Chapter Ten
Kane unlocked the door to a suite at the Phoenix, one of Scottsdale’s premier resorts. Sky’d only driven past it in all the years of living here. The pleasure she felt at settling with Jonas, not only with the donation of one of her largest sculptures of a bull rider mid-ride, but also that he was going to show the other pieces in his gallery. Being featured in a gallery of that size one year out of her MFA program was truly an accomplishment, but she was so tied up in knots over Kane that she couldn’t even enjoy the moment. She wasn’t really sure yet what she’d agreed to.
“Certainly moving up in the world,” she breathed out, a little intimidated, frustrated, and impressed all at once. Her emotions and thoughts had been all over the place since Kane had walked back into her life, and she still had no idea which one to settle with. “No more trailer?”
“My brother, Laird and his fiancée are using it at the moment.”
“This can’t be the tour hotel,” she said thinking that the Phoenix was astronomical. They’d come to dinner here once for Bennington’s sixteenth birthday. Sky, who’d grown up in what most people would think of as luxury, had been intimidated.
“I don’t want to discuss money now,” he said coldly, and opened the door.
Money. Obviously another minefield they’d need to walk across. Sky was almost relieved that Colt was still with them. He held the sculpture—the one that had kicked off the drama and reunited her with Kane and brought his daughter into his life. Permanently.
The new normal. Sky felt like she needed to pinch herself. She also needed a few days—make that weeks—to come to terms with the changes. Kane wasn’t offering her any time to process anything, and his continued nearness was awakening too many memories that she wanted to keep locked away until she could deal with the present.
The bellman brought the rest of their luggage—Kane’s large suitcase and his leather duffel and her smaller one that he had packed while she’d been meeting with Jonas as well as a box of toys, games and books Montana had packed up with Colt earlier. Montana carried her owl backpack and wore another, larger one on her back that she declared made her a turtle because she now carried “my home on my back.”
Their daughter had held Kane’s hand the entire time they’d checked in and had danced in excitement beside him. Probably a lot like she had, Sky remembered disparagingly. When they’d hooked up she’d been so thrilled to be with Kane, too blissed out to ask any questions and she sure as hell hadn’t made any demands.
Montana ran to the wall of windows that looked out over Camelback Mountain and the natural red rock sculptures tumbling across the sweeping desert view.
The minute the bellman had left, large tip in hand, Colt put the sculpture down in the center of the large, round, reclaimed wood dining table.
“You two have a lot to discuss,” he said.
“You should stay at the hotel,” Kane repeated. He’d tried to reserve a room for his brother as well.
Colt looked around at the studied, rustic elegance that gleamed with money and shook his head. “Laird’s flying out with Tucker. He’ll help me settle up Sky’s place, and Tucker’s going to take over for Tanner supervising the Triple T’s Team with the AEBR bulls.”
The hits kept coming, Sky thought. A whole family of Kane’s she had to meet. More people to judge her. Take Kane’s side and shut her out. Tell her how she’d royally screwed up. Go big or go home, she mocked herself bleakly.
“Colt,” Kane said taking a compulsive step forward. “Thank you.”
“You need us we come.” Colt wasn’t looking at Kane; instead he watched Montana at the window.
“Montana, I’m out. See you tomorrow.”
She ran across the room and hugged Colt around his knees. She was always so comfortable with people. Like Kane.
He smiled. “Your cousin Parker’s coming to meet you tomorrow,” he said, and the way his face momentarily softened warmed Sky on the inside. Her daughter was going to have cousins. More soon since Luke and his wife were expecting. Guilt settled more heavily around her shoulders. She’d denied Montana a lot more than her father. She’d denied her an entire family—aunts, uncles, now cousins, and a perhaps a grandmother, though she wasn’t sure how close Kane was to his mom.
Her parents hadn’t been a presence in Montana’s life. The tense estrangement that had kicked in after Bennington died had only grown with the years, and she hadn’t wanted to subject Montana to the coldness and critical indifference she’d experienced growing up. Besides, they would have known who the father of their grandchild was on sight, and since they wrongly blamed Kane for Bennington’s obsession with being a bull rider and all things cowboy instead of becoming an attorney, that knowledge would have cut them deep.
“You good?” Colt looked piercingly at his brother.
“Fine.”
A lie. Colt didn’t let him off the hook and drilled him with that strange golden stare like a bird of prey.
“Getting there,” Kane grit out through his teeth.
Colt nodded to her. “Sky.” And then was gone.
So much to discuss. The silence seemed electric as if by leaving Colt had flipped a switch.
“Daddy, when are we going swimming?” Montana looked up at Kane expectantly.
“Now.” Kane roused himself and tried for a smile.
“Wait. What?” Sky said. “Montana, it’s time for a nap, and we don’t have suits. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Daddy said he’d take me swimming. Today.” Her lower lip pursed. “He promised.”
Great. Already different pages for parenting although that was a problem she should have seen coming from a long way off.
