chapter seven

 

My mom squeezes me tightly. “I wish you could stay longer. It was nice having my baby back home.”

“It was nice being here, too, Mom,” I say, squeezing her back.

My dad physically peels my mom off me so he can give me a hug. “I’m proud of you, Brian.” He says the words so softly I almost miss them. “It takes a big man to stand up and fight, but sometimes it takes a bigger man to see how the fight would affect other people.”

“Thanks, Dad. And thanks for only giving me a day to do the Brian.” I throw his words back at him with a wry smile, and he laughs then pokes me in the ribs good-naturedly.

I open the door and find a car waiting for me at the curb.

“Give that sweet baby girl a kiss from her grandma,” my mom says.

I nod. “Of course.” I look at the waiting car then back at my parents. “Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“You said it takes a bigger man to see how the fight would affect other people. Does that mean you think I was right to kick Viv out? Because I was thinking about the position she’s putting her husband in?”

He looks taken aback I’d ask that, and then he shrugs. “Only you can answer that one, Bri.”

I shake my head with another wry smile. “Dammit. I knew you’d say that.” I turn to head toward the waiting car.

“Watch your language around the baby!” my mom calls after me, and I laugh.

“Love you guys,” I call back and then I slide into the backseat and the driver takes off toward the airport.

 

* * *

 

I wasn’t expecting a ride, but I find Mark’s LA driver, Stanley, waiting for me near the airport exit. “Mark sent me,” he says. We’ve met on many occasions, and he’s a stoic older guy who does a good job keeping my brother timely and safe to and from every Los Angeles event he attends when he’s in town. A retired military man, he’s precise and professional at all times.

“Thanks,” I say. I follow him to the car. “How’s the wife?” I ask, making small talk.

“Fine.”

“And the kids?”

He nods once as if to say they’re fine, too. He’s a man of few words. “Grandchild number four is due any time now.”

“Congratulations,” I say. He almost cracks a smile, but he doesn’t.

I check my email in the back of the car to see if Beck or Jason has written back, and neither has. I’m disappointed but not entirely shocked by that.

It takes us over an hour to get from the airport to Mark’s place in Malibu. Normally I’d spend the time catching up on work, but I don’t actually have any work to catch up on. I check my personal email and find some paperwork from the HR department at Ashmark. I have all night to get that shit done, and sitting at a computer would make it easier anyway. I set the phone on the seat beside me and look out the window, one of the luxuries I usually ignore so I can get more work done.

It’s a pleasant view as we make our way down the Pacific Coast Highway. I gaze at the water and am immediately reminded of Vivian. Just then we pass a road sign telling us to head north toward Tarzana.

Tarzana—the land-locked city where Vivian lives.

With her husband.

The car doesn’t move that way. Instead, we continue west toward Mark’s place, but now she’s firmly planted back in my mind. I do a quick search and find Tarzana is only about a forty-minute drive from Malibu. I wonder where in Tarzana she lives. I could search that, too, but I’m not feeling particularly like a stalker at the moment. It’s strange being so close to her geographically again when we’re separated by so much more now.

I can’t help but wonder if she told her husband. I wonder what she’s thinking or feeling, what sorts of emotions are running through her. Whether she misses me like I miss her. Whether there’s a hole in her chest where I fit the same way there is in mine for her. Whether she returned to her home in Tarzana or if she took another job somewhere else as a means to escape the bitter thoughts of loving two men.

Part of me feels like I wasn’t fair to her, that I should’ve given her some time to think things through—or even that I should’ve allowed her to explain herself. It just all happened so fast, and there’s no defense in what she did.

Now that I have some days separating what happened, I expect to feel better about it...but I don’t. If anything, my chest aches even more. Sort of like when you try something new in your workout and it isn’t the first day or even the second when it hurts the worst. Time makes it worse.

Only workout pains are generally good pains.

This is not.

I try to shake her from my thoughts as I stare out over the water, but every single detail reminds me of her.

