight corset, lace knickers, and garters.
But the minute I bravely look up into his eyes, all those nerves and shyness are thrown out of the window. He’s looking at me like he’s a teenager and I just flashed him some boob for the first time. I feel sexy and although this seduction malarkey isn’t going quite as planned… this is better. With my new-found confidence, I take a few steps towards him, putting an extra bit of sway into my walk.
“Lola, I want you, but we can’t do this tonight,” he chokes out, not looking away from my attire. “Fuck! I shouldn’t even be thinking about this, not with everything that happened.” He leans down, kissing me.
I shiver, unable to control my body’s response to him or his words. I can feel the wetness between my thighs, just from him speaking in a low husky voice.
Lifting up on my tiptoes, my lips a breath away from his ear, I palm his erection through his boxers.
“This is all for you, Dean. I want you to take it off me. You own me, all of me, and I need you. I need you to help erase his touch. I love you. I’m yours, forever,” I whisper, nipping at his earlobe.
And I mean every word. I know after everything that happened tonight I should wait, but I need to erase Jordan’s touch, and Dean is the only person who can do that for me. It’s only his touch that I want, that I need. His eyes darken, hunger evident, and to drive him wilder, I press my breasts against his bare chest.
“Fuck, you drive me crazy,” he rasps, lowering to his knees. Kissing below my navel, he runs his tongue down my pubic bone, over my knickers. I throw my head back, moaning.
His teeth scrape down my thighs, pulling my stockings between them and rolling the fabric down my leg. I lose my mind watching him pay the same attention to my other leg, my core tightening, ready for him.
“I want you to strip me naked, and to feel your skin against mine. Make love to me, Dean. Please,” I beg.
“Fuck! I don’t know whether to fuck you with this on or strip it off.” His hands run over my corset as he captures my lips with a kiss.
“Please.” I pull away, arching my neck to give him access.
“I’ll give you anything you want. Anything,” he whispers, and I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him softly.
“Anything?” I run my finger down his chest, feeling each ridge of muscle.
“Anything,” he agrees, untying the strings on my corset. The rush is intoxicating, shocks of pleasure coursing through my body, and I beg him for more.
“Patience,” he scolds me hoarsely.
In no time he has me standing in only my lace knickers, my body aching for a release only he can give me. I’ll die if he doesn’t touch me soon. My legs threaten to buckle beneath me, and Dean takes notice, picking me up and placing me in the middle of the bed, helping me shuffle to the top.
He pulls my nipple into his mouth, sucking deep until I’m calling out his name. His other hand moves to pay attention to my other breast, squeezing and pinching, the sensation running all the way to my clit.
“You’re so fucking sexy when you moan like that,” he whispers after letting my nipple go with a pop.
His gaze dips down to my breasts, looking at the red marks he’s put there with a wild expression as my breath comes out in sharp pants.
It was becoming hard to concentrate, especially when his hand started lowering, moving between my legs until his fingers were running through my heat.
“Yes, more,” I moan, bucking my hips.
“God, if you only knew how good you feel.”
His dick twitches, throbbing against my thigh, and I reach down, circling my palm around him and squeezing. “Not as good as you,” I murmur, pumping him.
“I can’t wait. I need you,” he groans and peels my hand from around his dick, taking it in his own hand and pumping once, twice before guiding it to my entrance.
God, I love it when he’s inside me.
His eyes are glazed over, glistening with lust as they lock on mine, watching my reaction as he slowly enters me. The tension that had been building since he removed my dress was about to explode, my body damn near release.
His thrusts are slow, his dick coated with my arousal, bringing me closer and closer to exploding. And the second his mouth closes over my nipple, tugging it between his teeth, I shatter into a thousand pieces.
“Yes,” I cry out, my body arching and my nails digging into his shoulders as my sex quivers around him.
“Jesus,” he whispers, looking down at me with darkened eyes, licking his lower lip. “Do you trust me?” he asks, and I catch my breath, looking up at him in puzzlement.
“With my life,” I answer straight away.
“Turn over and get up on your knees for me,” he whispers against my lips and my body tenses. He notices, pulling back to look down at me in confusion. “Are you okay?”
“I…,” I start, breathing through my panic. “The last time I was in this position was when….”
Realisation dawns in his eyes and they soften as he kisses me. “I promise I’ll never hurt you, and if you don’t want to then we won’t,” he says, and I nod, trusting him. “If you’re uncomfortable at any time, tell me or if you can’t speak, tap the bed three times, and I’ll stop, okay?” he says, and I nod again. “Words love.”
“Yes, just… just don’t hurt me,” I plead.
“Never, I promise,” he whispers against my lips, capturing me in a breathless kiss, and my sex clenches.
He helps me turn around onto my knees, as I rest down on my elbows. He growls low, deep in his throat and it excites me, already feeling wetness coating my sex.
My eyes water as he poises his dick at my entrance, caressing my lower back lovingly. He rubs his erection through my wetness, coating his dick before entering in one smooth stroke and I throw my head back, the sensation so much more.