“Just a quick swim,” Kane said this time finding his smile. “Some fun after such a long ride in the truck. Then a nap.”
The grin Montana shot her dad matched his, and once again, Sky felt on the outside looking in.
“We don’t even have swimsuits,” she said in a low voice, one more thing he could judge. She’d managed the basics only.
“I know. I looked.” Kane kicked off his cowboy boots and shucked off his jeans while Sky gawked. Kane held her gaze as he unbuttoned his shirt, snap by snap. “You gonna help me, baby, or just stare?”
Apparently she was going to stare. Kane shrugged fluidly out of his shirt and kicked the pile of clothes into the closet. Her mouth dried. He was perfect. Defined shoulders, muscled ridges on his arms, especially his forearms, strong tendons. Six-pack abs didn’t begin to cover it and when he turned to pull out black and gray swim trunks from his leather duffel bag, she could see the flex of his obliques. Her fingers ached to trace the bull tattoo that leaped across his upper back.
“Daddy has a picture on him, Mommy,” Montana said as Kane went to the bathroom to change into his suit. “I want one too.”
Great.
“Should have thought of that before you told me tats turned you on and created your stylized version of Berserker.” Kane loped back instantly, trunks on. He looked like he belonged in a magazine. He was in magazines. He’d been one of a celebrity magazine’s most handsome man two times running. He’d been one of the featured bull riders in a documentary a couple years ago and attendance at AEBR events had soared and had shown no signs of dropping off.
Kane tugged on a snowy white T-shirt and slipped on flip-flops.
“Ready for a swim?” Montana nodded, her arms wrapped tight about her bull.
“Bennington goes too,” she said.
“Bennington can watch,” Kane said easily, pocketing the room key, “but he can’t swim.”
“Neither can Montana,” Sky whispered miserably, following him out of the room.
The look he shot her was a fierce WTF? But Sky ignored it. It hadn’t really been an issue. They lived in the desert. No pool. No rivers. Instead she focused on Montana’s pleasure as she ran down the wide sandstone hallway broken up by woven Turkish rugs.
“You didn’t think it was dangerous not teaching her to swim when your parents have a giant pool in their center courtyard?” Kane asked after a beat of simmering silence.
“I just moved back to Scottsdale, well, Phoenix, technically last year.”
His eyes searched hers in the hallway. Sky sucked in a breath. He saw too much. Always too much.
“Your parents didn’t help you?” Kane sounded outraged, watching Montana as she darted ahead and then circled back. “And why didn’t your father ever find me? Demand I do the right thing.”
Sky winced. The last thing she’d wanted at the time from Kane was an offer ‘to do the right thing.’
“I’m easy to find. My schedule is published a year in advance. My stats are online. Sponsor events are publicized weeks before we hit each city.”
“I didn’t want him to find you,” she said quietly.
“Why not?”
She couldn’t tell him that. It would kill him. He’d loved her brother as much as she had. And Kane had been so close with her parents. He’d be so hurt, stoic, but hurt to know that they blamed him for Bennington’s death, but he’d been doing what he loved. Kane hadn’t even been in the country for a year prior to Bennington being injured. Bennington had started on the lower rungs of the rodeo circuit determined to move himself up to the AEBR. Kane had started on the professional circuit, but further from the hype—honing his skills in Australia and Brazil where it seemed like a lot of the top talent was coming from.
Montana ran back toward them and then hopped on one foot then the other.
“Swimming.” She took off down the hall again.
“Can’t we go into all this later?” she asked, miserable. She couldn’t even have a normal conversation with Kane without one of them stepping on a land mine from their past.
He nodded, and then called out Montana’s name. She turned back again and ran toward Kane who caught her and tossed her up in the air. Montana shrieked in joy.
“Again,” she demanded. Kane complied, all the way to the elevator.
“New workout routine.” He put his daughter down and looked at Sky. For the first time, no shadows flickered in his eyes or across his face. She smiled tentatively back, remembering how he’d incorporated her into his workouts—sitting on his back when he did push-ups or doing some yoga poses together. She’d also walked on his back when it was sore and massaged him.
She’d been so in love with him. Had felt so happy in his presence. What would they be like now together? What were Kane’s expectations? What were hers?
*
“Join us.” Kane’s voice was pure sin as he stood in the waist-deep water at the edge of the pool where they’d had three lounges set up with towels in a cabana Kane had rented for the week. It was absurdly expensive and Sky hovered between resentment—feeling like Kane seemed intent on pointing out the financial advantages for Montana—and the ever-present guilt that she’d been too afraid to seek him out.
She hadn’t trusted his feelings for her. She hadn’t trusted her ability to handle his lifestyle—the time on the road, the obligations, the ever-present danger and all the women. Between the danger to his health and the temptation of the women, Sky had no idea how she was supposed to negotiate that with a smile. Last time Kane had kept their relationship mostly separate from his work. She didn’t know what he planned this time. He probably didn’t either.