The first time I kissed her, we were by the ocean. The first time I knew I was in love with her, I felt the sand beneath my toes. The first time I made love to her, I stripped her out of a burgundy gown—the same color as Stanley’s shirt.

Everywhere I look, she’s there. She’s glued to my thoughts and sewn in my soul, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

We finally pull up to my brother’s place in Malibu a little after five in the evening. It looks exactly the same as the last time I was here just a couple months ago, but my life has taken quite a few different turns since then. His has too, I suppose, as I think of the baby girl he and his wife had not so long ago.

I ring the bell, and Mark answers it a minute later. I hear a baby crying in distance behind him, and my first thought is that this is a bad idea. They’ve got enough going on—they don’t need a houseguest on top of it.

And it’s not just that.

I’m not really a baby kind of person.

At all.

In fact, the only baby I’ve ever held is the one currently crying somewhere in Mark’s massive beach house the day she was born.

My brother greets me with a glare. “Who the fuck rings doorbells when there’s a newborn in the house?”

I cringe. “Sorry. I didn’t even think of that.”

“Well...think.” He opens the door wider to let me in. “Reese just got her to fall asleep and then the bell rang.”

“I promise to be quiet. You won’t even know I’m here.”

He ignores me and I follow him toward the kitchen. “Take the guest room in the back. It’s the furthest from Ashton’s room so you can make as much noise as you want.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Within reason, of course.”

I chuckle. “You guys have dinner plans tonight?” I realize I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast.

“Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge but don’t touch the white box. Reese said she’s got some leftovers in there she can’t wait to dig into. I’ve got a band meeting and practice to get to.”

“No white box.” I mock salute. “Got it.”

“We’re heading to Ashmark first thing in the morning. Be ready to leave at eight if you want to go together. I left a set of keys on the kitchen counter. Take the BMW if you need it. There’s a house key on the ring, too.” He turns to walk away.

“Mark?” I say tentatively. He stops and turns back to me. “Thank you.”

He shoots me a thin, sympathetic smile. “You’re dealing with a lot of shit. It’s the least I could do.”

“I’m sorry your proxy quit.” I can’t bring myself to say her name. “She was exactly what FDB needed no matter how much I wanted to deny that.”

“She sent me a report of what she accomplished in the short time she was there. The full ninety days would’ve paid off in spades, but at least she got the company back in black. As long as they put someone at the top who knows finance, they should be okay.”

“Have you talked to her?” I ask.

“Yeah. What do you want to know?”

“Nothing. I just...I’m not ready for that.” I clear my throat and change the subject. “Are you keeping your fifty-one percent?”

He nods. “For now. They offered to buy me out, but I’m not selling unless you tell me you don’t want anyone in this family associated with the company.”

“I appreciate that.”

“It started as your company, Brian, but I get why they did what they did.” He lowers his voice as if saying the words quietly will soften the blow. It doesn’t.

“I’m starting to understand, too.”

He looks surprised by my words, and he has every right to feel that way. I’ve never been one to admit my mistakes, and I hope he can see I’m turning over a new leaf.

“I’m sorry you lost Vivian in the process,” he says.

I press my lips together, surprised at the pain that lances through my chest at the mention of her name. “Two separate events that happened to coincide chronologically.”

“It’s still a lot to take in. I know how I felt when I lost Reese for a while. If you feel half for Vivian what I feel for Reese, then you deserve a break. And that’s why you’re here.”

“I appreciate that, Mark. More than I can say.”

He shoots me a quick smile then grabs his own keys off the counter. “Don’t wait up, dear.”

I laugh and he disappears out the door. I gravitate toward his patio doors. Mark’s place sits right on the beach and offers unparalleled views. I don’t know how long I’m standing there, staring out at the rhythmic waves crashing onto the shore before they roll out and the process starts all over again, when I hear a voice behind me.

“Welcome to Malibu.”

The sound of my ex’s voice startles me to a jump. I turn around to face her, and she’s positively glowing. In an alternate universe, I could’ve ended up with her. But she was Mark’s from the very start, and he belonged to her as well. What I pretended to have with her never could’ve held a candle to what she has with him. I could never have given her the world the way he has. In fact, when I turn the mirror on the inside, I’m not sure what, exactly, I even have to offer a woman.