“Oh, wow,” I cry out, never knowing it could feel like this. He’s deeper, hitting that spot with each thrust and my walls start to tighten all over again.
His hands move to my hips, guiding me up and down on his cock. He moves slowly at first before picking up speed, each one driving me crazy.
“You’re so hot, so tight,” he growls, slamming inside me and I cry out, pleasure rolling through my belly.
“Please,” I beg, not knowing what for.
“You want me to make you come?” he asks and God, his words have my sex clenching around him, to the point I nearly orgasm.
“Yesss,” I hiss, moving back, slamming myself harder on his dick. I don’t know when it happened, but it’s not him fucking me anymore―I’m fucking him. It’s an experience I’ll never forget.
“Fuck, you’re sexy,” he growls, tapping the globes of my ass and I moan, tightening around him.
His hands on my hips snake around to my front, grabbing my full breasts in each hand, pulling me up a little so he has better access to squeeze and tug at my nipples torturously.
“Yessss,” I cry out, slamming back down on him with each thrust.
“Come,” he growls into my ear, dropping one hand down between my legs, his fingers strumming my clit, and the touch has me flying over the edge.
I scream, my throat hoarse, and I tense as pleasure courses through my entire body. It’s nothing like my other orgasms; they paled in comparison. This one is more powerful, more intense and seems to go on forever.
Dean growls, low and husky in my ear. Lifting my hips up and down his dick, he follows me over the edge, his own orgasm overriding his body. His breaths come in and out sharply, and his hands dig into my waist as he spills his seed inside me. His dick pulses and I inwardly curse, feeling his arousal dripping out of me, running down my thighs.
“Fuck,” I whisper, realising he’s not wearing a condom, again.
“I just did that, love,” he teases, kissing my cheek.
“No, not that.” I giggle.
“What is it, baby?” Pulling out of me and realising himself, he stills. “Shit.”
I don’t know why but his reaction upsets me, like he’s ashamed to have released his seed inside me.
“We didn’t use protection earlier either. I forgot to say something because you kept distracting me,” I tell him quietly, moving from under him so I can grab my robe.
I leave Dean frozen on the bed while I rush to the loo to clean myself up. My eyes water as I pray he doesn’t think I’ve done this on purpose.
Slowly, I walk back into the room, and Dean has moved to the edge of the bed and is now wearing boxers. The minute he sees me he jumps off the bed and comes over to me.
“Baby, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m clean, I swear. I’d never put you at risk like that. I’ve never had unprotected sex before, ever, but I do have regular check-ups,” he explains and it occurs to me why he’s so upset. He’s not upset with me; he’s upset at the prospect of hurting me.
Silly man!
“I know that, and I trust you,” I tell him. “I was more concerned about the other part, the pregnancy part. Oh, and also, I’m clean. I got tested at the hospital on the way here….” I stop, not wanting to dredge up bad memories.
He looks down at me, opening his mouth, but whatever he’s about to say is lost, and he shakes his head, frowning.
“What? What’s wrong?” I ask, wondering if he thinks I’m lying or something.
He looks torn whether to say it or not, but in the end, he gives in sighing. “Would it be so bad?” he asks, confusing me.
“Huh? Getting an STD?”
“No! You know, carrying my baby? I’m not saying we should start trying, but there’s already a chance now that you are, and if we are lucky enough to have made a life together, would it be so bad? With me as the dad, I mean,” he says, seeming shy about asking.
My heart thumps against my chest as I stare at him, wondering if he’s serious or not. Having a child is a lifetime commitment and knowing Dean wants that sends excitement rushing through me. My heart fills with love and happiness, but dread fills me when I realise why we can’t.
“Dean, I love you. I love you more than my own life, and there’s nothing I’d love more than to make a family with you,” I tell him, smiling sadly.
“I’m sensing a but,” he says, looking saddened already, and it breaks my heart.
“But what kind of person… hell, what kind of mother would I be to bring a child into my world, where I’m constantly looking over my shoulder in fear? I want it all with you, Dean, all of it. I want to get married, buy a house, and have kids. I couldn’t ask for a better person to be with than with you. You’re the only one I’ve ever seen a future with. I love you, and you’d make a fantastic father. But what if he finds me and I’m pregnant? He could―” I choke up, not able to form those words. I don’t even know if there’s a life growing inside me, but already the thought of him harming our child sickens me.
“He’ll never find you, I swear. We’re going to stop him before anything happens. I love you so much, Lola.”
“I love you too,” I repeat, and together we move to the bed, lying down and facing each other.
“What will we do if you are?” he whispers.
“Buy every parenting book there is from Brooke,” I tell him seriously before we both burst out laughing.
“I love you so much Lola, and I know I keep saying it but I really do.” He pulls me into his arms.
“You can tell me as many times as you want.” I smile. Every time I hear him say those three words, my stomach flips and butterflies flutter inside my stomach. “And I love you more, handsome,” I say, a loud, obnoxious yawn escaping me.
He chuckles, kissing my temple. “Go to sleep, baby. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.”
Gah, don’t remind me.
“Night,” I yawn.
“Night, baby,” he whispers, pulling me closer.