“Mama swim.” Montana, tucked into her father’s chest, slapped the water.
She sat up and regarded them. She propped her new TOMS sunglasses up on her head, where they perched in the messy bun she’d twisted up.
“How’s the water?”
“Perfect,” Kane said, his gaze not wavering from hers.
Were they flirting?
Kane was definitely trying to make some sort of connection between them. The resort hotel, the cabana and when he went shopping, he seriously shopped. A pile of pool toys had been tumbled in a basket—water toys, water wings, a life vest and four swim suits for Montana, and then without hesitation, he’d stalked over to the women’s section and chose three stylish and beautiful but very skimpy bikinis for her and two suit cover-ups that exposed more than they covered.
Sky clutched the swim wrap closer to her, a little embarrassed by how sexy the suit was.
“You used to love the water, even when wearing less,” Kane said, his mouth curved in challenge, or was it memory of how she’d skinny-dipped with him in more than one hotel pool long after hours.
Where had that brave girl gone?
“I’m afraid I’ll blind everyone.”
Kane laughed. “Go for it.”
“Easy for you to say—you are still wearing your sunglasses.”
A thought hit her, and she sat up, worried.
“Is the light bothering your eyes?”
“A little,” he acknowledged. His honesty surprised her. “Join us, Sky, please.”
She slipped off the Oka-B silver flip-flops that matched her silver bandeau bikini top and black and silver crochet bottoms and then shred the wrap. She slipped into the water.
“Chilly,” she said, conscious that her nipples beaded tightly and were obvious through the thin material.
“Not chilly enough apparently,” he said self-deprecatingly, reeling her in closer and she caught her breath when the hard length of him brushed her exposed tummy.
It was suddenly hard to swallow. And she kept forgetting to breathe. The pool wasn’t crowded. Most of the guests were poolside stretched out on pool lounges shaded by wide blue umbrellas. Sky didn’t miss the very interested looks more than a few women were casting his way. She’d winced when two women had made a big show of sitting up on their lounges and reapplying sunscreen and lipstick.
Even though she knew she shouldn’t care, she’d been comforted that Kane had focused solely on playing with Montana and teaching her to swim, and now he was focused on her.
“Kane,” she whispered. The worries about money faded; the guilt faded. It was weird. For a moment she felt like she used to—when it was just them, and she’d made him her world. “I don’t know what to do.”
He surprised her. He leaned forward, kissed the corner of her mouth and then stepped back, a playful smile touching his lips, and his dimple danced into sight.
“Get ready to catch a fish,” he said, holding Montana, his hand splayed across her tummy. He let her go and Montana splashed and rolled and kicked up a tsunami of waves as she thrashed her way across the few feet of water separating her parents.
Sky caught Montana and lifted her up above her head, the memories easing a little and her heart soaring with pride for her little girl.
“You did it!” She hugged Montana tightly to her.
“Again, again!” Montana squirmed, and Sky lowered her into the water, whispered encouragement and watched as her daughter swam away from her, full of life and confidence.
If only bridging the emotional gap between her parents could be so easy.
*
Later Sky sat up on the chaise and even though they were in a cabana, she smoothed sunscreen over her legs and arms and her chest. She was just stroking it on her shoulders and back when Kane and Montana returned from watching a collection of exotic birds get fed. They had ordered food—a Sunrise acai bowl for her, chicken Caesar salad for Kane and a fish taco for Montana—and Kane had taken Montana to see the birds when she started getting restless for her snack.
She was off her schedule. It was almost too late for a nap and too early for bed, but she couldn’t begrudge Montana this time with Kane. The pool had been magical. It reminded Sky that the last three years had been a lot of work and not enough fun. Kane had always worked hard, but boy-oh-boy had he known how to have fun. They had done a lot of sightseeing when they’d traveled, taking small detours to see beautiful views and go hiking.
Kane took the sunscreen from her hand, sprawled out beside her on the same lounger and squirted some sunscreen in his palm, and then he warmed it by rubbing his hands together. Sky caught her breath as his hands, warm and sure, began to stroke down her skin.
“Kane,” she protested, but didn’t move away.
Desire pierced her low in her core and radiated out in waves of liquid heat. Her legs stirred restlessly, and she tried not to remember how he had done this many, many times before. She closed her eyes and just for this moment allowed the indulgence. Pretended that she hadn’t ruined everything through fear and lack of confidence. Those two bitches had ruled her life, and when she’d left home for art college, she’d thought she’d left them behind. And now, here they were again.
“Kane.” She finally stirred even though his hands continued to stroke her body, and she felt so decadent and relaxed even though she knew she had to get a grip and take charge. Not easy when facing Kane Wilder. Montana relaxed on another chaise singing softly to her bull. Perhaps if Montana weren’t taking Kane’s sudden appearance in her life so easily, it would be easier to push him away.