I put all my money into my company, which I lost. I’m a broke, friendless thirty-two-year-old man moving in with his brother and relying on him to save me.

My brother. He’s all I’ve got going for me, and I’ve used that plenty of times in my life. Just when I think I need to stop relying on that, here I am, living in his house and standing off against the woman I tried to keep away from him. Destiny had different plans, though, and it was stronger than any lie I could ever have told.

I clear my throat. “Thank you.”

She blinks her gaze away from me and looks out the window.

“Is Ashton down?” I ask.

She nods and shoots me a wry smile. “No thanks to you.”

I chuckle. “Sorry about that.”

She shakes her head like she was just kidding then turns to the refrigerator to get her white box of leftovers.

“Can I talk to you about something?” I ask. I feel awkward asking. I feel awkward being here alone with her. I admire my brother’s confidence in leaving the two of us alone, and I suppose I realize it’s not necessarily me he trusts, but her.

“Sure.” She doesn’t say “of course” or “whatever you need” or something similar to invite this conversation. She doesn’t even sound curious about what I have to say. It’s just a flat-toned single word.

“I’m sorry.”

She turns from the fridge with her white box and tosses it in the microwave. “For waking Ashton up?”

“Well, yeah. But I mean for what I did to keep you and Mark apart.”

She reaches into the silverware drawer and points a fork in my direction. “It’s in the past.”

“I know it is. But I don’t know if I’ve ever apologized for what I did.”

She shrugs. “You did, but in the end, it didn’t matter. It was the hardest road of my life and the world almost lost Mark because of you, but eventually we ended up where we were supposed to. You’re my husband’s brother. That means we’re family, and family forgives. Even the hard stuff.”

Family forgives.

I guess there’s one other thing I have going for me aside from the fact that my brother is a rock star.

I was lucky enough to be born into this family—one that forgives and moves forward. One that doesn’t dwell on the mistakes of the past but is willing to forge ahead with bonds strengthened in the end.

“Having a baby will make you completely reprioritize, and to be honest, I don’t have the energy to be mad at you. You offered an apology when you gave me those pumpkins,” she says, referring to the two poker chips I gave her that were worth a thousand bucks apiece, “and you’ve apologized on numerous occasions since then. It’s been years now, Brian. I loved you then, but Mark was always the one who held my heart. And I love you now because you’re my brother-in-law.”

“I loved you then, too,” I say softly. I didn’t recognize it at the time and I don’t count her among the women I’ve loved because I had the wrong intentions the whole time. I fell for her along the way, but I was using her when it happened. It was never something that could’ve lasted beyond the expiration date stamped on our relationship.

She presses her lips together. “I know you did,” she says. The microwave beeps, and she takes her food out. She lifts the lid, and steam rises up from some pasta dish that looks incredible. “I’d offer you some, but I don’t want to share.”

I laugh louder than I should. “You enjoy. I’m actually going for a drive and I’ll grab something while I’m out.”

She nods and shoves a forkful of noodles into her mouth. “Enjoy,” she says around her food, and I chuckle as I head to the guestroom to put my bag away.

When I get behind the wheel of my brother’s car, I’m not sure where to go. I’ve spent some time here in California, but I don’t know the area all that well. I drive until I find a diner, and I settle into a corner booth. I can’t help when I pull out my phone and search Vivian Davenport. I come easily across an address in Tarzana.

It’s a thirty-eight minute drive from where I sit.

In thirty-eight minutes, I could be knocking on her door.

I barely touch the baked chicken dish and vegetables in front of me as I think about what to do. I want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want her to tell me she made a mistake and she chooses me.

I want to meet Trent and tell him I’ll fight him for her.

But I can’t. It wouldn’t just be emotional suicide. It might kill her already weakened marriage, too, and I think I’ve fucked enough things up for the time being.

In the end, even though my heart is telling me to go to her, I listen to my brain for a change.