But seeing her little girl so happy made her realize how much Montana and Kane had missed, and heck, why lie? She’d missed out too. Being with Kane made her feel happy and alive in a way she hadn’t been in four years. She’d been building a life for herself and Montana. She was finally gaining confidence in herself, no longer always hearing the disparaging voice of her father or feeling the chilly reception her parents gave her, which had gone frigid after Bennington had died.
But she hadn’t one felt even a tenth of the emotions or attraction that she’d experienced in the past day and night with Kane. It was thrilling and exhausting.
“Kane.” She spoke softly, barely restraining herself from leaning back into his body. “We really need to talk, make a plan to co-parent and what that will look like, how it will work.”
He rubbed more sunscreen into his palm and now his hands were stroking low on her back, his fingers brushing just slightly under the hip-hugging bikini.
“We have a plan, baby: we get married tomorrow. I’ve already put calls in to my financial advisor and attorney. They are flying out on the first flight from LA to expedite all the paperwork for us so we can get it done.”
It?
He was summing up their future in a couple of sentences.
“You sure kill it with the romance,” she said and immediately regretted it.
He stiffened behind her.
“There’s nothing romantic about this situation.”
She didn’t deserve romance. Not that he had been romantic before, not really. No grand gestures. No flowers. No flowery words. Not a lot of compliments. But he’d never let her pay for dinner or even one chai latte if he were within shouting distance. And he’d liked to do things with her—it hadn’t just been sex, although they’d had a lot of sex. He’d listened to her, asked about her art and her day. “I know. That was a stupid thing to say.”
Silence.
Okay, really stupid.
“What paperwork?” she asked curiously, not wanting her girlish wish to hang awkwardly in the air between them.
“Will. Life insurance beneficiary. College fund.” His hands had slipped down to span her waist, which sent darts of heat pooling low in her middle. “Sky.” His voice went tense. “Am I on her birth certificate?”
She shivered. How could she explain that to him? At that point she’d still been hoping to have some support or relationship with her parents. Knowing Kane was the father would have infuriated and devastated them, and she’d been skating on ice so thin she’d been poised to fall in. She’d had no idea Montana would look so much like her daddy.
“No,” she whispered.
“Why the hell not? What did you tell your parents? Lorenzo?”
She closed her eyes. When he put it like that it sounded awful. She was awful.
“You were never going to tell me. Never.”
She tried to swallow but her throat wouldn’t work.
“You were going to deny me my child forever.” He whispered the words, and they sounded broken, and Sky felt her own heart, wounded so many times so long ago, crack again on familiar fault lines. She just felt so hollow.
Instead of pulling away, she turned into him, pressed her face against his pec. She squeezed her eyes shut, but could still feel the hot spurt of tears. She held on hard to his muscled shoulders.
She didn’t have to answer. He knew.
“Why? What did I do that made you think I would be a terrible father?”
“I never thought that.” She pulled away and touched his mouth with gentle fingers. “Never that. It was me. I knew we were having a good time and all, and it was fun, but never permanent for you.” She felt like she was ripping off a Band-Aid from a wound that needed a tourniquet, but this was all on her. Not Kane. “You kept saying it was just for the summer so at the end…” She gulped a breath. “I had a shelf life. I knew that.”
“You were going back to school. You said that in June when you approached me.” He cupped her face; his thumbs traced her cheekbones. “Didn’t you want to go back to school?”
Of course he’d cut to the matter. Now she’d sound like the biggest idiot in love ever.
“No,” she whispered, anguished. “I kept hoping that you’d ask me to stay on tour with you, and I was so ashamed because you were so focused on your career, and I was so focused on you.”
“You never said anything,” he breathed out.
“Kane, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s humiliating. I drove you away because I kept telling you over and over how much I loved you and you never once… Not that I blame you,” she said quickly, dashing her tears away. “I still should have told you about the baby, let it be our decision instead of mine. I was immature and…and…”
He looked stricken.
“I was nineteen but still I should have put on my big girl panties as my roommate from college always said and sucked it up. So it’s on me. Not you, Kane. My fault. I didn’t doubt your parenting skills. I didn’t know how our life would work, and I wanted you to have freedom to pursue your dream. Still I should have done the right thing,” Sky said fiercely in a total mea culpa.
Kane pulled her to him. Held her so tightly she could barely breathe, and she didn’t care.
“There’s so much past,” she said softly. “But we have to find our future.”
“We will,” Kane said and his voice was adamant. “We will.”
“Fish taco?”
Total moment slayer. Sky scrambled out of Kane’s hold and realized that she hadn’t put her cover-up on yet so she was quite exposed in her bikini. The waiter handed out the food, smiling at Montana and handing her a mango smoothie along with her fish taco. She kept herself busy helping their daughter until Kane held out a spoonful from her acai bowl.
“You need to eat, Sky,” Kane said. She paused and then leaned forward, letting the spoon slide between her lips. He’d liked to feed her. She’d forgotten that. He’d hold a fork of something he was eating or she should have been eating and then watch her eat it, so much pleasure shining on his face that her hunger would take a different path. Some nights they hadn’t been able to get horizontal fast enough.
He spooned a second bite into her mouth and followed it with a quick, light kiss. “Let’s focus on the present,” he told her. “No more blame.”
*
“One bed?” Sky stopped on the threshold of the suite’s bedroom. She’d just finished giving Montana a bath in a tub that was practically a Jacuzzi and then she’d tucked her into in a sleeper sofa bed with pillows all around her.
Kane had just sauntered out of the massive marble bathroom, towel very low around his narrow hips. The large purpling bruise on his ribs didn’t detract one bit from his masculine attraction.
Sky needed a shower, a nap and a few days to process the changes in her life. Unfortunately, she had none of those.
“We’re not sleeping together,” she said, immediately picturing his tanned body sprawled on the pristine down white comforter.
Yet.
It was not how she’d intended to start the difficult conversation of shared custody and what that could realistically look like because jumping into a quickie marriage was not on her agenda, but seeing the plush California king bed screeched her brain to a dead stop.
He ignored her and instead opened his large leather duffel bag and pulled out a pair of workout shorts.
“Montana and I need our own room, Kane,” she said taking another step into the room and then another so that she stood between him and the massive bed she was trying to ignore. “Or I can sleep with her.” She thought of how expensive a room must be here. “Or we can stay at my…”
“No,” was all he said. His eyes flicked over her, and she gulped in a breath redolent with the scent of man and citrus shampoo.
She felt her blush bloom over her fair skin. So much for trying to meet him halfway.
Kane held another towel in his hand and ran it over his wet hair, drying it enough so that the loose curls began to form, nearly brushing his shoulders.
“I know we need to talk,” she sighed. “And it’s going to take time to sort through all our…issues.” She settled on a word that sounded rather stupid to her. “We always jumped to sex before,” she admitted, and she’d been just as guilty as he had been. “But time and discussion is going to help us decide what the future will look like, not sex.”
“I didn’t say anything about sex.” He held the pair of gray workout shorts in his hand and turned to face her. A drop of water chased down his pec and clung to his nipple briefly before falling onto the towel that hung precariously low on his hips, stark white against his olive skin. Kane laughed. “That was you.”
“I said no to sex.” She tried to breathe without dragging his scent into her lungs. Where was the air in the room? Even with the air conditioner cranking, her skin prickled with heat. “And I’m not sleeping with you.”
“I didn’t say anything about sleep.” His voice went low and rough and another flash of heat lodged between her thighs.
“This isn’t…I’m not going to…you know,” she whispered backing up as he stalked toward her.
“What? Sex?” She could tell he repeated the word deliberately. “We always communicated with sex. We had our best communication naked and having sex.”
Her heart thudded. That was true but that type of communication was what got them in trouble.
“We didn’t talk enough.”
“You certainly held back vital info,” Kane dismissed. “So maybe we should start with sex.”
She held her hand up as if to stop his advance, but he dropped the towel and Sky’s arms dropped to her side and her eyes strayed south. Stayed. Her mouth dried. Her heart thundered. Her body went liquid.
“I’ll talk now,” she whispered each word distinctly even as the backs of her legs hit the bed and she sat down and was now eye level with his fierce erection. “I promise.” She was distracted as a drop of moisture beaded on the tip of his erection and without thinking her finger smoothed over the tip, stealing the moisture, and she brought her finger to her lips, already plumping with desire for him. “This is not a good idea, Kane.” She tried to think of all the reasons sex was a bad idea. Brain fail.
“It’s a fucking brilliant idea. I just look at you and think about sex and you get wet for me.”
“That’s not true,” Sky lied.
“Baby, you were always ready to burn, and I was right there in flames with you.”
“Things are different now,” she said a little desperately.
“Prove it.” He laughed and grabbed the front of her swim cover-up and ripped it down the front. Kane flung the material over his shoulder.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” she gasped. “You spent a stupid amount of money on that cover-up.”
“The cover-up was a dumb idea,” he conceded. “I like looking at you.”
“And I don’t like how you keep throwing money around,” she said, trying to focus on something that didn’t involve Kane naked and determined to revisit their sexual past when their emotional past was still a minefield. “You don’t need to prove anything to me, and I don’t want Montana to think she can instantly get anything she sets her heart on, which with little girls is a lot and often.”
He pushed her flat on the bed, his arms caging her in, her legs wide as he stood between them.
“Fuck the money,” he said. “Do you know how much I earned the month you left me—September 2013?”
“Not relevant,” she said, mesmerized by the way he held himself above her, his body parallel to hers, none of it touching but she felt on fire. Her nerve endings remembered, and they wanted all that glorious sensation his mouth and hands and cock could deliver. It took all her willpower not to reach up and drag him down on top of her.
“Relevant as hell. Seventy-eight thousand four hundred fifty dollars, and that was just for two wins and a new sponsor. Not even residuals on ads or earnings from investments. And that was four years ago, when I was just starting to regularly place top ten a lot more. Hell of a lot’s changed since then.”
Sky stared. So much? She had no idea he could earn that much in a month.
“Did you not ever look at my stats online?” he demanded.
“No.” She’d been too busy looking at him. “Seemed a little stalkerish. And your draw was never the money for me.”
“Probably the only woman I’d believe saying that considering where and how you were living,” he muttered. Then his hot gaze skewered hers. “I wish to God you’d been more mercenary.”
“No. I’d hate that—staying with someone for money. It’s disgusting.”
Her dad had always flung his money and power in her mom’s face. Used it to intimidate her. To get his way. She was not walking down that path. She wanted them to be equals.
“Your money is your money. You work so hard and risk so much. I know you have financial and life goals that you want to meet. Montana and I are fine financially. You don’t need to make up for the years we were apart.”
Kane’s expression went tight again. “You really don’t get it do you?” He sounded equally pissed and astonished. “You really don’t understand where this is going.”
“Co-parenting,” she whispered, wanting him to know that she wasn’t going to shut him out and that when he was available on a break, he would have full access to his daughter. “But you don’t need to buy her love.”
“I’m not going to buy it. But I am going to fully support you and our daughter, and it’s not going to be in a falling-down bunkhouse with jury-rigged electrical.”
“It’s up to code,” Sky denied and glared at him. “Get off me.”
“You really want that, baby?”
“Yes.”
“Prove it.”
Before she could process that request, he pulled off the black bikini bottoms with his thumb and forefinger and dropped it on the floor. Still levered above her and naked, he leaned forward and breathed warm air on her tummy. Sky shivered as he pressed tiny kisses around her belly button. His tongue traced the path he kissed and dipped inside her navel. Sky nearly shot off the bed.
“You were always so sensitive,” he breathed against her skin. “You always got so slick, baby. All I had to do was look at you. All I had to do was start thinking about sex and you’d be ready.”
He caressed her tender and quivering flesh with the slight stubble of his chin and then kissed over the pink he created.
“Kane, we’re supposed to be talking, working things out.” As a protest, it failed utterly.
“This is another method of us talking,” he murmured, licking along her collarbone. Her breathing fractured. “I remember once I almost made you come just looking at you and talking about what I wanted to do to your breasts. Are you still so sensitive?”
She tangled one hand in his hair to pull him closer to her. And her legs wrapped around his narrow hips to pull him down to her. She sighed.
“Kane.” Her voice ached with desire.
With his teeth he pulled down her bandeau silver bikini top and sucked her nipple deep into his mouth. Sky pressed the back of her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming and maybe waking Montana. She arched into his mouth.
“Please,” she begged as his tongue laved her nipple into a tight, aching peak. After four years, her body came alive and burned like a flame.
“So, yes or no to sex, baby?”
She should say no. She tried to find the word in her vocabulary, but this was Kane, who’d routinely made her forget her own name.
“Yes,” she whispered, her orgasm already building, making her insides feel hot and achy. Deep inside the trembling started, and her breath sawed in and out. He kissed his way down her body, and then his hands gripped her hips.
“I wonder if you taste the same.”
But he didn’t move.
“Kane, hurry,” she urged.
“Say please.” He breathed warm air on her hot core. “Say now.” He kissed her dead center.
Her legs shook. It had been so long. She was melting when she’d thought she was done with hot sex. Since she’d left Kane and then had Montana, she hadn’t once desired sex with any men she’d met. She’d felt sexually dead. Still she made a grab for sanity.
“Not hearing what I want to hear, baby.” Kane kissed along the insides of her thighs. He traced something high on her inner thigh with his tongue. And then again over her glistening mound.
“Do you remember when I shaved you here in the shape of a heart?” He traced a heart so close to her clit that she whimpered. “All of your silky tight curls gone but a little heart. That turned me on so much.”
His fingers were along the folds of her slick lips and then he looked up at her, his body still between her legs. He licked his finger. “Your scent and taste always drove me crazy. Could never get enough.”
“Stop playing around.” She grabbed his head to anchor him where she wanted him to be.
He laughed. “You really should make me work for it a little more, Sky,” he said.
The words were a slap in the face by reality. She jerked away and scrambled to the head of the bed. That quickly Kane sat in front of her. His hand spanned her throat and tilted her face up to his.
“You stole my child. You took three years of her life from me, and I can never, never get that back. You can never give me that time back.”
His eyes glittered with an expression she’d never seen before, but it was so intense, she felt like he’d seared her with a welding torch.
“I know,” she said, taking his hand and curling her much smaller one around it. She brought his hand to her cheek and pressed it there. “I know. But you said that we had to move on from that.”
She kissed one knuckle, and then each one after.
“I don’t know if I can,” Kane admitted. His voice sounded tortured, and Sky felt like her heart started to bleed all over again. “I know I have to, but I’m not sure I can.”
“It will take time,” Sky said, feeling a stab of disappointment even as she told herself she should feel relief. “We should take our time getting to know each other again and figuring out what is the best course of action.”
“No. We get married. We raise her together.”
“Kane.” Sky stroked her fingers gently down his tortured face. “I know you think you want that, and I’m not saying no. I just think that you need time to come to terms with having a child, and I need time to…”
“What can you possibly need time for? You’ve had four years. Four years when I missed learning about our child, hearing our baby’s heartbeat at the first appointment, feeling her kick, watching her grow inside you, and then holding her when she was born. You had all of that without me.”
And she’d been terrified. But she couldn’t tell him that. He was tortured enough, but still his constant reminders stung.
“You need time to wrap your head around this,” she said knowing it was true. “And I need time to feel like I can trust you.” She felt the need to push back.
“Trust me?” he demanded, outraged. He practically launched himself off the bed. “What the fuck does that mean?”
He dragged on boxers and his workout shorts. Sky was not putting her wet suit back on, and the cover-up was torn and a blatant reminder that a minute ago, they were about to start something quite different than a dissection of their relationship, which seemed pretty non-existent at the moment. She tried to tell herself it was good to get everything out in the open. To not fall back into sex. Kane handed her a soft hotel robe.
“Do you think I can’t keep it in my pants?” he insisted.
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you think it or you thought it then?” No mercy, he was back in her face again, leaning over the bed and pulling the robe closed and tying it tightly around her waist like she was going into battle. “You think I’d fuck other women even though we were married? You think I’d fuck another woman and then come home and climb into bed with you?”
“Stop saying that word.” Sky winced.
“That’s the word that works.”
She closed her eyes and dragged in a breath for calm or strength or wisdom for dealing with a righteously pissed-off male. She sucked at confrontation, always crept away, but that wouldn’t work with him. And it wouldn’t work for a parent, especially co-parenting with a strong, alpha male who didn’t have retreat in his vocabulary.
But her fears were valid.
“You have a lot of opportunities.” She nibbled on her lip. “Women used to hit on you when I was right there. All the time. It was…” She couldn’t even think of the right word, aggravating, humiliating, thrilling because he’d been momentarily hers. “Even this afternoon at the pool there was a group of three women who kept staring and whispering and watching you. You must have noticed.”
Kane made a dismissive sound through his teeth.
“I was swimming with my family. Why the hell am I going to notice what other women are doing? Do you think I need other women’s attention for validation?”
Put like that, it did seem ridiculous. Kane snapped, crackled and hummed with confidence. “And…and there are always so many pictures of you with women. That just got old and hard to take.” She wanted to get it all out in the open now.
“I told you that’s work.” Kane pushed away from her and leaned against the dresser, arms crossed. “We are often scheduled for autograph signings at the arena or at a sponsor’s business. We attend sponsor parties, and are expected to be friendly and pose for pictures. Part of the job,” he reiterated. “I am not expected to grab a woman’s tits, but they do shove them in my face sometimes, and I’ve had my ass felt up more times than even I can count when I have to suck it up and smile and be friendly when posing for photos. And sometimes sponsor’s wives or daughters or employees make it hella-awkward when they treat me like a piece of meat or a new sex toy they want to take for a spin, and I have to think of clever and kind ways to say no, so not buyin’ it, Sky. I can keep in in my pants.”
It sounded awful.
“I thought you liked all the social events.”
“I like meeting the kids,” he said. “And the families. But I like the sponsors because that means money. This is a short career, and I want to make the most of it and still be able to walk when I’m done so I ride hard, but pace myself. Keep healthy through diet, exercise, rest and luck.”
“But your reputation,” Sky said, loath to admit that she had followed him online, “that you would often leave a bar with more than one woman.”
He rolled his eyes. “Women get fired up and sometimes suck down one too many fruity cocktails or glasses of chardonnay at these events. I think to get their courage up. So I put them in a taxi, make sure they all get home and then catch the cab back to the hotel. Hardly going to announce to the other riders or the press that I’m a fucking Boy Scout in this business and didn’t get laid. The other riders would eat me alive.”
Sky pressed her hand against her mouth. Did she believe him? Did she dare? Somehow, thinking back about how sweet he’d been to her when they’d been kids, it sounded like something he’d do. And yet, she knew he’d been with a lot of women when he’d been younger. Her brother had bragged about how lucky Kane always got at parties even as he complained about it.
“But you’ve been with a lot of women.”
Something crossed his face that she didn’t recognize, but that made her nervous.
“What does that matter?” he dismissed. “This is about now.”
She wanted to ask if he’d cheated on her that summer, but didn’t quite have the nerve. She’d have to work up to that one. Would he be honest? Would she believe him? Could she trust him?
“But you prefer blondes with more…” She made a gesture with her hands. “I never knew what you were doing with me. And you would miss all that.”
He stared at her. “Are you fucking serious?”
Great. Now she’d just held up a neon sign about how insecure she’d been, probably still was.
“You were gone a lot. You kept me separate from a lot of the tour. I would see pictures of you online in publicity for the AEBR and other sites with a lot of women drinking and looking…” She spread out her hands not sure what words to use—hotter than she’d ever been for sure.
“There’s always an AEBR bar where a few of us are expected to show up. We take turns,” Kane said. “Bull riders have a reputation with women who think we’re sexy or bad boys or whatever fantasy they’ve got going.”
“You have all the answers,” she said. “So smooth and practiced.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She wished he didn’t look so absolutely beautiful and cut and masculine and like sex personified right now. It was not helping his case and made her believe he had helped himself to what had probably been offered freely and often.
“You’ve probably had this conversation with a lot of women.”
“No, Sky. Haven’t had to. This is a first.” Again the muscle ticked in his jaw. Her heart sank. She was handling him so badly.
“So all your girlfriends just believed you that you were some…what…choir boy and that you were faithful while you were out on the road and having your ass grabbed and cleavage shoved in your face.”
“I was out on the road riding bulls, and yeah, I was with women some nights, and no I was never faithful. There was never anyone to be faithful to except you. And…” He stalked toward her. “You. Left. Me.”
“You dropped me off. You never said anything but ‘see ya,’” Sky quoted bitterly. “You never said you’d call or text. You didn’t say you’d see me on a break or invite me to the finals or that you’d visit when the tour was over in October. You even stopped calling and texting, checking in like you used to.” She’d prayed for that, prayed for the secret to be taken away from her by force.
“I thought it was over.”
Now that she’d opened up this painful door to their past, she couldn’t shut up. “And that night when I was balling my eyes out flying across the country and worried that I was pregnant, you were at a bar ‘working.’” She used the hated air quotes. “Drinking shots off some woman’s breasts.”
She felt like her voice echoed off the walls. And then the silence hung like a dropped crystal vase just before the shatter. She couldn’t even look at him, and didn’t realize she was crying and making weird animal noises, until her hands came away wet. Pictures didn’t lie. He might say it was work, but that hadn’t looked like work, and even though he’d said the right things, she didn’t feel right with him or their past at all.
“You’re upset,” Kane said, stating the obvious in a voice that sounded far away. “Now’s probably a good time for that processing you wanted. I need to work out and a couple of hours apart will hopefully give us enough time so that we don’t say something we both regret.”
Too late. Sky had enough regrets for the entire city of Phoenix. Kane grabbed a T-shirt and tennis shoes, pocketed his key and left the room. She watched him go, clutching a pillow to her chest. Kane in full retreat. Never had a signal that she wasn’t going to like the answers to her questions and fears been more clear.
*
It wasn’t the pounding headache after running flat out on the treadmill for nearly an hour. And it wasn’t pumping weights until the sweat dripped off him. It was fortuitously or improbably a Dixie Chicks song that sent him back to the hotel room. He’d taken out his earbuds and was stretching his hip flexors when the gym sound system played I’m Not Ready to Make Nice. He listened to the lyrics about forgiving but not forgetting.
That was it, wasn’t it? Was he or wasn’t he ready to make nice? He didn’t feel ready. Not at all. He wanted to punish Sky. She’d stolen a child they’d made. She’d claimed to have loved him, and he’d counted on that love. He’d needed that unconditional love. But she hadn’t trusted him. Hadn’t believed the best of him. Hadn’t thought he’d cut it as a father or a husband.
And as he lay back on the yoga mat and stared at the ceiling and really worked his hip flexors, he admitted it. She’d hurt him. Her lack of faith. Her frail love hurt. And the hurt had made him angry. He wanted to hold on to his anger like it was shield because it was easier than the hurt. But what would that accomplish?
What did he want?
Sky and Montana. That answer was crystal. He wanted the whole thing—the house, the damn white fence, Sky as his wife and three or four kids. Normal family. Loving. No drama. No secrets. That was the core. The ranch with his brothers would be a bonus. He’d always imagined setting up a business with Luke, and now there was Laird and Colt. He still wanted that, but Sky and Montana came first. And holding on to his anger and hurt was not going to get him what he wanted.
His anger would not give him back the time lost with Montana. Holding on to his hurt would not bring him closer to creating a family with Sky. She hadn’t trusted him, but she was at least reaching out, trying to bridge the massive gap between them. And him? He’d run away clutching his anger and his hurt, and his own past secrets close to his chest.
Fuck. Time to man up.
He’d told her no more secrets. He’d told her the past was the past. And she’d been trying to reach out to him in good faith, and he’d tossed it all back in her face. Forgive. Forget. He had to. Kane stood up and wiped down the mat with a towel and faced himself in the mirror. It was a matter of will. And he’d always had an abundance of will.